fullofgrace
Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006 From: fl, usa Status: offline
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i rarely get angry at others...usually when i do it's over something someone has done that's totally baseless - for example, my stepmother just up and deciding i'm persona non grata because of all these lies i've supposedly told and the fact that i've supposedly blamed my dad for everything that's wrong in my life and a whole lot of other baseless bs. but even then, i'm mostly hurt, not angry. or my stepdad lying to me - because it's a pattern of his, and he just...isn't very adult over his mistakes. when i do get angry, it's in disbelief or just...the complete inability to wrap my head around the situation. which means i spend a lot of time rehashing it in my mind or to other people, trying to get it through my head, which often has the effect of fueling the anger. i don't like anger - i agree with a lot of what cin said about it - i've always felt that way. i also don't hold grudges against people and i don't hate anyone, and i view anger as a waste of time and energy, so it really frustrates me when i get angry. mostly i get sad and depressed instead of angry. i get really quiet and withdrawn when i'm especially sad or depressed, or when He (or someone else) says something that i take personally and thus get MORE sad and depressed. i tend to internalize A LOT and load up on the self-blame, i have all my life, so i turn the anger inward rather than outward...usually outward all i'm capable of showing is sadness, and that i'm used to covering up and making everyone believe i'm okay. i tend toward depression, but i have done a lot of work with myself in getting the "highs" and moments of happiness back. i'm beginning to let go of some of my anxiety and guilt, etc. which is very freeing, and occasionally being the 18-year-old 5-year-old because i grew up WAY too fast, so i enjoy doing a lot of whimsical, spontaneous, fun stuff :)
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i have the kind of beauty that moves...
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