inate submissives?

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inate submissives? - 6/9/2006 4:09:43 PM

MaggieDoll

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Has anyone else found that they were submissives long before knowing it? looking back, I'm finding that I was submissive in my previous relationships, but didn't really know it... I guess it was with control freaks... sir stephen and mistress jenny point out that the "freak" part is the key word... but really, it was a d/s relationship where the dominant didn't take responsibility for the dominance... before entering the BDSM world I would tell people they had no idea how much total control my ex had had over me... but that was in a bad way. Now my submission is wanted and appreciated, and my owners take responsibility for having control over me. so my role hasn't changed, only my situation.. now it's admitted, talked about, done responsibly. I dont think I ever had any choice in my role, it's just who I am. without the BDSM community i'd just be with someone irresponsible and abusive who wouldn't admit to or take responsibilty for their control over me.
I'd like to know about your experience and opinions about this, I've been thinking about it for awhile, but it dosn't seem to come up too much on here.. but I find it to be a very important part of BDSM... It's not just about a choice or a kink, it's about what I was born to be, and I would never be able to be anything else.. I'd just end up with an abusive control freak if I hadn't found this world.

Maggie

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/9/2006 4:28:53 PM

cuddleheart50

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From: Kentucky
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I have always been submissive, even when I was growing up, my family and friends always were telling people...she is not happy unless she is doing something for someone else. Its just my personality, just me....I don't know any other way to be. I didn't have a name for it until about 5 yrs ago. But, I have always been submissive in all of my relationships. I wouldn't want to be any other way.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/9/2006 4:43:02 PM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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It works for Doms, too! I've always just been 'me', but I was over 30 before I realised my needs, likes and preferences had a specific name or definition. Several times in my early vanilla relationships, I had partners accuse me of being a <gasp> "control freak"!!!!

Interesting too, that they were mostly quite shy and passive and generally deferred to me on decisions etc.... Not submissive in a lifestyle sense but a very close vanilla equivalent. I guess in the partners I've always chosen, I knew what I liked long before I really knew what it's definition was.... And bondage was so much harder to introduce way back then, never mind a good spanking! lol But that's another topic....

Focus.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/9/2006 6:07:54 PM

sublizzie

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I've always been submissive. It wasn't a positive thing when I was married to someone who was naturally abusive, not dominant. It was difficult when I left my husband because I had no one to take care of, no one to serve. I floundered for a bit. Then I adopted 2 cats from my cousin so I had something "warm and fuzzy" to come home to and care for. I also have Dom/me friends who gift me by requesting service of me to keep me occupied, some of which is learning to stand up for myself and not allow myself to be abused anymore. Perhaps one day I'll have my Dream Dom to serve, but in the meantime I'm finding ways to serve and submit without being abused. Always nice to have friends who understand how encouraging a "Good Girl!" is to someone without a Dom to give that kind of feedback.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/9/2006 6:17:35 PM

Sinergy

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Hello A/all,

So I meet this submissive and we start talking about things, and
no matter how many times I tried to discuss things like global
warming and relationships and heat death of the universe and
E. Coli bacterial infections and the like, I could never determine
if there was any sentience between her ears.

Oh, this is not "Inane submissives?"

Sorry, move along, nothing to see here.

Sinergy

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/9/2006 6:53:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Most people feel that their orientation in terms of personal relationships was in place long before the concepts of adult intimate relationships was even formed. I'm one of them.

However, I always caution against confusing a "typically submissive personality" with "submissive orientation" as well as "typically dominant personality" with "dominant orientation." So many subs become disheartened and confused when they try and reconcile being a strong person with a strong aggressive personality and yet have the orientation to submit in their relationships.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/9/2006 7:35:51 PM

CrescentLuna

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From: Upstate NY
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Hmm, to an extent. When one is noting people with "alpha personalities" I'm not among them. I work in healthcare - skillfully serving people still. So I think, yes, part of me is just naturally submissive.
However, that fact it may not naturally be part of someone's personalities may be part of the appeal and outlet of acting that way "behind closed doors" - someone who is used to controlling other people secretly wanting to be controlling. Giving up that control may be harder for them. Works the other way, someone who is always putting others needs before their own may need the outlet of being fully in control in their home.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/9/2006 7:40:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrescentLuna
Hmm, to an extent. When one is noting people with "alpha personalities" I'm not among them. I work in healthcare - skillfully serving people still. So I think, yes, part of me is just naturally submissive.
However, that fact it may not naturally be part of someone's personalities may be part of the appeal and outlet of acting that way "behind closed doors" - someone who is used to controlling other people secretly wanting to be controlling. Giving up that control may be harder for them. Works the other way, someone who is always putting others needs before their own may need the outlet of being fully in control in their home.

Yes there absolutely those types out there.

And you also have types who are simply very aggressive and dominant in personality, happily so, and find themselves submitting to anothers authority within their personal relationships, also happily so.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/10/2006 1:10:46 AM

becca333

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I see my sub side come out in particular ways in my non-kink life - most especially in that I love to feel that I've arranged things to make people happy, I glow quietly after a word of praise, and I like to do things for people - I won't sit while anyone needs anything. That's just part of me, of how I am. Since I got in touch with my kink side, I've seen those aspects show more strongly, with more confidence.

I didn't know what a sub was until I crept into certain sites on the net, and until I met my first Dom I had no idea that it described me.

See, there's another good thing about exploring your kink side - it's educational!

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/10/2006 5:36:43 AM

1wildwolf

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i agree with Lucky in that people can have that "submissive personality" and yet not be what many here would call a submissive.

There are also times when i think one can confuse actions which may appear submissive in nature with proof that someone is submissive, and similarly for Dominants as well.

I guess this is also why there are so many warnings about making someone is truly Dominant (or submissive) rather than just 'talking the talk'

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/10/2006 6:51:28 AM

brattysub4

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well i too was also submissive long before i even knew of the lifestyle actually submitted pretty much most my life.even when growing up my parents would so to do something and instead of saying no let someone else do it i would jump right to it.dont get me wrong i had my rebellions but i do after finding out in my teen years of the lifestyle now have a better understanding of who i was and what i am to this day.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/10/2006 7:18:36 AM

subcheryl

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I too think I was of submissive nature all of my life, but i think due to life situations and such that we do tend not to reconize it early on. Hence getting into wrong and hurtful relationships. I was married to a man for 16 yrs and dated many who to me seemed Dominate men but they were abusive both mentally and physically and took my submissive nature for granted. I was 46 yrs old before I read an article on CastleRealm that made me stop and think. It was so much of what I was feeling and needed in my life and hence started my search for a truely dominate person who would appreciate what I had to offer him. I was on CM for several months and about ready to give up, when I met my Master online and we got to know each other thru here and IM's and Phone conversations. Needless to say fate had her way, I was let go of job had for 14 yrs due to a buyout, I had to surrender my trailer due to not being able to make the payments, and my youngest was graduating at winter semester, so nothing to tie me or bind me anymore to my hometown, and made the 1600 mile move to be with my Master and have been happy and blessed with him now for 1 yr and 4 months.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/10/2006 8:38:39 AM

ownedgirlie

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I always felt this drive in me, from my very young days, and never understood what it was. Even in pre-adolescent days, I had BDSM and D/s type fantasies without knowing a thing about BDSM or D/s. I thought there was something wrong with me. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I discovered these feelings I had were not unique only to me, and as I began further exploration, I have come to realize this is who I have been my whole life - a submissive needing the right Master to bring her into her slavery.

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RE: inate submissives? - 6/10/2006 9:45:46 AM

daddysprop247

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Most people feel that their orientation in terms of personal relationships was in place long before the concepts of adult intimate relationships was even formed. I'm one of them.

However, I always caution against confusing a "typically submissive personality" with "submissive orientation" as well as "typically dominant personality" with "dominant orientation." So many subs become disheartened and confused when they try and reconcile being a strong person with a strong aggressive personality and yet have the orientation to submit in their relationships.

i'm one of those who believe that D/s is a relationship consisting of people who are naturally submissive and naturally Dominant...people who are just "wired" that way, and have been since the day they were born. they are submissive, or they are Dominant, because they can be nothing else...not because it turns them on or because it's something they enjoy. i do not call a person who simply "likes" to submit, to a particular person or within a particular relationship or with any other parameters, a submissive. i realize this is not a popular view within the online D/s world, but eh, we can't all be popular. *shrug*

in response to the OP, i have always been submissive, and always knew there was something different about me, tho i didn't have the knowledge or experience to know the terminology for it. i have always been a people-pleaser, desperate to make folks happy and prevent strife...and always always found it impossible to refuse anyone. because of this i was used and abused in countless ways by countless people my whole life, until i met my Master who likely saved my life by claiming me as his and becoming my guardian and protector.

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