Having doubts? (Full Version)

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new2chastity -> Having doubts? (8/2/2012 7:57:02 AM)

I know it's human nature and all that but I'm having serious doubts about being in the lifestyle. For as long as I can remember bondage has played a large part in my sex life and fantasies but even now, while in admittedly self-imposed chastity (it wasn't, I was instructed to by a master I no longer talk to) I'm just not sure I can be bothered with it any more.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Do you ever have doubts about the lifestyle?

Just wondering.



crazyml -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 8:00:24 AM)

I have done in the past. Mostly out of the frustration involved in finding someone who is a good non-kinky match as well as kinky.

I would say that "going nilla" doesn't really help... if you've got urges, you've got urges!



lizi -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 8:10:26 AM)

It's a constant that people change, perhaps you're just on a different path now. None of us are constantly the same in every way as we go through life. As far as leaving it behind myself, I don't think I'd have a problem leaving behind a particular act of kink or even all of it, if I were in a relationship that fulfilled me emotionally with the man in charge. What satisfies me is not kink, but having a leader that I respect.

Perhaps the chastity is taking away your desire for kink? Abstaining from sexual release has the effect on some people of taking away their desire and interest in that area, although that more commonly happens with women rather than men.



bighappygoth39 -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 8:45:28 AM)

I can honestly say I never had any doubts about the kink side of things. As soon as I decided that was what I wanted, I was surprised at how comfortable I was with the decision.

The only doubts I did have was that I'd ever find the right person for me. That only made me even more patient and determined, though, so it just strengthened my desires.

I think if I'd have been going to regular munches, it might have hit harder than it did, seeing the other couples around me, so I would have had to have taken a bit of a step back at that point, which I did from this site for a while, but as for the desire for the lifestyle, that never faded even slightly.

[:)]



littlewonder -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 9:34:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: new2chastity

I know it's human nature and all that but I'm having serious doubts about being in the lifestyle. For as long as I can remember bondage has played a large part in my sex life and fantasies but even now, while in admittedly self-imposed chastity (it wasn't, I was instructed to by a master I no longer talk to) I'm just not sure I can be bothered with it any more.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Do you ever have doubts about the lifestyle?

Just wondering.



If you want to leave then leave. If it does nothing for you anymore, then walk away. And as for the chastity thing, if it was imposed by a former "Master", why are you still wearing it?



myotherself -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 9:38:25 AM)

My 'need' for the lifestyle directly correlates with my relationship status. If I'm single, I don't need it and I can take it or leave it.

That doesn't mean I'd go 'nilla - been there, done that, screwed it up time and time again.

But when I'm in a relationship the need for the M/s side of things is pretty intense, although I'm not always 'in the mood' for play. Not that I get a say of course, but there ya go [:D]



sheisreeds -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 9:48:52 AM)

Try to focus less on the "lifestyle" and more on your needs, fantasies, and desires in a relationship.

Fantasies are just that, and a great source of disillusionment until you focus on the people doing the things you like.




kalikshama -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 11:43:57 AM)

No doubts. Sex with vanilla guys bores me.



TNDommeK -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 11:45:19 AM)

I think people tend to worry too much about labels. I agree with Sheisreeds, focus on your desires, etc. The rest should fall into play.



Notausername -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 5:45:01 PM)

I'm not hardcore about bdsm but I do however fantasize something a bit more rough than what I actually do but I would never want to go through with those thoughts. I just like "light" bondage play and sex.

I don't like the idea of being too committed into it.



Shininglight23 -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 5:53:31 PM)

OP,

I have personally been in different types of relationships ranging from strict protocol to the one I'm currently in.

The relationship that I currently have is that my partner has an underlying form of control. It isn't overt, but essentially he has the final say. We don't partake in any form of "kink play". Although there are times that I miss that... I chose this relationship because I believe what we have together is special.

I told you all that to get to this... IF I didn't evolve or consider alternate "ideals" for myself... I wouldn't be in a very fulfilling relationship.

I have questioned myself in the past, and I think it's healthy to do so. You have to go with what works for you.. in the here and now.. not what worked six months ago and not what may work in the future.

Just my two cents.

-Allie



FrostedFlake -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 6:05:35 PM)

Do your thing.

If that happens to be 'read a good book' this week, do that.

It is difficult to enjoy your life if you are not doing what you want.



chemeli -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 6:08:10 PM)

I dont have doubts with what i need to have, i just dont know yet how a partner will be able to provide that for me or me to him. But the fact that i'm still curious about the lifestyle (i hate that word) and that i'm still going back after some years is the proof that even if i have my doubts (i'm kind of insecure about myself, so it doesnt help), here is the right place to search for something right for me. I'm not a public person, so going to munches or public plays doesnt appeal to me at all, it just is a part of who i am as a person. Maybe your doubts are a way for you to update what is it you're searching for, check/uncheck things you thought you needed or not. Requestionning yourself is hard and a grey place, but i believe it is necessary.



RemoteUser -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 6:50:42 PM)

I've never doubted what I wanted...but occasionally I wondered how I was ever going to make it happen. (I'm not a pacifist when it comes to my own desires and urges.)

I don't have any concerns now that I have my girl. We fit together quite nicely. The only bitch of it all is geography, but I've faced down worse things.



RumpusParable -> RE: Having doubts? (8/2/2012 6:56:47 PM)

I never have doubts about the lifestyle, no. I just naturally and without effort tend to fall into power exchange relationships... It's just how I relate to certain people, that's how we clique.

Particular kinks, though, as with almost every hobby I have, come and go in interest. Sometimes I'll be totally into beating someone black and blue... then not care about it for months or years at a time... other times I'll be very focused on needle work... then not feel like it for a while... it just varies.



new2chastity -> RE: Having doubts? (8/6/2012 11:53:16 PM)

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your comments and I've decided to close my CM account.

I've been into one kink or another all of my adult life and I'm 36 this year. I think it's time I step back and see what else there is out there.

Maybe I'll be back in a week. Maybe I won't.



BambiBoi -> RE: Having doubts? (8/7/2012 12:03:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: new2chastity

...I'm just not sure I can be bothered with it any more...



There's plenty I can't be "bothered with" in the kink world. I can't be bothered with being locked in a closet or cage for 5 hours while my owner goes out because I can better spend my time playing Angry Birds. I can't be bothered with being "dominated" via emptying my bank accounts to buy the spoiled girl another mink coat.

But I can't give up kink for too long. Ever since I started, I've always introduced elements into the bedroom, even with vanilla relationships. One doesn't have to belong to a private play club, attend munches, and take courses on ropesmanship to be into kink. If you like bondage I'll be surprised if your next vanilla stint doesn't eventually lead to fuzzy handcuffs you bought at a cheap-o sex shop. Why? because you like what you like.

Delete your CM account. Don't delete your CM account. Noodles. Don't noodles. Its in your heart. And maybe your pants.




DesFIP -> RE: Having doubts? (8/7/2012 6:57:56 AM)

Some people aren't sexual or kinky in a vacuum. They need it to be in a good relationship.

Beyond that, you may just be taking a break after your last relationship. If so, use this time to figure out why you pick the kinds of guys you do, and don't have lasting relationships.



seasnail -> RE: Having doubts? (8/7/2012 7:45:06 AM)

i don't think you have to close your account, i think and i maybe wrong here that you can just suspend it until you have made a choice. Perhaps you will find that you really should not have closed your account.

seasnail



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