The Dominant sacrifice

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LadyPact -> The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 10:23:08 AM)
I am taking this quote from another thread to start a discussion topic with a different slant. Here is the quote: quote: a dominant person does NOT sacrifice and submit to another dominant person, PERIOD. well, assuming you're not a switch. Being as I am one half of a D/D couple, or even just a Dominant, I'm not especially sure that I agree with this. Maybe not so much things that I would term as "submitting" but the sacrifice bit? Pfffft. I can assure you that is certainly not true. I know it isn't in My case and isn't the case of many of the long term D/s dynamics that I see out there. Just so we're all on the same page, I went and yanked one to the definitions on the word sacrifice: quote: a. Forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim. b. Something so forfeited. (Granted, that is the second definition. The first was directly related to a deity.) Don't most successful relationships have this as a part of them, regardless of who has what label? Looking at My own life, I certainly see areas that fit that description. For starters, we're poly and anybody who believes that there isn't some give and take (sacrifice) that goes with that is probably being misled. Both of the men in My life have been deployed and there's absolutely sacrifice associated with that. I've pulled up stakes and moved away from family and friends three times in the last ten years for MP's sake. Can clip get Me to do things that wouldn't be My preference, but I do them because they are important to him? You bet. So, I thought I'd open this discussion up for the various examples that you, as a Dominant have sacrificed for someone else, or how your Dominant has sacrificed something for you as their submissive. Do you believe that a Dominant may have to sacrifice at times for the good of the dynamic?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 10:40:25 AM)
Just a fast reply...of course the dominant makes sacrifices! We don't exist in a vacuum outside everything else! The whole notion of dominant as perfect being who has all the answers and recieves all the rewards with none of the work? As big as fantasy as ever existed.

OsideGirl -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 10:42:35 AM)
I'm sure there's been far more than I could ever cite. I know for a fact that he's a much more hardcore sadist than I am a masochist. He has lightened up for my sake. In the past he has stayed at a job he hated until he was positive of another, to make sure that I was taken care of. I know for a fact he would have walked if he was single. He eats broccoli and brown rice because I've asked him to. He has on numerous times given up his plans because I asked him to do something different. Etc, etc, etc.... Life is never quite so black and white as to say that you should never sacrifice simply because you're Dominant. I would hope that anybody with any real life experience would realize it.

TNDommeK -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 10:49:47 AM)
Of course dominants sacrifice. Well maybe I should speak for our family only. The labels are just that, labels. We are people first; people who love other people..so yes, there are plenty of sacrifices. Great thread LP.

littlewonder -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 10:56:31 AM)
We both make sacrifices for the purpose of a strong relationship. He sacrifices his time and his energy and many other things I'm sure. I don't see this as a bdsm thing but simply a part of being in a healthy relationship. If neither side is willing to make sacrifices, then what happens when both are too selfish to do so? The relationship ends because they are now in a power struggle. And I don't sacrifice to just Master but I do it for my daughter, friends, my church, those around me, etc...everyone makes sacrifices.

angelikaJ -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 11:12:14 AM)
[my] Dominant was there for me when I had gall bladder surgery in June. He hates that kind of stuff and just does not see His value in a hospital setting. BUT: He was there. He was there through the pre-operation pain. and there when the nausea finally overtook me and I puked up my toes. He went with me to the OR waiting area and was there as I struggled to wake up. He kept the phone next to his bed that night lest I need anything. No sacrifice? People in actual relationships sacrifice no matter what side of the kneel they are on. Relationships (rumor has it), are about relating to another. If you want to set up a sterile arrangement with someone and call it a dynamic, that is up to you, but it is an artificial construct. Perfection always is. Relationships are messy and imperfect. I prefer it that way. edit: clarity via a comma

Darkfeather -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 11:12:21 AM)
Sacrifice and comprise, these are human nature. Has nothing to do with our sexual or kinky persuasions. Social interactions of any kind need it to survive and work

xLaChienne -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 11:13:00 AM)
In the context of a relationship all parties compromise, sacrifice, and submit. One of the biggest sacrifices I made in My past relationship was to doll up and attend dinner parties, events, and functions in which he was expected to attend. I can honestly say I hated every minute of it but it was important to him and he was important to Me. Using vacation time to spend with his family as opposed to plans I wanted. Taking care of him when he was sick. All of the small ways that compromise happens every day to clearly state that the relationship is more important than My ego. I can't speak to the aspect of the idea of having a partner that is dominant. I've have played with other dominant people but have never submitted to one. Without the context of the original quote I can't agree or disagree. However, regarding relationships in general, then yes there will be sacrifices and such made.

lizi -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 11:13:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I am taking this quote from another thread to start a discussion topic with a different slant. Here is the quote: quote: a dominant person does NOT sacrifice and submit to another dominant person, PERIOD. well, assuming you're not a switch. The quote that this thread is based on is unadulterated horseshit. Of course a Dominant makes sacrifices. He/She would be smart enough to know when to make them for the best interest of those involved. Every Dominant I've ever known has made sacrifices and even suggested them when it's appropriate. What is not Dominant about making a sacrifice? And I'd propose that it is extremely Dominant to think things through enough so that the Dominant in question sees that a course of action on his/her part would lead to a desired result? Is this not leadership and following through on goals? What is non-Dominant about that? In fact whenever someone comes into any conversation with an absolute I wonder how much experience they have in life, and certainly with the subject at hand. As far as practical examples, in my experience my Dominant partners have certainly sacrificed to keep me in their lives just as I have for them. My Dominant now makes many sacrifices for me and I treasure them, and him. I'd go so far as to say that if its not in your nature to sacrifice for something valuable to you, then you may not have that something for long.

lizi -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 11:36:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfeather Sacrifice and comprise, these are human nature. Has nothing to do with our sexual or kinky persuasions. Social interactions of any kind need it to survive and work Exactly. To some people BDSM seems to be a place where strict roles govern human interaction. Being human though, the interaction is never going to follow an exact path. Shit happens. It's silly to expect that people will always want to adopt set rules on what they do and how they act, and find that fulfilling. That's role playing, not life. The best example I have for physical sacrifice in my current relationship is when I had 2 broken arms. My Dominant would drive down on the weekends when he had off, to feed me, bathe me, dress me, groom me, brush my teeth, clean for me, shop for me, do laundry for me, clean my wounds, give me my medication, take care of the pets, and take me to the bathroom endlessly, so that my family staying with me could have a break from doing it all week long. Then he went back and worked his usual work week till the next weekend. We did that for months till I had the use of my arms again. What was he going to do? Let the others in my life keep running themselves ragged? He did what he could as we live a ways apart, and he offered to do it. I know that is an extreme example and nothing to do with kink at all, but how the hell was he going to get any kink out of me at that time? What could I do safely and without pain? Pretty much nothing, so he also sacrificed having a functioning kink/sexual/emotional partner for all of that time too. I don't recall him being too put out, in fact he made a pretty damn good nurse. The only time I have ever gotten close to being punished by him was during that time, I tried pushing for sex and I wasn't up to it in his mind. He refused to do what I wanted because it was his opinion that I wasn't up to it yet, but in doing so he once again had to sacrifice what he wanted too (I could see that he was ahem, interested) because he felt it wasn't the best plan of action for the situation.

LaTigresse -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 11:44:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ No sacrifice? People in actual relationships sacrifice no matter what side of the kneel they are on. Relationships (rumor has it), are about relating to another. If you want to set up a sterile arrangement with someone and call it a dynamic, that is up to you, but it is an artificial construct. Perfection always is. Relationships are messy and imperfect. I prefer it that way. Indeed. And I wouldn't have a relationship that I didn't care enough to make sacrifices. Fuck all.......I even sacrificed some of my precious bling so my horses will remain healthy and well fed through a drought. That's nothing compared to what I have done, and would do, for the actual humans in my life. I didn't see the thread you quoted LadyP, so I can say without any personal attack issues...........whoever wrote what you quoted, is a putz.

PeonForHer -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 12:54:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I'm sure there's been far more than I could ever cite. I know for a fact that he's a much more hardcore sadist than I am a masochist. He has lightened up for my sake. In the past he has stayed at a job he hated until he was positive of another, to make sure that I was taken care of. I know for a fact he would have walked if he was single. He eats broccoli and brown rice because I've asked him to. He has on numerous times given up his plans because I asked him to do something different. Etc, etc, etc.... Jeez. Seriously, I think a femsub would be more controlling of a bloke's life than a femdom. 'Broccoli and brown rice'. Hell's bells, I'd rather eat the packets - they'd taste less like cardboard.

OsideGirl -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 12:59:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I'm sure there's been far more than I could ever cite. I know for a fact that he's a much more hardcore sadist than I am a masochist. He has lightened up for my sake. In the past he has stayed at a job he hated until he was positive of another, to make sure that I was taken care of. I know for a fact he would have walked if he was single. He eats broccoli and brown rice because I've asked him to. He has on numerous times given up his plans because I asked him to do something different. Etc, etc, etc.... Jeez. Seriously, I think a femsub would be more controlling of a bloke's life than a femdom. 'Broccoli and brown rice'. Hell's bells, I'd rather eat the packets - they'd taste less like cardboard. That's pretty much his view, but he does it because I want him to eat healthier.

PeonForHer -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 1:41:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl That's pretty much his view, but he does it because I want him to eat healthier. I don't doubt it at all. If a female partner is bossing her man around, it's because whatever she wants him to do is for his own good. It was ever thus;-)

JeffBC -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 1:45:44 PM)
quote: a dominant person does NOT sacrifice and submit to another dominant person, PERIOD. well, assuming you're not a switch. It's that same old D/s by agreement model. I don't really "get" it. I don't really want to. I find not simply the statement but the 9 billion assumptions that you'd need to buy into in order to make sense of it to be not relevant to my life or marriage. On a really simplistic note, it seems to me that even the most rudimentary of honor codes would not allow that statement to be correct. I can only assume that "BDSM D/s" meshes well with "BDSM honor". I don't deal in either one.

sexyred1 -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 1:46:10 PM)
I don't even like the word sacrifice in this definition. It should be called compromise and flexibility, which are vital components of healthy relationships of any time. Sacrifice just makes it sound overly gothic and dramatic, when we are discussing life events, like moving to someone, or agreeing to eat healthier. I would say that sacrifice would apply to something like agreeing to not have children if your partner did not want them; that would be a sacrifice on a much more serious scale as it involves the subjugation of a desire that can be very important for someone.

Lucifyre -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 1:52:06 PM)
I can't really add much more to the discussion other than to point up and say "Yes, ALL this" OF course Mr sacrifices for me. He works a crappy shift 40 hours a week, puts up with probably an immense amount of bullshit from me, spoils me rotten and STILL tells me every single night He loves me. HEere's some specifics since you asked for them: In the last few years I have had a couple of needed major surgeries, He has sacrificed his time effort and energy to make sure the household continues to run, laundry gets done and people get fed during those times while I take time to recover and am unable to step up. I am about to have yet ANOTHER one (this time elective at His insistance because He knows how much I want it, not because He wants me to have it...it's complicated LOL) And He knows that this time I will likely be out of commission for even longer than the last couple of times. so He is essentially volunteering His everything so I can feel better about the way I look. Because it was important to ME that our kids had a mother there for them 24/7, He sacrificed His time effort and energy again to make sure He was well enough educated and held stable enough employment that could support our entire household...even if that meant He had to have 2 jobs for a time to do it. Never ONCE has He EVER sniped at me to go to work and get a "formal" job or even hinted that He thought I should work outside the home for any reason. The only reason I do it now is because I am doing something I enjoy doing and my kids are old enough that I am comfortable leaving the house and not worrying about them. And even that in His opinion isn't neccessary...if I wanted to continue to just stay at home and be His submissive, He would be perfectly ok with that. He sacrificed his family because His ex wife convinced them I was white trash and for 20 years they have hated me...so He basically disowned the lot of them to continue a relationship with me. I won't even get inot any of the messy details all that drama involved...but it wasn't pleasant. Can a dominant sacrifice for His submissive and still remain dominant? ABSOLUTELY! Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to pull thier head out of thier asses long enough to get some oxygen to the brain and really think about what it really means to be in a real relationship and stop romanticizing what BDSM and D/s is all about. Lucifyre

JstAnotherSub -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 1:58:26 PM)
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DaddySatyr -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 2:04:50 PM)
quote: a. Forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim. b. Something so forfeited. For me, the words I highlighted in red are the crux of the issue and the crux of how I live my life. When I was younger, I sacrificed, all the time in relationships. While I didn't identify as polyamorous, at the time, when I got married, I *knew* monogamy was going to be a tough go for me. I sacrificed. If I can take a little bit of lee-way, I'd like to change "highly valued" to "important" for ease in the rest of my remarks. The things that I don't deem to be important, I compromise on, all the time. I still do and I feel it's proper. It's healthy in a relationship that I take her wants and feelings into account and to weigh them against my wants and feelings. The example I have given for years is: if she says to me "Daddy, I'd like to paint the bedroom pink and put flower print curtains on the windows", my answer is something along the lines of: "Sweetheart, if that's going to make you happy, let's do that." I might even help with the painting (I HATE painting). That is an example of something that isn't all that important to me; especially when weighed against her happiness. Now, if she says: "Daddy, I'd like to paint your guitar pink and put little flowers on it", I will ask her if she has taken leave of her senses. That is something that is important to me. Would I end a relationship over it? Maybe but then the question is: why would she? To bring it to a different level (and something that Lady Pact touched on, specifically): I mentioned that when I got married, I knew that monogamy was going to be a bear. Because who we love and how is such a deeply personal thing, I consider this to fit the definition in that it is something "highly valued" ("important"). I made that mistake, once and I will never do so, again; nor do I expect any lady that is so vocally opposed to polyamory to change for me. If one does, I view it as an incredible sacrifice and I honor that sacrifice inb my own way. Peace and comfort, Michael

Missokyst -> RE: The Dominant sacrifice (8/2/2012 2:24:06 PM)
The statement is more in regard of dominant to dominant as I see it. Within a dominant submissive relationship if there were no sacrifices, no giving in on occasion, there would be a complete unbalance. I wouldn't last long in my world because I have to feel I have some value to my partner. Of course there are people that don't require that relationship'y feel and would likely be ok under someones foot all the time. But.. the statement is a dominant person does not sacrifice and submit to another dominant person. And on that I call BS. The world demands compromise on some issues, err.. PERIOD. Without some one stepping down now and again there would be a bottleneck of uselessness because two or more dominant people refuse to bend to the wind. We all submit at one time or another or spin our wheels in the sand. As far as sacrifice goes.. well, no I don't think that is necessary. Sacrifice means you put someone else ahead of you for their sake. If the dominant does not have it in them to be generous in that way, its not going to happen. I don't think I would want to know or associate with that sort of dominant, too narcissistic for my taste. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I am taking this quote from another thread to start a discussion topic with a different slant. Here is the quote: quote: a dominant person does NOT sacrifice and submit to another dominant person, PERIOD. well, assuming you're not a switch.

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