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MissImmortalPain -> The End. (8/2/2012 6:14:07 PM)
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I didn't bother to edit this so I am just going to post it and see if anyone has anything to say.
The End-
It had always been a thunder storm. The thing they called their love affair.
The same winds that pushed them together for years ripped them apart.
Today it was finally coming to an end. So he waited.
He stood there. Feet planted. Shifting from one hip to the other on her front
pourch. He had come back this one last time to say goodbye. She was sick
again and this time there wouldn't be any coming back. He didn't know why
but he had to make his last goodbye a kind one.
He hadn't seen her is sometime and standing there he admitted to himself he
did sometimes wonder why. No one would tell him. She made them promise
her, but in the end someone did and now it was left in his hands to do what
he thought was the right thing. Say he was sorry. Say that he carred. He knew
that even if it was a lie it would be kinder than letting her die alone.
He could hear things moving in the house. Was that her or someone here to
take care of her. The door opened in a slow way. As if by someone much older
or the wind. It swung back until it was open and he could see her already
turning her back to him. She was so much smaller. A floating wisp in white.
Her hair was longer than he had ever seen it and whiter than new fallen
snow. Her eyes were still a beautiful blue but sunken and hollow. Her skin
ashy and grey. He knew what it was. This is what cancer does to people. He
had seen it before.
He wondered for a moment why she didn't tell him herself and then he
remembered the way he left. How long he had stayed just to make her
miserable. How he had only cared about what he wanted. About what would
make him happy. How he blamed her for everything and he knew why she
never called.
"Come in" her voice was softer in a way he couldn't explain. Or maybe it had
been that way all along and he never noticed. There was something there
though that he couldn't name. Was it pain. Was it sorrow. He didn't know. All
he could do was follow that voice into the house and wait for a moment to
speak. To say his peace and leave again for the last time.
"Speak" He didn't remember her ever doing that before. Addressing him as if
without the persmisson she would not have heard him speak. "What do you
want me to say" It was almost as if ice formed in the room with his words.
But he had felt the cold before he opened his mouth anyway. The house was
empty and it felt like she was already dead. There were no more cats or dogs
running around his feet. The dragons and the swords were gone. Things were
clean and sterial. It didn't look as he had ever seen it before.
Shift the attention. Say something she can't get angry about. "Wheres the
boy" only caused her to stop and turn back to him. "He has been gone for
almost a year. Not that I would expect you to know" That was a bad idea. She
was right. He had said at one point he cared about that boy and then let him
go in the same easy way he had let her. "He hates you anyway" Her voice was
flat, dead, only repeating what she knew to be a fact.
"I never did anything to him" He knew that was a lie. He had walked away
when he said he wouldn't. He made it hard for the boy to even speak to him
before he went away. He had made the child hate his own gender and what he
knew he would grow up to be. The look she gave him was enough to stop his
words. There was no anger there anymore. No pain. No desire. There was
nothing. Everything she had been was gone.
"Why did you come" He was starring at what she was wearing and it took a
moment for his brain to grasp what she asked him. "I wanted to say" His
words trailed off. "You wanted to say what" He couldn't seem to stop starring
at her. Her hair was white and long. She was thin and small. The wheel chair
seemed like a bigger place then she could ever fill now.
His mind grasped at words in his head but he knew none of them were right.
"Couldn't you leave me alone. Couldn't you let me die in peace" That was
when he saw it. A single tear at the corner of her eye. He wanted to reach out
and touch it. To try and stop it from falling. "Don't touch me" She brushed
away his hand. "Just tell me what you want and go"
He felt his temper flair. "You won't ever just let anything be easy will you.
You just can't let go of the past" She didn't bother to speak this time. She
knew he was only here to make himself feel better. She didn't need to say it.
She turned and rolled toward the back door. He noticed there were ramps now
and she moved very well on her own even though her health said she
shouldn't.
He wondered what it was that kept her going. That made her move when she
should have been dead months ago. And then he saw it. Her backyard was
beautiful. There were two new plum trees and everywhere he looked there
were flowers. Vines green and rich grew up the side of her house. Decked
with blue and purple flowers. "They are morning glorys" She moved along the
path ahead of him. "These are bleeding hearts" Her fingers trailed over the
dark green bushs with the little red and white flowers that really did look like
small bleeding hearts. "These are button tops" Her fingers tapped the tops of
a few small yellow flowers. "I thought you didn't like the colour yellow" He
felt bad the moment he said it. "I don't, but they remind me of you"
Overhead there was a clap of thunder as she reached out to touch the roses.
"These are lover's roses. They only grow here" The roses were amazing. Dark
red centers and purple tips. He had never seen roses like them before. "Where
did you get them. They are beautiful" There was a drawn out empty space
that hung in the air. "I told you, they only grow here" He watched as her hand
slid up the rail of the large heavy looking canopy. He noted chains at the top
and sides. As he reached out to touch it she pulled her hand away. It was
obvious that someone had been shackled here.
He wanted to ask but she didn't give him the chance. "There has never been
another. Don't worry. You were not replaced. I come here at night. I chain
myself to this beautiful place to remind me what you did to me" Lightning
flashed overhead and there was another clap of thunder. "Maybe we should go
inside" His voice cracked as he spoke. "No" she replied as if it were never
really a question. "Whatever we have left to do it will end here" From the
other side of the canopy her hand reached out again. It touched a rose and
felt the prick of it's thorns. A small spot of blood formed on her finger as he
watched.
He could feel the tears forming in his eyes. He didn't think he was going to
get emotional but something had changed. He wasn't just saying his peace or
trying to give her some anymore. He knew neither was ever going to happen.
The smell of the flowers and the rain that would soon fall seemed to pull him
away to a different world. She was the only thing tethering him to this one.
"I'm sorry" He tired hard to stay calm. "You were never mine. You have
nothing to be sorry for"
Her voice actually caused him pain. He didn't know why. She was right. He
fought her for years and never really gave himself to her. Why did it bother
him so much now. He didn't know but he could feel it welling up inside of him.
He needed to do something. He needed to give something to her. He just
didn't know what. "Let me do it now" He droped to his knees without realizing
he had. His hand reached out to touch the fabric of her dress. It was white
and soft and looked as fragile as she did. Like gossamer or angels wings. It
formed around her like armour as soft as snow flakes and at the same time it
seemed to protect her.
"It can't end that way" She turned away from him. "Yes, it can. Let me give
you what I never did. I was a fool for so long. I never knew what you meant to
me" She touched the roses again. "You have said things like that to me
before. You never meant them and I can not hear you lie again" He pulled at
her hand. Trying to make her face him. "I'm not lieing. I mean what I say. Let
me give myself to you"
As she turned toward him this time her voice changed again. "You don't
understand. There will be no going back, ever. If I take you this time it ends
here" There was something that made him know what she said was true but
he didn't care. If she was going to die he had to give himself to her. He had to
make things right. "Do what you will to me. Put me in your place. I would die
for you if I could"
For the first time her hand reached out to touch him. It was gentle on the side
of his face. "Stand there" She pointed below the hight arc in the canopy. As
he moved to where she pointed he watched her stand for the first time. He
had been told she could walk but assumed the cancer had taken the ability
away from her again. She slipped the manicals around his ankles and wrists
with a grace and gentle touch he had never known before. Her hand caught
the neck of his shirt and ripped it down his chest. As always she was not as
fragile as she seemed to him. He almost chuckled at how foolish he had been
to think she was weak.
He watched as she picked up a large glass that sat on the table at the edge of
the canopy. It sparkled in her hand. "Do you really want to be mine, forever"
As she raised the glass he thought for a moment that she was going to put it
to his lips but she stoped before she got that close to him. "Yes" It was all he
could say. He then watched as she poured the glass around his shoulders. He
felt it trickle down his chest and smelled something bitter.
His mind turned over what the smell could be but he didn't place it until he
saw what was in her hand. Silver and square it was a small box. No. It was a
lighter. His mind raced for words. "No, stop. Please. I love you" There is a
click and he sees the flame. The warmth spreading across his chest that tells
him he should scream. "I love you" She spread her arms and for a moment he
saw an angel and then he heard the last words he ever would. "And I hate
you" as she wrapped her arms around him and the fire envelopes them both.
The End.
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