Possible to stop being submissive? (Full Version)

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AngelPLM -> Possible to stop being submissive? (8/2/2012 8:30:52 PM)

Long story short. I have always been submissive. Always believed in the 1950's traditional household ways. Months back, had a bad experience/break up from a 'supposed' Dom that cared a great deal about me (and vise versa). And now, it seems like being submissive doesn't mean so much to me. Is it just like my defensive inner-wall being raised, so that Im not hurt again and not being played like a fool? Or can it actually mean that I stopped caring for being a submissive?

Thanks



littlewonder -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/2/2012 8:37:34 PM)

Most likely you're still hurting and this is a self defense mechanism. It's extremely common. You will find a lot of people who were once subs and then after a breakup they suddenly have turned Dom. Then once their pain stops and life begins again for them, they go back to their original orientation.

For me personally, I'm a submissive personality so it's not going to change in any way whatsoever. It's who I am with everyone.

I would suggest that you walk away from all relationships, don't get involved at all with anyone right now. Give yourself some time to grieve the ending and to fix yourself and make time for yourself.

The world will still be here when you're ready again.



seekingreality -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/2/2012 8:38:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelPLM

Long story short. I have always been submissive. Always believed in the 1950's traditional household ways. Months back, had a bad experience/break up from a 'supposed' Dom that cared a great deal about me (and vise versa). And now, it seems like being submissive doesn't mean so much to me. Is it just like my defensive inner-wall being raised, so that Im not hurt again and not being played like a fool? Or can it actually mean that I stopped caring for being a submissive?

Thanks


Theoretically, of course you can. There are virtually no rules in life except those we make for ourselves. if you want to stop being submissive, there is no hindrance other than the ones you put in front of yourself.



sunsfire -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/2/2012 8:41:28 PM)

*stands and applauds littlewonder*

ABSOLUTELY!

I just came off of a almost 3 year stent of celibacy after leaving this world for the vanilla alternative. long story short...i realized that in that vanilla world i was miserable. i NEED to serve. In or out off this life, i am still a true submissive. The best thing i ever did was cleansing my body, soul, and spirit before deciding to come back to this world. I feel my abilitiy to serve at a deeper level has blossomed by doing so.

Be well and safe on your journey Angel.



SpaceSpank -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/2/2012 8:42:08 PM)

Exactly what lw said. Right now you are pissed off and upset. Your best bet is to just step back and not get caught up in another relationship for awhile.

When you are ready then you can look again... Will you still be looking to be a sub then? Who knows. Maybe you will look for a plain vanilla relationship. Or maybe you will be looking to explore your more dominant side. Only you will be able to say for certain at that point.



RemoteUser -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/2/2012 9:37:07 PM)

Be yourself, and let the labels fall where they may.

You don't need to own any of them unless you want to.

That's true now, was true then, will be true later.

Time will help you pack up the junk in the attic, so reevaluate as necessary, and take care.



another1harder -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 12:34:09 AM)

Agree with above comments regarding hurt and emotional self-defense mechanism. Question is have you started having vanilla only fantasies? It's like throwing away 3/4ths of your spice rack. Many times have tried to suppress the submissive side and it returns with a retaliatory vengeance.



FrostedFlake -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 12:35:48 AM)

Yes.

To all of that.

Maybe your feelings are in reaction to current events. Maybe it is a simple case of growth and change. You will have to live it and see how it goes. And however it goes, that is fine.



DarkSteven -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 2:48:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelPLM

And now, it seems like being submissive doesn't mean so much to me.



I don't understand. Is it that you are staying away from ALL relationships, or are still dating, but vanilla only?



ARIES83 -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 4:42:45 AM)

Maybe you should just start off your future
relationships as vanilla, and if the guy turns
out to be awesome for you, then try to bring
your submissive side out to play?

I'm sure when your emotionaly recharged and
have found a guy worthy of your subbieness,
the feelings will resurface.

-ARIES



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 6:00:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelPLM

Long story short. I have always been submissive. Always believed in the 1950's traditional household ways. Months back, had a bad experience/break up from a 'supposed' Dom that cared a great deal about me (and vise versa). And now, it seems like being submissive doesn't mean so much to me. Is it just like my defensive inner-wall being raised, so that Im not hurt again and not being played like a fool? Or can it actually mean that I stopped caring for being a submissive?

Thanks


You have a lot of stuff going on here. Emotions are a complicated thing, we all react differently to break ups, as has been said give yourself some time and some space, process what you are thinking and feeling it really doesn't have to 'mean' anything just yet.

Many of us, myself included, take breaks from this stuff for all sorts of reasons, most come back some don't. Of course your needs can change but cutting yourself off from the option may be a bit like stabbing yourself in the foot.

Good Luck.



kalikshama -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 6:15:58 AM)

{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}



AngelPLM -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 7:36:16 AM)

Thank you everyone for your replies. I will just take it slow I guess and see what happens--see if my feelings have indeed changed or its just my denfence mechanism. :)



Charles6682 -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 1:02:19 PM)

I've tried in the past to rid myself of my submissive nature.I tried everything,reading books,vanilla relationships,even therapy.In the end,I only felt more miserable because I was denying who I am.Now thats just me,I speak for no one else.So instead of trying to deny who I was,I figured I would change how I methods to my submission.First I clearly know that I don't have to submitr myself to anyone,unless I give them the consent to do so.I can be quite vanilla in my day to day life,so its not real hard to do that.Furthermore,I've realized that there will always be a few people who view kindness and/or submission as a weakness.My problem is the passsive-aggresive approach.I just let things roll off my shoulder until I've had enough.A very good compromise is being assertive.I feel my submission should be earned.I've fufilled many of my submissive fantasies.At this point,I don't mind being patient until I meet the right Mistress for me.But if that doesn't happen,its not going to be the end of my world.I refuse to submit myself to just anyone just to get my submissive "play" out of the way.Not everyone in this lifestyle or this world always has the best intentions.Its important to play it safe.Being single is exactly always a bad thing.Its give a chance to step back and find out who you really are and what you really want.Perhaps what someone seeks in a relationship changes after such an experience.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 1:42:50 PM)

You know it could be that the emotional turmoil you are going through and you're just not feeling it now, so why not give yourself a break? On the other hand, it could be that you changed and you've "outgrown" it (for lack of a better word) because something inside you changed? I've known a few people who simply lost interest in BDSM for no apparent reason, oddly enough it never seems to work if the person wants to rid him or herself of it. It's also not unusual that some people who were exclusively dom or sub all of a sudden start to switch and then feel more drawn to the other side of the kneel.

As long as you are happy, why push yourself into how you think you should be, just because you were like that before? This is about you being happy, not fulfilling a label or a role.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 3:33:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelPLM

Long story short. I have always been submissive. Always believed in the 1950's traditional household ways. Months back, had a bad experience/break up from a 'supposed' Dom that cared a great deal about me (and vise versa). And now, it seems like being submissive doesn't mean so much to me. Is it just like my defensive inner-wall being raised, so that Im not hurt again and not being played like a fool? Or can it actually mean that I stopped caring for being a submissive?

Thanks


Well, all I can add to this is...the world needs more female Dommes.



kalikshama -> RE: Possible to stop being submissive? (8/3/2012 5:11:33 PM)

Ohhhhh, I think women switching from sub to Domme after a bad breakup is a BAD idea for sub men!



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