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Where do i fit? - 6/9/2006 5:36:30 PM

alovelylady4U

Posts: 67
Joined: 1/15/2005
From: leeli
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So many times i have been asked if i am sub or slave, this or that. i know i have read so many threads on so many topics, yet this one? Well i selected - E) None of the above. As i began to explore myself more and question myself as to my life choices, i began to realize many of the labels did not quite fit me.

Some days i am very submissive. Kind, gentle, soft spoken, so willing to please and so excited when i find new ways to do so. Creative, content- and well then there are those days ( about 7/28) that i am not so submissive, not so quiet and gentle. i speak up. Oh no never in a harsh way or disrespectful. Simply with a question or suggestion- down to a silent stomp of my foot (out of ear range.) If i had to select a label? i guess i am human. i feel lost and un-focused as a "solo" yet i would rather be solo a bit longer and wait for a good match, and i hope i have.

i have chatted with for some time a wonderful Person that i ask questions, advice or simply learn. True W/we live a great ditance from O/one another yet He is a Man i trust and respect. my last chat with Him i explained i knew inside of me what i am- was -will be. i have known for a very long time (birth?) and feel no need for a label. i am just now defining myself in such a way that Others will understand me. i talked to Mentor about my hopes, dreams and ideas of a good match. He explained that there are all sorts in this lifestyle. Finding a good match is not always easy but i should go slowly and ask questions, make comments, define - in short negotiate? Because once i kneel and submit myself and am accepted, the dynamics will change. He said of the original 10 couples He knew only 2 remain together. He then explained why He felt it worked for T/them and that i was well grounded in my "wish for a good match."

Why does it seem to be wrong for a potential s/sl to ask questions? Continue to chat for a greater length of time if something does not seem quite right? i read one thread where a Mistress tried to make contact many times with a potential slave, and each time he was a "no show." i understand that one very well Ma'am. i have had several that wanted nothing more than phone sex and even recorded it for "memories." Every time a meeting was arranged "something came up" i have had some simply tell me to stand and strip in front of my cam, as so many of us have been told to do so i am pretty sure. One needed a breeder for the income Mentor said.

Why would it be wrong to wish to know a Man more? To see if W/we share common goals, hopes, dreams and such? Safely be able to say "no thank You Sir- i do not think W/we are a good match?" Does this make any of us a "player?" a "wannabe?" (labels) or am i right in thinking many s/sl wsih to wait & find the right Man? One we adore and serve with such love and happiness? i truly feel there are many of us that want a real 24/7 relationship that grows stronger each day. Be it a D/s M/s or poly.

i am still somewhat new and wonder so here i am sisters and brothers - yet another question and hoping all of our dreams do come true.

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/9/2006 6:42:29 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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From what i've read i think you pretty much know where you fit.
Who says you have to fit into a certain pigeon hole anyway?
You appear to know yourself pretty well and what it is you need and want.
I wish you all the luck finding it.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/9/2006 7:58:34 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

According to that levels of submission list I am a slave... and yet I do not feel slavish at all....hmmmmmm

Forget the labels and get to know the person behind them...at least that is what I would do

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to missturbation)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/9/2006 9:32:16 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

So you have read much, gained yourself a mentor, know yourself well, and STILL you ask why is it wrong for a sub or slave to ask questions?
You dont seem to of learned much.
Of course there are going to be masters who forbid questions, just as there will be other wanker steriotypes. Are you interested? Do you care? Just walk past them.
Id stick by your guns. If your head is screwed on the right way round, your not a complete gullable fool and have some iota of character assessment, then you'll do fine.
BDSM is absolutely NO different to vanilla, there are nice people, and not so nice. Its not rocket science, its life!
goodluck
little1

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/9/2006 9:55:45 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

Why does it seem to be wrong for a potential s/sl to ask questions?

With all Y/your slash-speak it looks like your just talking about on-line. So the answer to your question is that you're often chatting with clowns who are typing with one hand and they really aren't interested in answering questions.

Ya know, you haven't entered some mysterious world where the rules have suddenly changed. Some people date and talk and have relationships; others just hook up for kinky animal couplings. You can see folks having similar interactions if you go to a local nightclub.

So you can do whatever you want, and when you find the right match a D/s dynamic will develop and then you'll REALLY figure out where you fit. I think right now you're just taking semi-educated guesses.

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/9/2006 11:59:42 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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I will let you in on a secret. Submissives and slaves come in all sorts of packages. All packages arent labelled meek and mild. Probably the sole common denominator is the fact that each submissive or slave has the desire to ..well..."submit" to some degree or another. How that is done, when that is done and to what degree it is done is an individual thing combined with the dominant factor of how much an individual dominant desires to take. Find two compatable people and you will find one happy dominant and one happy submissive, no matter the names they wish to call themselves.

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to happypervert)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/10/2006 3:39:40 AM

sabswife

Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I will let you in on a secret. Submissives and slaves come in all sorts of packages. All packages arent labelled meek and mild. Probably the sole common denominator is the fact that each submissive or slave has the desire to ..well..."submit" to some degree or another. How that is done, when that is done and to what degree it is done is an individual thing combined with the dominant factor of how much an individual dominant desires to take. Find two compatable people and you will find one happy dominant and one happy submissive, no matter the names they wish to call themselves.

as usual, well said slavejali.

if it helps re: the original post- you sound like me, i have submitted but in no way have i given up my right to question or suggest respectfully. that is how W/we both grow in O/our relationship. i am a sub.

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"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

(in reply to slavejali)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/10/2006 5:16:20 AM

DaddysEmber

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/14/2006
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i find the same problem myself. i am told by others that know my dom that my actions reflect badly on him when it is actions he approves of. seems i get go anywhere without pissing someone off.

you have to decide if pleasing someone who will never accept you the way you truly are is worth sacrificing things that are important to you. there is someone out there that wants someone just like you, waiting sucks but finding the right apple nice and ripe is better than picking the rotting ones off the ground.

Namaste
ember

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I am who i am and knowing me takes more than a glance just as living takes more than one breath.

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/10/2006 5:19:39 AM

Sab

Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

Of course there are going to be masters who forbid questions, just as there will be other wanker steriotypes. Are you interested? Do you care? Just walk past them.

Well said! If you find a person like that - I would suggest that you keep on walking down the path of discovery, they will not be right for you. Some slaves/subs want a Dom to speak for them, think for them even - you come across as one who does not.

quote:

if it helps re: the original post- you sound like me, i have submitted but in no way have i given up my right to question or suggest respectfully. that is how W/we both grow in O/our relationship. i am a sub.

My dear wife - you said it eloquently.

To the OP - as you can see, I have a wonderful submissive who has embraced herself for who she is, she has submitted to me - yet, she will ALWAYS have a voice.

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God blessed it and it brought me to her.

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/10/2006 9:05:52 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysEmber

i find the same problem myself. i am told by others that know my dom that my actions reflect badly on him when it is actions he approves of. seems i get go anywhere without pissing someone off.

you have to decide if pleasing someone who will never accept you the way you truly are is worth sacrificing things that are important to you. there is someone out there that wants someone just like you, waiting sucks but finding the right apple nice and ripe is better than picking the rotting ones off the ground.

Namaste
ember

I would say that as long as daddy is pleased what "others" do to tear you down is likely driven by immature jealousy.

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/10/2006 9:10:12 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Why would it be wrong to wish to know a Man more? To see if W/we share common goals, hopes, dreams and such? Safely be able to say "no thank You Sir- i do not think W/we are a good match?" Does this make any of us a "player?" a "wannabe?" (labels) or am i right in thinking many s/sl wsih to wait & find the right Man? One we adore and serve with such love and happiness? i truly feel there are many of us that want a real 24/7 relationship that grows stronger each day. Be it a D/s M/s or poly.

Being patient in what you're looking for is not a bad thing. Those that would pressure or mock for this saying you're not a "true sub" [gag] unless you cam for them or whatever are obviously not worth your time...good news is you seem to have already learned this lesson.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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RE: Where do i fit? - 6/11/2006 7:09:29 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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You seem to be doing ok to me. Yeah, it's hard to wait, but, in the end, you'll find that it was worth the wait...at least is was for me.

(in reply to theRose4U)

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