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LadyPact -> RE: do you play or do you connect? (8/8/2012 2:49:39 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dananddawn
Short version - when you play with someone, do you really connect to them deeply, or is it just ... play that last until it ends and then you go on your merry way? Do you see play as a physical handshake, good and firm and real, but ends when it ends? Or is it a hug that kind of blocks out the rest of the room?
Long version - Not too long ago, I was at a play party, watching a half dozen scenes going on around me. One person was being flogged, another tied up, yet another having needles poked into them….
As I wandered around, I thought about how I play, and how I really didn’t fit in.
I’ve been thinking about it for some time now, and why I don’t (can’t) play like other people, and if it…well, means anything.
Before I go on, here is the disclaimer. For this to make sense, I have to describe how I don’t play. And if that is the way you do play, do not hear in what I am saying that you are doing things wrong. You are not. You and the top/bottom are having fun, enjoying yourself, getting what you need out of it. So there is not right or wrong. There is what I can and can’t do.
The thing that I seek in play is a sense of the trance state. It used to be dom and sub space, but those ideal have become less (known/popular) in the recent years with many people.
It isn’t enough to flog you for the sake of flogging you. I am skilled at it, I can do it well, and you will enjoy it. But for me, if you are able to hold a conversation with someone else during our scene, or when we are done you are clear eyed, or you don’t think about it the next day, it isn’t a scene that will feed me.
I have likened it to dancing. We can meet at a club, both go out on the dance floor, do the moves, and have a good time. But I don’t do that.
I want to grab you from the wall, take your hand and lead you into the middle of the floor, and sweep you off of your feet. To take you in my arms and lead you in a dance, where you no longer have to think or react, but to just allow the dance to happen. And that puts me in the same space, leading our joint dance, creating a joint connection. To allow things to be esoteric, our energies mingle, vulnerabilities open, we bleed desire into each other. Thought becomes mute and the scene transcends toys. We merge in the dance. The idea of conversation or who is watching or what is on TV tonight become things that are not part of us.
Scening, like other aspects of intimacy, are sacred to me. And, in writing this, I’ve found that key that I need in a scene – the intimacy. Not sex, not physical penetration, but intimate penetration perhaps is the way to describe it.
This kind of energy – be it sex, scene, or in a conversation where the world goes on hold while we merge mind and thought and words – is what I want in our dance. The trance, the energy, the connection that lingers….
Both. It depends entirely on the scene, the surrounding circumstances, and the person I am playing with.
Some people can only reach that level if playing with their intimate partner. That's not true of everybody. The dance can happen with those you don't know or barely know. There are times that you can find a certain synergy with someone right out of the gate. I've found that a few times over the years and it's amazing when it happens. One of My favorite examples of this is a particular gal in Atlanta. People swore up and down that we *must* have had some kind of intimate relationship because of the way we responded to each other, moved together, and were so much in unison.
The problem with these kinds of threads is that, even with the disclaimer, it comes across as the author is attempting to elevate themselves from us common folk. If a person doesn't want to scene without that "connection" more power to them. This wouldn't be the first time that someone has graced these boards with the "better than the casual play" attitude or show their peacock feathers because they want to talk about their intimacy techniques. I have this disagreement with Michael regularly, who also looks down the nose at any instance where the sacred connection doesn't happen or feels he is just too good for the masses.
It's easy to brag that you only engage when there is a guaranteed win. Can you also roll the dice and accept that you won't always move mountains? Some people can't. It's too hard on their ego. They want to stick their nose up about this "random flogging" and put on airs that they are so much better than that. At the same time, they miss the unexpected. Had I ever done that, I'd have cheated Myself out of so very, very much. Those times that it just "happened" and became some of the best scenes of My life.
No offense to you, OP. I'm sure your way works for you in your safety net where the trance only happens when you know it will. I'll go the other way and accept the concept of sometimes it will happen and sometimes it won't, but when I find it out of the blue, it will be utterly amazing.
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