how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub

how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (Full Version)

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mistressdenelle -> how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 4:49:58 PM)
I have a sub. Sao far we have a pretty good relationship, d/s wise. Yet I have a lot of emotions for him... vanilla wise. I want to one day be with him in a bf /gf relationship, and move on in life together.... How do I keep this feelinns aside from being a domme:)

GreedyTop -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 4:56:16 PM)
it's a relationship. if you want to have a bf/gf relationship with him, then what is the problem?

poise -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 4:57:25 PM)
Why would you want to keep love bottled up inside? Share it with the world! Many many MANY D/s relationships involve reciprocated love for one another. Being a Domme does not mean you have to be emotionless.

SeekerMA -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 4:59:55 PM)
What do you mean by "vanilla" emotions? There's nothing wrong with a D/s relationship involving feelings. In fact, I'd be more concerned about there being something wrong with one that doesn't involve them. Feelings are good, they bring you closer together, make you more intimate, increase trust, etc. You don't have to choose between the two. They're not opposites, they're complementary. The only potential problem is your love for your sub making it difficult to be strict or objective in terms of rules and their enforcement... But still, that's a very small price to pay for happiness.

LafayetteLady -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:00:04 PM)
Why do you need to keep them separate? Plenty of couples are in "romantic/intimate" relationships that also involve a power dynamic. There is no reason you can't have both. In fact, for many of us, that's exactly what we want is both a loving relationship and a power dynamic.

mistressdenelle -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:00:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop it's a relationship. if you want to have a bf/gf relationship with him, then what is the problem? Because I allow him to speak to other females, because He's much older and I wonder if I'm to youmg for him vanilla wise

SeekerMA -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:05:18 PM)
Are you using "speak" as a euphemism or something? There's nothing wrong with him speaking to people, even those of the opposite gender. Trust has to work both ways, so you need to have faith that he isn't seeking to cheat on you. I sympathize with you about the age issue. However, I think it's entirely possible to have a much older sub and still have a very happy and successful relationship, both emotionally and in terms of D/s.

Karnikula -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:10:07 PM)
Options: 1) Tell him outright and insist on becoming bf/gf: Your relationship will probably end soon after (or happy end ensues? who knows!) 2) Keep it from him entirely, brood over it and ultimately let it boil over. (might also end happily!) 3) Analyze your own feelings / the situation and think about what's best - go try that.

mistressdenelle -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:18:40 PM)
My only thing is he brought it up before and I just said let's just see how it plays out Now I have this huge attraction for him

Karnikula -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:22:36 PM)
Wait wait, you both want each other in the same way? Where's your problem? Your vanilla feelings should not get in the way of being dominant.

mistressdenelle -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:30:29 PM)
I believe he thought about it, and was curious Be He's not dying to have a vanilla relationship with me [:D] The problem is I have a bit of jealousy from the other females he talks to and it does sometimes get in the way of being a Great domme

Karnikula -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:40:43 PM)
> The problem is I have a bit of jealousy from the other females he talks to and it does sometimes get in the way of being a Great domme Not doing something about that gets in the way of being a great domme. A relationship between a submissive person and a Dominant person who are self-aware and confident in their nature ... vanilla ? Depends on how you define vanilla.

DesFIP -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 5:47:26 PM)
Congratulations. You can have a full relationship. You can have everything you need. Just talk about it. Really, you can sit there and announce that you're watching water polo at the Olympics and not tennis on the alternate channel. That's d/s in action in a full relationship. You can tell him that you're not buying strawberry ice cream, but chocolate marshmallow. Or that he can pick up the chocolate marshmallow for him as long as he also picks up strawberry for you. You can sit next to each other on the couch while watching tv or you can tell him to sit on the floor. There's no right or wrong, it's however works best for the two of you. Question: why do you think he wouldn't want to obey you if he loves you? Figure out where these assumptions come from and then decide if they work for the two of you or not. Just because your mother took out the garbage doesn't mean you have to. You're the domme, you can decide it's his job.

Hillwilliam -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 6:11:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistressdenelle How do I keep this feelinns aside from being a domme:) Why would you want to? Just because you love someone doesn't mean you cannot also be Dominant over them. In fact, it brings you closer and enhances the situation.

littlewonder -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 6:13:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistressdenelle I have a sub. Sao far we have a pretty good relationship, d/s wise. Yet I have a lot of emotions for him... vanilla wise. I want to one day be with him in a bf /gf relationship, and move on in life together.... How do I keep this feelinns aside from being a domme:) Why do you need to keep the feelings aside from being a domme?? Unless one or both of you are cheating on a partner? Otherwise if you have feelings for him and you want to be his girlfriend, tell him. He might feel the same way towards you. That doesn't mean you still can't be his Domme. I don't understand how you even keep those separate unless it's just kinky games.

littlewonder -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 6:16:21 PM)
Ok so basically you don't like him speaking to other girls....eeerrmm....get over it. People have friends in their lives, male and female. If you are so insecure with him doing so then you need to work on yourself first. As for the age thing, if it works it works. Ask him.

xLaChienne -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 6:31:27 PM)
How much older is he? When you say speaking to other females do you mean engaging in sexual or D/s play with other women? When he asked you about having a full time relationship before was he just checking the temperature to make sure it isn't what you wanted? When you say the D/s wise do you mean the kinky fun stuff or the power exchange aspect? Basically, do you spank him and send him on his way or do you go out on regular dates as well? Is one day coming soon or something you want after you finish college and are established in a career? Does he pay you for your time and D/s play?

LanaDeVille -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 6:53:35 PM)
This isn't the first time I've seen someone ask something like this. Some people gotta break that "ice queen Dom" mentality. Real life is not one big Femdom porn where the woman despises the man and he's some "worthless worm". There can be love. There can be celebration. There can be joy. And smiles and giggles, and as someone said above, ice cream. A Dom doesn't have to sitting on a tall far away pedestal. A Dominant can be whatever you want to be. You're not less Dominant for loving someone. I'd get those jealousy issue worked out (I'm not really qualified to talk about jealousy...because well, I've never been jealous in a romantic sense) and then I'd go for it.

dublinemma -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 8:09:35 PM)
I think being in a relationship with somebody only enhances the bdsm side of things. In my opinion it makes you more comfortable and trusting with each other therefore, more likely to do things you wouldn't normally, push limits etc. Fuck the age gap, if you like him what does it matter!

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub (8/5/2012 8:33:06 PM)
LOL, I recently started to feel the early signs of feelings for somebody. The bitch for me, is when I'm this captivated or drawn to somebody on this level. I want them even more. I myself will push for more more more. If they end up giving me more, then I 'll settle back down to my normal level of patience. Not to mention, I myself acknowledge that my Big Bad Dominant self is in a state of actually feeling and being vulnerable. Hahahaha.. Seriously, ask yourself why and how your emotions for somebody are, can and will screw with D/s?

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