RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/5/2012 8:46:18 PM

ResidentSadist

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What are vanilla feelings? Is love somehow vanilla? I mean, if you love your slave or your slave loves you, it doesn't make your leather heart vanilla. You are in love with a slave or Master, how can that be vanilla?

So I ask sincerely, what are vanilla feelings? Do you feel like burning your rope, throwing your chains in the lake and cutting up your whips or what?

ETA: I guess I don't see how the BF/GF thing doesn't mesh perfectly with the BDSM lifestyle. This is why I ask what feelings are different in your concept of BF/GF than in your D/s relationship?

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 8/5/2012 8:52:27 PM >

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/5/2012 9:10:07 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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I've seen so many times that people think love and feeling are for vanillas only. When I first discovered the land of kink, I was afraid that's how it had to be. Now I know there's no reason you can't have a gf/bf relationship with your D/s partner if you want one.

My relationship with my sub includes love & kisses and D/s power exchange and kink, all wrapped up into one beautiful, heart-melting package. I wouldn't have it any other way. I wanted it all and didn't settle. I waited it out and now I have it.

If that's how you feel, then I say talk to him about it and see what happens. Without good communication, how good can a relationship of any kind be anyway?

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/5/2012 10:20:21 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistressdenelle

I believe he thought about it, and was curious

Be He's not dying to have a vanilla relationship with me

The problem is I have a bit of jealousy from the other females he talks to and it does sometimes get in the way of being a Great domme

Based on your several posts, it sounds like he has segmented you into a part of his life where you provide some kinky fun, and now you want more. The bottom line is he may not want more, and your age difference when be a great hindrane to a vanilla relationship. All you can do is decide what you want and then bring it up and see what he says.

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/6/2012 9:13:34 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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we were lovers then living togheter and will soon marry and we are M/s

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/6/2012 10:00:49 AM

searching4mysir

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FR

The only way I can really see "feelings" being problematic is if you are a pro and accepting money for sessions.

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/6/2012 10:07:04 AM

sexyred1

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People seem to find the strangest things to complain about here.

Ideally, having love and D/s in the same package is what most strive for (for me at least), so why on earth question how to deal with something that is so wished for?

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/7/2012 9:17:17 AM

FrostedFlake

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistressdenelle

I have a sub.
Sao far we have a pretty good relationship, d/s wise.

Yet I have a lot of emotions for him... vanilla wise.

I want to one day be with him in a bf /gf relationship, and move on in life together....

Why would I keep this feelinns aside from being a domme:)

There. It's fixed now.

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/7/2012 9:21:21 AM

wittynamehere

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistressdenelle
Yet I have a lot of emotions for him... vanilla wise.

That's a strange use of the word vanilla. Most people use vanilla to mean "something that isn't kinky". Emotions like caring, love, protectiveness, and so on aren't vanilla, they're just emotions.

Perhaps what you meant to say was "my sub and I agreed to leave emotions out of it, but I'm starting to have emotions for him"?

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/8/2012 10:31:32 PM

another1harder

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quote:

Yet I have a lot of emotions for him... vanilla wise.

Throw in a freebie missionary position. Sort of a vanilla trial run. Although never heard of anybody going vanilla and not coming back.

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RE: how to deal with vanilla feelings for my sub - 8/8/2012 10:54:37 PM

limpshorty

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Absolutely no way this can be resolved without talking about it, and acting on it. Big risk.

But, the absence of that risk is only a certainty that eventually you will be further from that part of his self, and his heart than you are now.

Do you find pleasure in his willingness to submit? Make that a point after play, how much you like it. Are you fulfilling his fantasies, or yours? If you can't make it both, that's a big gulf to cross. And you won't cross it alone.

Do you talk with other men? Other women? Is that different? It is possible to have a one way fidelity, but it is a very large submission to make, and if you are the one making it, it really is gonna be hard to deal with. However, if both sexual acts, and socialization are required fidelity that is profoundly submissive. Probably damaging, as well. So, lots of things to talk out, and find out.

I think being entirely sexually faithful to a dominant woman could be very satisfying for me, but only if I knew that that fidelity was as pleasing for her, as it was limiting for me. Being required to have no friends or acquiescence outside of her control would be unbearable, no matter how much I wanted to be her property. Owning a toy, and owning a whole person are different things.

Make sure this is a problem first, though. Nothing like talk to find out what someone thinks.

limpshorty

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