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Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy eaters? - 8/6/2012 6:57:30 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		A friend is staying with us at the moment and I am getting to the stage where I am making excuses to leave the table before the meal is finished.
Generally we take time over our meals, enjoying the combination of food and wine along with good company but for the last few days meal times in our home have become something I dread.
He sloshes stuff around her gob like a silage machine. All I can think, while I'm listening to this noise is, how the hell did you get to adulthood like this?
During the evening he gets out the tin of toffees which is even worse because not only does he make a noise that sounds like he's trying to dislodge a giant boggy from his nose and its got stuck in the back of his throat but he plays with the wrappers crackling the cellophane as he folds it and unfolds it.
I want to scream at him 'SHUT THE FUCK UP' but of course I'm far too polite.
My husband doesn't understand why it bothers me.
Do I need therapy?!?!
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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 7:02:30 AM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		I am with you on the aggavation caused by noisy eaters. I want to smack these people and ask them if they were born in a barn. I once asked a physician if his gum tasted better when he chewed it with his mouth open.

I feel for you but have no advice as to what can be done short of telling this person to stop. Perhaps you could at least remove the toffee so that part can be prevented.

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 7:10:59 AM   
tj444


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Status: offline 		earplugs? headphones while listening to calming soothing music? offer to pay for a hotel room for him?

That would drive me crazy too, especially the noisy ones that eat with their mouth open.. I hope your friend is there only temporarily and hasnt planned on moving in permanently..

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 7:32:51 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		you are not on your own. it's one of my huge pet peeves. one of my guys at work is the same. i feel for everyone else who has to sit and listen to him at meal times. it drives me nuts. it's just commen, and there is no need for it. my step son used to do it as his mum never corrected him. he doesn't do it anymore as i threated to make him eat with the pigs if he was going to act like one.

i've told people off while traveling on a bus when they are chewing in my ear.

shut your mouths you mingers!

needles

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 7:36:24 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		OMG!!! The last slave I had here.....(this is going to sound like a rant because you guys have no idea how bad I wanted to just...choke the shit out of her when she ate) she was one of the worst eaters ever in life. It wasn't just noisy, it was disgusting to see as well. I remember one time I actually got up from the table. This was after numerous attempts to explain then show her how to eat like a normal human being, let alone eating like a lady should. Have you guys ever seen Beauty and the Beast (the Disney cartoon) where he and Belle are dressed all snazzy and eating at the table and he buries his face in his bowl and makes those disgusting noises? Well there ya go...grrrrr!

So, OP, NO...you do not need therapy, what you need is a stick to hit them in the head with.

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 8:20:04 AM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		noisy eaters = gross.

When my child forgets and talks with his mouth full or chews open mouthed I tell him he is being a neandrethal and he can go eat with cavemen if he doesn't straighten up and remember his manners. The first time I said it his reaction was "OH COOL!" Until I reminded him that Momma don't cook for cavemen.

Lucifyre

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 8:43:56 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with you, it is disgusting. I even hate hearing people chomp on popcorn during the movies. I want to slap them. You cannot sit through two hours to see a film without eating? Jeez.

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 9:49:19 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the replies. Its a relief to know I'm not the only one! Its funny when I read other peoples responses but not so funny when I seriously want to stab this guy in the head with my fork at meal times.

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 10:00:16 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Oh fuck me. No you're not alone.

Next mealtime, put a half brick on the table and when the dude sits down just very politely say "Now, see this half brick, if you can't masticate your food without sounding like some fucking zoo animal I'm going to pummel your face with this so hard you'll be sucking on a straw to eat"

I promise that if it comes to it, I'll give you an alibi.

I can't fucking stand noisy eaters, and it should not be illegal to kill them.

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 11:32:12 AM   
MariaB


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Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Oh fuck me. No you're not alone.

Next mealtime, put a half brick on the table and when the dude sits down just very politely say "Now, see this half brick, if you can't masticate your food without sounding like some fucking zoo animal I'm going to pummel your face with this so hard you'll be sucking on a straw to eat"

I promise that if it comes to it, I'll give you an alibi.

I can't fucking stand noisy eaters, and it should not be illegal to kill them.


I'm doubled over, crying and in serious pain!!

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 12:37:26 PM   
doctorgrey


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Status: offline 		Depends what she's eating.

...what?...

DrG

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 1:09:53 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		Apparently, this coothless (usually unconscious) behavior seriously annoys many. I wonder if might help to directly or anonymously advise the culprit:

"I don't mean to offend you & hope there is no medical problem, but did you know others can actually here you when you eat? I just thought you may want to know this."

"Please, breath through your nose ONLY as you eat."

Science: Sound travels through air, hence noisy eaters can only be noisy eaters if they have EXCESS air in their mouths as they eat. Chewing food ALWAYS makes noise if their is AIR to carry the soundwave out of the mouth. But, no air = no sound, similar to how in Space there is no sound because there is no air to carry soundwaves.

Or then again, you can always tell them what my stepmom always told us, "You sound like a cow chewing its cud. Close your mouth!"

< Message edited by Duskypearls -- 8/6/2012 1:10:43 PM >

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 2:01:21 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		My ex had a peculiar repetitive lip smacking technique when eating sour food that gave me a stomachache because i"d try to ignore it and it drove me batty. I lost it once and punched him in the arm when he was eating a deliciously tart lime cheesecake that I'd made. I honestly couldn't take one more lip smack or I was going to scream. The look on the kids' faces was priceless, but they quickly recuperated and told their Dad that he was indeed being weird and needed to stop.

I guess I can't blame him, my inlaws eat like pigs. Slurping, open mouths, talking with food in their mouths, chewing loudly, sucking stuff noisily off bones, and the like. At least he was better than most of that. When we went over to the in laws I'd finish early and go in the bathroom and stuff my ears. I'd just lose my appetite. It was utterly disgusting. What was I supposed to do? Tell 6 or so adults to knock it off? You'd have to see the noodle sucking/slurping to believe it, with the accompanying spray of whatever the noodles were sitting in. I've been hit with that spray across the table. Yet another dinner where I go perch on the toilet with my hands over my ears.

Heh, once I was out with an older woman friend who picked up her plate from the restaurant table and licked it. Seriously. One of those moments where you freeze and question what you just saw because you're thinking it couldn't have really happened. She also has licked her knife. She also has this odd tunnel vision thing where she zooms in on her food like it's the only thing in the world and chews it like a crazed rabbit- you have to see the mouth action, it's this frantic nibbling with the front 4 teeth. She can barely spare a moment to join in dinner conversation and only nods or murmurs while she is eating. Can't manage both talking and eating because she'd have to stop eating. I don't eat out with her any more. Sometimes in our little group we'd bring homemade treats to share with the group, or edible gifts at holiday time, and she immediately opens whatever is given to her to start gnawing on it with the rabbity speed and focus. It's just freaking weird. AND, I'm not exaggerating! She gets this look in her eye like it's the last bit of food she'll ever get and has to finish it in 2 seconds. Oh....she was at a lunch last week at another friend's house and sent back her piece of dessert (banana cake) because it wasn't big enough. I'm not lying.

I've added way too much to this thread

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 3:27:28 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		My mom makes the most horrible sounds when she's eating to the point that my sisters and I never take her out to eat with us anymore. We've tried to give her little, subtle points but my mom doesn't catch them.

When we do eat with her, my sisters and I just start laughing and do our best to ignore her. lol

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/6/2012 4:50:37 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

A friend is staying with us at the moment and I am getting to the stage where I am making excuses to leave the table before the meal is finished.
Generally we take time over our meals, enjoying the combination of food and wine along with good company but for the last few days meal times in our home have become something I dread.
He sloshes stuff around her gob like a silage machine. All I can think, while I'm listening to this noise is, how the hell did you get to adulthood like this?
During the evening he gets out the tin of toffees which is even worse because not only does he make a noise that sounds like he's trying to dislodge a giant boggy from his nose and its got stuck in the back of his throat but he plays with the wrappers crackling the cellophane as he folds it and unfolds it.
I want to scream at him 'SHUT THE FUCK UP' but of course I'm far too polite.
My husband doesn't understand why it bothers me.
Do I need therapy?!?!


You just met your inlaws for the first time, didn't you?

Enjoy :)

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/7/2012 7:18:46 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Wow I'm so relieved its not me being weird.

lizi you didn't add too much, what you wrote was hilarious. I know someone similar to your friend who has this OCD thing about touching food with his teeth. Instead he frantically sucks everything until its swallowable. To be honest I hadn't really noticed but once he told me what he does I find myself just focusing on his eating habit and it annoys the hell out of me!!

Dusky, I said something last night in a dry humor sort of way. He caught me glaring in his direction whilst chomping loudly on a toffee and asked me if there was anything wrong. I just said, 'I was just wondering if you could eat any louder?' He laughed and apologized but then continued to make disgusting noises!

Not my inlaws Lookie. I met them a long time ago and apart from Papee having badly fitted false teeth that sometimes 'Clack', they have impeccable manners.

littlewonder, lts interesting that your mum makes a lot of noise but you grew up not doing. I always thought that noisy eaters came in families and not just individuals.

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/7/2012 8:40:53 AM   
DesFIP


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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Turn on music. It won't make him be any quieter but it will give you something else to focus on.

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RE: Am I the only person in the world that hates noisy ... - 8/7/2012 10:01:13 AM   
FrostedFlake


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