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lizi -> RE: Deep soul searching?? (8/6/2012 2:35:20 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ohsobroken
Thanks so much for your response, and we did discuss an increase in his intensity, i just dont want him to be something he isnt ya know? He is very laid back and loving, but i need stricter, more demanding..and i would hate for him to "pretend" to be more intense and strict when it isnt in him.
I understand this and it's why I decided to stick it out as I really cared for him and it would have been kind of play acting on his part to push up the intensity - I really don't want play acting. I can be extremely patient and wait things out, so I did, and lo and behold if things didn't end up agreeing with me in the end. You know...he has his moments. Very hot, strict, I'm the boss moments. Your example of him giving into sex because you wanted it is kind of like us- he'd probably do that for me because he indulges me quite a bit. Then again when I was badly hurt and recuperating, and decided I wanted some action, he put a quick and forceful stop to that because he didn't think it was wise, and it almost led to him disciplining me- a big thing for us since that's never happened. He was pissed and he pulled the Dom card on me and it's not the only time. I decided I didn't like pushing him and I don't think i ever did again. Even though our dynamic may not be the usual level of D/s (whatever that is), it works well for us in the end as I've found out. I guess I didn't need the intensity after all.
In the end my guy is who he is. I see him as Dominant. I might push a bit sometimes, and sometimes he lets me, and other times he doesn't. It's enough for me and keeps me on my toes an agreeable amount in my book. Underneath it all I know he's watching and that he's in charge, I feel that. I don't feel as though he is just engaging when he feels like it in a lazy manner, its more like he does it all the time, he just does it in his way, and I had to adapt to that way and I have. We have D and s, we have a leader and a follower, we are free to be who we are, and we have a good flow between us. I think it's a good deal, it might not suit someone else and that's fine.
With him I didn't get what I set out for, the more stereotypical arrogant Dom, I got him instead. I found that I won out in that situation. He calls me to sing to me, he buys me pop tarts because I'm mad for them, he brings me taco bell hot sauce packets that say silly things on them that remind him of me, he asks me where I want to eat, and he checks in to see if my sons have called lately because he likes hearing me be all happy if they have. Then he beats my ass in bed, holds me accountable to high standards in school, tells me when to take a day off, tells me when to suck it up and quit whining, and instructs me to get my overweight self to the gym so he'll have me around for posterity. It's a mix that I wasn't sure about, but have ended up being very happy with.
Try out whatever your guy is willing to work on and see if it goes where you want. Sometimes you find something else in the process. Sometimes you go backwards, sometimes you find nirvana. Hard to tell till you do it, just be careful what you ask for and where you go -sometimes it can be a regret. Sometimes things change with time. I don't know, it's all kind of a crapshoot, but communication usually makes it work out all right in the end wherever you end up.
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