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Best Approach - 8/7/2012 3:30:00 PM   
slaved9


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/3/2010
Status: offline 		What is the best way to approach a potential Mistress/Goddess?

Is it important to offer a tribute or gift of some sort, even though they are not a financial domme? or does that come off as desperate and as if you are looking to be used exclusively in that way?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Best Approach - 8/7/2012 3:43:12 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		dude. seriously. read the FAQs for this forum.

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Best Approach - 8/7/2012 5:06:35 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Is there a book in the booklist we can recommend? I don't think "The Bottoming Book" will help.

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RE: Best Approach - 8/7/2012 6:01:35 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaved9

What is the best way to approach a potential Mistress/Goddess?


There is no BEST way. As anyone should be able to easily say.

quote:

Is it important to offer a tribute or gift of some sort, even though they are not a financial domme? or does that come off as desperate and as if you are looking to be used exclusively in that way?


No/yes.

If that is what you want to do, do it, and be ready to keep it up (I don't mean that in a good way). Else, don't.

Here is a place to start.

quote:


http://www.askmen.com/money/successful/41_success.html
http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_60/66b_success.html
http://www.askmen.com/money/successful_100/117_success.html
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1717756
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057095/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057123/tm.htm
http://the1585.com/performativemasculinity.htm
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8325689/the-meeting?page=1
http://gayglobeus.powweb.com/barbarella.html


Best wishes, Good luck and (Deleted)

Edit : Fixed link.

< Message edited by FrostedFlake -- 8/7/2012 6:05:18 PM >

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simul justus et peccator
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RE: Best Approach - 8/7/2012 6:58:37 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Yes, send me $50.

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Best Approach - 8/7/2012 8:51:57 PM   
LittleMsMary


Posts: 63
Joined: 3/24/2012
Status: offline 		In short, approach them like they are a human being first and foremost. Be friendly and respectful and you will find yourself well ahead of a large percentage of the pack.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Best Approach - 8/7/2012 10:26:00 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleMsMary

In short, approach them like they are a human being first and foremost. Be friendly and respectful and you will find yourself well ahead of a large percentage of the pack.


I agree completely. On top of this, I've found many dominants are turned away by presuming you are their pet.

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<3

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RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 5:38:37 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaved9

What is the best way to approach a potential Mistress/Goddess?

Is it important to offer a tribute or gift of some sort, even though they are not a financial domme? or does that come off as desperate and as if you are looking to be used exclusively in that way?


You don't. You never approach a potential Mistress/Goddess.

You approach potential friends. Should something happen later, great. But your first message should not involve in any way kink, tribute, calling them Mistress or Goddess, offering to serve, etc.

For example, take a look at MsMary's profile. She starts off with a list of stuff she doesn't want. Then the rest of her profile is a goldmine of things you could use to strike up an online conversation with her:

Her profile pic shows she likes to swim. And there's some kind of bracelet on her right wrist.

She says she likes to talk with people all over the world, and specifically suggests she likes to do it to find out about other places.

She has a sense of humor.

She specifically says she's short.

She likes cookies.

She lives in Chicago but travels to MN regularly.

She has a Domme friend named Erin who has a steady sub.

Her last journal post is her fond recollection of Domming as a child.

Note also her spelling and English usage is flawless. Despite her not mentioning it explicitly in her profile, I expect that she'd hate sloppy writing and value good writing.

-----------------
Any one of those tidbits could form the basis of a first message to her. (Trying to use more than one could make the message awkward.)



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 5:57:02 AM   
SadisticMs2


Posts: 203
Joined: 8/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaved9

What is the best way to approach a potential Mistress/Goddess?

Is it important to offer a tribute or gift of some sort, even though they are not a financial domme? or does that come off as desperate and as if you are looking to be used exclusively in that way?




How do you think a random vanilla woman would react if you said "Hi, if I give you $200 would you go on a date with me?"

Don't be a dumbass.

(in reply to slaved9)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 7:06:18 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		OP, think about it. Your profile is an advertisement for yourself, I would say put more about yourself in your profile and do it in a positive way. Make your personality shine through in your profile, have it give the reader a feeling for "who you are."

Dommes are women first, so approach us as women first and we want all the same things from a partner that vanilla women want. A lot of us are interested in more than just kink, so don't lead with it when you're writing to Dommes or first meeting them face-to-face. Personally, I don't need a gift when meeting a new submissive, but it certainly surprises me and makes me feel good.

Remember, there are so many male subs out there that are "looking," that you really need to spiff up your profile and improve your approach. That way you won't just be one of the multitudes, but you will appear more as the cream of the crop.

NBMG

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 7:25:13 AM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would have to agree with many here. Approach a Domme as a person not as a fantastic illusions. A Domme is a REAL person with wants and needs. A Domme sat down with me once and told me, "Look I drive buses for a living". She wanted to make sure I knew she was not some illusion but a real person.
Anyway, my advise is to listen to others here on sites like this and above all, above all, read up on the subjects. Its the one thing I think in D/s you do is....... read.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 9:14:32 AM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaved9

What is the best way to approach a potential Mistress/Goddess?

Is it important to offer a tribute or gift of some sort, even though they are not a financial domme? or does that come off as desperate and as if you are looking to be used exclusively in that way?




Me: Send me $50 and I will tell you the best approach.
Him: Okay.
Me (after I get the $50): Send her $50.


Seriously, dude, the best way to approach a domme is no different than how you would approach a woman on a vanilla site. Read her profile and then tell her why you are responding to her specifically. Don't focus on your kinks or BDSM stuff. Remember that you are responding to a real person who works, eats, and does all the things human beings doing. Don't treat her like a cartoon, and don't be a cartoon yourself.

(in reply to slaved9)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 11:38:48 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMs2


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaved9

What is the best way to approach a potential Mistress/Goddess?

Is it important to offer a tribute or gift of some sort, even though they are not a financial domme? or does that come off as desperate and as if you are looking to be used exclusively in that way?




How do you think a random vanilla woman would react if you said "Hi, if I give you $200 would you go on a date with me?"

Don't be a dumbass.


Keep this in mind and everything Dark Steven said, is a perfect approach to a Mistress. My profile states that I am a fin Domme, but there are a million things at the end of it that I state as interests. I'm sure you can find something in someone's profile to talk about. The best subs I have are the ones who approach Me like a person first. I mean of course I have a few that went with the whole "Oh goddess of the world, let me serve you". I quickly corrected that. Now they are normal people. We like normal...and gifts, but normal first.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to SadisticMs2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 11:50:17 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

We like normal...and gifts, but normal first.


I nominate this for a SQOTD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 12:09:07 PM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMs2


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaved9

What is the best way to approach a potential Mistress/Goddess?

Is it important to offer a tribute or gift of some sort, even though they are not a financial domme? or does that come off as desperate and as if you are looking to be used exclusively in that way?




How do you think a random vanilla woman would react if you said "Hi, if I give you $200 would you go on a date with me?"

Don't be a dumbass.


I totally agree with the first sentence in your response, but the name calling in your second sentence is totally out of line.  The number of fin-dommes and scam-dommes on the other side has become so prevalent that it is easy to see how someone new might be confused and wonder about what might be the right or wrong thing to do.  So they come here to ask and end up being called names.  Nice.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers


(in reply to SadisticMs2)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 12:14:06 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SadisticMs2


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaved9

What is the best way to approach a potential Mistress/Goddess?

Is it important to offer a tribute or gift of some sort, even though they are not a financial domme? or does that come off as desperate and as if you are looking to be used exclusively in that way?




How do you think a random vanilla woman would react if you said "Hi, if I give you $200 would you go on a date with me?"

Don't be a dumbass.


I first thought the same, but then I recall years ago on a vanilla site, had nothing to do with dating, a guy approached me because I had certain books in my profile and he told me I would enjoy a different book, sent me an Amazon gift card and a link to that book, of course I got it. He never expected anything back, it was really just a nice gesture and we became friends and started to hang out. About 7 years ago I introduced him to a friend of mine and 3 years ago they married. I'm pretty sure he didn't have "She will one day introduce me to the future wife" in mind when he sent it, but it was just a very nice gesture.

So a small, very well picked gift that is a gift and doesn't have expectations or a bribe attached to it can be a wonderful thing, however approaching a woman with "There's a gift in it for you if you go on a date with me" possibly only gets the gift thrown back at you and is an immediate conversation killer. At least it would be for me.


_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SadisticMs2)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 5:39:05 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

We like normal...and gifts, but normal first.


I nominate this for a SQOTD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Omg I have never been nominated before, squeeeee!!!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Best Approach - 8/8/2012 7:42:49 PM   
DreamyLadySnow


Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		I wish more sub/bottom type males would get off the computer and out to a munch or other event. There WILL be dommes there and they can see you as a real person.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 18
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