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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 4:46:19 AM   
DarkSteven


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UnownedCOBeauty

JeffBC:

quote:

My experience and perspective are that of long term committed relationships. I wouldn't be in the situation you're describing here.


What does that mean, exactly?



Please allow me to answer, Jeff.

Jeff and Carol were already married when they introduced M/s into their lives. So they were in the unusual position of already being committed to each other when they began to explore.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 6:28:52 AM   
sunshinemiss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UnownedCOBeauty

Someone mentioned earlier that they were once trained on traditional tea service (it escapes me now if it was Japanese, Korean, etc.) but when 'trained' in precision practices such as service or presentation, what would it then be called? Couldn't I 'add that to my resume', as it were, later on? "I am also trained in traditional Japanese tea service. Would you like a cup now, Sir?" Then again, if that Dom weren't in the slight bit interested in this 'degree', would it just be something you held onto (way off on the back burner) until it came in handy again?




That was me. I went to a traditional Korean tea house, paid attention, got a set, practiced, and voila! Trained. Not much different than attending a yoga class, paying attention, getting a mat, practicing, and voila! Trained.

(By the way, the scenario you mentioned would never happen with a traditional Asian tea service. It's actually a really beautiful, meditative experience in which the people appreciate the beauty of life by doing it together.)

When I did that service for the fellow, I had to train HIM on how to receive the tea. There are specific ways you hold the cup, how many sips you drink, who drinks first, etc. While I'd have to refresh my memory if someone were to ask for it, I certainly appreciate the learning experience and could do it again pretty easily.

In fact there is a wonderful story about tea and Korea and meditation... Lemme see if I can find it.

I couldn't find the website that I originally got it from several years ago, but luckily I had copied the story into my computer (and subsequently did some art work with it!) You can see Paul Reps art work from his story here.

********************

A story about Paul Reps as told by Joel Levey

At one point the writer on Zen, Paul Reps had traveled to Japan, with plans to visit a respected Zen master in Korea. He went to the passport office in Japan to apply for his visa and was politely informed that his request was denied due to the war that had just broken out in Korea.

Reps sat down in the waiting area. He had come thousands of miles with the plan to train with this master in Korea. He was frustrated and disappointed. What did he do? He practiced what he preached. Reaching into his bag, he mindfully pulled out his thermos and poured himself a cup of tea. With a calm and focused mind, he watched the steam rising and dissolving into the air. He smelled its fragrance, tasted its tasty bitter flavor, and enjoyed its warmth and wetness. Finishing his tea, he put his cup back on his thermos, put his thermos in his bag, and pulled out a pen and paper upon which he wrote a Haiku poem.

Mindfully, he walked back to the clerk behind the counter, bowed, and presented him with his poem, and his passport. The clerk read it and looked deeply into the quiet strength in Rep’s eyes. The clerk smiled, bowed with respect, picked up Rep’s visa and stamped it for passage to Korea. The Haiku read:

Drinking a cup of tea,
I stopped the war.



< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 8/9/2012 6:43:17 AM >


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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 7:06:11 AM   
kalikshama


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/chills/

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 7:41:07 AM   
UnownedCOBeauty


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quote:

My experience and perspective are that of long term committed relationships. I wouldn't be in the situation you're describing here.


Ah, I see. :)

I believe it was just worded funny. Thank you for clarifying.

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could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 7:48:33 AM   
UnownedCOBeauty


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sunshinemiss:

I thought that might've been you who mentioned it. Silly me for being lazy and not just going back a page or two to check.

Thank you for filling me in and for the lovely story. :-)

For some reason, currently craving tea...

_____________________________

"Submit to you --
could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 7:52:59 AM   
UnownedCOBeauty


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Thank you ALL for your responses to my questions/ramblings.

Though I could not respond to everyone in such a short amount of time, my questions were answered very thoroughly by many different people and I can honestly say my mind is more at ease on the subject.

Thank you again for all of your help and encouragement. I look forward to discussing more topics with you in the near future (and hopefully I'll be able to add more insight and less questions!).

Cheers!!

_____________________________

"Submit to you --
could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 8:27:10 AM   
OttersSwim


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UnownedCOBeauty is a personal friend of mine and one smart and put together person. Just sayin'... :)

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 8:31:42 AM   
UnownedCOBeauty


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Oh Em Gee, Otter! I was wondering if you'd show up or not! What took you so long? You've missed the party! :-P

And oh yes! Thank you for tricking everyone into thinking I'm decent... :-) Thank you, friend.

< Message edited by UnownedCOBeauty -- 8/9/2012 8:35:03 AM >


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"Submit to you --
could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 8:47:11 AM   
GreedyTop


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Beauty is obviously a person with smarts, IMO, based on this thread.
\
Given that Otter claims her as a personal friend, IMO, declares Beauty's obvious good taste ;)

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 8:51:16 AM   
UnownedCOBeauty


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I don't know how many times I've blushed since I started this thread. :">

Thank you kindly.

_____________________________

"Submit to you --
could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 9:19:26 AM   
crazyml


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UnownedCOBeauty

Oh thank goodness. I don't feel like a COMPLETE crazy person. :) And thank you!


Wait a sec. None of what you've written so far proves your NOT a complete crazy person.

A lot of complete crazy people come over as thoughtful and smart.

Just sayin.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 9:21:49 AM   
JeffBC


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Jeff and Carol were already married when they introduced M/s into their lives. So they were in the unusual position of already being committed to each other when they began to explore.

spot on Steven... thanks. In general, my experience with how to handle a new BDSM relationship is non-existent and even if it weren't, my "dating strategies" aren't exactly like most guys. From a D/s standpoint, I don't really deal in "shoulds" so the whole situation where she felt her "submission should be coming naturally" but it wasn't wouldn't be an issue with me. There's be no "should" attached so it would just be "she's not submissive to me".

My strongest guess though is that all relationships are messy to get off the ground in one way or the other. I'm just always intrigued at the "start a BDSM relationship from scratch with that intent" thing because it's a huge unknown to me.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 3:53:03 PM   
sunshinemiss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: UnownedCOBeauty

Oh thank goodness. I don't feel like a COMPLETE crazy person. :) And thank you!


Wait a sec. None of what you've written so far proves your NOT a complete crazy person.

A lot of complete crazy people come over as thoughtful and smart.

Just sayin.


The jury's still out on you, Bub.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/9/2012 4:10:01 PM   
JeffBC


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
The jury's still out on you, Bub.

Wait.. there was some sort of appeal? I thought we'd all gone with "totally crazy" by now.


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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/10/2012 5:06:53 AM   
Char2688


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Wow, a smart conversation..........I can not think of one smart ass comment....
I will add that the training comment is on a lot of new subs profiles also
I always took "training" as a euphuism for seeking knowledge and experience.
While every guy likes blowjobs on command, it really does not apply as the only or primary reason for a meeting between new sub and Dom. There are better ways to establish dominance, and it should start with a conversation, online or in person. Truth be told, if dominance cannot be established during the first five minutes with physical presence alone, (body language) regardless of the words spoken, it probably never will. Dominance can be established without complete submission, the inverse cannot.

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/11/2012 1:58:54 AM   
BambiBoi


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Sweet sweet Beauty,

I gather from the sound of your voice that you've predominately been surrounded by good kind people who look out for your best interest. But your soiree into online BDSM has robbed you of the kindness of strangers. (Bam! Streetcar Named Desire reference. 3 points.) I want to give you a piece of encourage that I predict you will resist on the first read. But as time passes, you will see the wisdom in it, and that it is not as contradictory as you may immediately feel. You are a submissive woman (No points awarded for that deduction, Dr. Watson). If you wish to prance around the cold dark alleys of the internet you have to remember...

Because you are a submissive woman, you are the predator, not the prey.

Your instinct is to be the prey. To be desired, to be selected, to be chased, and to be brought down in a sexy whirlwind of bestial flogging. And you would make great prey to a great predator. But the BDSM world, and more specifically the internet, is full of jackals. They are not deserving of a fine prize, and instead will take any meat they can scavenge. Don't let yourself believe that taking initiative at the selection process makes you appear dominant and ergo unattractive. You can have all the backbone in the world and all the terms and conditions you want and still be a wonderful submissive. You're not the other side of the coin. You're the other half of the coin. Never forget that without you, the dominant has no power whatsoever. Your choice infuses another with power. So you make sure that you choose who to infuse with that gift.

It goes without saying (but he's going to say it anyway, -3 points) that you're smart enough to find Mr. Right and not Mr. Right Now. But you're also eager to get your feet wet and your skin pink. What do I suggest? Continue with the local scene. If you must meet them online, fold them into the local scene. True enough there are still terrible people at munches and local clubs, but in far fewer number. Also, because you are a pretty, young, adorable, innocent, trusting gazelle begging to be some lion's meal, the local community will go to lengths to protect you from harm, if they can. People with experience do not want to see a novice with such potential get hurt. Did you notice how a whole forum full of judgmental cynics fell head over heels for you in a day? Trust me, you're worth it.

TL;DR: Stick with the people who want the best for you or become a fucking tigress online.

Edit to Add: Net gain: 0 points.

< Message edited by BambiBoi -- 8/11/2012 2:09:31 AM >


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<3

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/11/2012 2:14:10 AM   
UnownedCOBeauty


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BambiBoi:

Swoon. You made my night... er... morning. :) I have already taken your words and put them into action!

I've been fortunate enough to have met some great people out here who do keep a close eye on me. I didn't meet any of them on CM... but I digress! They have given me lots of advice and sometimes I listen to it... but sometimes I have to test that water and MAN DOES IT GET HOT! So then they're there to comfort me and bandage up my wounds. But like a kid with a bumped head and skinned knees, I quickly forget the pain so I can play again.

Some days it's hard to keep going, but most of the time... I just see that swimming pool out there and I can't sit still long enough to digest! How did you know??

Thank you for your cheer and wonderful words of encouragement.

(I'm slowly falling in love with everyone here too. But shhh -- don't tell the others.)

_____________________________

"Submit to you --
could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

(in reply to BambiBoi)
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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/11/2012 2:17:29 AM   
BambiBoi


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Reading books by their cover is my specialty. You should see me in person.

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<3

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RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/11/2012 2:19:56 AM   
UnownedCOBeauty


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Yes, but I think then I'd explode.

_____________________________

"Submit to you --
could that be what you are saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wing?" -Ono no Komachi

(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: 'Training' makes me crazy - 8/12/2012 10:48:26 AM   
MercTech


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"Training"... very blanket concept...

I've seen Gorean training that had a huge amount to do with postures, positions, and grooming inspections.
I've seen high protocol with the kow-tow whenever the dominant enters the room.

Now, here are some initial training items on my list for a submissive...
1> This is how I like my morning coffee ....
2> I like my eggs cooked this way....
3> One of my favorite meals is ___, and her is how to cook it...
4> I spotted an outfit I thought might look particularly good on you. Put it on and I'll take some pictures so you can see what I mean.

Do I need to turn in my super secret domly dom decoder ring?

(in reply to UnownedCOBeauty)
Profile   Post #: 80
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