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A Simple Misunderstanding - 8/8/2012 7:43:29 AM

DaddySatyr

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I arrived home from work. My wife had left a note on the refridgerator:

"This isn't working. I can't take it, anymore. I'm going to my mother's house."

I opened the refridgerator. The light came on. The beer was cold. What the flying fuck is she talking about?

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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RE: A Simple Misunderstanding - 8/8/2012 8:34:18 AM

Lucifyre

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She meant you needed to buy her a new one :)

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RE: A Simple Misunderstanding - 8/8/2012 8:39:26 AM

tj444

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or something in the fridge besides just beer???..

I hope he at least had cat food for the puddytat..

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RE: A Simple Misunderstanding - 8/8/2012 8:47:37 AM

DaddySatyr

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It still works! I'll slap a coat of paint on it and see if that fools her.

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RE: A Simple Misunderstanding - 8/8/2012 9:05:05 AM

Lucifyre

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and the the fight started...

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"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

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RE: A Simple Misunderstanding - 8/8/2012 9:25:12 AM

DaddySatyr

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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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Oooooh! I have another one, if I can remember it ...

"Dear Help Me Harrold;

I left the house to go to work and got about two miles away when the car broke down. I have no cell phone so I had to walk back to the house to get my husband to help me with the car.

When I entered the house, I heard giggling and other noises, coming from the bedroom. I went upstairs and found my 32 year old husband in bed with our neighbors' daughter (she's 19).

Of course, I confronted them and he admitted that they'd been carrying on an affair for about 6 months.

I am so confused. I don't know what to do. I am at my wits end. Please help.

Upset in Utica"

"Dear Upset;

I've done some checking and for a car to just stop running in such a short time, there is probably something wrong with the electrical system.

My best suggestion is to take the car to a dealership mechanic and see what they can do.

I hope this helps.

Harrold"

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 8/8/2012 9:41:43 AM >

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RE: A Simple Misunderstanding - 8/8/2012 4:57:54 PM

DaddySatyr

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... and another, entitled "If Men Wrote Advice Columns"

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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