TPE: How rare is it? (Full Version)

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BambiBoi -> TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 5:32:28 AM)

TPE: How rare is it? I know Total Power Exchange does not require the disappearance of individuality. I could not think of a more apt subject name, so please do not think the heading is material to the discussion.

Today I saw a post that basically read "I will own you, your past will be erased, you will be my chattel." I assume this meant as soon as the ink dries on the Be-My-Slave-Forever-Contract.

I grasp the practical challenges of this live version of The Sims, but is anyone involved in a similar scenario? When I read this, and its quite often that I do, I assume the author is indulging in fantasy. Please do not think that I am saying any one of these is necessarily wrong or bad.

Does anyone here successfully have a lifestyle with any of the following traits:

<> Allowing oneself to be pulled away from existing friends and family.
<> All property is legally transferred to another.
<> Every activity is chosen or approved by another.
<> All finances are handled by another (admittedly common, even in vanilla marriages).
<> Wardrobe chosen by another.
<> Permanently marked or tattooed by another. (Less symbols, more names)
<> Unconditional submission. (If one said "pull the trigger" the other would, no questions asked or hesitation)
<> Moving to a new state or country, leaving behind a job.
<> Being legally renamed.
<> Other.

Do you worry about not having an exit strategy? How long did it take to build up to this level of devotion? For those who are not as extreme, do you take a "live and let live" or do you worry for their well being?



LadyPact -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 5:53:55 AM)

To be fair, just about anybody who has relocated from a considerable distance to be with someone would potentially qualify for two of the questions on your list. While relocating to be with someone is a huge decision, I don't necessarily consider it extreme. I also don't pin it as a TPE scenario since vanilla folks who meet via the internet also do this.

Being marked. Yes, clip is marked with My initials on his chest. It's a very distinguishable "LP" on his left peck. In the past, we've also put a temp brand (water) on his right shoulder blade. That is something we will be repeating but using a different method (violet wand). While the scar on his chest from cutting is a permanent mark, the temp brands tend to last about six months or so. My husband, on the other hand, who is not in a power exchange relationship with Me, has a tattoo of My name (the real one, not the LP version) on his chest in roughly the same spot.




BambiBoi -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 6:03:48 AM)

Thank you for sharing about you and yours, Lady Pact. It was actually quite challenging to come up with that list. I wanted to include some of the fantastical wishes certain people have with more realistic expressions of real devotion (e.g. traveling to be with one you love). I also wanted to encourage participation by including difficult decisions that are sane and healthy.

If you don't mind me asking, how long did it take before You marked clip's chest?



LadyPact -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 6:14:32 AM)

The cutting was done in June 2009, which was almost two years after I had collared him. There actually is a post here on CM that discusses it. The temp brand was done for the first time during the first year he was collared to Me.

For comparison, the husband's tattoo was done during the second year of our marriage.



JeffBC -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 6:23:20 AM)

I think this list and other ones like it are largely created by fantasists for fantasists. Many of the things on it exists in part or in total in normal, every-day, vanilla relationships. It's only in total, pulled together like this, then thrown in our faces with a helping of "Oh what a bad-ass dom I am" that we tend to get affronted. Carol isn't worried about her "exit strategy" because I'm not strutting around talking about how badass I am. Instead, I'm the guy saying "Gosh I love you honey." -- even as I'd expect obedience in all the listed areas. Actually, the only thing even on that list I consider "extreme-ish" is the unconditional submission one but your clarified example was a "of course" in my head. Most of that list I think of as "tame, external stuff". Carol actually experienced the sense of psychic dislocation your hinting at when we married... vanilla married. In her own head, she was stopping being "Carol" and instead becoming "Jeff's wife".

Edited to answer your actual question:
In my experience, couples that self-label as "TPE" are roughly in the 10% category. In my experience, what constitutes "TPE" is different for each couple. Couples that are TPE more or less according to standards I can recognize maybe 1-2%. Mostly, my impression for myself is I don't care who is and is not TPE. In terms of how's taking up space in my circle of friends, I care about who's happy.



SpaceSpank -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 6:34:59 AM)

The below for sure.

TPE isn't all that rare, even if you're only talking about those who identify their relationship as such.

It's just that what TPE is, and the fantastical representation of what many list it to be are not something that lines up. You do NOT have to sell your soul to MasterDarklord McDomlyness in order to be in a TPE relationship. And just like every other aspect of these relationships, what that means to you is highly subjective.
Maybe you WANT to have your clothing picked out every day, if so great! But there are many who are not in a TPE relationship, or even a D/s or M/s relationship in general who have this done.



quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I think this list and other ones like it are largely created by fantasists for fantasists. Many of the things on it exists in part or in total in normal, every-day, vanilla relationships. It's only in total, pulled together like this, then thrown in our faces with a helping of "Oh what a bad-ass dom I am" that we tend to get affronted. Carol isn't worried about her "exit strategy" because I'm not strutting around talking about how badass I am. Instead, I'm the guy saying "Gosh I love you honey." -- even as I'd expect obedience in all the listed areas. Actually, the only thing even on that list I consider "extreme-ish" is the unconditional submission one but as your clarified example was a "of course" in my head.




OsideGirl -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 7:18:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I think this list and other ones like it are largely created by fantasists for fantasists.


I agree. That list does not define our TPE relationship. Most of it would annoy the fuck out of him and the idea that I should submit without question, even if that order causes harm, is ridiculous.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 7:46:52 AM)


ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

Does anyone here successfully have a lifestyle with any of the following traits:

<> Allowing oneself to be pulled away from existing friends and family. Social isolation is not emotionally healthy, so no.
<> All property is legally transferred to another. We consider ourselves married, so all assets are held mutually.
<> Every activity is chosen or approved by another. We tend to always know what the other is doing in big ways, not so much in small ways. He doesn't want or need to know what I'm having for lunch, or why I'm buying 2 cases of canning jars.
<> All finances are handled by another (admittedly common, even in vanilla marriages). He handles the money.
<> Wardrobe chosen by another. *I* chose his wardrobe as I buy all his clothes. I make specific choices if he has an important meeting or presentation or event. This is at his request. I do clothes well, he does not.
<> Permanently marked or tattooed by another. We are not marking, tattooing, piercing, type poeple, so no. (Less symbols, more names)
<> Unconditional submission. (If one said "pull the trigger" the other would, no questions asked or hesitation) Nothing about our relationship is unconditional, except for our love for one another.
<> Moving to a new state or country, leaving behind a job. He moved down from Alaska to North Carolina to be close enough to date me.
<> Being legally renamed. My current last name is my children's last name. If we were to legally wed and we wanted me to change my name to his, I would.
<> Other.

Do you worry about not having an exit strategy? How long did it take to build up to this level of devotion? For those who are not as extreme, do you take a "live and let live" or do you worry for their well being? This may sound naive, but we really don't need an exit strategy. We've dealt with things before and we will again, in the most fair and compassionate way possible for both concerned.




OsideGirl -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 7:56:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

Does anyone here successfully have a lifestyle with any of the following traits:

<> Allowing oneself to be pulled away from existing friends and family. - Family is extremely important to him and social isolation is unhealthy.
<> All property is legally transferred to another. - We're married - moot point.
<> Every activity is chosen or approved by another. - This would annoy the fuck out of him
<> All finances are handled by another (admittedly common, even in vanilla marriages). - He handles the finances
<> Wardrobe chosen by another. - This would annoy the fuck out of him
<> Permanently marked or tattooed by another. (Less symbols, more names) - He dislikes tattoos, etc
<> Unconditional submission. (If one said "pull the trigger" the other would, no questions asked or hesitation) - If I followed blindly without pointing out how it would fail or cause harm, he would walk away from me and find some one who uses their head.
<> Moving to a new state or country, leaving behind a job. - We were local to each other, so pretty much a moot point. But he's also smart enough to realize that if we moved somewhere that I could not get a job, he'd be handicapping us financially.
<> Being legally renamed. - We're married, I took his last name
<> Other.

Do you worry about not having an exit strategy? How long did it take to build up to this level of devotion? For those who are not as extreme, do you take a "live and let live" or do you worry for their well being?


We've been married for 11.5 years, together for 12.5 and have known each other for 15 years. The exit strategy isn't needed.



KnightofMists -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 8:07:42 AM)



<> Allowing oneself to be pulled away from existing friends and family.

Kyra moved away from all thefamily and friends she has known to be with me some 3000 miles and into another country to boot. However though she is pulled awayfrm them. The contact still remains and visit do happen on occassion.

Alandra moved with me when I took a different job that pulled her away from her family and friends. Though not as far as a distance as kyra and she still maintains contact with those relationships.


<> All property is legally transferred to another.

Nope. My name is on everything anyways. I find it easier to keep there name on property incase something happens to me.


<> Every activity is chosen or approved by another.

I have the ability to choose or approve any activity and do restrict and provide apsome protocols on what they do. In fact, just yesterday they asked if they could go out after work for wings with a friend.

<> All finances are handled by another (admittedly common, even in vanilla marriages).

Actually the girls do the book keeping. But I decide on how all the money gets spent.


<> Wardrobe chosen by another.

Everything they wear is approved by me. It does go in their closet unless I decide it's ok. Then they also have protocols to follow on what they where and when.


<> Permanently marked or tattooed by another. (Less symbols, more names)

I did a cutting on their leg of my symbol of ownership.


<> Unconditional submission. (If one said "pull the trigger" the other would, no questions asked or hesitation)

I don't believe in blind obedience.. Bt make no mistake no matter the questions or opinions.. They will pull the trigger.


<> Moving to a new state or country, leaving behind a job.

Kyra did this in a big way. As mooted above and both girls will do it again if required.


<> Being legally renamed.

Alandra has actually been legally renamed. Kind of happens when one gets married.

<> Other.

Too many things to list.



Do you worry about not having an exit strategy?

No.


How long did it take to build up to this level of devotion?

The girls would have to answer this. For me it seem to be from the time they vowed their obedience to me


For those who are not as extreme, do you take a "live and let live" or do you worry for their well being?

I don't consider us extreme. We live a very normal and ordinary life. Everyone else are extreme. We worry and concern ourselves about the well being of each other and our relationship.



Winterapple -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 8:30:57 AM)

Most of the things on your list are done by people all sorts of relationships not just
TPE and there are are people in TPE
relationships who probably don't do any
of those things.

I don't think TPE relationships are defined
as a sociopathic orge dominant grinding a
a robotic, lobotomized zombie submissive
into the ground til nothing exists but a few
faint traces of submissive dust.
There's fodder for fantasist and there are
people living their lives as they choose,
their functioning and content lives.




kitkat105 -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 8:38:26 AM)

Did you really compare TPE to the Sims?!


<> Allowing oneself to be pulled away from existing friends and family. Unsure what this would achieve. This is actually what people with narcissistic personality disorder do to their partners during domestic violence.

<> All property is legally transferred to another. Is there a prenup?

<> Every activity is chosen or approved by another. This sounds boring. What makes you think you can't have a power relationship, yet still have individual interests??

<> All finances are handled by another (admittedly common, even in vanilla marriages). We've decided it will be 'our' money once we're married, but basically I feel better him controlling the financial side of things. He's more qualified than me. [8D]

<> Wardrobe chosen by another. I kind of do this by accident. I always ask his opinion of clothes. You know, does my butt look big? [;)]

<> Permanently marked or tattooed by another. (Less symbols, more names) N/A in our situation

<> Unconditional submission. (If one said "pull the trigger" the other would, no questions asked or hesitation) No thanks. He always listens to my opinion on any situation. Whether it changes his mind is another thing. But there is a big difference between submission and being a mindless zombie.

<> Moving to a new state or country, leaving behind a job. Yup. I moved from a country town in Australia to the Bay area, California, 5 weeks ago today. [:D]

<> Being legally renamed. I'll take his surname when we get married.

Do you worry about not having an exit strategy? How long did it take to build up to this level of devotion? For those who are not as extreme, do you take a "live and let live" or do you worry for their well being?
No. I trust him implicitly. We communicate just like a regular relationship and my exit strategy would be the same as in a regular relationship breakdown.

I've heard of people on here taking porn as inspiration and thinking that's real life.. but a computer simulation game? I've heard it all!



Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 8:50:03 AM)

<> Allowing oneself to be pulled away from existing friends and family. Nope he encourages me to have friends, but we have moved across the country before and we both lost all of our close friends and had to start over.

<> All property is legally transferred to another. Everything we have we got together, so it is ours. When we met I was still living with my mother and when I moved in with him I had a bed and dresser.

<> Every activity is chosen or approved by another. Well I tell him anytime I am going somewhere even if he is at work. I want him to know where I am and who I am with. He does not require it.

<> All finances are handled by another (admittedly common, even in vanilla marriages). Yep he manages the money. I do get a portion to keep up the house.

<> Wardrobe chosen by another. No I swear the man has no sense of style. He often brings things out to me and asks if they match.

<> Permanently marked or tattooed by another. (Less symbols, more names) No, neither of us has tattoos.

<> Unconditional submission. (If one said "pull the trigger" the other would, no questions asked or hesitation) He would never ask that of me. If anything he would send me out of the room and pull the trigger himself.
<> Moving to a new state or country, leaving behind a job. I was in highschool when we met so no.
<> Being legally renamed. Yep, We married and I took his last name.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 9:53:18 AM)

I'm not sure I would label us as TPE, as ultimately there is always some power I don't give over to him - I wouldn't hurt someone else on his whim, for example, or do something that would result in me going to prison - but he would never ask those things of me because he is not a nutter and he loves me, so it's a moot point. Day to day he expects complete obedience though so I guess we effectively function as TPE... hmmmm.

But anyway, as for your list, I think I would be the dom if those were the criteria you judged us by.

-He moved from the US to the UK to be with me, and as such left all his family and friends behind, left his job etc.
-I do all the day to day money management.
-I buy all of his clothes and tell him what to wear if we are going out anywhere.
... you get the point.

Barring 'pull the trigger' he has the option to take control in any of those areas, but has no interest.

I think it's mostly fantasy, and I often wonder when people have profiles that talk about erasing the past etc, whether they ever get any interest. Someone who wanted to disappear, to give up their identity, to never make another decision and to be isolated from family and friends would worry me - what are they running away from?

I'm not worried about not having an exit strategy. There's always an exit strategy unless you're literally being imprisoned. I'm not being abused, so I'd have no reason to fear leaving if things got that bad. It's hard for me to comprehend what could happen that would make me want out though.



JeffBC -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 10:16:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
Barring 'pull the trigger' he has the option to take control in any of those areas, but has no interest.

Just as an aside, Carol and I find these extreme examples the easiest to dispose with. In any such ridiculously extreme example there are only really two choices. Either I've lost my mind totally or else there is a LOT going on in this situation which somehow makes "pulling the trigger" a better choice than not. Personally, my guess is that in any feasible situation it'd be pretty obvious why I wanted her to do so. Were that not true, I'd hope the very ludicrousness of it all would convince her. Most importantly, I'd really like to believe that she thinks I love her.

I think of this and all other similar examples as "strip in the restaurant" examples and I hope they are the easiest of all for Carol to deal with.



littlewonder -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 10:22:56 AM)

quote:

<> Allowing oneself to be pulled away from existing friends and family.


No, but if he felt a friend or family member was hurting me then he would for my sake and the sake of our relationship.

quote:

<> All property is legally transferred to another.


Since we're not married, no. Even so, what I own he owns.

quote:

<> Every activity is chosen or approved by another.


He has the right to choose whatever he wants or does not want for me. He does not want to micromanage me since it would be tedious but he expects me to choose activities he would approve of. If I chose something he did not then there would be consequences.
quote:


<> All finances are handled by another (admittedly common, even in vanilla marriages).


We don't live together but live a couple miles apart so we both handle our own but if he felt I was not handling mine well then there would be changes made. When I was married, I took care of all finances.
quote:


<> Wardrobe chosen by another.


He doesn't choose but expects me to dress in clothing that he would approve of. Now that's not to say there are not times he tells me what to wear due to certain activities. Plus I enjoy looking good for him.
quote:


<> Permanently marked or tattooed by another. (Less symbols, more names)


I swear I have permanent bruises that have never gone away lol. Other than that, not yet but I will in the near future.

quote:

<> Unconditional submission. (If one said "pull the trigger" the other would, no questions asked or hesitation)


Absolutely. But good thing is he's smart and rational and would not order me to do something that would kill me. It's a little thing called trust and I have complete trust in him.
quote:


<> Moving to a new state or country, leaving behind a job.


I did just that last year.

quote:

<> Being legally renamed.


We're not married, so no.

quote:

<> Other.


I am His slave. He does with me whatever he wants and I willingly obey. We both are happy with this arrangement and I would not have it any other way. He tells me what to do or not do and I obey no matter what it is..period. He owns me, body, heart and soul.

quote:

Do you worry about not having an exit strategy?


I would just leave. What other kind of exit strategy do you need?


quote:

How long did it take to build up to this level of devotion?


For me I think it was instant the first night I met him. There was just something about him that I could not hold back from him. And the longer we are together, the stronger that devotion becomes.

quote:

For those who are not as extreme, do you take a "live and let live" or do you worry for their well being?


We are "extreme" by others' standards. I don't view us as that and I never worry my well being with him. I feel more safe now than I ever have in my entire life.



BambiBoi -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 11:53:49 AM)

I'm not surprised that respondents in this forum are, for the vast majority, well balanced in their lifestyle. To be clear, I could have chose sharper words, as TPE is a complex topic with degrees of power being exchanged.

Thank you, Jeff, for an educated guess at a statistical showing.

Space, we are on the same page. I think I should have titled the thread "How many have sold their soul to Master Darklord McDomlidom."

I appreciate some of you giving me a glimpse into your life by comparing the fairly arbitrary checklist to how your dynamic operates. (Yes, Kitkat, I did compare TPE to The Sims. My threshold for which dynamics are properly labels as TPE is higher than most. I'm the sort of guy who never awards an 11 on a scale of 10, and "total" means "total." It is not an insult or a failing to me that a relationship isn't TPE, so I do hope no one who identifies as such saw this as me judging them.)

Littlewonder, I was surprised to see that for you (for anyone) so much devotion happened so quickly. Have you been so certain of other things in your life?






LadyPact -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 12:02:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
Barring 'pull the trigger' he has the option to take control in any of those areas, but has no interest.

Just as an aside, Carol and I find these extreme examples the easiest to dispose with. In any such ridiculously extreme example there are only really two choices. Either I've lost my mind totally or else there is a LOT going on in this situation which somehow makes "pulling the trigger" a better choice than not. Personally, my guess is that in any feasible situation it'd be pretty obvious why I wanted her to do so. Were that not true, I'd hope the very ludicrousness of it all would convince her. Most importantly, I'd really like to believe that she thinks I love her.

I think of this and all other similar examples as "strip in the restaurant" examples and I hope they are the easiest of all for Carol to deal with.

For what it's worth, I think I'm one of the few folks on the boards who have specifically said "pull the trigger" to My s type. Not in the immediate sense, but certain professions and/or situations warrant that when you know what the potentials are. If Carol was a cop in NYC, for example, I'm pretty sure you would tell her to do the same when confronted with some scenarios.




Kana -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 12:07:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

TPE: How rare is it? I know Total Power Exchange does not require the disappearance of individuality. I could not think of a more apt subject name, so please do not think the heading is material to the discussion.

Today I saw a post that basically read "I will own you, your past will be erased, you will be my chattel." I assume this meant as soon as the ink dries on the Be-My-Slave-Forever-Contract.

I grasp the practical challenges of this live version of The Sims, but is anyone involved in a similar scenario? When I read this, and its quite often that I do, I assume the author is indulging in fantasy. Please do not think that I am saying any one of these is necessarily wrong or bad.

Does anyone here successfully have a lifestyle with any of the following traits:

<> Allowing oneself to be pulled away from existing friends and family.
<> All property is legally transferred to another.
<> Every activity is chosen or approved by another.
<> All finances are handled by another (admittedly common, even in vanilla marriages).
<> Wardrobe chosen by another.
<> Permanently marked or tattooed by another. (Less symbols, more names)
<> Unconditional submission. (If one said "pull the trigger" the other would, no questions asked or hesitation)
<> Moving to a new state or country, leaving behind a job.
<> Being legally renamed.
<> Other.

Do you worry about not having an exit strategy? How long did it take to build up to this level of devotion? For those who are not as extreme, do you take a "live and let live" or do you worry for their well being?

See, the funny thing is that all those things in your list, none of em has anything to do with what constitutes a TPE.
they are just symptoms.
The TPE is a choice, a surrender made in the heart and mind...and the TPE is rooted in that ceding of control,that, duh, power exchange.
The things you are discussing, they are just physical manifestations and externalizations of the internal decision, that's all. So a TPE could have any or none of those things and still easily be considered a TPE



littlewonder -> RE: TPE: How rare is it? (8/9/2012 12:12:47 PM)

quote:

Littlewonder, I was surprised to see that for you (for anyone) so much devotion happened so quickly. Have you been so certain of other things in your life?


Yes. I trust my gut. It's rarely led me wrong. I also have a lot of experiences in this life that many have not had due to the life I have led so because of that I find it quite easy to read most people and situations.



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