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RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/12/2012 4:09:49 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberKathryn

I took BabiBoi's advice and updated my profile interests a bit. As far as ideas go, I do have fantasies I would love to play out but I find myself worrying far too much during the situation. Am I doing this right? What if something goes wrong? Is he into what I'm doing? Etc I feel I live too much in my own head at times.

Yes, the confidence to just be you is easier said than done, particularly as there's expectations on the Dom/me and esp from within. Practise makes perfect and all that.

Bear in mind that the average male sub has difficulty even finding a Domme so I'm sure they'd understand an initial lack of experience or confidence. This is where open communication is important beforehand and after. Everybody started somewhere and only arseholes try to hide a lack of experience and honesty with over-confidence, even bravado....

The worst sex I ever had was first time. Wellll, maybe not, but the largely self-imposed pressure of that time still makes it feel so....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to RubberKathryn)

Post #: 21

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/12/2012 4:33:35 PM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberKathryn

I took BabiBoi's advice and updated my profile interests a bit. As far as ideas go, I do have fantasies I would love to play out but I find myself worrying far too much during the situation. Am I doing this right? What if something goes wrong? Is he into what I'm doing? Etc I feel I live too much in my own head at times.

You won't be disappointed, Kathryn-san.

Of your updates, after controlling for elements that don't lend themselves to play (physics, mathematics, archeology), object that are worn, and activities you only tolerate, we have:

Massage (Getting)
Ass Play
Bondage
Chastity
Female Supremacy
Cuckolding

I'd like to start with ass play because it requires foreplay. This means by its nature it is a production. Lets see what happens if we slow that production down to enjoy every little element.

You produce a big dildo and slap his masked face. (He might be tied in bondage, the same slow methodical process applies there). Explain what it is. "This is my big rubber cock. I am your Mistress, but its name is Master. Do you want to please Master?" Explain that his mouth is zipped shut until you deign to entertain yourself with it. (Assuming he is wearing a gag, gas mask, zipper, etc.) Ask him what how else he is going to entertain your big rubber dick. Since he's gagged, all he can do is mumble. Put it in his hand, make him jerk it off for a moment. Laugh at him because Master will never be satiated by his terrible handjob.

Drag it down his body, slap his buns on the side, nearer the hip with it. Verbally suggest. "Will this work? Will your cute buns entertain Master?" His muffled "yeff mifftwess." Slap his buns again, right between the cheeks. Remind him that you already knew the answer because he is a toy, and now Master's bitch. Squeeze his ass and tug the cheeks apart. But he's still wearing rubber or latex. Explain how that's a problem. "Master can't fill your boyhole with these pants." Press the head of the cock to his star hole despite his pants. Put your hand over his bottom, two fingers lightly tapping that sensitive spot, like tapping a desk waiting for a clerk. "What to do... I know. We only need to open you enough to pleasure Master." Reach down, cup the eager rod (that might be in chastity applied through the same slow method), and drag your hand back, looking for the zipper or buckle or whatever closes his pants. "Your suit is perfect because it was built to let you pleasure Master without being undressed. Then when we're done we just hose you off and zip you up!"

Unzip him, press the toy to his ass again. "Looks like Master's bitch isn't wet enough to please him...What can we do about that?" Walk over to him, face close to his. "What do you need for Master's pleasure and my entertainment?" He spits out "hube." Compliment him with a caring light palm slap on the face. "Good boy. Ask nicely for lube to make your hole fun for everybody." Make him repeat it until he spits out a full sentence. He'll start with "Mifftwess hay I pwease hab hube?" but you want to hear an explanation as to what its for. Why he needs it. Where he needs it.

So you lube up his bottom and press the toy to it again. Toy with him as the head slowly opens him up. Then stop, bring the dildo back to his hand. "Hold my big rubber dick. You forgot to lube it up." Drizzle lube then grab the dildo. Tell him to pump his fist up and down, getting it ready. Depending on how much forced-bi you're into this is a great time to call him a fluffler.

At this point, a goal oriented person could say you've unzipped his pants and lubed Rod A and Socket B. But by breaking down each step you teased and built a scene. It's a little harder to do on the spot, but any act can be broken into its components.

After a cold shower maybe I'll take a stab at another kink from your list so you can get a better idea as to how I fill a scene by delighting in details. This approach increases the depth of what you already know how to do. If your were looking for a list of new things to try, I suggest buying a kink.com subscription. They tend to do great work.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to RubberKathryn)

Post #: 22

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/12/2012 4:44:07 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Fast Reply...

OP, maybe you are too hung up on having to top and deliver something, maybe you're just a rubber fetishist? Nothing wrong with that, it seems that for you the whole domination thing is more of a chore than something you're really itching to do, so why force yourself? Or if you think you may want to do it, just do what you like, or have them do to you what you like them to do - maybe you just enjoy wearing rubber and being served by somebody in rubber, well, in that case, he can bring you drinks, massage you a bit (difficult through the rubber though) shine your latex while you are wearing it.... Go with the flow.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 23

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 2:17:41 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Right here, bro.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

You say you are "most certainly a dominant and a top" (dominant would cover both, to me)

Focus.

Whoa, even with bolding it still doesn't say they're the same thing, because..... Hell, if you didn't read or couldn't understand my last post on the matter, that's your deficiency "bro".

Focus.

No. You say they cover both, then they honestly don't. A person being a Dominant does not necessarily also make them a top. Just because you have always been both does not mean that applies to everyone. Perhaps you should expand your horizons, rather than come to this board to display such limited knowledge.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 24

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 6:01:39 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

No. You say *they* cover both, then they honestly don't. A person being a Dominant does not necessarily also make them a top. Just because you have always been both does not mean that applies to everyone. Perhaps you should expand your horizons, rather than come to this board to display such limited knowledge.

Wrong - AGAIN...! I said only one (dominant) covers both - not "top" and not "they". Fair dinkum. you're like some vegetarian dog who won't or can't let the bone go. Gotta be all about you all the time - either right or never wrong. pfft

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 25

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 6:13:48 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

No worries, Focus. I'm sure the girl in your collar allows for you thinking it's all about you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 26

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 6:22:20 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

No. You say *they* cover both, then they honestly don't. A person being a Dominant does not necessarily also make them a top. Just because you have always been both does not mean that applies to everyone. Perhaps you should expand your horizons, rather than come to this board to display such limited knowledge.

Wrong - AGAIN...! I said only one (dominant) covers both - not "top" and not "they". Fair dinkum. you're like some vegetarian dog who won't or can't let the bone go. Gotta be all about you all the time - either right or never wrong. pfft

Focus.

How about a masochistic dominant who instructs the submissive how to top him and inflict the pain the masochistic dominant wants? The submissive will top and the dominant will bottom, the dominant still dominates even if not topping. It does actually happen.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 27

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 7:09:39 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

How about a masochistic dominant who instructs the submissive how to top him and inflict the pain the masochistic dominant wants? The submissive will top and the dominant will bottom, the dominant still dominates even if not topping. It does actually happen.

Geeezus, no wonder your neighbours programme their cats to harass you...! ;)

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 28

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 7:24:14 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Just because you haven't encountered something doesn't mean it doesn't exist, I tend to hang out with quite a few masochists (for some weird reason, who'd think they'd be drawn to a sadist), quite a lot of them are not submissive, doesn't bother me in a play partner, one of them is extremely dominant with a submissive girlfriend, he asked me to show her a few things he enjoys, just because he bottoms doesn't make him less of a dominant.

Don't you fall a bit into the trap of "A dominant is only allowed to...."?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 29

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 7:40:48 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

Kathryn... attend demos, classes.. educate yourself.. it will build your confidence.. take a class in safety.. take a class in begining rope bondage..locally we have an event called Beyond Vanilla here in Texas which is geared in part to introduce those people who are new to the lifestyle to begining skill sets.. its very hands on... you dont need a partner to go with just a willingness to listen and learn..

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 30

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 9:50:06 AM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Rubber T-Rex play.
Oh hell yes, it needs to be done.

Spanking somebody dressed in rubber while an old Marc Bolan record plays in the background?
Kinky.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 31

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 12:22:44 PM

PrincessDonna11

Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline

If you ever get the thoughts then WRITE them down so you can look over it again,odd that the thoughts dont just come to you but thats why I dont really do "scenes" I just "feel like doin something and do it.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 32

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 12:33:45 PM

pyschosubmission

Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Rubber T-Rex play.
Oh hell yes, it needs to be done.

Spanking somebody dressed in rubber while an old Marc Bolan record plays in the background?
Kinky.

That statement is Win, wrapped in awesome and sprinkled with epicness

_____________________________

Comedian, kinkster, all round malingerer

Lord Pish of Talkingshite
First Member-At-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to bighappygoth39)

Post #: 33

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 12:34:38 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyschosubmission

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Rubber T-Rex play.
Oh hell yes, it needs to be done.

Spanking somebody dressed in rubber while an old Marc Bolan record plays in the background?
Kinky.

That statement is Win, wrapped in awesome and sprinkled with epicness

BRILLIANT!!! I think it was on Fetl that someone mentioned doing TRex play... which sounded every colour of awesome to me.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to pyschosubmission)

Post #: 34

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 2:00:03 PM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Fast Reply...

OP, maybe you are too hung up on having to top and deliver something, maybe you're just a rubber fetishist?

I was thinking the same thing ^^... For Me, the dominance come first (it's who I am), the toys and the fetishes second. Maybe your primary "inkling" for lack of a better term is the fetish, you like rubber. Enjoy that part of it and the topping creative part will come.

edited to add- I like your pic as well!!!

< Message edited by Kaiel -- 8/13/2012 2:01:08 PM >

_____________________________

I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 35

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 4:00:42 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Just because you haven't encountered something doesn't mean it doesn't exist, I tend to hang out with quite a few masochists (for some weird reason, who'd think they'd be drawn to a sadist), quite a lot of them are not submissive, doesn't bother me in a play partner, one of them is extremely dominant with a submissive girlfriend, he asked me to show her a few things he enjoys, just because he bottoms doesn't make him less of a dominant.

So these masochistic dominant types - they'd represent the majority of dom/mes you know? Or maybe half? Because anything less than half invites the reasonable question of what exactly is your point. That there's exceptions to every "rule"?

Even in such an abrasive and unwelcoming Forum as this, a 58yo male can't get some miniscule of credit for actually knowing that, already?

quote:

Don't you fall a bit into the trap of "A dominant is only allowed to...."?

No, I fall more into a "trap" of even bothering to post in Ask a Mistress, knowing full well that certain people just can't help themselves in being overtly difficult and contrary in trying to find fault. Even if they have to generate and assign the fault, themselves.

And this is usually where the wagons are circled and the cavalry comes a charging.... <shrugs>

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 36

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 4:11:06 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I didn't say anywhere that dominant masochists are the rule, you claimed that dominant and top are the same, I said not always, just like LP did. Then you come back and claim that half of them have to be or it doesn't count, what kind of hogwash is that?

Well Mistress Focus, we certainly shall miss you, but nevermind, I am pretty sure some other troll will come along and tell us how to do it right.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 37

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 4:25:50 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

While I'm also lucky enough to have a Dominant friend who is a masochist and a wonderful play partner, I really was going for the angle that not all Dominants happen to top. Not in a top/bottom sense, anyway. Being a Dominant doesn't necessarily mean that one will be both. A really bad misconception that leads folks to believe that Dominants that *don't* top are somehow less than their fellows that do happen to be both.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 38

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/13/2012 11:30:23 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberKathryn

I think another problem is I don't watch a lot of BDSM porn; this has to be where a lot people get there fantasies and ideas from.

I'd say the real problem is you seem to have this idea that you need to make a scene a porno video. By that, I mean you seem to think you need all this wild stuff to hold the other persons interest,

By and large, the most powerful experiences I've had didn't involve any unusual toys or situations. It was about the interplay between me and the other person, and the dynamic we had between us. If you connect with the other person emotionally, nothing else much matters. if you don't connect emotionally, the items in your toy box don't matter much.

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 39

RE: Seeking advice from fellow dominant top ladies - 8/14/2012 4:08:53 AM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

Very true, but that isn't just a fetish/perv thing. A lot of guys take their basic grasp of how teh sexy works from pornography, so it shouldn't be a surprise that guys who are into bdsm would have the same problem. If these are the cues that Kathryn is getting from her partner, it's easy to see how that could lead to confusion.

No argument at all that that there's a big difference between between one off play with interesting strangers and a relationship where a power exchange is part of the foundation, though. It's very worrying how many people (both tops and bottoms) don't seem to be able to grasp that those aren't anything like the same thing.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 40

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