What is the best method of cultivating the human-to-human relationship first?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> What is the best method of cultivating the human-to-human relationship first?

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What is the best method of cultivating the human-to-hum... - 8/11/2012 10:45:05 PM

thelandedgentry

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/21/2006
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Dear Mistresses/Dommes/Ladies,

On the occasions where I attempt to open up a dialogue with one of you, my approach is of a random person to random person, like if you were on a blind date, instead of leading with anything S&M'ish. The approach has been successful on some occasions, but on others, not so much. In the circumstances where 'not so much' prevailed, I don't know if it was the lead, or frankly just me. :P

So where do you fall? My personal view is that a good relationship will be tough if we cannot start out at least being friends, or enjoying each other's company. That being said, maybe I am completely wrong.

What say you?

(apologies for lack of D/domme syntax in typing; I make more sense when I just...type)

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/11/2012 10:50:40 PM

OrgasmeDeni

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/11/2012
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"In the circumstances where 'not so much' prevailed, I don't know if it was the lead, or frankly just me. :P"

It could have been either. Or it could have been that she'd had a dozen other messages and yours just happened to come after some real doozies. Or she's just having a cranky day. Or maybe she just isn't responding to anyone right now. Just keep being polite, relate on a human to human basis and you'll end up doing fine.

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/11/2012 11:25:43 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
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Dude, it's online. Only a small percentage of the people you write to will respond, and you'll never know why people didn't. Just be yourself.

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/11/2012 11:50:24 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thelandedgentry

... The approach has been successful on some occasions, but on others, not so much. In the circumstances where 'not so much' prevailed, I don't know if it was the lead, or frankly just me. :P

It's the way of the world. Nobody bats 1000.

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 2:57:08 AM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

The reality here is that without a profile picture most people won't even write you back to say "fuck off."

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 8:03:27 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Yanno........I am looking for a job. Not just any old job, but a better job than the one I have now. The one I have now is okay, but the time has come.

I've had half a dozen interviews and turned down several jobs. Yesterday I got a 'thanks but no thanks' for a job I REALLY wanted. Sure I am mildly bummed. But it's not personal. I know this. I don't have much of any of the facts as to why I wasn't the person for that position. What I do know, it's a company with over 400 employees. It is a position that is highly coveted. There were people that were already employees applying. I had a great interview, the guy even gave me his personal contact information in case I had questions. I've already interviewed for two other positions with the company, one I got the same letter but I do know why. The other, after I was given the job description, I regretfully declined.

You see, I am determined to get a job with this company. I really like what I know about them and they are growing. I don't expect it to happen immediately. I am impatient certainly but I am not getting discouraged or quitting. I keep checking their website for available positions and applying for those that interest me. I don't whine or get an attitude when I don't get the results I hope for. I stay positive and in the game.

Get the idea?

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 11:00:48 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I agree about the profile pic. Even though 90% of the users on the other side uses pics that aren't theirs. Still it is good to have an image with a message. Now that being said, your human to human approach is the best way. We are dominant yet we are women first. Start out any other way you would in real life. Definitely read profiles to see if there are any inclinations as to how she would like to be approached.

Also, you don't have to do the whole typing "dom/sub" typing crap. Just use proper grammar and punctuation when needed. I am still getting out of the habit of typing "Me" instead of just plain old "me". I found once I came over here (to collarchat) that all that theatrical typing was needed.

(totally off subject but for you who participated in the "words" thread, I think inclination was one of My words, if not it is now and I used it!!

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 12:53:25 PM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

(totally off subject but for you who participated in the "words" thread, I think inclination was one of My words, if not it is now and I used it!!

+5 points. To respond to your point about D/dominant case typing, I find it very distracting in introductory emails. The kind of owner I want doesn't want me to crawl in to say hello. They want me to walk in, introduce myself, and when they say kneel I will sink to my knees. For that reason I never start with referring to myself as "i." If it becomes apparent that our chats are flirting with the idea that I should serve, and the case thing is important to my owner, I will change. (I'm still terrible with it, and my iPhone gets very upset when I submit to anyone but the iGods...iIdols?).

When I write to a prospective master or mistress I seem to include some "if it would please you to..." language. I think its a classy way to recognize their status without giving up all your footing at once.

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 12:57:50 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrgasmeDeni

"In the circumstances where 'not so much' prevailed, I don't know if it was the lead, or frankly just me. :P"

It could have been either. Or it could have been that she'd had a dozen other messages and yours just happened to come after some real doozies. Or she's just having a cranky day. Or maybe she just isn't responding to anyone right now. Just keep being polite, relate on a human to human basis and you'll end up doing fine.

Or maybe "she's" a "he". There's a lot of that going on around here.

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 2:11:16 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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It could also be that she wonders why she's getting a message out of the blue with some comment about something she might not be interested in?

The current trend seems to be asking "Hi, how are you today" - I really don't want to start a conversation and just delete usually, not being offensive but if that is what a person comes up with, what should I say? "Fine" or try and strike up a conversation just for the sake of it? Not really into that.

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Those who do and those who don't!

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 2:17:08 PM

smartsub10

Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
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quote:

The current trend seems to be asking "Hi, how are you today" - I really don't want to start a conversation and just delete usually, not being offensive but if that is what a person comes up with, what should I say? "Fine" or try and strike up a conversation just for the sake of it? Not really into that.

I'm sorry that happens to you but so relieved I'm not the only one who has to deal with the "hi, how are you" messages. I get tons of them.

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 2:24:11 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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It's odd, it's a really recent thing, that and "Hey, remember me?" From people I have never heard before

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 2:37:08 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thelandedgentry

Dear Mistresses/Dommes/Ladies,

On the occasions where I attempt to open up a dialogue with one of you, my approach is of a random person to random person, like if you were on a blind date, instead of leading with anything S&M'ish. The approach has been successful on some occasions, but on others, not so much. In the circumstances where 'not so much' prevailed, I don't know if it was the lead, or frankly just me. :P

So where do you fall? My personal view is that a good relationship will be tough if we cannot start out at least being friends, or enjoying each other's company. That being said, maybe I am completely wrong.

What say you?

(apologies for lack of D/domme syntax in typing; I make more sense when I just...type)

When all else fails, follow the directions:
Ask A Mistress FAQ - READ THIS FIRST

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RE: What is the best method of cultivating the human-to... - 8/12/2012 10:21:05 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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This being online, of course first contact will be online. I like to move to real time a.s.a.p. That's what I did with both my submissive and my play partner. When we do that, I do it just like regular dating.

I like to know that I can click with someone in a vanilla way before moving on to the kinky stuff, since I want a "whole relationship" that includes love & kisses AND kink, but not based on just kink and sex. More love & kisses with the submissive than the play partner in my case, not that I don't care greatly for the latter, because I do.

As for online, I will answer pretty much every letter except for the ones that say nothing more than "Hi" or "Hi, how r u?" Those I don't waste my time on if they can't think of anything more than that to say, since they make it very obvious they didn't bother taking the time to actually read my profile.

NBMG

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