Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave

Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (Full Version)

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focalss -> Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 8:34:24 PM)
I am wondering after most of my life in the closet how those who have been outed or whose friends, co workers, etc know you are a submissive slave have been affected by it or how your job has been affected by it. If your dominant has shown you off or told other people has anything negative resulted or has your family found out and if so how did they react?

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 8:39:44 PM)
I have the BDSM logo tattooed on my lower back. Sometimes people notice. I'm also out with my immediate family (which is kinda hard to avoid when you move across an ocean to move in with a 45 year old dude and his wife). I've always been out with certain colleagues. I don't consider somebody a friend unless they are at the very least kink friendly. I've never had any problems, consequences, of negative results due to being out. My family wasn't really surprised when I was outed. They'd expect worse from me than that. My friends the same. Co-workers whom I outed myself to mostly tended to be extremely curious and fascinated. People who've recognized my tattoo either where already in the known, or just really curious.

sexyred1 -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 8:42:23 PM)
Being outed was never an issue since I don't share my personal life with strangers, co workers or my family. They know if I am dating someone, but the details are not necessary for them to know.

BambiBoi -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 9:03:36 PM)
I was threatened with blackmail with pictures that may or may not actually exist. I walked away from that relationship instantly, leaving quite a few treasured toys behind. Because fuck that noise. I've never seen negative implications the few times someone was outed at work or in school. The collective mindset was "well, that's unique, maybe even fun, it was terribly inappropriate for Fuckface over there to say something. Does that mean we should take lunch now?

threadbare -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 9:18:00 PM)
Makes me wonder how I'd react in that situation? Of a dominant partner outting me/us with or without talking first? I'd gulp pretty damn hard were it family or work. I'd be pissed. Friends are another story. I've been spotted. More than once conversations have turned darker corners. A wink-nudge from a friend of "..and I know you(me) know what <i>that's</i> like." Their "that's" has referenced a few things. (acts, dom or items that were relatively tame) But I'm coy at that point, let them keep talking. Anyway, it doesnt make me feel threatened. They're cool. Non-judgey. And apparently like minded. :)

SacredDepravity -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 9:23:32 PM)
If someone's dumbassery outted me, there wouldn't be a hole deep enough. SD

FrostedFlake -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 9:47:52 PM)
Not an issue. I have one of the best Taekwondo instructors in the World.

littlewonder -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 9:53:45 PM)
It hasn't affected anything at all in my life. Those who know I'm submissive were not surprised. It has never been a big deal. I don't go around shouting it from the rooftops but I don't hide it either and if someone happens to find out or ask, I tell them. I've yet to have it be a problem yet and I don't see it causing one either. So I'm submissive to my man. So what? So I like to have kinky sex? So what?

lizi -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/13/2012 10:41:24 PM)
There are 3 people close to me who know I am submissive because I told them, they were concerned at first because they thought it meant abuse, but they grew to understand it meant nothing of the sort and we don't even talk about it anymore. It's just part of the scenery. No one at work knows and will ever know. My Dom would never put me in an awkward situation by discussing anything to do with our private life, he'd be horrified if I somehow paid a price for him having loose lips. My family knows nothing and never will. In short, I have a private life that is private and always will be. I have no need to advertise what I do in my relationship with a man. If things came out I'd never be ashamed or lie, but it's not going to happen.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 3:17:12 AM)
It has affected my life in what I thought were some pretty disastrous ways, but I've since realized that if people want to listen to someone else's spin on things and not my own, well ... are they going to listen when something really important happens? Probably not. Sad, but not the end of the world. And by the way, if it were a DOM I was involved with, there wouldn't be a relationship anymore. I'd hope there wasn't one in the first place. I like to think I can spot dishonorable people pretty well.

IrishMist -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 6:43:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss I am wondering after most of my life in the closet how those who have been outed or whose friends, co workers, etc know you are a submissive slave have been affected by it or how your job has been affected by it. If your dominant has shown you off or told other people has anything negative resulted or has your family found out and if so how did they react? I have never worried about being 'outed'. I do not advertise my life, but if asked, I am completely honest with my answers. As I said once before, if a person has a problem with the answers, that's their issue, not mine. While not a submissive or slave in the context that you are referring to, I generally, in personal relationships, prefer that someone else 'be in charge'. With that said, I work with men...there is not a singe woman on my team other than myself...what's more, I am the only woman in my whole dept. Most of them know about me simply because they asked, I answered. They have no problem with it, what's more, they have never tried to take advantage of it. That could be because they know I could take them out in a heartbeat, but mainly it's because they respect me, just as I respect them. Being outed does not have to be the big clusterfuck that everyone assumes it will be. It's YOUR actions and reactions that determine the outcome, not theirs.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 6:48:19 AM)
That's not always true, IM. Someone destroys your home because of their prejudice, the house is still in ashes, and you have to rebuild or move.

IrishMist -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 7:01:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss That's not always true, IM. Someone destroys your home because of their prejudice, the house is still in ashes, and you have to rebuild or move. You must know some pretty strange co-workers,friends and family if they are the kind to set your house on fire simply because you are a submissive or slave personality.

mnottertail -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 7:11:10 AM)
Yeah, this sort of thing really is just so.................ERMYGERD. You would treat it about the same way you treat being outted for eating scrambled eggs, or having diarrhea, it don't need much talkin, move on.

focalss -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 7:30:42 AM)
Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 7:56:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss That's not always true, IM. Someone destroys your home because of their prejudice, the house is still in ashes, and you have to rebuild or move. You must know some pretty strange co-workers,friends and family if they are the kind to set your house on fire simply because you are a submissive or slave personality. I am thinking that she means being involved in BDSM is NOT a happy happy for many families or congregations, and some folks are private for damn good reasons.

OsideGirl -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 8:16:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Being outed was never an issue since I don't share my personal life with strangers, co workers or my family. They know if I am dating someone, but the details are not necessary for them to know. And the person I'm with knows that this is a non-negotiable point with me. If someone had attempted to out me, they'd be gone so fast they wouldn't know what hit them.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 8:22:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Being outed does not have to be the big clusterfuck that everyone assumes it will be. It's YOUR actions and reactions that determine the outcome, not theirs. It can even be a bigger clusterfuck than you imagine it to be, and nope, it's not YOUR actions that determine the outcome, some of us might have family members who would react strongly, some might lose their jobs and their existence due to being outed (and "involvement in BDSM" is not something they give as a reason, all of a sudden things might just get a bit more difficult), depending where you live, you might not be able to move and your neighbors see fit to make your life miserable because you are one of those "freaks". I seriously wouldn't take it too lightly, if you don't mind being out, that's your thing, but others circumstances can be dramatically different.

SlipSlidingAway -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 8:29:13 AM)
If someone 'outted' me, I guess it would depend on what they outted. I'm a submisssive woman, but not to everyone- not by a long shot. Right now, not living in a D/s relationship. But, when I was, it was pretty apparent that I did not wear the pants, if you know what I mean. It was just our relationship dynamic, and it was pretty much always the same. There was not much to "out" there. I enjoyed taking good care of my man, I pampered him (at least my most standards), and if he asked for something I was on it. It was just the way things were. Friends and family might make comments, but they were good natured and a non-issue. End of story. Now, as for outing the kinky bits? I'd be pissed. But, not really anymore so than I would be if the private part of any sexual relationship was inappropriately shared with others without my knowledge or agreement. Sex, kinky or not, is a private matter to me. I don't want what's going on behind closed vanilla doors broadcast anymore than I do the D/s bits. To put it simply, it's nobody else's business.

IrishMist -> RE: Being outed or others knowing you are a sub/slave (8/14/2012 10:02:18 AM)
quote: It can even be a bigger clusterfuck than you imagine it to be, and nope, it's not YOUR actions that determine the outcome We will have to agree to disagree [:)]

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