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RE: For new subs. - 8/18/2012 6:20:30 PM

SWDesertDom

Posts: 231
Joined: 4/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

What? You really need to give some examples here, because I have no idea what you are talking about. I have posted plenty of criticisms of dating on CM, which I have used off and on for years. But, other than scammer profiles, almost all the women I've spoken with, and met, have been honest and direct.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Rejecting you isn't passive aggressive.

I do understand that getting either a no thanks, or no response is frustrating but it is not an example of passive aggressive behavior. It's straight forward rejection.

And if you can't deal with it then maybe you don't belong online,. Moreover if this is your response to aggression, then it tells me that you are overinvested in getting a response from this person. You don't know them. You may be imagining that they would be a perfect partner for you judging by a two paragraph profile but that's your fantasy. It is not reality.

Honestly, if you can't just send a quick email without worrying over it and thinking about it over and over, then you need to learn healthier boundaries. And, once you have them, you'll discover that you will get more responses and from a higher caliber of partner who is equally healthy.

No thanks is not passive agressive. "Deleted unread" is. No response is. Talking to someone for several weeks and then an abrupt "user has blocked you" or the cone of silence is. I can handle rejection just fine. It feels a whole lot better than being treated like you don't exist.

I understand there are legitimate reasons for it. In fact it's a vicious circle. Because half the e-mails I send (unsolicited) will never be read, and presumably similar results apply to others (yes, I know that you can preview an email by hovering over it), the impetus for writing a well crafted e-mail is pretty low (I try anyway). If you know your opening e-mail will probably never be read, why would you want to spend 15-20 minutes crafting something unique and personal? Therefore female submissives are besieged by a tide of cut/paste e-mail. If you know the only way to catch someone's attention is to cast as wide a net as possible, you'll do so in an efficient manner.

On one hand, the female submissives are besieged by a tide of morons, assholes, trolls and sock puppets (not to mention cock shots). On the other end, the male doms have to find some way to stand out from that tide of crap, and it's not necessarily easy. Dealing with all of that is frustrating, and in response, some (ordinary) people are going to behave poorly. Ignoring people may be the easiest form of rejection to manage, but it's still rude. After being rude (in a mild way) to people all day long, it shouldn't really be a surprise that some people are rude back (not to mention, the assholes, ever present, are ALWAYS going to be rude, it's why they're here). I also understand that the assholes tend to latch onto any response, and hurl insults.

I am, in fact, having some measure of success, but that doesn't mean I haven't had to pour an enormous amount of effort into it. If I spent 20 minutes a day on the site, I'd never have even gotten to the point of getting any real response by now.

The point of the original topic was "How I know you are a shitty dom" The point of my post is if you've already made clear (and likely in a mildly rude manner) that someone has Zero future with you, it's hardly unexpected when they are rude back. To them, it's probably the equivalent of pounding their fists into the wall in frustration (after all, you've already made clear that bridge is long since burned).

(in reply to DesFIP)