RE: What if he won't stop arguing?

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RE: What if he won't stop arguing? - 8/17/2012 6:35:31 AM

cloudboy

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It could be a personality thing i.e. a misalignment of temperaments and perspectives between you. For instance a cross examining person is not well suited to a defensive person.

In your case what's troubling is the guy defending a bad position, the use of cock shots. That's damning in-and-of-itself. The weight of evidence is really against him. Your suggestion to him is similar to saying, "its best not to argue with a police officer when he pulls you over." Anyone arguing this point should at least know he's being irrational.

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RE: What if he won't stop arguing? - 8/17/2012 8:47:05 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

I tried to put an end to it a couple of times, but he just doesn't let off until I'm so frustrated that I get pissed at him instead

There have been a few good suggestions for putting an end to an argument. What I often do is pick a short, succinct position and keep repeating it and not add anything new.

In your case, I might have kept pasting a link to a thread here in which women are overwhelming negative about cock shots.

For example, "Women are overwhelming negative about cock shots: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4208944/tm.htm "

(It's not the best thread, but it's the most recent)

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RE: What if he won't stop arguing? - 8/17/2012 8:56:03 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I had a lawyer who was a fantastic sub, though I admit he was rather testy during the trial period, so to speak. (I *do* crack myself up with these puns).

I have to assume a lawyer wanting to sub would be quite a bit like me in terms of being a very dual personality, so either very dom or very sub, not a lot of in between. Not the easiest person to dominant, but a very rewarding one to dominant once you get them into a dynamic you can both agree on. Expect the negotiations to take some time.

This man is testing you to see if you are strong enough to be his dom. Yes, it can be seen as rather childish, but it's been my experience *most* subs test their potential dom in some way.

Although I love a lively debate between mature individuals willing to agree to disagree in the end, this is not what it sounds like is happening. I don't engage in pissing contests, and you shouldn't either.

The next time he begins arguing say: "Oh, you are arguing." Hang up the phone or close the chat window.

Do not engage in any further conversation of any kind for at least 24 hours. When you do engage say "Are you done arguing?" If he says yes, proceed as normal. Do not refer to the argument in any way. If he says no, disengage again. He will get the message or go away.

This has worked very well with a friend of mine, that has visited, we did consider the posibility of an M/s relationship but realized that her life made it impossible to relocate full time.......so we are just friends. Yet, there is a hint of the dynamic. The only thing that works with her, when she wants to argue, debate, or even piss and whine to change my mind......is sometimes just shut it down. In time, I will either get a text, call, or IM.......apologizing.

It may take a few tries, or more than a few........but at some point he will get it and push you less and less. IF......you remain consistent.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: What if he won't stop arguing? - 8/17/2012 11:06:10 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Joined: 8/15/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

(fast reply)

It takes two to argue.

Wickad

So very, very, true. ^^^^

I really am not into arguing for the sake of it. Or arguing at all, really. My haven does not have raised voices. I will just refuse to engage, so if it's an online chat, "we'll talk later" CLICK. In real time, I can shut that stuff down INSTANTLY.

It's fun to talk and discuss ideas. It's not fun to have every direction questioned. It's not fun to have every idea picked apart. That sort of thing really implies a lack of respect for the other person's intellect. It might not be conscious disrespect, but it IS there, that "I'm smarter than you, and I will have the last word".

Intellectual arrogance is NOT a good quality. I had it when I was young, and didn't even realize it until it was pointed out to me.

Speaking as a dominant---it's a sign that a person is not a good match for me as a submissive, a friend, or anything else.

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RE: What if he won't stop arguing? - 8/17/2012 11:25:54 AM

Tantriqu

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Joined: 12/29/2006
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He sounds like a twitchy switch to me!

It can also be a control-freak or narcissistic problem.
I had a lawyer try to pull stuff with constantly being late. Yes, we all have responsibilities, but apparently everyone put up with his doing that [the type that never wears a watch and expects everyone else to keep track of his time]. He was very surprised when I pulled the plug 'just for that'.

I agree: warn him what will happen, back up your warnings with a correction such as no contact for 48 hours. If he still can't change and it's no fun for you: long past time to walk away.

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