collared but allowed to play ....

collared but allowed to play .... (Full Version)

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elsie -> collared but allowed to play .... (6/10/2006 5:31:51 PM)
Hello, i just have a question about a friend of mine who is having a small dilemma. She is collared but it's not a 24/7 type of thing, She has been given permission to play, by her Master, with a suitable partner as he is not able to be there for her all the time. What i would like to know is, why is it she will get responses to her profile but when she informs whomever, that she is collared with expressed permission to seek a casual play partner and also let's them know she not only belongs to the BDSM lifestyle but is a swinger too, these "Doms" just disappear with out even a "sorry, not what i'm looking for". Are they just rude? wannabes? what's the deal? Thank you for your responses in advance, elsie aka nara, owned and devoted to Mistress Tmtashn

Estring -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/10/2006 5:38:43 PM)
She should explain her situation in her profile.

leatherorlace -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/10/2006 6:02:36 PM)
I agree since, I found some contradictions between the post and profile. Gentry quote: ORIGINAL: Estring She should explain her situation in her profile.

marieToo -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/10/2006 6:20:55 PM)
Fast reply to OP: In my experience I have found that most do not want an involvement with a collared person, regardless of your claims to be a swinger or whatever else.

theRose4U -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/10/2006 6:33:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo Fast reply to OP: In my experience I have found that most do not want an involvement with a collared person, regardless of your claims to be a swinger or whatever else. I would agree with this. If someone is collered that's that...not interested in someone elses sloppy seconds. The reality is that lots of dominants by our very nature are selfish we want it all and what you have to offier isn't that.

CrappyDom -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/10/2006 9:04:22 PM)
I think the swinger thing may frighten some little people away. In addition, I consider collars to quite often be signs of stupidity, certainly not always but for people to wear collars of people they are not living with, well in my personal experience it is a red flag. BEFORE I GET FLAMED TO DEATH, I REALIZE THERE ARE MANY WHO DO JUST THAT, WOO HOO FOR YOU! For me, unless you are a really hotshot dominant, letting others who are local play with a submissive you can't spend enough time with, well...it can work, has worked, but far more often...somebody is looking for a new neck for their now empty collar. As for what this woman should do, explain it all on her profile clearly and those who don't like it will stop responding, if they do delete them and look for the gold among the dross.

juliaoceania -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/10/2006 9:41:30 PM)
The dominant I used to see had been in the swinging lifestyle about a decade before we had been involved. He had a girlfriend he would go to swinging clubs with and they played with other couples. He made an observation about both lifestyles, they did not mesh well at all even though they shared things in common. He said that D/s couples often were not as open about "sharing" as swining couples, and swingers tended to look at D/s as abusive. They do not seem to understand that the woman in a D/s relationship is not a doormat. The swinging women especially had a problem with it, at least from what he witnessed. Perhaps it is the term swinger that is the turn off for some of the dominants she has talked to. I do not know if the above is true or not, because it is all second hand observation, but perhaps there are a lot of prejudices that both groups have to one another? Perhaps someone else posting on this thread has some knowledge on this that I lack?

WolfinShadow -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 12:32:32 AM)
Well , where to start .... Guess I will go hard nosed first , Many " Dominants " dont like Playig with others submissives/slaves/bottoms because they feel they will be judged on their preformance by the owner. Add to this the connection to being a swinger and your friend is going to decrease their odds tremendously for essentually for the same reason , Some males will feel they dont " measure up" and might be judged as a " Lesser man" because By telling them she is a swinger she is saying she wants SEX GASP and D/s isnt about sex .... well for some its not . you have to imagine that a few " dominants" are in this lifestyle because well ... again I am being brutal and only talking about a FEW here , not gerneralizing or saying that present company is included so no flames please... I am going to say it ... out loud .. right here in the open . Some " Dominants" are " Dominants'' cause they are impotent , Yup I said it , and as you can imagine having to preform makes em a bit skidish. Not saying these are the reasons , Just SOME reasons and with each she lowers the percentage of possible partners , Add to this the Posessive , the Monogamous who want a relationship , those IN relationships or seeking that Fabled " Third" and she has a very small pond to fish in . Now though I know that for quite a few people BDSM and sex do not mix , and those who combine BDSM and swinging or swapping are few and far between they are out there people . Just not that many . Ask to the Stigma BDSM holds in the Swingers realms . well the times they are a changin!!! I was there at the Back table where those sick sadists hung out at swingers events waiting for the adventerous ::smile:: and Now I am One of the BDSM " experts" < no I dont believe that LOL > Who is presenting at " Swingstock" this year as well as negotiating with the HUHE " Lifestyles inc" to present at their 9 resorts around the country and the world . Believe me the Swingers Minds are changing . So if there is a Stigma of Sex and BDSM to look to , its in our own back yard. All and All I think your Friend needs to keep the dwindling percentages in mind , be patient and keep looking , what she seeks is out there and if she lives in Minnesota i might even take a look at her myself , Just to help our of course ::smile::: you believe that right?

Sab -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 4:54:59 AM)
I don't know if this will help your friend - but my sub is collared and if another dom was to mail her I would be furious, many, and I would say most dom/me's here respect the word collar(ed) and respectfully accept that she is. Your friend, as others have said here, must explain her situation very clearly - and not in a reply to a mail - there, in bold, on her profile. then she will get the responses she wants.

LordAmra -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 6:34:27 AM)
I'm not too sure I agree with some of what has been said. Yes, a profile, properly filled out helps anyone wishing to contact someone else on here chose if that person is in some way compatible to them. However, conversation can be just as, if not more revealing then even the best thought out profile. As such, I agree she should define her situation, but I think the main issue is more the fact that some Dominants are not interested in playing with other Dominants property, whether permission is given or not. There is allways a limit to what an owned sub/slave will be able to do with the "stand-in" Master. And there in My opinion, lies the problem.

OsideGirl -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 8:18:53 AM)
I was taught that the protocol for playing with someone else's submissive, is that it all comes from that submissive's Dominant. While we frequently will play with collared submissives we always approach the Dominant first. Any submissive that comes to us saying she's allowed to play is subject to scepticism until we've talked to her Dom. So, I suspect, she's being viewed as a cheater and that's why they walk away.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 11:43:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elsie Hello, i just have a question about a friend of mine who is having a small dilemma. She is collared but it's not a 24/7 type of thing, She has been given permission to play, by her Master, with a suitable partner as he is not able to be there for her all the time. What i would like to know is, why is it she will get responses to her profile but when she informs whomever, that she is collared with expressed permission to seek a casual play partner and also let's them know she not only belongs to the BDSM lifestyle but is a swinger too, these "Doms" just disappear with out even a "sorry, not what i'm looking for". Are they just rude? wannabes? what's the deal? Thank you for your responses in advance, elsie aka nara, owned and devoted to Mistress Tmtashn IMO...common sense may say that said "Doms" wanted their own submissive not someone elses..also it seems to me that for the most part if a Dominant is seeking ,he is seeking a more LTR rather than play...please note I mean most not all...be well..Tempting

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 2:19:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub IMO...common sense may say that said "Doms" wanted their own submissive not someone elses..also it seems to me that for the most part if a Dominant is seeking ,he is seeking a more LTR rather than play...please note I mean most not all...be well..Tempting It depends. There are doms for which it is nearly a kink in itself to take subs in LDRs and be their "protectors/mentors/surrogates." It gives them the fun, the publicity and attention of having a harem, "respect from the community" by spawning their little newbie clan, without any of the day to day responsibilities. That's not everyone- I'm open to a regular play relationship with someone who is collared to another, but that's just for fun and nothing more.

xxmstrchasxx -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 9:36:42 PM)
quote: She is collared Out of respect for her Dom, I would have to talk to the Dom before anything would ever happen.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 9:57:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sab if another dom was to mail her I would be furious Furious? Seriously? I could never even get upset by someone I didn't know doing something as harmless as sending an email. It seems you are giving a lot of your power away to random strangers if such a thing can really make you furious. Taggard

fullofgrace -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 10:43:56 PM)
my situation is vaguely similar to your friend's...i am collared to a man i love more than life itself, but though He doesn't wish for me to play with others in terms of bdsm play, He does want me to have sexual experiences with others, since He's much older than i am and the majority of my sexual experiences have been with Him. it has nothing to do with whether or not He plays with others, or the time issue...He doesn't, and when He's not working He's either winding down from work, doing daily stuff, or we are together. i am not particularly comfortable with the idea, or i wasn't at first, but i understand why He wishes it and He's giving me plenty of space to grow into it and do it in my own time and my own comfort. as far as getting to know people as potential sexual partners...generally it (collar) doesn't present problems for me...i don't really look for people to play with on here because of the distance issue and the fact that i NEED to learn how to actually casually date people offline. the two relationships i had before mine with Him were long-distance relationships that started out online (mine with Him did not). when the situation arises where i might be having sex with someone else, if i'm comfortable with that person and we're both comfortable with the fact that it's not going to be a longstanding thing, i do talk about my relationship arrangement. bdsm enters into it based on how much i think the other person might be comfortable with. from what i've seen, there are many doms and/or tops who are perfectly willing to play with someone else's submissive. in my understanding, topping is centered around scening, so it would make sense for tops to be more open to scening with others than people who are used to having a collared submissive, because those who are used to having a submissive of their own might be less inclined to "borrow" someone else's from time to time.

Sweetheart1159 -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 10:48:02 PM)
I agree, If she is really "free to play" then the Dom should post. Doms tend to respect other Doms' "property". I suppose some Doms might "want" to share. But many do not. I think Doms love the power of their domination and Control and don't want to give that away. Although, maybe some like to "watch"? "Control" who she sees? Just some thoughts...

Lordandmaster -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 10:58:09 PM)
I wouldn't be interested in getting involved with something like this either, and my problem is that the situation doesn't add up. OK, I understand that her master can't be with her for whatever reason--but why exactly does that mean she needs to find someone else? Unless all she's looking for is sex while her master is away, and at this stage of my life I'm not interested in something that's going to be ONLY sexual. quote: ORIGINAL: elsie i just have a question about a friend of mine who is having a small dilemma. She is collared but it's not a 24/7 type of thing, She has been given permission to play, by her Master, with a suitable partner as he is not able to be there for her all the time.

fullofgrace -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 11:06:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I wouldn't be interested in getting involved with something like this either, and my problem is that the situation doesn't add up. OK, I understand that her master can't be with her for whatever reason--but why exactly does that mean she needs to find someone else? i agree with this...i would not seek sexual companionship because He doesn't have time for me (time has been an issue lately, for both of us)...sex with someone else in no way would serve to replace even a moment of time with Him. that does sound a little odd. quote: Unless all she's looking for is sex while her master is away, and at this stage of my life I'm not interested in something that's going to be ONLY sexual. but this part of the situation doesn't make me feel as though it doesn't add up...though i don't understand it because i'm really -not- personally inclined to it, there are a fair amount of people who actually like no-strings-attached sex.

Lordandmaster -> RE: collared but allowed to play .... (6/11/2006 11:43:46 PM)
Honestly, I don't think most doms are looking for purely no-strings sex either. Maybe some are, but it's always seemed pointless and empty to me. If that's what she's looking for, God bless, but she should understand that many men aren't going to be interested. My suspicion is that it's not what she's looking for, and that's why I say the situation doesn't completely add up. quote: ORIGINAL: fullofgrace quote: Unless all she's looking for is sex while her master is away, and at this stage of my life I'm not interested in something that's going to be ONLY sexual. but this part of the situation doesn't make me feel as though it doesn't add up...though i don't understand it because i'm really -not- personally inclined to it, there are a fair amount of people who actually like no-strings-attached sex.

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