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RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 5:49:21 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Actually, I think your profile does have a small problem in that it doesn't quite square with your post. Sure doesn't read like you're "shy and timid", especially that white on black background - a tad severe maybe? While I'm all for people (ok, fem/subs... lol) to have more in their profile than simply a wish list of D/s needs, this is a D/s site nonetheless! Most of your profile would c/p straight into a vanilla dating site.

I'd suggest that if you really are so shy and timid in the D/s arena, maybe your D/s profile should reflect that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a fem/sub stating that she's looking for someone to lead and guide her etc and maybe balance that with stating you're not looking for anyone to "save" you, either. Frankly, much of your OP offers plenty of relevant info that could be crafted into your profile.

As for making the first approach, be selective on who you choose to write to.... I don't know what attracts you but look for it in profiles that have made an effort to present themselves as "real", just as you have. To my experienced Dom eyes, the only real flaw in your profile that'd stop me from writing is my ole "friend" geography....

Focus.

(in reply to tixarah)

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Post #: 21

RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 5:55:27 AM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tixarah

Y/you see, im just not sure how to go about things anymore......im the shy and timid type....but i can come off as blunt and demanding....but its more that im scared then anything....had some difficult times....i find it hard to meet P/people....im scared to msg Someone first....i think my profile is too forward....how does one with a fear such as mine go about meeting Someone new....Someone who is all she needs........
*sighs*....think i just needed a little vent.....
thanks....

I have to say thank you for posting this

I have the same problem.. I am shy and scared and there for I put up walls I come off as non submissive demanding opinionated and somtimes bratty when really all that is a front put up out of fear

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(in reply to tixarah)

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Post #: 22

RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 6:01:30 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tixarah

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

I think it is the drama of a 20 something that is driving them away plus you are quite real and not enough fantasy in there for your typical dominant to get lost in.

im not sure i understand exactly what You mean by everything there....would You mind explaining a little further.....

i get that someone young CAN come with drama...but not all.....and as for the fantasy...shouldnt W/we all be being as real as we are...this isnt a game or a fantasy to me, it is much who i am......judging a book by its cover is never the way to go....thats why i hate feeling i have to sell myself

Maybe there are occasions where it is valid to judge a book by it's cover.... or title.... or nic....

Focus.

(in reply to tixarah)

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Post #: 23

RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 6:29:42 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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Well the only suggestion I can make, if you are concerned about your profile appearing to be too hard, is to take the first paragraph and put it at the end instead. You've kind of hit people with a brick wall when they first begin reading, but then you quickly become softer and give a lot of good information. I would start with the part that expresses who you are and what you are looking for, and then add the disclaimer at the end. Although, if you think about it, a disclaimer won't really do much good, except to alleviate a bit of guilt for deleting emails. The type of person who fit's your disclaimer is likely to ignore the disclaimer.

(in reply to Focus50)

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Post #: 24

RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 9:43:58 AM

Dozhee

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

In response to the original poster:

quote:

Y/you see, im just not sure how to go about things anymore....
Welcome to the adult world. We act like we know what we are doing, but most of us are winging it too.

im the shy and timid type....but i can come off as blunt and demanding....but its more that im scared then anything....had some difficult times....
To me, you seem more direct than blunt and demanding. If you've had difficult experiences and those experiences have helped you learn to say what you mean and exercise caution, I count that as a positive outcome.

i find it hard to meet P/people....im scared to msg Someone first....
Fear of rejection is common. When you introduce yourself, you are, to some extent, making yourself vulnerable to rejection. The let down that comes from being rejected or ignored is unpleasant, but to me it's an acceptable risk when weighed against the pleasure derived from meeting new people who react favorably to my interest.

<snip>
how does one with a fear such as mine go about meeting Someone new....Someone who is all she needs........
<snip>

Wing it. Take risks. Get bruised. Heal. Make friends. Smile. Live.

"i think my profile is too forward...."

I do not think your profile is too forward. (We are free to differ on this point, and since it is your profile, your opinion carries more weight in this matter than mine does.)

Because I am a busybody, I am going to make a few suggestions:

1. Change the font and justification. The white-on-black, center-justified text can be hard to read.

2. Remove the bit about "if it bothers you". Your final sentence explains your expectations regarding sex. For those with class, tact, and dignity, that sentence is sufficient. For those without, no other warnings will work.

3. Consider using commas and line-breaks/white-space, rather than ellipses.

4. Soften your language. "I just don't give a flying" and "nice set of tits" can come off as crass. (I imagine your intention was to be casual, but since inflection can be difficult to read from text, others may not read the same intent.)

5. Craft your profile in a word processor and check for spelling, punctuation, and grammar before posting it.

Because I am a nice busybody, I'm also going to add a few compliments:

1. The way you talk about your interests and love for children makes you seem very genuine and approachable.

2. The girlie-girl/country-girl contrast is delightful. It shows a sweet aspect of your multi-dimensional personality to the reader.

3. Your pictures are in good taste and beautiful.

4. You have a wide variety of interests. Those can be good conversation starters. (For others, who read your profile and want to message you, or for you when you choose to message another)

5. Retain the statement "I give everything a fair chance to start". That statement shows you are open to new ideas, but are also capable of setting boundaries.

I hope your search is fruitful and your journey brings you joy.

<Edited because the white-space fairly sprinkled my post with extra line-breaks>

< Message edited by Dozhee -- 6/11/2006 9:46:31 AM >

(in reply to tixarah)

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Post #: 25

RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 11:31:14 AM

tixarah

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

wow,
i wasnt expecting such a huge reply
but i would like to thank E/everyone for their help, experience, comments, and suggestions....im definitly going to take them all into consideration and change a few things here and there, and keep a few things as well....
*smiles*

(in reply to Dozhee)

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Post #: 26

RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 1:41:19 PM

tixarah

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

i updated my profile, with a mixture of E/everyones advice.......it is approved now...

Thank Y/you all again

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Post #: 27

RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 2:28:50 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

I have the same problem.. I am shy and scared and there for I put up walls I come off as non submissive demanding opinionated and somtimes bratty when really all that is a front put up out of fear

The right dom will see this for what it is...a defense mechanism.

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(in reply to enigmabrat)

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Post #: 28

RE: im just not sure - 6/11/2006 4:30:04 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tixarah

i updated my profile, with a mixture of E/everyones advice.......it is approved now...

Thank Y/you all again

I think your updated profile is a huge improvement but still needs a bit of tinkering.... That's not a criticism as most profiles tend to grow and mature with us, at least for those of us seriously seeking. My own is about the 5th complete redraft and the result of countless updating and/or modifying over a decade or so and again needs some tinkering itself.

The standout flaw in yours is not the content but the fractured sentences. I'm not sure how you actually achieved that yourself but when I post, I do it on 'Notepad' and c/p to the CM window and it always comes out fractured like your profile. It's a simple (though annoying) matter of then formatting it with the 'Backspace' and 'Enter' buttons to tidy it up.

One other thing is to suggest rephrasing your profile's last paragraph. Perhaps less commers and an extra fullstop or two? And re-word the last words from this: "....but i can only show you who i am and what i am." to maybe: "....but i can only show so much of who and what i am here; the real me requires time, trust and patience to be unfurled" etc, or your own choice of words to that affect....

Good luck, I wish you well.

Focus.

(in reply to tixarah)

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Post #: 29