Adult entertainment career and effects

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displeased -> Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 6:18:35 PM)
I am looking for some advice about a delicate situation I am in and I'm not sure and confused on how to handle it or what else I can do to change it. I guess there's no easy way to say this so I'll just try to be blunt. I have an adult daughter who just informed me she has been doing webcam stripping for the past two months and does not intend on quitting. To say the least, I was shocked and I still think I'm in shock. Right now she absolutely hates me because I told her that while I still love her and always will, I am very disappointed in her and that I don't think she's thinking clearly about her future or the future of her boyfriend who is looking for a very professional job where her "career" may hinder him being hired. I've tried to explain that to both but they both are young and say I'm wrong, I'm judgmental, and they no longer want any contact from me because I refused to accept what she is doing. I have to say I never saw this coming from her or her boyfriend and I've been completely blindsided. Does anyone have any kind of experience with this? Does anyone do any kind of adult entertainment and if so, how did it affect you, your family or those close to you? How has it affected you with future jobs or other life choices? Does anyone have family members in the adult entertainment? Would you be willing to tell me about it? If you wish you can also contact me by mail if you do not wish to speak about it privately. Thank you to everyone who reads and responds to this. Any thoughts are appreciated. I'm hurting and my heart is breaking right now.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 6:21:24 PM)
When you say 'webcam' do you mean she is doing this for money, or just showing off on a site?

displeased -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 6:23:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus When you say 'webcam' do you mean she is doing this for money, or just showing off on a site? She is doing this for money.

SpaceSpank -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 6:29:29 PM)
She's probably doing it on one of the numerous sites that let you directly receive money. And while I don't think her career choice will impact her Boyfriends (assuming they even stay together that long), it can certainly impact hers. If she's looking to get involved in any career that does rigorous background checks or where digging up dirt on someone is common practice, she's giving them a golden egg right here. So it would really depend what she wants to do. Some of these web cam models can make some serious money, but it only lasts for a few years until they get a bit older... then the money dries up. Likewise many make very stupid choices and waste all the money they make, resulting in them still being broke. So if you want to help her, don't be judgmental, look at the facts and see what she wants to do. If this will not impact it in any way, try and make sure she is smart with the money, not just wasting it like it's going to vanish if not spent immediately. And if she and the BF are serious, she needs to make sure the both of them are ok with it, if not... it's going to be poison and ruin that relationship more likely than not.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 7:18:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: displeased quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus When you say 'webcam' do you mean she is doing this for money, or just showing off on a site? She is doing this for money. And she's how old? (No need to answer that). If she's under age you can contact your IP and explain to them they're breaking all kinds of interstate laws (I'd presume....lawyers....add in?).

displeased -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 7:19:35 PM)
Her boyfriend is actually encouraging her and he's seeking employement at a job that does serious background checks and poly. So I'm concerned that he's setting himself up for failure and he will come to resent her because of it. I'm not so worried about her because she most likely will never have such an extensive background check job. She's really not thinking about the future and is only seeing the present dollar signs.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 7:40:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: displeased Does anyone have any kind of experience with this? Does anyone do any kind of adult entertainment and if so, how did it affect you, your family or those close to you? How has it affected you with future jobs or other life choices? Does anyone have family members in the adult entertainment? Would you be willing to tell me about it? Yeah. For whatever reason, women tell me things. There are a lot of women with advanced degrees who helped put themselves through grad school by stripping, prodomming, etc. Also, if you live in the United States, there are far fewer decent paying jobs than there were even 5 years ago, especially for people age 18-25. Some women use it as a ticket out. A friend of mine used online porn to move herself and her brother out of a gang-ridden area, to another state. Realistically, you can't say "Don't do that" unless you have an actual alternative available. Meaning, a job that pays approximately the same amount of money. Do you want to get her out of the industry completely, or do you want to engage in harm reduction? If it's harm reduction you're after, she might be safer stripping, because then she'd be less likely to be recorded. Also, stripping in a high-end city, like New York, pays better than porn. Stripping someplace like Moline, IL, though, does not. If you want her to stop completely, you can't just talk to her, as Lookie was saying. You need to have something concrete available, like "Here, do this instead, I'll help you." Also, more important than anything else I've said here, I would suggest you start the conversation like, "Could you tell me why you're doing this please?" And then SHUT UP and really listen to what she says, without going apeshit. Then you'll know what you're dealing with.

SpaceSpank -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 7:49:32 PM)
She is an adult according to the op. and I'm assuming young enough to think this is a good idea. How often has being judgemental and confrontational worked to get a kid to change their mind? As opposed to them saying fuck you I will do what I want and running off to do it on their own with no supervision and no clear thinking parent? Yeah, I thought so. So I stand by what I say. Don't be judgemental and TALK. She is an adult and can go off and do this shit with or without her parents. If she has a bf pushing her into it, then find that out by talking. Thanks for illustrating how not no be lookie. If the op approaches this girl like that, she will probably run off with the bf and do all the things she absolutely should not do. These cam girls are like flash in the pan athletes, movie stars, and musicians. They make more money than they have ever seen in a very short time, and it blinds them to everything. If she gets pushed away and does everything the wrong way, she will not only potentially ruin many career choices for herself, but will likely wind up with serious self esteem issues, broke or in horrible debt, and possibly even worse. Be a parent, don't be a fucking judge, jury, and executioner. If you want her out of this you need more than just "I said so" to do it. She have dream, hopes, goals? If not help her find some. If so, help her find a way to reach them without being a cam girl. If she is dead set on being a cam girl and you cannot dissuade her at all, then you can either disprove but still be there to support her, or you can go ballistic and probably not speak for a decade or ever. Your choice on how you want to handle it.

displeased -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 7:56:14 PM)
First of all, she is a college aged adult. She does not live with me so I have no way to just shut off her internet. I have asked her why she is doing this and her response was that is pays better than her other job which she still has but has cut down her hours to do more webcam stripping and she can stay home and still make money. I've tried not to judge her but she's hurting her entire future and that of her boyfriend if it is ever found on the net by anyone who is seeking to employ her or her boyfriend. I've come to the point now where she is no longer speaking to me and I'm not so sure I want to speak with her for awhile either. I'm hoping either she or her boyfriend quickly learn a lesson by something negative happening to one of them and she will then be forced to quit. I have also explained to her that she will need to hide this from my entire family because if they found out they will most likely disown her. I feel right now all I can do is let it go and let her learn on her own and let her destroy her and his entire lives.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 8:05:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: displeased I feel right now all I can do is let it go and let her learn on her own and let her destroy her and his entire lives. In that case, you might want to stop freaking out and look at reality. Porn is cool, in a way it hasn't been, ever, in the history of this country. There is less of a gap between mainstream acting and porn acting that there has ever been, and Kim Kardashian became famous (and rich) because of her sex tape. She is putting her ability to be a school teacher or a politician at risk. Probably not much else. Stone cold facts in the 21st century. You sound like someone who is overreacting, instead of looking at the world as it actually is. If your family really would disown her, then she's better off without them, and I can see why she isn't too interested in playing by your rules. Real family members love you and support you; they don't engage in the American version of an honor killing.

SpaceSpank -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 8:09:01 PM)
Unfortunately this is not something that will likely be an immediate issue in terms of future impact. Other than family, friends, and strain on her relationship (if it happens) the problems this type of thing might cause will probably be far down the line... Years, if not decades. Her bf is none of your concern, and it likely won't cause any problems for him unless they get married and he's going for a career in politics or some such. Most background checks won't care what the spouse did unless it's illegal or involving shadier activities than essentially being a striper. Her main focus should be on how this will impact her own career plans. She obviously doesn't care about the family part right now, so you need to keep it at a level that she does care about. But realistically you may not be able to do anything about it. I would suggest keeping in contact, even if it means this remains a subject that is not discussed. There is quite likely to be a point in her not so distant future where she will really need your support, and if things are too bad between you she may not reach out to you and wind up in a worse spot.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 8:27:30 PM)
~FR~ I spent three years during my 20s working as a stripper and semi-pro adult model. There are probably still nude or partially nude photos of me floating around on the Internet somewhere. I am now over 40, happily married (just celebrated my 10 year anniversary), and have 2 children. You know what? I still do nude/semi-nude modeling - I did a fetish photography shoot last year and ended up on the covers of two BDSM erotica novels. My husband couldn't care less about my past history and is perfectly fine with my recent modeling gig and it hasn't affected my employment opportunities at all. My advice is to get over it. It's not nearly as dire as you seem to think.

DarkSteven -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 8:30:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: displeased First of all, she is a college aged adult. She does not live with me so I have no way to just shut off her internet. I have asked her why she is doing this and her response was that is pays better than her other job which she still has but has cut down her hours to do more webcam stripping and she can stay home and still make money. I've tried not to judge her but she's hurting her entire future and that of her boyfriend if it is ever found on the net by anyone who is seeking to employ her or her boyfriend. Cool off, dude. FFS, are you actually stating that nobody will employ her bf because of her? Hell, she won't even show up on his employment application. Your claim is preposterous. And if I was in a position to hire, I sure as hell would never say, "Hey, you look like this chick I used to watch strip on cam." That's sexual harassment right there. quote: I've come to the point now where she is no longer speaking to me and I'm not so sure I want to speak with her for awhile either. I'm hoping either she or her boyfriend quickly learn a lesson by something negative happening to one of them and she will then be forced to quit. I have also explained to her that she will need to hide this from my entire family because if they found out they will most likely disown her. I feel right now all I can do is let it go and let her learn on her own and let her destroy her and his entire lives. Um, you've damn near destroyed your relationship with her and you still want to do more damage? Why? Don't you WANT to stay in contact with her? All that effort, time, and love you put into raising her, and you're willing to throw it all away because you have a bunch of half baked notions about what she's doing with her life? Look, fella. Give her credit for having some brains, and having checked into the field before she entered it. You have no damn clue what you're talking about, and still feel like you know better than she does. I've got a homework assignment for you. First, study up on the field - its pros and cons. Then do like RedMagic says and have a conservation with her in which you shut your mouth and LISTEN to her. To be honest, at this stage, I think she might have more to teach you in general than you would have to teach her. Accept that, and try to learn from her.

SpaceSpank -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 8:48:10 PM)
There are some very real potential negatives to that kind of job. But most will be either tied to a very limited number of potential future jobs, or her own mental/emotional well being. I have no idea what this girl is like, or what she we to to do in life. It is very possible nothing she or her bf want to do will ever be impacted by this (more likely than not in fact). And she may be smart and emotionally together enough to not go down any roads with this that lead her into bad places (which is completely up to her as a person). I've known people on both ends of the spectrum, and the ones who are worse off are always the ones who see the money, use the money, crave the money and never have a plan/goals they stick to. If they are not fiscally responsible all that money earned is just going into a black hole and she will never be in a position to do anything else until camming is no longer appealing.

displeased -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 9:14:04 PM)
Her boyfriend is seeking a government job. Usually with government jobs you must have a squeaky clean record and life or otherwise you are succumbing the department and your position into a scandal. This is my concern. As for her, she has no goals in life other than one day to get married. I am hoping, however, that she finds something in life that will keep her settled and stable and think more seriously about her future. I know most others on here don't seem to think there's anything wrong with this apparently but I live in a very conservative place and something like this is not accepted. But thank you all for your responses and views.

Aswad -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 9:36:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: displeased I have also explained to her that she will need to hide this from my entire family because if they found out they will most likely disown her. If you haven't already, please get off the computer RFN and make sure she knows *you* aren't going to disown her over this, but in fact will support her in her decision, even if you disagree with her choices. That you will stand by her and will always be there for her and love her as before, whether this turns out well or not. And be clear that if it comes down to her or the people you suspect will disown her, you're going to choose the one that isn't forcing the choice on you. Seriously, if she's freaking, then do it RFN. Aside from that, Sylvere and Red have already said everything I would have and more. IWYW, — Aswad.

displeased -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 10:25:19 PM)
I have already told her every single thing you have mentioned Aswad before she cut off communication with me. I told her that I love her and that while I don't agree with what she is doing, I will always love her and be here for her. She's not freaking at all. She's just angry at me because she thinks I no longer respect her and that I am not being open-minded. So, at this point I'm just going to not contact her until she is ready to talk to me. I have said everything I can say to her and there is nothing else I can do or say I suppose. It just breaks my heart to see her doing this. As a mother you just want the best for your children and you want to do what you can to make sure they are successful in their lives. I just feel as if I failed. This is something I will have to deal with though and let her go and learn her own lessons.

TNDommeK -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 10:35:29 PM)
I am a dancer (stripper) now. I also have done web cam shows in the past. I will say there is nothing you will be able to say to her to stop her from doing this. You will only push her further away. She is grown and will do what she wants. However, I would suggest(if you can) talking to her and explaining the different roads she can choose to take. Explain the repercussions of each one. And tell her that while you may not support what she does, you will always be there for her. And now for the hard part....you gotta let her make the choices. Be them bad or good,it is up to her. I can understand how you feel about your child but, she makes her own decisions. As far as her future, that you are worried about..don't be. I am very comfortable in the way I live, I have a great business that I own and operate, I also have a cosmetologist license. I have a wonderful husband who knows what I did and still do, and he supports Me fully in any choices I make. So to think that her life would end up failing, is wrong. Now I'm not saying it can't happen, but not just because she dances. (There are plenty of girls who, as stated above, pay their way through school while dancing, which is what I did. Then there are plenty that waste their lives on drugs and tricks. Let's hope your daughter has sense enough not to choose the latter) A dancer makes more money than most professions, if done right. In My dancing career, I have had wonderful opportunities to travel, see things that I have never seen..all because of the profession I chose. And I was able to save and invest money, where is the failure as a parent in that?

LadyPact -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 10:40:40 PM)
Is she a good kid? Is she bettering herself? Is she not pissing on flowers or punching the elderly? You may not approve of what she is doing for a living, but she's not selling her (physical) c*nt for money and she's not dancing on the pole. You know, it wasn't My dream for My kid to be waiting tables, but that's what she does. And, while she's not curing cancer or becoming the next president, I'm proud of her. She feeds My grandchildren every day and keeps a roof over their head. See the bigger picture.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Adult entertainment career and effects (8/20/2012 11:23:56 PM)
I wonder how this came up in conversation. My parents are extremely open minded and I still don't see me sharing something like this with them. That followed by the immediate 'I'm never speaking to you again' suggest a desire to stir up some drama. Were there issues in your relationship before? Anyway, advice - make sure she's paying her taxes. That's more likely to get her in trouble in the long run, and more likely to impact her boyfriend. I understand that you're disappointed that she's making decisions that seem on the surface to be immature - she's going for quick and easy money and perhaps not thinking about the longer term consequences. Though honestly I don't think they are as serious as you are imagining. It's not illegal and she's doing it in a safe place. But I don't think you have many options beyond waiting for her to get over it and speak to you again.

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