RE: Questions about a very new relationship

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LeatherBentOne -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/12/2006 3:16:18 PM)
Ooooooooooops, sorry about that. I meant CrappyDom, not CrappyDomme. No disrespect intended in any way. LeatherBentOne

subnesaa -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/12/2006 7:12:13 PM)
Thanks again for all of your advice, yes there are red flags waving wildly about aren't there. I think that no matter what, I am just too new for this intensity so soon. I am going to take the advice of all of you and listen to my gut. I need time to learn and explore, that is what I will do. Again thank you for everything.

Evanesce -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/12/2006 8:45:39 PM)
Is it just me, or does this guy sound very much like the same guy who just a couple weeks ago was loudly proclaiming his love for his much younger "Domme" who hadn't a Domme bone in her body, and was ready to pack up everything and move to be with her because she was "The One?"

subnesaa -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 6:32:59 PM)
I am now in need of even more advice... This man would not accept anything I had to say... He told me that he would give me time and space, but he did not. I tried to end the relationship with him. I tried to be kind and honest. This got out of control, I saw a side of him that truely frightened me. Now he sends me text msg's every 5 minutes on my cell phone, leaves inappropriate and threatening messages on my office number, and he is now threatening to publish the photos I sent him over the internet. I am in Canada, he is in the States... what can I do? I am desperate. He told me that he can and will make my life a living hell... please help, I am listening in earnest.

LadyHugs -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 6:51:21 PM)
Dear subnesaa, Ladies and Gentlemen; Lass, if your gut feelings are giving you signals of 'not quite right,' heed them. I don't think I could pack myself up in two weeks. So, this really seems to be an individual who has nothing to tie him down--like a job, friends, family, etc. I would really struggle pulling up stakes and take a chance to move out to stranger's state/commonwealth, etc. My gut feelings based on just your post is not positive. Now, the question is--have you given your personal information to this chap? I would take measures to protect your privacy, identity, home and work. Respectfully submitted with concerns, Lady Hugs

desertdancer -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 6:54:20 PM)
Oh nessa, I'm so sorry to hear this. This has got to be hard on you, I wish this had not happened. My advise would be to start keeping a record of every text, message or call he sends you. You've made it clear your no longer interested and you want out. I don't know anything about Canadian law, if I were you I'd do some research and find out what my options are. Maybe a note to the Cm mods too..I'm not sure what if anything they can do. Hopefully you will get some responses from people who know the Canadian law. In the mean time, please know that I'll be thinking of you and adding you to my prayers, if you'd like. Sincerely, dancer Edited to add: I would google stalking laws and anti cyber stalking laws on the state in which he comes from as well, you did say he is in the U.S, right?

subnesaa -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 7:01:12 PM)
Thank you so much Dancer. If nothing else I really have learned a lot from this experience. Never give out personal information, never send photos unless you are prepared for them to be made public or unless you completely know and trust the person you are sending them to. I was such a fool. I am doing research on the law surrounding this. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

LadyHugs -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 7:10:06 PM)
Dear subnessaa, Ladies and Gentlemen; Oh dear! I read now he is giving you threatening messages and the like; I would change my cell phone number immediately. As far as your office phone, I don't know how Canada works it but, you can go to your communications director and have the number blocked if you have his. If they keep getting problems out of it, say if he uses other numbers; then they can register a complaint with our Federal Communications Commission. If he knows your address and the like, I would inform your landlord and take measures to protect yourself. If the chap publishes your pictures, it really is a matter for civil courts, as they were given freely but, only for limited use--which is private and not for public use. I would check with your authorities on the matter, as it is international law that is an issue now, regarding 'privacy' and such. Respectfully submitted with concerns, Lady Hugs

subnesaa -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 7:20:49 PM)
Thank you for the advice Lady Hugs, I will definately see what can be done about blocking his number at my office. My hope is that he will cool down, and move on.

Level -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 8:18:32 PM)
nessa, what I'm about to say may sound downright idiotic, but I've never let that stop me before.... you've seen this side of him, and it's not a fluke. Once he does "cool down", he may very likely turn the charm back on. Do not... listen to him. There is so much in life that's wonderful and good, there's no need to let such bull back into your life. Level

maybemaybenot -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 8:24:36 PM)
nessa: If you haven't already, save all his text and answering machine messages and threats. They may come in handy down the line. I'm sorry you are going thru this. mbmbn

marieToo -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 8:56:01 PM)
To the OP He loves you? He wants to leave the US to be with you? He wants a commitment, without having met? These are HUGE red flags. Of course he is being so nice to you, he has an agenda. imo, it looks like he is trying to take advantage of you. And dont disregard your own words about having an uneasy gut feeling. That is your answer right there. You are not being paranoid. Your body is giving you the answers you need and instead of heeding to that, you are fighting back your own inner voice and trying to silence it. No matter how many words you type, or how many varying responses you get, its going to come back saying the same thing. I got chills just from reading your posts. Run do not walk. But do it carefully. I would slowly, gradually and very carefully back him down. Turn off the emotional response and get this over with. The sooner you move on to finding a sane one. Keep posting here, this way you will not feel like you are "alone" in this.

marieToo -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 9:02:21 PM)
oops...Ok I see the update was posted while I was writing my post. Hmmm....what did you tell him, if you dont mind my asking? You may have to pull out of this very strategically.

subnesaa -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 9:41:59 PM)
Thanks Marie, first off this has gone on over several days, so it is not like i dropped this on him all at once. I first voiced my concerns that the relationship should slow down considerable, after he agreed but continued to call, email, text msg, etc. He became angry, aggitated, blames me for his missing work and being penalized at his job, I could go on but I am sure you get the idea. At this point I spoke with him and told him that the relationship was not healthy and could not continue. I tried to explain kindly and he would not accept. To make a long story short the last 24 hours have been nothing but pure hell. He has threatened me repeatedly, told me that i am not free to leave, that I made a committment, etc. He went to the extent to tell me that his ex-wife ended up in jail because she [messed] with him. These are not the comments or actions of a rash, mature and stable man. I have stopped responding to any of his attempts at communication at this point and am hoping that he will calm down and (I don't like to be insulting) get a grip of himself. If he continues though, I really don't know what I can or should do. As I mentioned this is a Can/US issue. I do however, have his ss, address, employer name, family names, etc. I don't want to go there, it is not my style at all. I feel very trapped, threatened...

LadyHugs -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 9:55:53 PM)
Dear subnesaa, Ladies and Gentlemen; As many fake social security identity cards that are out there, it is very possible that he might be the one running from authorities. Being so far away from him, it is impossible for you to have effected this man's 'choice' to which his work is influenced. Blame game is not a healthy rational man, especially when it was impossible for you to have taken part in the choice. Oh my--I wonder how many other women he bloody well wrecked other than you. I'd contact the Canadian Mounties or authorities to see if the chap is a fugitive. You might have a person who is a danger to society at large. I do agree with saving text messages and such, as to have as evidence if needed. I am wondering if this chap falls under the terrorist clause. Respectfully submitted with concern, Lady Hugs

maybemaybenot -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 10:10:29 PM)
I would agree with LadyHugs in contacting the RCMP. Perhaps there is something that can be done to deny him entry into Canada. I am repeating myself, but please save all his messages. You may need them to back up your claims. mbmbn

MistressTexas -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/15/2006 10:43:10 PM)
Oh hun.. It sounds awful, I've been there myself, in vanilla and bdsm relationships alike. My advice to you is going to the police in Vancouver for a peace bond or restraining order. The order will be served on him, no matter what state he is in, assuming he gave you his real info. If nothing else, he can be traced using his phone or cell. There are differences between a peace bond and restraining order. Personally I reccomend a peace bond. To my knowlege they are handed out and enforced by the police, with a generally faster response time than a restraining order. However, if you get a restraining order that prohibits contact, he can be arrested the next time he contacts you in any way shape or form, including text message. If you are really scared, or get any weird feelings of being watched ( I swear I'm not trying to scare you), I would get a big buff guy friend to hang out with you, even stay with you if need be. Please please please, don't brush off any feelings of claustrophobia, being watched.. anything of the sort. I wish you all the very very best of luck. Feel free to message me if you have questions, I promise to answer them as best I can. MistressTexas

WayWardSoul -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/16/2006 2:36:16 AM)
You can go to this web link i googled it seems to have some good information on cyberstalking and maybe get some ideas on how to protect yourself and what is the best course of action for you to take I hope its ok to post this link. http://www.wiredsafety.org/911/index.html good luck and be safe WWS

marieToo -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/16/2006 12:50:46 PM)
nessa: Do you feel that his threats are empty , or do you have a real fear of him doing something rash? I know this may sound like a stupid question, but you are the one hearing his voice. Sometimes people make threats simply because they are hurt and they are trying to control you via this avenue of the threat mindfuck. If you genuinely think you are in danger, you really should go to the police station, tell them the story and ask for their advice on it. (Dont worry about the bdsm stuff. You dont have to give them full details. You can just tell them its a man you met online on a dating site or whatever) Meantime, I would advise not giving him ANY attention at this point whatsoever. Dont answer the phones, emails or talk back to him in any way. Keep in mind, if he is contacting you and you can see his number on caller ID, you at least know he's still in the US and not on his way to you. That, I think, is a sign that he doesnt plan on doing anything to carry out the threats. At least, it shows his location, if nothing else. I would take some comfort in that. After all, if he doenst have an ally in Canada, why would he bother to make the trek out there.

wildangel3825 -> RE: Questions about a very new relationship (6/16/2006 2:33:51 PM)
Hello. Only you as a sub know your heart, please do not confuse your attraction to the lifestyle and the excitement of finally getting to experience it real life, maybe that is the huge attraction. A collar or a dom/sub life is a even bigger commitment than marriage. You will be giving your ALL to a man you dont really know. Knowing someone online and real life is very different. I dont mean to hurt those who are online only, the BDSM life is and should remain open to all lifestyles. We can be anyone online, it is easy to do things online. There, for me, can be no comparisons to online and real life. Until you meet, you will not really KNOW how you feel. Many things could change, you may be more attracted to him than ever or less attracted. You have your whole life, slowing down now wont matter. I would also like to say as a sub, you still have your say and your limits. We are submissives not doormats. Also, there can never be too much caution, your safety is very important. As a dom, he should know this is your first real life experience and treat you in a gentle fashion. Yes, the feelings you feel for a dom are very strong and powferful. Even in a BDSM realtionship, physical attraction and chemistry are important, that is a part of it, your need for HIM sexually, not just the need to be dominated. Good luck, i hope you find what you are looking for, the search is hard and long, but in the end, the harder you work for something, the more you appreciate it.

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