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RE: punishment question - 8/24/2012 8:09:50 AM

txsassykat

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/19/2012
Status: offline

Thanks everyone. Absolutely fantastic advice. Over the last few days he and I have had many conversations at length. I think what was happening is that we are so new to this, we were both wanting to skip ahead to the end result and forgetting about the journey it takes to get there. I love the school analogy. A teacher doesn't punish a child for messing up every single time. And if the student continues to make mistakes, perhaps the teacher needs to reevaluate whether or not he/she is teaching them appropriately.

Even in the last few days I've been finding it far more difficult to contain this to the bedroom. For example the whole calling him Sir deal. It's hard to just only do that while we are 'in session'. But then again...down here in Texas, most everyone refers to people as Sir or Ma'am, so I can get away with it in public without people looking like I'm crazy. lol.

He requested that I write down some rules and expectations he has for me. And then we also talked about them in length. The communication between us now has been great!!! Have to remember that you can't run without learning to crawl first ;)

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RE: punishment question - 8/24/2012 8:39:38 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

That looks like a very positive step forward! Good for you!

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Post #: 42

RE: punishment question - 9/13/2012 6:23:03 PM

leashedlaura

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Maryland
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txsassykat, slaves and subs do get angry initially...but the whole slave training program is to get the slave to put her feelings aside and to obey while learning to have no negative opinion or feelings of anger or frustration at the punishment. training you as a slave/sub is a lengthy process...your boyfriend/Master must be up to it and needs a lot of patience. Your job is to obey..obey..obey....that's why punishment and training are for....

It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training process, all the instruction flows downhill from the Master to his slave and all learning is absorbed by the slave. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way process.

Yes, the Master instructs and the slave learns yet at the same time the Master is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he is learning about the new submissive, his own unique personality, capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the Master formulate specific goals, plans and strategies for her training, training that is individualized and specific to his particular slave.

hope this helps...

laura

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Post #: 43

RE: punishment question - 9/13/2012 8:19:07 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Not everyone gets angry. But many of us don't get punished for accidents. We are allowed to be fallible humans, prone to error.

Going back to the school parallel, not only does a good teacher try to help the kid learn they also know which kids are capable of being A students and which aren't.

My son's in college and his English class has assigned Hamlet. There is no way he can get an A in this. He has never liked Shakespeare and he has enormous difficulties with Elizabethan English. By the time he's looked up the meaning of the individual words, he has lost the concept of the entire sentence. If he gets a B that will be excellent for him. At the same time he has a friend who has always enjoyed Shakespeare and if this friend gets a B it will indicate the kid didn't bother to try.

A good dominant, like a good teacher, doesn't ask more than someone is capable of.

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Post #: 44

RE: punishment question - 9/15/2012 6:42:35 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Greetings

You have the right to feel anything, you can not help what you feel, whatever you have the right to voice those opinions depend on the dynamic of your given relationship. I recommend that you sit down with your Dom and tell him this, tell him how punishments make you fell and then you two can work it out.

Now when I was a slave did I get angry by punishments yes, but I did not get aroused, now usually we did not do punishments we sat down and talked, but for me there is a huge difference between play and having disappointed one's Dom and by that earned punishment.

Now as for orgasm control, punishment over that would be more play for me, after all yes one can train to control orgasm but if you fail then that is not you willingly doing something which is against the rules and I see that as very difference than for example leaving to go to the movies when your Dom have ordered that you stay at home.

I wish you well

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Post #: 45

RE: punishment question - 12/12/2012 9:54:56 AM

Gandalf4301

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/28/2004
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I realize this is well past the "expiration date" on the discussion. But, it needs to be said.
First, sounds like since the Dominant in your life sassy is "new", He needs a mentor and probably needs training as well. There is a process that both new subs/slaves and Dominants go through and it may be that he is just now knowledgable enough as of yet.
Talk, talk, talk talk. And one more point. Each time you fail it is your Master's failure as well. He has not done all that he should do to help you succeed.
For Me, I hated punishing my slave ... loved "funishment" and she was something of a pain slut. Nevertheless, I hated punishing her because it not only meant she had failed in some significant way, but that My failure was greater than hers.

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Post #: 46