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When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 8:28:51 AM

lilmissdefiant

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When does the want or a need from a submissive/slave become overbearing to the point that compromise should be taken into account?

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 8:32:42 AM

GreedyTop

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you know I adore you, so please take that into account when I answer.

quote:

When does the want or a need from a submissive/slave become overbearing to the point that compromise should be taken into account?

when it happens between the folks involved.

There is no timeline. There is no standard breaking point. *hugs*

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 8:43:40 AM

lilmissdefiant

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Thanks GT

*Hugs* :)

Just got a lot of whatif's going on in my head now that the subfrenzy has passed

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 8:53:51 AM

lizi

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I'm not exactly sure of what you are saying with this, but I'd say that we're just talking once again about two people learning to co-exist with each other comfortably and compromising for the needs of the other. This generally happens in relationships where the participants want it to last, they take the other's needs into account. This really has nothing to do with D/s unless the D/s is being used as an excuse for one party not to attend to the other. All relationships of any length or depth probably require some compromise on both sides to accommodate the fact that we are human beings and not robots.

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 9:41:51 AM

LadyHibiscus

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That really sounds like a compatibility thing. What "need" are we talking about, here?

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 9:49:47 AM

lilmissdefiant

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When i reflect on it, it comes down to me being too needy again, probably another case of too much too soon.
I have spoken to him about my needs, maybe I'm not being direct enough with them.
Its nothing major, like its not a deal breaker, its just an issue I have, hence the whole getting my point across or just accepting that for now he's not ready for it.

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 10:08:19 AM

kalikshama

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So is it a want or a need?

- I want to get fucked (patience, grasshopper)

- I need to be monogamous (this is a bottom line type issue; if he can't agree, you're not compatible)

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 10:12:02 AM

LadyHibiscus

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There's "want" and there's "need". I WANT to be in very close contact. Is that practical for people who have lives? Not so much. I am the one who has to make the mental compromise of "what is the least amount of contact that I NEED?" We have to talk once a day for me to be Happy Hib. I might send all manner of texts and emails, or none at all, and if there's no response it is MY issue, not his. I am not being ignored, he's not bored, I am not being a pest. That takes a certain amount of mental effort on my part, but it keeps me from being unreasonably annoyed over what is essentially a problem that I invented out of whole cloth.

If it's a play issue, or a sexual issue... that requires compromise on both sides. I have been in relationships where I just wasn't getting what I wanted OR needed. Even when you and your partner's drives are at the same level, they might not be in perfect synch. It's hard to hear "not now" at any time, but it's frustrating when the relationship is new.

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 10:40:03 AM

JeffBC

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For Carol and I, instantly. We don't have an "it's all the master" dynamic. ALL of Carols hopes, dreams, desires and needs are important to me.. big & small. Really the only difference between us on this is that it's me who decides what compromises need to happen to optimize happiness in our marriage.

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 10:54:04 AM

CalifChick

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Are we still talking about your need to be in a formal relationship with him, or is this something else?

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RE: When is it too much? - 8/23/2012 6:46:34 PM

Karmastic

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fr-

sorry i'm totally lost, cus i didn't understand your question, and i don't know you or your situation.

based on just the words you've written, it appears that expectations are not aligned on the level of closeness and contact. i.e., someone is being perceived as too needy. if the "giver" is not meeting the needs of the "needy" person, then perhaps it's not a good match? that assumes the "needyness" is within reason, which also wildly varies. i personally like a woman who is a little "needy", but that's cus i like meeting her needs.

uh, so, what was the question again?

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