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RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/23/2012 12:10:15 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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Oh and total DISCLAIMER, because of how new you are, and how stupid people often are...

But learn to do these things SAFELY, especially something like a cattle prod, or a hard caning, before you introduce them as a punishment.
And yes, that means both of you... you both should know where it is and is not safe to hit with a cane, and how hard is safe to hit, and in what circumstances before you use it as punishment, or even as hard play sessions. Even more so with a cattle prod, cause that thing WILL kill you when used incorrectly, and potentially might kill you when used correctly, like all electrical toys might...

Go to your local BDSM clubs and take class on ANY play beyond soft play. That includes rope bondage, floggers and so on... Do research online before you got to the class so you know which questions to ask. If your local club doesn't have classes on a subject you want to learn about coming up, ask around in your local community on who is considered proficient enough in these skills to teach you.
Hand spankings on the butt are just about the only thing I'd consider "safe" for a newbie to experiment at their heart's content without proper instruction or research.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/23/2012 12:13:21 PM >

_____________________________

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And your whore
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Post #: 21

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/23/2012 12:15:56 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAbbi

I agree completely, which is why I posted for punishment ideas so that when a situation arises we can try to work on this.

Correct me if I am misunderstanding. Your partner is still feeling a little uneasy with taking control and you both think it will be helpful if you start out with a list of set punishments you have pre-agreed, to give him a bit of confidence. As in, he knows it's 'ok' in your relationship for him to punish you by sending you to bed early, so it will give him something to build on. Is that something like the truth?

How about just making a list of things you don't like, but wouldn't leave you feeling mentally scarred? A punishment doesn't have to go right into terrifying zone to be effective (and probably shouldn't until you both find out where you stand).

If I had to come up with a list of punishments I would find unpleasant (and I can do this, because I know he doesn't read the forums) it would be something like this:

- beating with a riding crop
- having my internet/phone/kindle/source of entertainment taken away for a period of time
- doing household chores in an unusually time consuming way (like scrubbing the patio with a toothbrush
- having some luxury taken away (I recently earned myself a terrible punishment - I'm never allowed to eat mars bars again)
- sitting in a corner or some boring place for an extended time period
- whipping across the nipples
- watching highlander 2

But only you know what works for you. Also, as I said before, it depends what you want to achieve. Our punishments usually involve pain because that triggers catharsis. That's not the aim for others. If he was looking for a pure deterrent, something boredom-based would probably be most effective.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 22

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/23/2012 12:16:17 PM

angelikaJ

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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Hi Abbi,

I love to be spanked, but for me, context is almost everything.

In other words, if I know I have disappointed Him, a spanking does not feel the same to me.

Also there is a big difference between a hard hand spanking and one done by a hairbrush: I hate the hairbrush, especially on my thighs and down the backs of my calves.

Likely there will be an implement you hate as well.

A caution though: your husband is new.
It is possible to harm someone when you are inexperienced.
One way to figure things out is for him to try an implement out on himself first, then he can figure out "his own strength" (although his pain tolerance may be different than yours).

_____________________________

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(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 23

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/23/2012 2:07:50 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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abbi, I don't know if you're ready for punishment. You seem to think that it's necessary as part of a D/s relationship. (It's not.) The huge question is, how does your husband feel about it? If he doesn't want to do it, it won't work.

In the event that you do get on the same page, I'd like to add a couple to Ishtar's list:

Lecturing/scolding. Explain what you did wrong, why it was wrong, and what the effect was. (Note: this should be done at normal volumes.)
Lines. Write out repeatedly "I will not do XXX."

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 24

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/23/2012 3:51:13 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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Fast Reply to the OP: I suggest you go to the "punishment question" thread and read Athena's post (#24 on page 2) She gave wonderful advice for new folks!

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 25

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/23/2012 5:15:10 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
What really worked for us is going slowly. Pick one or two things, figure out some clear expectations and start from there. You have your whole lives to perfect it.

That's what worked well for Carol and I and we'd been married for a decade before BDSM came up. I'm a big proponent of go slow. The other thing you mentioned on the other thread Athena was "don't build your relationship to match BDSM labels". I, for instance, decided that I didn't like punishing Carol so I opted out of that -- not BDSM-by-the-book but hey, it makes us happy.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 26

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/24/2012 1:34:26 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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If you don't have any rules, then you can't break any and need to be punished for breaking them. One rule a week and talk about it if it turns out it won't work. No good having to meet him naked at the door if your commute is longer than his and you don't get home earlier than he does.

Beyond that, you need a learning curve. How about if you do something wrong, he just reminds you what you did wrong and tells you to do it over correctly? This way you end on a positive note, feeling like a success instead of a failure.

In addition to punishment, what about him catching you doing things right and giving you kudos for that. After all, do you work harder for a boss who only yells at you when you make a mistake or one who gives sincere thanks for getting a job done well?

_____________________________

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(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 27

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/25/2012 8:42:49 AM

toxic66

Posts: 47
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Spanking is almost put because hand spanking just turns me on, it does nothing else and doesn't make me behave just want to act out more. There are punishments out there that I know I would NEVER do! I'm not sure of I'm just not ready for them yet or they truly would be good punishments I just don't want them or if they're hard limits.

My slave and I have a punishment dynamic. She too is masochistic and if I put her over my knee and gave her a good hand spanking she would just get very excited and enjoy it. However most masochists can only process and enjoy so much pain (some much more than others). We have found that if I use my belt and and give good, hard swift strokes in sets of 10 (for however many the punishment is). She says she really does not enjoy it and it is a very effective punishment for her. She still says that even though she does not enjoy the punishments that she needs that in the relationship. She desires it and needs to feel that control.

Don't know if any of that can help you or fits what you might be looking for but thought I would share.

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 28

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/29/2012 9:27:33 PM

subsandywhich

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Joined: 8/29/2012
Status: offline

As a pain slut using whipping or pain as punishment isnt entirely effective for me. That being said i can tell the differnce when im being beat in punishment and play but the correction just doesnt seem to stick as well when its just a harsh ass whooping.

my Owners discovered a quite effective punishment for me that humilates, hurts, and redirects me while providing easy entertainment for Them.

They stuff my cunt with heavy metal ben wa balls and make me dance to songs on he wii using the just dance games. i have to do well and get a good score and if i miss too many steps repeat he song until They are satisfied. The number of songs assinged depends on the nature of the "crime"

Sounds easy but it really sucks

Then the balls stay in almost all the time for a few days and im constantly horny and not allowed to cum or play with myself. im constantly reminded of my place and aware of how stupid it was to disobey.

< Message edited by subsandywhich -- 8/29/2012 9:31:09 PM >

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 29

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/29/2012 11:20:41 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsandywhich

As a pain slut using whipping or pain as punishment isnt entirely effective for me. That being said i can tell the differnce when im being beat in punishment and play but the correction just doesnt seem to stick as well when its just a harsh ass whooping.

my Owners discovered a quite effective punishment for me that humilates, hurts, and redirects me while providing easy entertainment for Them.

They stuff my cunt with heavy metal ben wa balls and make me dance to songs on he wii using the just dance games. i have to do well and get a good score and if i miss too many steps repeat he song until They are satisfied. The number of songs assinged depends on the nature of the "crime"

Sounds easy but it really sucks

Then the balls stay in almost all the time for a few days and im constantly horny and not allowed to cum or play with myself. im constantly reminded of my place and aware of how stupid it was to disobey.

Not meaning to be snarky at all, genuine question (to anyone who knows) - what are the health implications of leaving toys in over multiple days? If they are very heavy, would that not put undue strain on your pelvic floor after a while (I'm thinking of the 'weakening' down there women can get during pregnancy)? Also, what about infection? I suppose benwa balls don't actually hold the vagina's entrance open... I just can't shake the feeling of being vulnerable to infection doing that.

Other than that, just dance with Ben Wa balls sounds like a giggle to me! But if it works for you that's what matters.

I think after a few days for me 'constantly horny' would fade to 'sore and pissed', I've always been on the feeling that punishments shouldn't drag on and on.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to subsandywhich)

Post #: 30

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/29/2012 11:35:42 PM

subsandywhich

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/29/2012
Status: offline

Yeah, i take them out to go to the bathroom, bathe, and sleep. They are disinfected and cleaned multiple times a day. The longest stretch was three days of being unable to cum and i do get sore, but its not really bad, kinda like the sore pussy from a really long fuck session

By heavy, they are only like 6 oz total, not bad but heavy enough that i need to flex my kegel muscles to keep them in when bending or squatting.

my original resonse should have mentioned that i am not expected, nor is it safe to simply leave any toy in for extended periods of time without breaks for cleaning and safety.

The real part of the punishment as far as the dancing goes is how arousing it is for the balls to shift and move inside me and not be able to cum

< Message edited by subsandywhich -- 8/29/2012 11:38:37 PM >

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 31

RE: Good punishment ideas - 8/29/2012 11:45:52 PM

subsandywhich

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/29/2012
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Also its effective because i have terrible stage fright and dont feel entirely comfortable with all the dance moves....not comfortable for me but doing it because Mistress said reminds me of my place and that all things, good or bad come from my Owners

(in reply to subsandywhich)

Post #: 32

RE: Good punishment ideas - 9/12/2012 2:23:22 PM

DOM68005

Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

The following has been verified by more than one sub:

One of the best punishments known is not to play. Ignoring a sub when they know that is what you are doing just drives them nuts or increases the desire to please. It also is the equlivent of corner time giving them time to think. Since the sub craves it, failure to do so is a perfect punishment. The next time the couple plays, I assure you she will do any(safe) thing to please.

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 33

RE: Good punishment ideas - 9/12/2012 2:45:03 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

The following has been verified by more than one sub:

One of the best punishments known is not to play. Ignoring a sub when they know that is what you are doing just drives them nuts or increases the desire to please. It also is the equlivent of corner time giving them time to think. Since the sub craves it, failure to do so is a perfect punishment. The next time the couple plays, I assure you she will do any(safe) thing to please.

Ignoring me just pisses me off, so it just backfires with me.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DOM68005)

Post #: 34

RE: Good punishment ideas - 9/12/2012 3:00:02 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

The following has been verified by more than one sub:

One of the best punishments known is not to play. Ignoring a sub when they know that is what you are doing just drives them nuts or increases the desire to please. It also is the equlivent of corner time giving them time to think. Since the sub craves it, failure to do so is a perfect punishment. The next time the couple plays, I assure you she will do any(safe) thing to please.

Not playing is punishing the dominant as well. Ignoring a submissive doesn't get the dominants needs, wants or desires met. Unless the 'crime' committed was one involving time stealing, that punishment would only seem appropriate for a very limited number of offenses. For example, a submissive kept the dominant waiting for 30 mins., then I could see that sort of punishment as appropriate and a lesson could be learned that time is precious. If the 'crime' is watching tv when you are supposed to be doing dishes, then a different punishment would probably be more appropriate.

Punishments which fit the crime, which work in that the lesson is remembered even if the punishment itself is forgotten are far better relationship-wise and growth-wise and don't punish the innocent dominant in the process.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to DOM68005)

Post #: 35

RE: Good punishment ideas - 9/12/2012 5:40:17 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If she's acting out because you aren't meeting her pain needs, then punishing her by not playing is only going to leave her more pissed off that you aren't doing what you promised to do in the beginning.

Or do you also starve her if she hasn't eaten all day because she's cranky from lack of food?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 36

RE: Good punishment ideas - 9/17/2012 4:54:21 AM

loveseat

Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

I was tasked by my owner, who is also my full time partner, to come up with a list of punishments. I'm a masochist, so coming up with punishment ideas was difficult. Very few of them involved anything physical. The key is knowing yourself, and not being afraid to to disclose things that you hate. They are meant to be punishments, they are meant to be things that you hate, things that deter you from behaving badly. Anyway, here's my list exactly as I wrote it down for him, I hope you find it useful...

1. Having to write lines. Essays don't work but having to repeat the line you want me to write over and over not only gets the message through but causes a moderate amount of pain in my hands to do so.

2. Stand in the corner, facing the wall with my hands on my head. This is actually a good fall back one for when I make you angry, making me stand in the corner gives you time to calm down and think clearly.

3. Having to go to bed early, and alone, no TV etc. I hate going to bed alone, without your warmth.

4. Having to skip a meal or two, I am not diabetic so skipping a meal won't put me in any danger, and won't starve me, but it will be very uncomfortable.

5. Only being allowed to eat one type of food for an entire day. Could be anything, but I imagine being limited to just that for an entire day would be pretty awful... this could work well for cheating on my diet perhaps? One cookie might be wonderful, but only being able to eat cookies for a whole day could put me off them for life! This is much like the parent who catches their kid smoking and then forces them to smoke a whole packet at once in the hopes that they will feel so sick after they never light up again.

5. A spanking without any warm up. This hurts, in a bad way.

6. Make me drink a litre of water and then deny me indoor toilet privileges for a day, only being able to either pee outside or forcing me to travel to a public toilet.

7. Put me in the wood shed for X amount of time. In winter it would be freezing, in summer boiling, it's standing room only, it's dark, there is nothing to do.

8. A cold shower.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 37

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