When a slut can't be a slut... (Full Version)

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chelita30 -> When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 4:06:32 AM)

Just to be clear from the start, this post is part-rant, part-question.

Just over a year ago I took a big step - I accepted that I am submissive and came out into the bdsm community both online and locally. Now I just feel incredibly frustrated. I have a busy personal life as a single parent with small children and have found casual play - when I can get any - to be pretty disappointing so far (see the in-depth rant on my journal here - http://www.collarme.com/personals/m/de/journal.htm). I was in a relationship for about 3 months but it didn't work out. So I am a single slut with little free time and not a great liking for casual play or for "the scene". I have a high (and very perverted) sex drive and am having trouble coping with that. Vanilla friends my age with kids don't seem bothered about sex anymore. I feel like a freak.

I guess I'm hoping that some of you more experienced subs can identify with what I'm saying and give me some advice. It's not that I haven't tried to keep things in check, my best friend at present is a 6 inch rubber cock [sm=boohoo.gif], but this is about so much more than mere physical sensation....




CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 4:14:15 AM)

chelita30, your link to your journal entry doesn't work (the period and end parenthesis messed it up), and when I went to the home page and typed your name into search...your profile was gone/hidden/whatever.




chelita30 -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 4:21:46 AM)

Try this..

http://www.collarme.com/journal.asp?m=de&bhcp=1

I came off CM a while ago and have yet to re-write my profile. My journal entries still seem to be there though...




UllrsIshtar -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 4:24:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chelita30

Try this..

http://www.collarme.com/journal.asp?m=de&bhcp=1

I came off CM a while ago and have yet to re-write my profile. My journal entries still seem to be there though...


That doesn't work. It just routs us to our own personal journal page.
In order for people to read your journal, you need to unhid your profile.




chelita30 -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 4:28:54 AM)

I think I've done it now?!





CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 4:31:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chelita30

Just to be clear from the start, this post is part-rant, part-question.

Just over a year ago I took a big step - I accepted that I am submissive and came out into the bdsm community both online and locally. Now I just feel incredibly frustrated. I have a busy personal life as a single parent with small children and have found casual play - when I can get any - to be pretty disappointing so far (see the in-depth rant on my journal here - http://www.collarme.com/personals/m/de/journal.htm). I was in a relationship for about 3 months but it didn't work out. So I am a single slut with little free time and not a great liking for casual play or for "the scene". I have a high (and very perverted) sex drive and am having trouble coping with that. Vanilla friends my age with kids don't seem bothered about sex anymore. I feel like a freak.

I guess I'm hoping that some of you more experienced subs can identify with what I'm saying and give me some advice. It's not that I haven't tried to keep things in check, my best friend at present is a 6 inch rubber cock [sm=boohoo.gif], but this is about so much more than mere physical sensation....


Anyway, I'll try to answer your questions. [;)] What we do can be addictive, in a way. Being without power exchange is difficult...before I found bo, if I didn't scene with friendly bottoms to deflect some energy (my clothes stayed on), when I was chatting with others who were possibilities here at CollarMe I would go into frenzy. It was like...my inner Klingon/predatory nature driving me to tear down with teeth and nails any obstacle, lol. It was intense and maddening. I would have to step away from the computer for a week or two at a time until I got myself under control again.

I have seen many submissives going through "sub frenzy" when they are in between, or when some Dominant who is not the right one is sniffing around them, pushing some buttons.

As for the sex stuff...buy lotsa batteries and have fun. Get different vibes (get a Hitachi with the G-spot attachment, mwahahaha). Enjoy your own body and wear yourself out...until you find the right person. In the meantime, if scening with Mr. Right Now isn't helping you, it's something you will have to think about. Maybe you will be better off focusing on getting to know the person first before bringing kink into it. Good luck.

It took me a long time to find the one I was looking for...but he was worth it. And I give him cookies. [;)]




Hillwilliam -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 4:32:30 AM)

You live on the wrong side of the pond [X(]




CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 4:43:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chelita30

I think I've done it now?!




Yep, I can read them now, but I don't know if the clickies will take me there, lol, I just clicked on your profile to go see.

Btw, your journal entries are a damn fine read. In this thread I can feel your frustration and maybe some burn out...I used to go through that every few months, so hang in there...it will pass. I want to comment on one of your journal entries...some of us are not into age play (or at least, not in our present relationship) but we do baby/nurture/whatever our submissive.

Maybe the one you are looking for will be a late bloomer and won't discover BDSM until sometime this year, then will show up at CollarMe and snatch you up. [;)]




kalikshama -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 5:56:54 AM)

So the question is how to re-channel your sex drive while you are waiting for Relationship Dom?

- Cardio and yoga.

- If masturbating helps, go for it. If not, don't.

- I know you said you're not into casual play. I'd vastly prefer play within the context of a relationship, but do occasionally get a NSA therapeutic beating.




chelita30 -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 6:55:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

So the question is how to re-channel your sex drive while you are waiting for Relationship Dom?


That's a big part of it, yes, but not the whole picture. I think it's also to do with an intense desire to just *be* that part of me. And no amount of fucking with a rubber cock or playing about with the hitachi can resolve that. I think cardio would help, right now I have no way of getting to the gym minus the kids so maybe I need to consider something I can do at home (ugh!). I think boxing would be a good sport to take up right now.....I bet I could fit a punchbag inmy bedroom :-)

@Cynthia I identify very much with what you said. I am quite an intense person so do find myself driven wild at times! That is why I left CM in the first place. I'm not sure CM, Fet or anything that titillates without satisfying is good for me right now. But the chances of running into my dream Dom at the school gates in Northern Ireland are practically zilch! I'd say there is even less chance at the local munches :-)





kalikshama -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 7:03:49 AM)

quote:

maybe I need to consider something I can do at home


P90X?




SimplyMichael -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 7:19:59 AM)

Ya make choices...

For me, casual play and casual sex dont do much for me...so I wait.




Alecta -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 12:15:48 PM)

I'm not entirely sure what you're into, but for the less creative stuff involving the straight forward tab A in slot B, it shouldn't be that hard to get a FWB or two without needing to mention the kink words. Or what about a mentor/mentoress?

Don't feel like a freak just because YOU haven't been mummy-zombified! Other mothers go through years of therapy to shake that apathy lol

Sorry about the thousands of chat hours thing, it happens to all of us and is precisely why I insist on seeing people in real life before taking them seriously and never "play" on the first meeting. Just because you're submissive doesn't make you an emotional doormat, don't accept people who treat you that way (without your permission anyway).





BlkDaddysGirl70 -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 12:21:35 PM)

I have been, and in some ways still am, there! Stick to your guns on waiting for someone to come along who's a good D-type...as you already know, not really very neat when it's not deep. The thing that's seemed to help me the most is getting out to meet folks at non-sexual events and classes, so that I can get a real sense of who's worth spending time with in the area. As far as chatting goes...hell, I have 2-3 conversations to establish interest on both sides, and then I INSIST on a live meet or a cam/Skype chat (of the non-naughty sort). That's weeded out several "role players" on CM and the like.




DesFIP -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (8/24/2012 1:11:15 PM)

I was celibate for five years. You masturbate or you do other things and let the drive turn off since it isn't being used.

It sounds like you just aren't wired for casual. Many of us aren't. If so, figure out what you do need in a partner. Write it all down so you won't be tempted to jump into the sack/dungeon with someone you aren't compatible with.

Beyond that, you can write first to guys also. Read profiles and journals of guys around you and if any of them don't have any personal red flags, then you write them. Meet for coffee. Meet at a local munch. Whatever it is, do it safely and feel free just dating until you feel like moving it further along. A smart dom won't want to push so hard that he pushes you away. And you don't want one that isn't smart.




brokenpony -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (9/9/2012 12:21:38 AM)

I read this not because II have an answer but hoping to find someone that did. I am a submissive, always have been, and have embraced my inner slut with pride. I found a Mistress and we had an excellent relationship. Then things changed and she was required to move several states away. Since then I have retired, lots of free time, nothing or no one to do. totally frustrated and in need of someone to take control. I buy batteries by the case and industrial grade toys. I hope you find an answer, then maybe at least i will have hope.




littlewonder -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (9/9/2012 12:42:29 AM)

Why do people who find bdsm think that finding someone for a relationship with is any easier than any other type???

Look, if you couldn't find a man for a relationship BEFORE bdsm, it won't be any easier or faster here.

I was single for 8 years, did a little bit of casual play for a little bit but hated it and then I just stopped fucking and playing until I found the right man in my life and yes, I was a single mother as well.

What did I do about it then? My daughter took up a lot of my free time. Other times I was busy with work, paying bills, mowing the lawn, going grocery shopping, hanging out with my girlfriend, reading, walking, etc....

Being a single mom I just found that to be honest, I didn't have a lot of free time. She was a handful and then you put a full time job on top of that and when I wasn't doing both of those I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.




Missokyst -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (9/9/2012 9:37:04 AM)

what she said...

Also, oddly enough when I found I could not do casual sex I just stopped having sex at all. Not even maturbation. Instead I had turned my focus to doing stuff with the kids. As a result my children all grew up with a love of ballet, opera, theater, and were extremely literate long before their peers. I worked, took a cruise or 3, and wrote or painted. I have always been sexually focused but by forcing that out and finding other outlets I found I could finally relax and not have that desperation that springs from frustration.





sexyred1 -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (9/9/2012 9:49:18 AM)

I read your journal entries, OP, and I understand your frustration. I agree with my posters above; I am very picky about who I do this with and we have all heard the same things from potential Doms or vanilla men for that matter.

It really is individual; some people can do casual play, some cannot. I used to be able to do it more, but now, I would truly prefer being alone. My advice to you is to try and get to know someone and have them get to know you, so that when you do engage, the result will likely be more satisfying.

Honestly, I am like you in that my particular turn on is very emotional, so it cannot be fulfilled with someone I just met.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: When a slut can't be a slut... (9/9/2012 10:32:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Ya make choices...

For me, casual play and casual sex dont do much for me...so I wait.


I can still play casually and nonsexually, but sportfucking isn't good for me, so I just don't do it.

Honestly, how do you think celibate clergy manage? They do other things. They employ self control, mental and physical. They channel all their energy to other goalls and other actions.

I will not tell you it's easy. Sometimes I look at the choice I made and despair. It can be done. Decide what's important, and focus.




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