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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 10:54:35 AM

Thaz

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Kink is all in the mind. Despite what people say about feathers vs the entire chicken.

So if you find it Kinky and get off on it then its Kinky. Missionary Sex can be Kinky depending on who, what, where and when.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 10:57:36 AM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

Actually, for me, vanilla sex is pretty much any sex that I have in a 'nilla relationship. It can be kinky as heck, or not. It's still vanilla sex...

It remains vanilla sex UNTIL I add in some form of power exchange. Then, the sex can be tame as all get out, plain old missionary, whatever, it ceases to be vanilla for me because of my mindset.

It's not so much what's happening at a given moment; it's about how much control I have over that and how much control I have over what ~might~ happen.

And, that probably does not make a whole lot of sense to anyone but me. lol

It made TOTAL sense to me.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 10:58:12 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

It remains vanilla sex UNTIL I add in some form of power exchange. Then, the sex can be tame as all get out, plain old missionary, whatever, it ceases to be vanilla for me because of my mindset.

Well put!

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 11:29:03 AM

culareD

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*votes we keep Culare*

aww..shanks!

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 11:31:04 AM

culareD

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

It remains vanilla sex UNTIL I add in some form of power exchange. Then, the sex can be tame as all get out, plain old missionary, whatever, it ceases to be vanilla for me because of my mindset.

Well put!

This makes sense to me...not sure why (YET), but it does. Power exchange......................

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 11:35:17 AM

SlipSlidingAway

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I only speak as a woman in a vanilla marriage who has tried to make kinky vanilla sex into......well, whatever term anyone would like to insert for the opposite of it lol...

It just does not work for me. I don't care how kinky we'd get, it just did not get me into the same headspace. He's even tried to top me, but again, it's not real to him and I know it, so it does not push the same buttons. It took me a while to realize that the power exchange was really what was driving my responses. But, then again, the power exchange has so much tied up (pun intened) with it that I'm not sure which aspects of it actually flip that switch. I just know that, in my case, no denying it.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 12:14:15 PM

JeffBC

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OK... as all the regulars know, I struggle with the whole kinky/vanilla thing a lot. That being said I have a few observations:

First, I assume when we say "kinky" here on a BDSM site what we are really referring to is BDSM kinky. In other words, something involving bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, dominance and submission. I think there are entire worlds of kinkiness out there that have nothing to do with any of that. Round these parts we have a fair number of "fetishists" that get into all manner of stuff and I'm pretty certain that the random Joe on the street would find the vast majority of it kinky. For instance, a rubber fetishist who may not in any way connect that to bondage.

So with that baseline, then Carol and I have kinky sex because there is always that authority present. The actual physical act is normally reasonably vanilla. We don't get up to any of the more elaborate things... things that might require some staging or props. The closest we come is "manual bondage" *laughs*... she's normally pretty "pinned down" when I'm fucking her.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 12:20:07 PM

culareD

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

OK... as all the regulars know, I struggle with the whole kinky/vanilla thing a lot. That being said I have a few observations:

First, I assume when we say "kinky" here on a BDSM site what we are really referring to is BDSM kinky. In other words, something involving bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, dominance and submission. I think there are entire worlds of kinkiness out there that have nothing to do with any of that. Round these parts we have a fair number of "fetishists" that get into all manner of stuff and I'm pretty certain that the random Joe on the street would find the vast majority of it kinky. For instance, a rubber fetishist who may not in any way connect that to bondage.

So with that baseline, then Carol and I have kinky sex because there is always that authority present. The actual physical act is normally reasonably vanilla. We don't get up to any of the more elaborate things... things that might require some staging or props. The closest we come is "manual bondage" *laughs*... she's normally pretty "pinned down" when I'm fucking her.

This is great!!!

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 12:26:02 PM

kalikshama

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See, I TOLD you you were kinky :P

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 12:59:03 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
See, I TOLD you you were kinky :P

LOL. My next tag line or maybe signature should read:

Kinky be popular demand

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 1:10:34 PM

kalikshama

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lol!

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 1:26:31 PM

Karmastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Actually, I got a few questions.

Are these things vanilla?

Deep throating
Spanking
Swallowing cum
Cumming on the girl where-ever, head, face, tits, cunt, wherever
Basically..., fingering her in public
Anal sex
Threesomes or more

depends on what your personal view of vanilla is.

The only thing I would consider out of line (but still not "kinky") is the fingering in public, but that's more because I don't care to expose an unsuspecting public to my sexual life.

i personally would consider the list light kink. fingering in public is more of a game, assuming the point is to not be noticed.

cumming on the person where-ever is more cum slut play to me.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 1:37:11 PM

LadyPact

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Vanilla sex to Me is sex that involves two people where there are no elements of bondage, discipline, sadism, or masochism or authority dynamic in place. (I don't bastardize the BDSM term to include Dominance and submission.) Oral and anal I still put under the vanilla label. That silly thing about ejaculating elsewhere is also vanilla because, let's face it, teenagers have been trying to use that as a method to reduce the chance of pregnancy. People use it in porn to get the money shot. That doesn't mean pulling out makes it kinky.

On the other hand, sex that involves any element of BDSM, no matter how light, I consider kinky. Yeah, here on these boards, the fluffy handcuffs or that light spanking session as foreplay may seem like a joke when talking to people who play with single tails and shibari, but even the lightest stuff counts. I also consider sex between three or more people to be kinky, though it doesn't have a damn thing to do with humiliation in My book. Then again, I've never found any form of being in charge or controlling My own sexuality to be humiliating.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 1:56:24 PM

pyschosubmission

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FR

Ironically sex with Vanilla ice cream is not considered 'nilla...

Hurts after while though

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 2:00:36 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

And besides, you think is vanilla or kinky is going to be vastly different to anyone else.

Kinky is using a feather.

Perverted is using the whole chicken.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 2:05:03 PM

Lucifyre

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlipSlidingAway

Actually, for me, vanilla sex is pretty much any sex that I have in a 'nilla relationship. It can be kinky as heck, or not. It's still vanilla sex...

It remains vanilla sex UNTIL I add in some form of power exchange. Then, the sex can be tame as all get out, plain old missionary, whatever, it ceases to be vanilla for me because of my mindset.

It's not so much what's happening at a given moment; it's about how much control I have over that and how much control I have over what ~might~ happen.

And, that probably does not make a whole lot of sense to anyone but me. lol

It made TOTAL sense to me.

Me too!

In fact, IMO kink has a lot less to do with the toys you add to mix than the midsent of the two (or more) people engaging. Which I suppose is just saying about the same thing as the last paragraph above, only rephrased a little bit.

Of course my twisted mind wants to make some fucked up comment about bondage that isn't kinky would be considered rape...but I won't turn this discussion in that direction so just ignore me.

Lucifyre

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 2:16:26 PM

sexyred1

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I am in the camp that thinks all sex is vanilla unless power exchange is present.

All of those things mentioned are normal for me. Anything, even missionary, as someone said, can be felt as kinky, ie. holding my hands above my head and imprisoning me between his legs during missionary...to me that is kinky because it makes me feel so intensely submissive.

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 2:34:39 PM

kitkat105

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

And besides, you think is vanilla or kinky is going to be vastly different to anyone else.

Kinky is using a feather.

Perverted is using the whole chicken.

You want to put what, where?!

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 2:36:47 PM

kitkat105

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I love you, kit. If you weren't already getting married.. *sigh*

I love you too, Greedy!

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RE: Vanilla Sex vs The Other Side Sex - 8/24/2012 3:29:37 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Actually, I got a few questions.

Are these things vanilla?

Deep throating
Spanking
Swallowing cum
Cumming on the girl where-ever, head, face, tits, cunt, wherever
Basically..., fingering her in public
Anal sex
Threesomes or more

For me vanilla means the most basic of flavor: straight on missionary sex.

As far as everything else goes, it can either be a whole different flavor of ice-cream, or it can just be a little bit of sprinkles or chocolate chips you put on the vanilla ice-cream.

To me, anal sex is definitely a different flavor of ice-cream. While straight on threesome without anything special going on is just adding a little whipped cream and sprinkles on the vanilla ice-cream.

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