RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles

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RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/12/2006 8:26:43 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
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I'll chime in on the side of "it seems as if they just want anyone and they will act accordingly to whomever replies fastest." People who are switches I can deal with. I would not likely be in a LTR with them but would consider playing with them more casually. However, if I got into a relationship with someone and found out they had a dominant profile separate from them, I'd have a problem with that. I would think they were still looking and playing the other role on the side without my knowledge. If they came to me and told me up front...I don't know. I never had that happen to me.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/16/2006 8:26:42 PM

johnnywacks

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

I consider myself a switch. For the longest time I really thought of myself as only a sub. But now that I am older I am very excited about the idea of having a sub of my own.  (I have a wife that I love dearly, but she is more of a partner than a sub and wants to remain that way).

I DO think that there is a lot of misunderstanding around the term switch. I personally HATE the word, since it does seem to imply "wishy washy". I think that many dom/dommes assume that a switch is not a "real" sub, a sub that is interested in submitting their mind, body, and souls.   I also think that subs assume that a switch is NOT somebody that is interested in being a "real" dom: somebody who will control them and teach them and mold them.

I myself enjoy the idea of being in BOTH roles (although I assume in different roles with different people). I have met many people who do this already. And It didn't seem like their subs considered them to be bad dommes, nor did their master think of them as bad subs.   I think it is VERY possible to be in both roles with different people and still have it be very powerful and rewarding to everyone involved.

There ARE people who call themselves switches, who are really looking for "play" partners. People who want enjoy different scenes with different people. I'll admit to wanthing this sort of play also. But I just think of that as "play", which is not the same thing as an intimate D/s relationship. They are different things.

I HAVE flipped my profile settings around before, depending on what I wanted at the time. It does help avoid the confusion of stigma around the term "switch". But I don't lie to people. I told my first domme that someday I wanted to have a slave of my own. Does that make me less of a good sub? I hope not. (I don't think she thought that).

What is the warning bell is NOT that they had two profiles, or that they are a switch. It's that they didn't feel comfortable enough to TELL you during your initial conversations what their full interests were. That's the warning sign.  You can chalk it up to the persons lack of confidence in themselves and try to continue with the relationship, but I think it MAY be a leading indicator of problems further issues down the line. It doesn't matter WHAT the potential relationship is - if somebody is hiding something about themselves it's not a good sign.

Although I do LOVE this meaning of the word switch:
switch (swĭch) n.

A slender flexible rod, stick, or twig, especially one used for whipping.

I don't mind being associated with that!

< Message edited by johnnywacks -- 6/16/2006 8:30:56 PM >

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RE: Subs with Dominant Profiles - 6/17/2006 1:55:14 AM

MistressTheaZ

Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: johnnywacks

--snip--I think it is VERY possible to be in both roles with different people and still have it be very powerful and rewarding to everyone involved.

What is the warning bell is NOT that they had two profiles, or that they are a switch. It's that they didn't feel comfortable enough to TELL you during your initial conversations what their full interests were. That's the warning sign. You can chalk it up to the persons lack of confidence in themselves and try to continue with the relationship, but I think it MAY be a leading indicator of problems further issues down the line. It doesn't matter WHAT the potential relationship is - if somebody is hiding something about themselves it's not a good sign. --snip--

I like what was said here, and quite succinctly to what I feel also. I generally loathe the idea of any man telling Me of his fantasies involving Me as potentially submissive, but in six years, there have been two men who piqued My interest enough for Me to bend My knee and find out. In both cases, I was not sorry I did, but this hardly means I identify as a switch or would include them specifically when searching for a long-term partner. With those two individuals - and one much more than the other - there was a chemistry in which I felt comfortable and open to explore. I tend to judge, for this reason, on the merits of what I feel for the individual rather than a given label or identity as one thing or another.

To the OP - I get mail quite frequently from male Dominants seeking to explore. *rolling eyes*. All in all, I tend to think some of them have a complex that urges them to write frantically whenever they see a Domme profile that somehow challenges their masculinity. They have no desire to share anything other than living out their fantasy of topping - even from the bottom - a Female Dominant they feel threatened by, for whatever reason. Some just get more of a charge out of manipulating a Female Dominant. Of course, this is just My experience. ;)

Agree with johnny when it comes to the dishonesty of having two profiles and keeping mum about the other.

~Thea

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