BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it?

BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (Full Version)

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MadelineSerenity -> BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:02:03 AM)
My boyfriend and I are trying out BDSM. He introduced me to the whole idea, and he really loves it. I have been slightly interested in some of it, but if I never met him I probably never would consider playing out some of my fantasies. This situation led me to some interesting questions: Is BDSM an interest that is learned? Is everyone somewhat interested in BDSM, but only a few people follow that interest? I am very interested to hear everyone's opinion.

feastie -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:05:29 AM)
It can be either or both.

Tikkiee -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:06:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadelineSerenity My boyfriend and I are trying out BDSM. He introduced me to the whole idea, and he really loves it. I have been slightly interested in some of it, but if I never met him I probably never would consider playing out some of my fantasies. This situation led me to some interesting questions: Is BDSM an interest that is learned? Is everyone somewhat interested in BDSM, but only a few people follow that interest? I am very interested to hear everyone's opinion. I can, of course, only answer for myself here. It was something that I became interested in, not something that I believe was always within me.

JohnWarren -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:08:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadelineSerenity My boyfriend and I are trying out BDSM. He introduced me to the whole idea, and he really loves it. I have been slightly interested in some of it, but if I never met him I probably never would consider playing out some of my fantasies. This situation led me to some interesting questions: Is BDSM an interest that is learned? Is everyone somewhat interested in BDSM, but only a few people follow that interest? I am very interested to hear everyone's opinion. It's been my experience that some come to BDSM quite early. I had my first sexual fantasies about bondage long before puberty and the same was true for Libby. Some of my acquaintances tell me they only developed the interest rather late in life. As for the number of people who think about this, the only data I can give you is that when I spoke to vanilla audiences, usually graduate psych classes and police departments, it would be rare not to be approached in some manner after each presentation by at least one and often several people from the audience asking for more information about how to do this in a responsible manner. It certainly seems to be out there

awhisper -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:09:57 AM)
i think it's different for everyone. i was interested in, excited by being victimized, captive, under Another's control since early childhood. This desire came way before sexual knowledge. lucky me... quote: ORIGINAL: MadelineSerenity My boyfriend and I are trying out BDSM. He introduced me to the whole idea, and he really loves it. I have been slightly interested in some of it, but if I never met him I probably never would consider playing out some of my fantasies. This situation led me to some interesting questions: Is BDSM an interest that is learned? Is everyone somewhat interested in BDSM, but only a few people follow that interest? I am very interested to hear everyone's opinion.

Estring -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:13:22 AM)
I think bdsm is something that you learn about if the interest is strong enough. Many just enjoy some of the sexual and kinky parts (spanking, hair pulling, etc.) and aren't interested in going any deeper. And then there are some like your boyfriend, who feel the need to explore and dig deeper. I know that when I first was introduced to bdsm, something just clicked inside me, and I knew that this would be a huge part of my life.

puella -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:13:43 AM)
Hello Madeline Serenity, I think, and this is just my opinion, that it is a mixture of both. For myself, I am innately submissive. It is a part of what makes me the person that I am, as surely any other part of my personality. With that, I do not need another person to be what I am as a human being. It just 'is'. I am Jen: sensitive, intelligent to an unremarkable degree, submissive, genial, giving, stubborn, idealistic, etc etc. Those points of being are things which are innate to a person, to a large degree. However, saying that, I will also add that there are things about my being submissive which can be heightened and manipulated (I am not using that word in a negative way, I am just demonstrating the malleability of things) at the hands of another who can move me in profound ways. There are things I could not have learned about the nature of myself all on my own. It took the guidance and leadership of someone who was my owner to do that. He made me grow further into many of the aspects of my personality that make me me, and made me a better me, in my opinion. For that I will always be grateful. Sometimes, there are things we can give freely, and then there are things which must be taken. So to me, in response to your query, being submissive is nature, and dealing with and growing in your submission is nurture, so... it is both. (I wonder if I will have made sense to anyone by myself just now, hehe?)

reticence -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:16:16 AM)
(smiling at puella) Your sure made a lot of sense to me. I could never have stated that as eloquently and elegantly as you just did. In my own way let me just say ditto reticence

MHOO314 -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:20:26 AM)
Dominance is what I am, the manifestations and toys are what I learned.

Lordandmaster -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:28:40 AM)
I'm sure you're born with it, but that doesn't mean you can't learn things along the way.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 10:34:53 AM)
For me, I think I was born with it. I know I was thinking about bondage way before my teens. I liked seeing movies where someone was tied or in some kind of distress that way. Was submissive, like someone said earlier, before I even knew what anything sexual was. It happened at a young age, but it was not a happy experience, and did all I could to get away from that person. With my very first "real" boyfriend, just started dominating him, I thought I had found the holy grail...lol. Now this was before the net, and I'm from a pretty small town, so I knew absolutely nothing. I thought it was something I made up on my own... Imagine my suprise when I got my first computer...LOL

rose442 -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 11:04:58 AM)
For me I believe it is something that I am learning to be. I cannot be Dominant. I don't have it in me. I am strong willed and hard headed. Which makes it almost imposible to be a slave. And I was deffinately not a born submissive. But I want this lifestyle and I had to choose what was best suited for me and Dominant was not it. I would be ran over like a lawn mower and used to its fullest till I was the slave to my slave. lol. Sometimes I feel like I am not a slave either. But that is because of my hard headedness. And wanting to fight it. But I am a slave, Masters slave till death. rose442

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 11:30:38 AM)
Ye Olde "Nature vs Nurture" question, as applied to BDSM activities. While it is certainly a possibility that people might be born with a greater disposition towards a more dominant or submissive personality type - much of personality is Learned Behavior. We learn, from infancy, to enjoy those things for which we receive some type of reward - a smile, affection, attention, praise. It doesn't necessarily matter what form the attention takes - it's still attention. A spanking as a child, given because we broke mom's favorite vase while playing, is still attention (and therefore a form of reward) from our parents - just as much as that smile and $10 for getting straight A's on a report card. Add that sort of reinforcement during formative years to sensuality, and it becomes a powerful mix. Throw in the various social factors such as the "Forbidden Fruit" syndrome (wanting what isn't allowed, isn't socially acceptable) and you multiply things by an order of magnitude.

CrappyDom -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 12:08:35 PM)
To ME, S&M is an exploration of what makes my sexuality tick and it gives me the freedom and safety to explore almost anything I want. Since everyone is born with a sexuality but here in the West we suppress it, S&M gives us a place to celebrate it in ways as far apart as enforced celibacy to wanton sexual servitude and any combination of flavors in between. I mean, how cool is that?

Lashra -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 12:11:32 PM)
I enjoyed tying little boys up and making them do things at a young age. As I got older the desire to do this with my boyfriends only grew stronger until there was no denying it. I'm a Domme its what I do and I can't imagine not doing it. ~Lashra

tixarah -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 12:18:32 PM)
for me it was something that was always there, but i just didnt know what it was. i have always had this need to serve, to please, to make sure all around me in that authority figure were happy and had the help they needed. When i came into the lifestyle and started learning more about it, i remember my first thoughts about it, and thinking back to 3rd grade saying to myself "Wow, its been here all along" but thats just me, i think everyone is different and you just have to figure out for yourself where you stand.....

JassWolf -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 12:24:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 Dominance is what I am, the manifestations and toys are what I learned. Well said, and I agree. Good luck! JW

amayos -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 12:32:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadelineSerenity My boyfriend and I are trying out BDSM. He introduced me to the whole idea, and he really loves it. I have been slightly interested in some of it, but if I never met him I probably never would consider playing out some of my fantasies. This situation led me to some interesting questions: Is BDSM an interest that is learned? Is everyone somewhat interested in BDSM, but only a few people follow that interest? I am very interested to hear everyone's opinion. I believe this behavior has existed in the human animal for many thousands of years. In our contemporary age of moral law it has found other paths in which to flow, much like water. I believe that "teaching" it merely awakens what we are already suited to know.

ScooterTrash -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 12:33:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadelineSerenity Is everyone somewhat interested in BDSM, but only a few people follow that interest? I have to believe that most everyone has a dark side, but as already mentioned, it is usually supressed. My guess is that the interest comes early, likely when our sexuality is developing, but it may be years, or perhaps even decades before we act on those feelings, if ever. That being said, I doubt the interest is learned, the interest comes naturally...it's the safe execution of the acts you are interested in, that may take some study.

MrrPete -> RE: BDSM - something you learn or are you born with it? (6/11/2006 12:47:23 PM)
As far back as I can remember I've had fantasies about putting women in bondage and taking them sexually any way I wanted. But I didn't know what to call it or that others had the same fantasies until I was in my 50s. I learned what to call it [BDSM] and that I WAS a Dominant. Always have been Since then I have LEARNED a lot of skills. Mr. Pete looking for a slave.

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