Submissive Sincerity or no? (Full Version)

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MsWillAdore -> Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/11/2006 10:17:36 AM)

After reading Lady Topaz's post on "Submissives w/ Dominant profiles" and replying to it... I have decided to create my own topic.  I am pasting a paragraph from the reply I posted in her topic:

"While we are on the subject of  "possible deception":  how about some input on a sub/slave that seems to have interest in you & doesn't follow through with simple things that he says he is going to do?  For example, HIM saying that he will call you if he is too busy to get online or not responding to emails that you know that he has read....etc.  This of course being part of the process before meeting.  We are/were supposed to meet this Wednesday (06/14/06), but after all of this... I am seriously debating that.  I mean, I would probably end up getting the "shaft".. and not in a good way either... *laffs*!!!!!!!!!!   He does give me reasons as to why he doesn't do the email thing, either he is busy...etc (he was just hired for a new job & tying up some loose ends)... but why can't he pick up the phone just to say... "Hey, I said I would call if I became too busy... I'm still busy but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you....blah blah blah"

This has happened to me before on here... but this time, wow... this "sub" really had/has MY mind wrapped around him.  I can usually shrug it off, because it happens a lot....I don't know what is different about this one.  [sm=ofcourse.gif] 

Any input would be greatly appreciated!

~~ Lady Kim ~~




MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/11/2006 10:34:38 AM)

Lady Kim,
 
Didn't see that you had opened a new topic.  Here is what I posted under the other topic:
 
Unfortunately, I have had this happen as well.  In a recent case, a submissive who lives in another state responded to My ad.  I was very impressed with him, we exchanged several e-mail, and talked on the phone.  W/we were in the process of planning a trip here to Dallas for him to come visit Me.
 
Shortly after that, the "problem" behavior stated.  He had standing instructions to e-mail Me at least once in every 24-hour period.  He was very good for a few weeks, then suddenly stopped with no explanation whatsoever.  He did not send an e-mail on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.  On Monday, I confronted him and asked him if there was a reason he did not continune following My instructions.  He told Me he was busy working all weekend.  However, each day I checked and noticed that he had time to log on to Collarme.com several times.  I pointed out to him that if he had time to do that, he certainly had time to send Me a two-sentence e-mail.  My take on it was that he was having second thoughts and his non-responsiveness was his passive/aggressive way of sending Me a signal.
 
When I have a prospective sub or slave who does not do the things he says he is going to do, I will first ask him for an explanation.  If he comes up with one that is valid, I might give him another chance.  However, if he continues not living up to what he says he's going to do, he's history.  I don't consider it a very good sign for a sub not to take reasonable instructions seriously in the initial stages of the relationship, when he should be trying his best to impress You. 
 
Lady Topaz



MsWillAdore -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/11/2006 10:39:03 AM)

I posted on the other one too... lol!!! 



crouchingtigress -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/11/2006 11:13:18 AM)

I have always believed that people tell you who they are in the first hours , days of meeting them , we often ignore the signs but it is to our detriment because it always bites us on the butt in the end.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/11/2006 11:39:17 AM)

I'm glad to see this spoken about.
Whenever I've gotten consistent than inconsistent coupled with short or long disappearing acts, I take it as a passive aggressive way of saying we aren't compatible, and move on.   It's more than a little annoying when you try to believe someone who comes seemingly sincerely pleading, but oh well *shrugs*.    M



MHOO314 -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/11/2006 1:16:29 PM)

I find that I must keep Myself steeled away a tad behind a wall---too many times I see the "ooohh yes Mistress, I will do whatever you ask"--then the pattern begins---I had one sumissive who pulled a stunt like that 4 times with Me until I realized,, I am the Domme and though life intervenes, there are ways to communicate--and if one can't---excuse the language---fuck him--it isn't about him, it's about Me and about Us, if that isn't important---screw it--I need more. As a Dominant, you need to have the strength to move on.



theRose4U -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/11/2006 5:19:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

I find that I must keep Myself steeled away a tad behind a wall---too many times I see the "ooohh yes Mistress, I will do whatever you ask"--then the pattern begins---I had one sumissive who pulled a stunt like that 4 times with Me until I realized,, I am the Domme and though life intervenes, there are ways to communicate--and if one can't---excuse the language---fuck him--it isn't about him, it's about Me and about Us, if that isn't important---screw it--I need more. As a Dominant, you need to have the strength to move on.


Yup what she said.



TexasMaam -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/11/2006 5:36:10 PM)

I call them 'little red flags' and I always pay attention to them now.

One little red flag, buy him. 
Two little red flags, try him. 
Three little red flags, deny him.

BlkTalFullfig said it better than I:

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I'm glad to see this spoken about.
Whenever I've gotten consistent than inconsistent coupled with short or long disappearing acts, I take it as a passive aggressive way of saying we aren't compatible, and move on.   It's more than a little annoying when you try to believe someone who comes seemingly sincerely pleading, but oh well *shrugs*.    M


TexasMaam



mistressrose10 -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/12/2006 6:08:46 AM)

With every player you meet, you learn the ones to avoid.I agree that if they are lax in corresponding that certainly is clue right there!It is now my policy to ask for a contact number as soon as possible-if the sub is cautious, he's out! While I can understand that you can't give your number out to just anyone you meet online, you have to start somewhere.I will call to get a feel of the sub and will make follow-up calls which he will be available to recieve, if he knows what's good for him.If he's hard to reach, that's another  clue.A sub who is interested in your vanilla life as well is a good sign.When I'm satisfied that there is some potential,I'll let him know how to contact me and set up a meeting.However nothing is foolproof and I also like to reserve much of myself away and not get too involved with a potential dud.



MsKatHouston -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/12/2006 8:32:51 AM)

When you get your hopes up because someone seems so good, it can be difficult to reconcile the red flags in your head.  You may make concessions you would typically not.  But, what it comes down to is your perception of how great the guy is...was incorrect.  If there is an emergency situation that happens and it is explained and then there are no further problems, then it can be forgiven.  But if it happens more than once before meeting one...cut your losses and move on.  There are plenty of fish in the sea



LoneGoddess -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/12/2006 8:59:49 PM)

Seems to me that they are only sabotaging themselves. Aren't we all a little guiltly of that one on occasion?

But I agree, they "should" be romancing me, dancing me, and jumping through the proverbial hoops to get and keep my attention and possibly a lot more... but do they? No. It would seem they do as long as it's getting one of their lifestyle needs met.  The moment a shred of mundane of everyday life shows itself, *poof*, gone. Neglected calls, neglected me... and I don't have this criteria that says I have to have an email a day, I'm rather easy going about it, provided the communication flows.  *arggh and deep sigh of frustration*

~Zan





MsWillAdore -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/13/2006 7:28:00 AM)

Thank you E/everyone for the input. 

Just for some background info:

We have been talking online for over a month (I had another profile that I deleted because there was someone that wouldn't leave me alone, I tried blocking...etc...) ... anyways... He (the new boy curt; not the stalker...lol)  was very receptive in the beginning as far as emailing me daily journals...etc.  We seemed to have had a lot of things in common, things we wanted...etc. All of a sudden, he just started giving me the feeling he was losing interest.  He has been hired by a new employer and I know that he has been busy running around trying to tie up loose ends & such.  The new job is requiring him to move to Michigan.  Still not too far from me, we talked about whether or not he would be able to come to the Cleveland area on weekends...while we were still getting to know each other...etc.  His response was "Absolutely."  We even talked about me relocating to Michigan in time.  With the work that I do, it wouldn't be hard for me to move.  He stated that he wanted to buy a house there & even asked me "Are you more of a country woman or a city woman?", implying that when he bought something that he would make the purchase with me in mind.  Which also indicated to me that he was serious about having something long term...marriage...etc.

However, after reading all of the posts & talking to friends online (I was trying to give the boy a fair shake), I did send him an email telling him how he had hurt me, etc..... and that I will no longer email him, that if any further contact was going to be initiated, then HE was the one that was going to have to do it.  I will no longer make a fool of myself.  Well, I see that he read that mail last night w/o a response.  Also in the "Actively Seeking" category he HAD "Dominant Women" there... and now he has included "Friends Only."  Which is totally contradicting his written profile statement... which is... and I quote..

"I was raised in a single parent household by a mother who was demanding and ran a strict household.  It is in my very nature to be submissive.

I'm college educated, professionally employed and consider myself successful in my job, but a failure when it come to developing a true, loving, relationship.

I am a little insecure, but looking for one special lady to form a long-term relationship based on honesty and love for one another.

I would like to give that special domme. the gift of my body. mind and soul....in exchange for your love...."

(Hopefully this won't get deleted for pasting that... not like I gave out his CM ID.)

>sigh< So...I guess I have my answer, that in my heart, I already knew; but just didn't want to accept.  Another online thrill seeker.   I think what some people should remember is that Dom/Domme's have feelings, hopes, aspirations that are just as real as a sub/slave.  (God, I hope no one flames on that statement.)  I just think that we are here looking for something that could be special (if we are all serious), I don't get why people have to get on here & misrepresent themselves.  Yanno?  I mean, there are surely others on CM that just want fantasy or online...etc... so why don't they hook up with those people with those interests?  I mean, after all if there weren't people on here looking for those things (not knocking anyone)... I wouldn't be going through this very issue, right?

Again, thank you for the input!  If any of you wonderful people have a male sub/slave friend in the Cleveland area... pack him in a box & send him to me!  LOL

Hugs & Swats!
~~ Lady Kim ~~



mistressrose10 -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/13/2006 4:51:49 PM)

You did the right thing in expressing to him that he had hurt you.Apparently he wasn't man enough to be the submissive you needed.I noticed that he confesses to his own insecurity and methinks he might have commitment issues as well..You have left the door open for him to contact you .. which  will allow him to return if he ever gets over whatever it is that's holding him back but don't twiddle your thumbs in the meantime- you are a Dominant and don't you forget who YOU are.Be true to yourself..



MistressTheaZ -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/13/2006 6:25:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsWillAdore
--snip--
>sigh< So...I guess I have my answer, that in my heart, I already knew; but just didn't want to accept.  Another online thrill seeker.   I think what some people should remember is that Dom/Domme's have feelings, hopes, aspirations that are just as real as a sub/slave.  (God, I hope no one flames on that statement.)  I just think that we are here looking for something that could be special (if we are all serious), I don't get why people have to get on here & misrepresent themselves.  Yanno? --snip--


Lady Kim,

I am sorry to hear of your disappointment with this boy. I suppose part of the thrill for those that do this is that it is vividly real - another person engaged in the fantasy of a relationship beginning. When reality presents itself, (a visit, plans being made, so on), I suppose the gravity of the game they're playing sets upon them. Still, a foolish and cruel thing to do to anyone.

Why anyone would flame you for your statement above is beyond Me. Too often it is forgotten that the Dominant is half of the partnership, and many times just as emotionally vested in a new or evolving relationship as the submissive counterpart.

Happy hunting and better luck finding your special one,

~Thea



kickinchick -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/13/2006 7:39:51 PM)

I met Fastlane.....Kevin
hmmm, and I knew..he is what I have been searching for and could never find. I'm just sooooo glad I found him here.  M.H., he smiles and says "hi"
talks about you too much..I'm jealous and he is banned.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/13/2006 8:01:24 PM)

Sometimes, people are just busy. I know that's my case right now. I'm trying to figure out a way to move to California. I hate it here in Michigan. But every now and then someone contacts me who is in one of the neighboring states, and I try to maintain communication, but I really just can't. I come home from work completely exhausted (I'm installing a new database for one of the medical processes we maintain), and I sometimes just want to sit and surf through the postings. I rarely even post any more because I just don't really have the energy to come up with anything to say.

Sometimes communicating through email and personal messages isn't exactly someone's forte. I'm usually pretty good at the first few conversations, and then I pretty much don't have anything new to add, and I HATE SMALL TALK with a passion. That's what ends up happening is a nonstop process of trying to continue a conversation through small talk, where nothing is really being stated.

And when you've spoken to so many people, and just never connected, it's like your repeating the same story over and over again, and sometimes we're just exhausted. I'd really like to find someone, but I've hit the point where I really don't have the drive to even pursue anything anymore. Almost every lead that looked like it was going to go somewhere has been a dead end of some sorts. It's pretty hard to maintain a consistent behavior when that seems to be the only result you ever seem to receive on Collarme. Granted, some people must be doing well, but I think a lot of us don't do well, and it starts to pull us down as well.

So, I guess with all that, what I'm trying to say is that quite often I don't even pursue that far into one of these potential relationships because it has never succeeded here before. It's a crappy attitude to end up with, but the reason I mention it is not to complain myself but to offer it as a potential reason why those from the other side may be having the difficulties they are.



MisPandora -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/14/2006 8:52:55 PM)

It's just them playing games. I just had THREE do that in the past few weeks. One said last week that he was interested in meeting (I was doing business a few miles away from him), and suddenly, he's collared this past weekend. How does THAT happen? Gameplaying, is how. Don't take them seriously until you've met them in person, have their ID in hand, have validated that they work for who they say they work for, make what they say they make and are divorced like they claim they are.

Been there, done that.



MisPandora -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/14/2006 8:59:09 PM)

I've seen that profile around here before. I'm not shocked in the least that he's turned out to be insincere.



KaramelGoddess -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/20/2006 9:39:23 AM)

I have one word for you... "Next!?!?!".
Don't beat yourself up over players. [&:]



MaleModel -> RE: Submissive Sincerity or no? (6/20/2006 11:37:34 AM)

I agree with most of what has been said on this subject.
 
But from the sub's point of view, assuming he complies with what was agreed and maintains contact, it's a process of establishing trust.....even at the outset of a relationship.  So I can understand him wanting to go slow at first--but always being mindful of the commitments he's made to Her.
 
MM



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