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"Ownership" - 6/11/2006 10:23:23 AM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

I notice one or two profiles that seem to go from "owned" to "looking" and back again numerous times in the course of a week. It's entirely possible that they are simply living a ficiticious role and can't decide which one seems more appealing, but it brought a thought to me I decided to post.

Since it's my contention that "ownership" requires more investment in time than a few conversations and a cheap collar.gif, I wonder what parameters others consider before declaring "ownership"?

I know we've all had the approach from someone offering or expecting an instant commmittment. Please ignore those situations and consider your thoughts on what you require as an owner, or owned.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

Post #: 1

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 12:20:41 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I have been in and out of the scene, have had a few long term partners, an odd dozen or so of off and on casual partners plus others. In that time one woman has worn my collar and another I was considering marrying.

To me a woman has to be spectacular, not in the trophy wife sort of way but in the human being way, smart, intelligent, caring, compassionate, creative, vibrant, full of life.

In addition, she has to be stable, successful (in a happiness sort of way, not financial) and most importantly, free of emotional and physical entanglements (at least now) for me to consider offering my collar again. I would only consider collaring someone as a life partner, not a "gee you are my life partner this week" but someone I have spent a year or two with and clearly see a future with.

Oh, and she pretty much has to be a morning person...

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 2

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 12:26:52 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

I notice one or two profiles that seem to go from "owned" to "looking" and back again numerous times in the course of a week. It's entirely possible that they are simply living a ficiticious role and can't decide which one seems more appealing, but it brought a thought to me I decided to post.

Since it's my contention that "ownership" requires more investment in time than a few conversations and a cheap collar.gif, I wonder what parameters others consider before declaring "ownership"?

I know we've all had the approach from someone offering or expecting an instant commmittment. Please ignore those situations and consider your thoughts on what you require as an owner, or owned.

But that's up to them to define, not us!

LOL, just kidding.

To me, ownership would, as you said, take a good deal of time and effort on the part of both owner and ownee. Developing trust and transparency. And respect.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 3

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 12:33:17 PM

tixarah

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

such a good question....

ive frequented BDSM areas of the net since i was 18, so for the past 3 years, ive seen alot, especially since im more of a wall flower then anything, i observe alot of behaviors that have always made me question peoples behaviors, but i cannot judge others. but its definitly not for me...

i am picky, i have dated two Doms that i have met in real life. neither of them Owned me....nor were they even close to that point, for me it takes alot, to me a collar is much like a wedding band, its a commitment you are making to be with that person, its a life long commitment, if i am owned to someone it is going to be with someone i want to serve, have a need to serve, a desire to serve for the rest of my life. it isnt going to be some random "Dom" on the net that demands i wear his collar within 5 minutes of meeting...that is not being truely owned to me...Velcro collars are not my style

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 4

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 12:37:42 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Why would I give anyone ownership of me that knew next to nothing about me? Why would I give it to someone I know next to nothing about? But then, I won't meet you for coffee without more than a handful of email/instant message conversations and at least one phone call. Call me quirky.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to tixarah)

Post #: 5

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 12:51:36 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I would not put "owned" or "collared" on my profile until I was at least living with someone. I may not be seeing others because I only have time to be intimately involved with one dom at a time. That is lightyears away from declaring myself "owned". You can be exclusively dating and not owned.

One reason submissives maybe tempted to put "owned" on their profile before it seems appropriate to others involved in the lifestyle is that subs get a huge amount of email and when you put "owned" on your profile it stops most emails. People probably read my "taken" declaration as stating I am "collared", Im not saying that, but it has the same effect on doms trolling through profiles.... which is what I wanted.

I think it is better if they either hide their profile, or they say they are not seeing new people presently, but to each their own.. I am sure some of them are carried away by the romance of a collar... which is truly about as romantic as a wedding band.. it often comes with housework, chores, and other unpleasant tasks that have nothing to do with sexual activities... Just my opinion.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 6

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 1:17:16 PM

LokisBrat

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

Ownership to me is like marriage. There is more than the desire to be labeled, or to label someone. There has to be familiarity, trust, and open communication lines. This cannot be established with messages, e-mails, or 1 or 2 telephone calls. Ownwership comes from time, patience, and acceptance.

LOKI

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 7

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 1:19:06 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

I wonder what parameters others consider before declaring "ownership"?

Desired CHARACTER traits demonstrated consistently over a significant period of time and the Lack of Undesired CHARACTER flaws being demonstrated over a significant period of time.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 8

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 1:35:38 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

OedipusRexIt,

While I agree that ownership and collars are used too casually for my tastes, there might be a reason behind this behavior. I'm not sure how it is with Male Dominants, but with a lot of Fem Doms, they want to be the only one the person is talking to at one time. Thus, the submissive will put something in their profile to indicate they are not available. That they say they're "owned" might be an exageration, but they might just be wishfully thinking or find that that wording is the only wording that gets people to stop contacting them. Just a thought.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 9

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 1:48:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Does this person meet the needs I need/want them to meet in my life?

That works for everyone.

For a cyber dom who just wants to go into a chatroom and make the chick cyber kneel and show off the cyber collar...you don't really need more than a few hours of cyber seduction before you get what you need.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 10

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 2:06:57 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

To clarify the OP, I was interested in what people think of as "ownership", from both sides, as well as attempting (with varying success) to make the point that I found it interesting (as perhaps others might) that some people have a habit of switching back and forth between "owned" and "looking" on an every-other-day basis.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 2:17:01 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

a few hours of cyber seduction

LA when did the time limit get that long? I thought cyber velcro collars came with a free pez dispenser?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 2:23:43 PM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

I am actually getting my collar very soon. The thing that makes me accept it is..that to Him.. I am not just His slave..I am more. He is everything I want also. He is a friend/lover/Master..and next year He will be my husband. He got to know the real me.. not just the sub me..but my likes..interests.. passions..and we were shocked by how much we have in common with each other. I know that this won't be a velcro collar.. it will be a true commitment..a life one. He is what I searched for.. I am so glad I didn't settle for less... just to get that collar.

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 13

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 2:28:10 PM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

What are you missing? In the jr high school mindset, the objective is to proudly be owned so your friends can read your profile with envy. Online BDSM is often a 'red badge of courage' kind of thing... and one's actions often indicate one's actual intent.

I only have a few, about 849,734 owned slave positions open, so if anybody begs me good enough.....

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 14

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 2:34:28 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LokisBrat

Ownership to me is like marriage. There is more than the desire to be labeled, or to label someone. There has to be familiarity, trust, and open communication lines. This cannot be established with messages, e-mails, or 1 or 2 telephone calls. Ownwership comes from time, patience, and acceptance.

LOKI

This pretty much says it for me. I have yet to consider myself near collared or owned, even though one of my D/s relationships lasted for 2 years, and we still play as friends.

I guess as a writer I take such words very seriously. To me a man is not my master unless he has mastered me, and that takes more than even a few months of dating or any amount of online-only contact. (Heck, I don't even use the term my dominant casually.)

I have yet to call any man master. Someday...I hope to. Meanwhile, I'll stick to using terms like dating, seeing someone, submitting to, involved with, etc...

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to LokisBrat)

Post #: 15

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 2:46:49 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt
I know we've all had the approach from someone offering or expecting an instant commmittment. Please ignore those situations and consider your thoughts on what you require as an owner, or owned.

It's actually a question that I've asked myself so many times I've sort of lost count.

What I require as someone who could be eventually "owned" : a lot of time; consistancy on their part during that extended time to prove to me that it's not an act or a mask; mutual trust and respect that aren't taken for granted or flaunted; mutual affection; a deep seated friendship that isn't dependant on the bdsm aspects or purely sexual chemistry; the ability to get continue caring about each other even when we disagree; mutual loyalty. You know, all the "normal" stuff that goes into making a relationship that isn't dysfunctional. I require a partner who is stable - emotionally, physically, and financially. One who has a sense of humor, shares some (though not necessarily all) of my hobbies, shares my ideals and ethics yet is comfortable with the idea that I'm not going to simply parrot what he thinks - someone that I have things in common with to base a relationship on.

(Hmmmm... think I need to lower my standards? Reading over that list, it Does seem to be reaching just a tad... )

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 16

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 2:47:38 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

To clarify the OP, I was interested in what people think of as "ownership", from both sides, as well as attempting (with varying success) to make the point that I found it interesting (as perhaps others might) that some people have a habit of switching back and forth between "owned" and "looking" on an every-other-day basis.

It is as serious as being married is, and for me personally I would probably want both commitments with the same person eventually. Others think of collars as meaning different things, so it is not a universal thing of course. I would probably be turned off by a dominant that was not as serious about this as I am.

It means that I belong to that person forever. It means that we have negotiated much of our dynamic and found we have similar goals. It means that they have the right to tell me whom I can have discourse with and that they can speak for me in lifestyle situations. It means my behavior reflects on them. It means many other things I cannot think of right now.. but mostly it is an agreement that I have entered into that gives much of my sovereignty over to another human being.. certainly nothing to take lightly on my part

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/11/2006 2:51:51 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 17

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 2:52:16 PM

givemyall

Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

I wonder what parameters others consider before declaring "ownership"?

A joint Gold Card!

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 18

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 3:00:37 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Ownership to me is applicable when we are ready to sign a contract, even if it's a preliminary contract that might only be tried for a month. For that month, I own them. It's in the contract. However, even though the time might be short, I don't give it lightly. It's only when I'm truly interested in pursuing a real relationship with them that I'll offer it.

Master FIre

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 19

RE: "Ownership" - 6/11/2006 3:23:12 PM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

I would hope that ownership would be something that would mean as much as marriage should. But again, in this day and age...

People jump into things so quickly, I'm sure those people have no intention of living thier lives as slaves. Just a kinky way pass the time or role to play when the other half is not around..

I also get a kick out of profiles that say "I am not looking for bla bla bla" and the next time they pop up on your log in screen they say "Owned slave of Cyberdom_6993" or something. Again, people just into feeling dirty for awhile. And some day I will have to try to understand the whole online submission thing. But that's just us.

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 20

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