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new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 4:43:01 PM

yaoi666

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/11/2012
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so i'm new to this hole sadist thing and was hoping to get some pointer because it looks like that most sub/ salves want a man that been around the block, and seeing that i'm a little new to this im have a little trouble with that thanks for any help

Post #: 1

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 5:07:11 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
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Yes, before I allow someone to hurt me, I do need to ascertain that he knows what he is doing.

California is full of kinksters; if you add your city perhaps someone local to you can point you to local events where you can learn and perhaps met a mentor. Additionally, look for groups, munches, and events on fetlife.com.

Also see the booklist and buy a few of the non-fiction books that appeal to you: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

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(in reply to yaoi666)

Post #: 2

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 5:24:03 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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I don't know if sadism can be taught, but the techniques can be. Pick up a good book is my best advice. See my sig for link.

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 3

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 5:29:05 PM

yaoi666

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/11/2012
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thanks for the tips

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 4

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 5:30:35 PM

yaoi666

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/11/2012
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thanks you

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 5

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 5:37:03 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Which part are you having trouble with? Enjoying the sadism? Finding people willing to engage with you in S/m because you are new? (Very common.) Learning actual topping techniques?

Those latter two, there really aren't any short cuts. I sure wouldn't be putting My ass on the line for somebody who didn't really know what they are doing. Some of these things can leave life long scars if you do them wrong. Would you want to risk that and put yourself in the hands of somebody who can't verify their skill?

Go to demos, become educated on techniques, and then practice on a non-human target until you become accurate. Learn where you shouldn't strike someone. When you go to events, if you see someone doing something that you would like to learn how to do, ask if they can teach you or what they would recommend.

Acquiring the hands on skill is something you have to invest in. Not something you can gain from a message board. Kudos to you for knowing you need to get experience and being honest about it.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 6

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 5:41:49 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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^ nice comment

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 7

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 5:43:12 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
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fr-

hi yaoi666, welcome to CM. sorry i'm not a sadist, can't give you very informed tips on that. but it strikes me that you say you're new to it. i imagine you don't mean exactly what you say, and that you've always felt this need, but never acted on it much. please do be careful with this one, since people can get really hurt.

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Post #: 8

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 6:26:58 PM

yaoi666

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/11/2012
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thanks again for all and any help

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 9

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 6:33:12 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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yaoi,

This is what can happen when you don't know what you are doing:

Discussion: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4198818/tm.htm

Pictures: https://fetlife.com/users/12739/pictures/12595845

Stay safe!

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to yaoi666)

Post #: 10

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 8:38:07 PM

samdarella

Posts: 222
Joined: 8/23/2010
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I think you either are a sadist or you're not. Not everyone that wields a whip or paddle is a sadist. But all who wield them should have the skills to do so. Reading will get you the basics but you still need to have the dedication to practice on inanimate objects such as pillows and stuffed animals. Then maybe start out lightly on an experienced bottom that you have made friends with. A sub might be hesitant to critique your technique. A friend that has a lot of bottoming experience can tell you what you are doing right and what might be wrong. Have an experienced top watching also to help you find ways to correct anything. Then when you have the skills you can really start to enjoy yourself. But please never get too cocky and lose sight of the fact that it's a human body you are hurting and sometimes it's a fraction of an inch or a second of concentration that can be the difference between hurting and harming.

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Pain is....

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Post #: 11

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/25/2012 9:16:15 PM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella

I think you either are a sadist or you're not....

Yaoi, which by the way is the Japanese word for animated boys getting it on, you don't have to identify as a sadist if it isn't right for you. Your profile is a lot more comforting than your post, but a lot of newcomer-dominant men think they are supposed to be a sadist. The description "sadist" is not a term of honor. It is just a label to help others generalize what you're into. I get the sense that you use the words "sadist" and "dominant" kind of interchangeably. As you learn more about the lifestyle, you'll see that there are differences.

You asked for advice, which was very responsible of you, about being a sadist because women want a man who has been around the block. I would assume these women want a man experienced with whatever form of domination you plan to exert over them. If you are a sadist, meaning you enjoy inflicting pain, then you've been given great links to start learning how to do so more safely.

How much do you enjoy inflicting pain in others vs. how much do you enjoy having your wishes done? It's not all or nothing.

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Post #: 12

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/26/2012 12:34:41 AM

Alecta

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Joined: 1/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
Yaoi, which by the way is the Japanese word for animated boys getting it on,

darn it, I wanted to be the one to point that out lol

A sadist is someone who enjoys and gets off on hurting other people, it's not the same as being a Top or a Dominant. Don't put on caps that don't accurately describe you, because the women who respond are not going to like finding out that you're not what you advertised yourself to be, it's really not worth it :)

About sadists and experience, all reasonable sane people want to know that the sadist they've just met knows what they're doing because it's a very real safety issue. A sadist without experience is a high risk date because they may not necessarily know what harm they are really inflicting. Of course just because he's "had experience" doesn't necessarily mean he knows what he's doing either, but people tend to think the likelihood is higher.

Participate in your local community and build your reputation as a dependable, trustworthy sadist. If you can't claim scene experience, the other thing you could do is make yourself knowledgeable, and therefore trustworthy, to assure and ensure that you know what to do when and if things go badly. I'd be more likely to step out with a "new sadist" with real paramedic training, for example, than an "experienced sadist" who has left a trail of non-consensually broken people in his wake.

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 13

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/26/2012 5:16:39 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella

I think you either are a sadist or you're not.

Sorta. I agree that you either have the drive to be sadistic or you don't. But there are degrees - my sadism is limited to nipple clamps and hard spankings while there are some who administer hard whippings, etc.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 14

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/26/2012 9:07:47 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella

I think you either are a sadist or you're not. . .

I happen to agree in that I do not think it is something that can be taught. Sure, give me a 3 yo kid, a staff and a pysch lab and I could produce a sadist. But take a grown up and try to uncover a non basic personality trait like sadism or masochism that never developed and you are shit out of luck. Open an empty box and you get an empty box.

I think where the confusion lies is in self perception . . . you do not learn sadism, you learn that you are a sadist, you were always a sadist. It's just that you didn't discover it until you saw something in your environment that opened you to that trait. The box was already ful so to speak, you just never looked in it before. Suddenly you discover you have been carrying the sadism trait around in your unmarked box all that time.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 15

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/26/2012 9:21:07 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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It took me a long tme to willingly identify as a sadist. Not everyone is, and that's okay, it's a world of folks.

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Post #: 16

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/26/2012 9:42:59 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella
I think you either are a sadist or you're not.

Sorta. I agree that you either have the drive to be sadistic or you don't. But there are degrees - my sadism is limited to nipple clamps and hard spankings while there are some who administer hard whippings, etc.

For me the measure between sadism and sensation-ism is torture. Is what you are doing inflicting pain, truly hurting someone. Any pain, nipple stuff, spanking or knife play, any of it can cross the pleasure/pain threshold if you are both passionate enough and hot enough. What would normally feel like pain simply becomes stimulus.

samdarella is a sensation seeker and a masochist. She converts painful stimuli into pleasurable erotically orgasmic sensations. Sure, some of it hurts a bit, that comes with the territory. But I could look her in the eye and rip her nipples off with pliers and it would make her cum if I had her turned on enough. That to me is extreme sensation-ism and all of this dwells in and around the borders of the sadomasochism realm but doesn't strike at the heart of it. Along the lines of your "sorta'" answer. It is undeniably sadomasochism but the core motivations may vary slightly from deeper sadistic traits. So yes, I agree there are degrees of sadomasochism but . . . either you is or you ain't playing in that realm.

Where I see the line between sensation seekers and the deep sadists or masochists is the cause of suffering. Fuck the pleasure/pain threshold, I am talking about when it really fucking hurts and this masochist is truly suffering. This isn't an endorphin seeker trying to find sub space. This isn't a sensation seeker trying to have an orgasm. This is a masochist that wants to suffer. When I look in her eyes and she is crying tears of pain, when the painful wounds (physical or emotional) are of such intensity it has stripped away her personality constructs and all that remains is a primal creature . . . a base human stripped of all civilized notions and reduced to pure animal instincts . . . the world is only composed of pain and/or pleasurable relief from pain . . . when I can see their beast within come out . . . that is when my own inner beast emerges.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 17

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/26/2012 9:45:50 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
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I agree on the whole, you're either a sadist or you're not thread. Mine realization came out fully when I met my current partner. Though the tendency had always been there.

On beginning to practice sadism front:

Start slow, and start with the easy stuff. Clothspins, spanking, a little paddling, duct tape isn't gonna maim anybody. Knife play, fire play, blood play can definitely maim somebody if executed poorly.

Go out and meet some other sadists, take a few classes, do a lot of reading.

Also, I think any well rounded sadist should also have a decent understanding of anatomy and first aid.

Stay healthy with yourself, feel like you understand the risks of the play you are preparing, know your partner well, be polite and responsible with negotiation and follow-up after sessions. Listen to your gut, if it says it doesn't think you're not ready for something, listen. Read up on RACK and SSC, build a mindset of safety and responsibility.

The way I approach sadism is I decide if I am prepared for any potential consequences of what I am going to do, I decide if I feel my partner is equally aware and accepting of those consequences. I investigate whether or not I am prepare to quickly resolve a situation if shit hits the fan. I make sure I am equipped with whatever I need to make a situation as safe as possible.

_____________________________

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Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 18

RE: new to being a sadist - 8/26/2012 9:45:50 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I like Kalon.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 19

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