Question re: humiliation

Question re: humiliation (Full Version)

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LittleMissSub -> Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 11:58:07 AM)
Is humiliation an integral part of the BDSM lifestyle? A friend of mine was telling me there are certain key elements, and without them, you're not really into the lifestyle. I think they were obedience, humiliation, pain and something else.... I've tried and tried and tried to wrap my head around humiliation. It's subjective. What I don't find humiliating others do. But what I find humiliating I want no part of. Am I alone?

CrappyDom -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:03:05 PM)
The whole point is exploring what YOU want to explore...finding out what your deepest, most secret turns on are, what makes you tick as a human being.

LorgromAndMiskel -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:03:17 PM)
Humiliation is no more an integral part of BDSM as anything else. All that really matters is finding someone you match up with, and then you decide what is integral in that relaionship.

Lashra -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:03:37 PM)
Your friend is incorrect, nothing is set in stone. Some people are into the humilation thing, some aren't. If you don't like humilation then set it as one of your limits and convey that to prospective partners. BDSM relationships are what YOU and your partner(s) want it to be. There are no set rules except the ones you make up and often they change over time. Have fun, its the most important part.[:D] ~Lashra

FloridaISIS -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:13:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleMissSub Is humiliation an integral part of the BDSM lifestyle? A friend of mine was telling me there are certain key elements, and without them, you're not really into the lifestyle. I think they were obedience, humiliation, pain and something else.... I've tried and tried and tried to wrap my head around humiliation. It's subjective. What I don't find humiliating others do. But what I find humiliating I want no part of. Am I alone? First, you're not alone, and nowhere in the D/s handbook does it say humilation is a requirment to be Dominant or submissive. The rules aren't pulled from out of the sky somewhere. Live out of the box, put your own spin on it, repackage it your own way and make it your own. Custom tailor it to you and your partners liking. Nowhere does it say you're not truely into the lifestyle if you aren't humiliating or being humilated. IMHO, that's bull. I've been in the lifestyle four years, and just like in vanilla no two couples are exactly alike. It's not a one-size-fits all lifestyle by any means. As long as everything is kept safe, sane and CONSENSUAL, and no one is being permanetly harmed, and everyone involved is in agreement, then don't worry what others think. Bend it, shape it anyway you want it. The lifestyle is yours for the making and taking. Trust me, I know about living outside of the perfect little cookie cutter ideal; I'm a switch. There will be those who look down upon some of the things you do, and try to push their beliefs on you, as with anything weigh it for merit, and do what you will with it. I'd also like to add, and I think you may have found this out through experience, not all of us are cut out for humiliation. The damage it can do can be far more lasting than any physical punisment meted out. Just one person's humble thoughts. Live, Love, Laugh, and play safe, Isis

darkinshadows -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:15:39 PM)
BDSM - is there a H in it? Nope. So no - humiliation isn't an integral part of it - unless its your kink. Even if there was a H - still does not mean you must practise it. Pain is not integral. Not everyone who practises BDSM is into pain. Obedience... yes - there is a certain consistant elemant of obedience in any power exchange. I love humiliation from a personal point of view, but it isn't for everyone. But I would always recommend 'dabbling' in it a little - just to taste it. Would be interested in what the 'something else ' is. Peace and Rapture

feastie -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:17:31 PM)
There is no part of BDSM, D/s or M/s that you have to absolutely accept as carved in stone. Concentrate on what you enjoy and forget the rest. However, remain openminded. Many times there are things we truly believe we'd hate, and lo and behold, we adore. Good luck to you.

ScooterTrash -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:18:21 PM)
No...not a requirement. I personally think humilation is degrading and I'm personally not into degrading someone just for the sake of it. It doesn't mean you are in or you are out, it's just like a kink, if it trips you & your's trigger, go for it.

tixarah -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:41:55 PM)
i dont think by any means it is a part of it.....i think whoever told you that is just a little judgemental....BDSM is about what you and your partner like...what you decide is your "Thing".....personally i hate humiliation, i cant stand it, i feel belittled and offended and it just does not sit well with me. Though i know many people that love it, so its all a matter of perspective....

MrrPete -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 12:58:41 PM)
I know a sub that craves humiliation I can call her everything I can think of and she'll just smile. but can't take a cum shot to the face. Too humiliating. That doesn't make it integral to BDSM Powere Exchange I think would be integral Communication would be a close second. Mr. Pete Looking for a slave

LokisBrat -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/11/2006 1:07:06 PM)
I have to agree that humiliation is not a key element in the "BDSM" lifestyle. This process is agreed upon with individual kinks that work for that person and their partner. It is not for everyone. LOKI

LittleMissSub -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/12/2006 2:20:22 PM)
thanks for the input everyone. I personally think that your relationship with another is what you make it and every one has it's own boundaries and guidelines. I was just wondering if I was way off base (which I didn't think I was). Like I said, humiliation is subjective. Some things that someone else would find TOO humiliating to consider I don't mind doing at all, while other things which I personally find humiliating I just won't allow. LOL...this is just such a funny situation I've gotten myself into. It's like he sets me up for failure, which is nothing but manipulation in my eyes. He does thing A (or some derivitive of it) that is off limits, and when I say "no" (which is hard enough in itself to say) he says he doesn't like to hear me say no, and wants to punish me for saying it. So I say, "that's a limit, you can't punish me for being who I am, and honest about it, besides, you knew it was off limits and I was going to say no." Oh man....such a good example of 2 styles just not clicking. thanks again for the input. here's another question. do you push limits and boundaries with those you play with casually, or only with long term partners (someone you trust and care about deeply) doing the pushing or present while it's being done?

PlayfulOne -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/12/2006 2:35:14 PM)
Yes, Rule number 7 tyhe kinky 10 commandments states that all subs/.slaves must be humiliated twice a day or the Master/Dom risk losing his Master Card. K

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/12/2006 3:25:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LittleMissSub here's another question. do you push limits and boundaries with those you play with casually, or only with long term partners (someone you trust and care about deeply) doing the pushing or present while it's being done? I don't push limits at all- I don't distinguish between hard and soft limits. It's either a limit or it's up for discussion. I explore new things with people I trust to know what they are doing and capable of enjoying the experience with- that could be someone I've just met or someone I've known for years.

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/12/2006 3:52:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie There is no part of BDSM, D/s or M/s that you have to absolutely accept as carved in stone. Concentrate on what you enjoy and forget the rest. However, remain openminded. Many times there are things we truly believe we'd hate, and lo and behold, we adore. Good luck to you. Well said. It's your preference or not.

CrescentLuna -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/12/2006 8:19:35 PM)
Exactly as everyone else has said (though I'd be interested in what, to some people, defines a BDSM relationship and at what point it is just a vanilla relationship) humiliation, much as I like it, isn't set in stone. It'd be like saying everyone has to like to be whipped, or like to be an exhibitionist, or anything else equally inane that doesn't REALLY have anything to do with a power-exchange relationship. Sure, a lot may have it as an element, but is hardly a requirement.

Celeste43 -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/12/2006 9:07:37 PM)
Humiliation, pain and obedience are not the cornerstones of my relationship. Emotional transparency is and for fun we do bondage not s&m. As far as limit pushing, that's my responsibility; to tell him when I feel comfortable enough to try something that has been off limits before. However all of this should have been discussed upfront. If he agreed to things, and now is changing the rules - then can you trust him to stop if you safeword? I wouldn't. Either his word means something or he's a liar who says anything figuring to get his way once before you walk.

Padriag -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/13/2006 12:00:04 AM)
Just to echo what others have already said, no humiliation is not "integral" to the BDSM or the "lifestyle". However, I think it is fair to say that it is common to many activities and fetishes. That is there are many fetishes and kinks that include an degree of humiliation to them. You're also right in that not everyone finds the same things humiliating, or humiliating to the same degree. This is a very individual and personal thing. There is also a definiable difference between humiliation and degradation, though you will find many use these words interchangeably as synonyms. In fact they are two different things, but also subjective. Just as you will not find the same things humiliating as others, neither will you find the same things to be degrading, both are highly subjective and individual. As a rule I consider degradation to be a bad thing, while I consider humiliation to be both an enjoyable kink and a useful tool.

litleone8620 -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/13/2006 12:11:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: LittleMissSub here's another question. do you push limits and boundaries with those you play with casually, or only with long term partners (someone you trust and care about deeply) doing the pushing or present while it's being done? I don't push limits at all- I don't distinguish between hard and soft limits. It's either a limit or it's up for discussion. I explore new things with people I trust to know what they are doing and capable of enjoying the experience with- that could be someone I've just met or someone I've known for years. I don't differentiate between hard and soft limits either. Things that are up for discussion needed to be talked through with your dominant. If you need to do this until you're blue in the face, fine, so be it. In response to your statements above your question, it doesn't sound as if your Dominant is respecting your limits.

twicehappy -> RE: Question re: humiliation (6/13/2006 5:57:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash No...not a requirement. I personally think humilation is degrading and I'm personally not into degrading someone just for the sake of it. It doesn't mean you are in or you are out, it's just like a kink, if it trips you & your's trigger, go for it. Lol, ok Master mine, then why do you get such a bang out of making me wear panties under my jeans and slyly checking out my butt when i am wearing jeans to be sure i have them on(i hate them!)? (note, this is really not the type of humiliation being discussed here)

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