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What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 5:05:45 PM   
dcnovice


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Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		This morning at my neighborhood diner, I ran into a friend who's kindly but challenging to talk to. I'm not the most adept conversationalist anyway, and I particularly have trouble getting a discussion going with this friend. She's more chatty, but the main thrust of her conversation tends to be about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, which gets me down.

This morning's encounter led me to thinking about what makes a good conversation. Can one improve one's conversational skills? If so, how?

Thoughts, anyone?

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 5:07:29 PM   
CRYPTICLXVI


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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 5:18:42 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		For ME......a really wicked good sense of humour, intelligence, awareness of the world beyond our own mundane lives, the ability to LISTEN.

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 5:23:21 PM   
CRYPTICLXVI


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

For ME......a really wicked good sense of humour, intelligence, awareness of the world beyond our own mundane lives, the ability to LISTEN.


Huh... what?

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 5:23:34 PM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline 		I found that being curious about the other person you talk to, asking questions (people likes to talk about themselves) will make them open up (if they feel you are interested in what they have to say, it's a great way for a people to open up) and as such, the one who gets to ask questions gets to lead the conversation, so as to not go back to the subjects who brings you down.

Maybe she feels that it's the only subject for her to talk to around you and that's why she keeps talking about this?

Go for the obvious - from the basic questions - work, hobbies, what have you been up to nowadays, hey, have you seen this on the newspaper this morning etc - and it can lead to a great conversation if both are interested in the subjects you bring on.

My two cents.

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:03:18 PM   
RemoteUser


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Status: offline 		Does she always turn things into how things are going bad? Maybe the way to reverse it is to get her to talk about when things were good; then take her verbal cues and interject as best you can.

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:17:00 PM   
Kaliko


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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

This morning at my neighborhood diner, I ran into a friend who's kindly but challenging to talk to. I'm not the most adept conversationalist anyway, and I particularly have trouble getting a discussion going with this friend. She's more chatty, but the main thrust of her conversation tends to be about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, which gets me down.

This morning's encounter led me to thinking about what makes a good conversation. Can one improve one's conversational skills? If so, how?

Thoughts, anyone?



People enjoy talking about themselves. That doesn't necessarily mean they are conceited, but they are comfortable and knowledgeable about the topic. If I'm in a conversation with someone I don't know well, I ask questions about them and steer the direction of the conversation through the questions I ask.

Even if she starts to veer down the depressing path, stop her. Interrupt her, but interrupt her because Wait! You want to hear more about the wedding she just went to that she mentioned a moment ago. Did the bride look thrilled? How was the food? Where was it held? ...take it away from world doom down in a way that won't insult her by being more interested in and asking for more information about the smaller things that are brighter in her life.

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:26:09 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Yes you can improve your conversation
skills! and I'm proof, I use to have no
desire to make small talk at all... Like
literally if someone was talking to me
about something just to make small talk
I would just stare at them, and at most
give one word responses because I really
didn't like small talk.

But now I'm pretty dam talkie! the thing
that changed was I started going to tafe
when I left a job when I was 19 and the
social environment kinda got me a bit more
interested in talking to people, but I was
still pretty no nonsense.

Skip foward to today, I can make small talk
on any subject you like!
I get sick of the sound of my own voice I talk
so much, I tells ya!

It's like anything conversation requires
practice! although some are a natural at it.
I think family was a big factor for me, I was
the only guy...
My mum and nan raised me, I have three
sisters and more aunties than you can poke a
stick at, so I guess I never got a chance to
get a word in edgeways!
-ARIES

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530 DAYS

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:27:40 PM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

This morning at my neighborhood diner, I ran into a friend who's kindly but challenging to talk to. I'm not the most adept conversationalist anyway, and I particularly have trouble getting a discussion going with this friend. She's more chatty, but the main thrust of her conversation tends to be about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, which gets me down.

This morning's encounter led me to thinking about what makes a good conversation. Can one improve one's conversational skills? If so, how?

Thoughts, anyone?



Even if she starts to veer down the depressing path, stop her. Interrupt her, but interrupt her because Wait! You want to hear more about the wedding she just went to that she mentioned a moment ago. Did the bride look thrilled? How was the food? Where was it held? ...take it away from world doom down in a way that won't insult her by being more interested in and asking for more information about the smaller things that are brighter in her life.



Wouldnt that be a little bit rude...?

If she keeps talking about depressing subjects, keep silent and just dont encourage her by raising more questions. Polite smiles and nods and usually, people understand fast when silence is the only reply to what they're saying.


Edited cause i cant work around *quotes* properly....


< Message edited by chemeli -- 8/26/2012 6:30:02 PM >

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:33:18 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chemeli


Wouldnt that be a little bit rude...?





No, not if you're asking about something she's just mentioned. A little tone of excitement and a smile to say "Oh, I know, Republicans are devil spawn....Never mind them, I would really like to hear more about that wedding you went to." If one were to actually do it rudely, then yes, it would be rude. But a little tact can make it work.

I don't think I could remain silent and unresponsive. I've seen people take that approach with others. Someone is always uncomfortable.


< Message edited by Kaliko -- 8/26/2012 6:45:24 PM >

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:36:04 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

This morning at my neighborhood diner, I ran into a friend who's kindly but challenging to talk to. I'm not the most adept conversationalist anyway, and I particularly have trouble getting a discussion going with this friend. She's more chatty, but the main thrust of her conversation tends to be about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, which gets me down.

This morning's encounter led me to thinking about what makes a good conversation. Can one improve one's conversational skills? If so, how?

Thoughts, anyone?


I find that the key to a good conversation is giving the, cause if you try to....sometimes it's important when all else...move into a car and then try that! Otherwise it can't because there's no for absolutely no (I have to move this couch....I'll finish this later).

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:40:01 PM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

This morning at my neighborhood diner, I ran into a friend who's kindly but challenging to talk to. I'm not the most adept conversationalist anyway, and I particularly have trouble getting a discussion going with this friend. She's more chatty, but the main thrust of her conversation tends to be about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, which gets me down.

This morning's encounter led me to thinking about what makes a good conversation. Can one improve one's conversational skills? If so, how?

Thoughts, anyone?


I find that the key to a good conversation is giving the, cause if you try to....sometimes it's important when all else...move into a car and then try that! Otherwise it can't because there's no for absolutely no (I have to move this couch....I'll finish this later).



THIS!!!!

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:42:54 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		(It's a gift and a curse).

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:43:48 PM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: chemeli


Wouldnt that be a little bit rude...?





No, not if you're asking about something she's just mentioned. A little tone of excitement and a smile to say "Oh, I know, Republicans are devil spawn....Never mind them, I would really like to hear more about that wedding you went to." If one were to actually do it rudely, then yes, it would be rude. But a little tact can make it work.

I don't think I could remain silent and unresponsive. I've seen people take that approach with others. Someone is always uncomfortable.



Hmmm case in point. I'll have to try that in case of future awkward conversations in the future......thanks!

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:46:00 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

This morning at my neighborhood diner, I ran into a friend who's kindly but challenging to talk to. I'm not the most adept conversationalist anyway, and I particularly have trouble getting a discussion going with this friend. She's more chatty, but the main thrust of her conversation tends to be about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket, which gets me down.

This morning's encounter led me to thinking about what makes a good conversation. Can one improve one's conversational skills? If so, how?

Thoughts, anyone?

what makes a good convo is when both people are enjoying the discourse, whatever that may be. i prefer convos dealing with stories of one's life, anecdotes, discussions, that help me understand other's experiences and knowledge.

re improving those skills - i tend to ask a lot of questions related to what they're saying, and perhaps add my own similar experiences. it's important to set aside thinking about what you're going to say, to properly listen.

edit: re your friend - there's nothing wrong with entirely changing the topic. convos are supposed to be two sided, and you can introduce what you want to talk about as well. there is a tactful way to do it - just nod at her last statement, then introduce a new subject without pause. if she keeps going back to the old subject, then shrug and don't feed back into it with any more comments.

edit: shucks, i fergot to mention another good type of conversation...one that includes the words "your hotel room" always rings nice :)


< Message edited by Karmastic -- 8/26/2012 7:00:29 PM >

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/26/2012 6:47:37 PM   
Kaliko


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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

it's important to set aside thinking about what you're going to say, to properly listen.



SO important. And something I had to teach myself to do. I still sometimes get wrapped up in my own head when someone is talking to me. It's probably annoying to them,...but I wouldn't know it. :)

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/27/2012 5:10:03 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		So anyway....as I was saying.....spergional because I felt so....but if you felt like attacking me, I'd laugh at your if you wanted me I'd have said so but I want love, not Jackson..think you!!!!!! Can win this race....who believed that no one had a chance. I know that no one expected a last gasp, but if you thought that I thought that....well....lemme explain sumpin to you....and that's a motherfucking fact!

That's exactly right!

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RE: What Makes a Good Conversation? - 8/27/2012 5:15:20 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		Try to explain otherwise!

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