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Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 1:16:15 PM   
brokenmaleslave


Posts: 13
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		This is just a general question ... but have you ever been unowned for so long, that you begin to question your submission, and your place? For Dominants, have You taken someone on who has been unowned for so long, and what difficulties have You had? This is quiet personal because i have only been owned the twice (when i was introduced to bdsm for 6months, and then about 4years ago), and now i am begining to think i should change what i am who i look for, or perhaps even my role. i do feel lost and wandering.
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RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 1:24:00 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I don't really know what to tell you besides.. maybe this time is what you really need.  If your frustration and sadness in not being owned is making you question something that should be innate to you, maybe right now is not a good time for you to be owned.

Longing never easy, but submitting should never be something you do out of desperation.

(in reply to brokenmaleslave)
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RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 1:37:14 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brokenmaleslave

This is just a general question ... but have you ever been unowned for so long, that you begin to question your submission, and your place? For Dominants, have You taken someone on who has been unowned for so long, and what difficulties have You had? This is quiet personal because i have only been owned the twice (when i was introduced to bdsm for 6months, and then about 4years ago), and now i am begining to think i should change what i am who i look for, or perhaps even my role. i do feel lost and wandering.



I have spent less time unowned, than owned.  If anything, the longing to *be* owned only adds to my certainy that it's what I want.

I think for you to be sure of your 'role', you would have to experience it more, in order to find your place.  If you give it up and stop searching,  then perhaps you will never have your answers. 

(in reply to brokenmaleslave)
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RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 1:58:14 PM   
mtumwawaBwana


Posts: 541
Status: offline 		 
im just a slave and wallflower, but here is my useless $0.02 worth

when my last Master earned His wings, it took me a good long while to "get over the loss". after a while, the months turned into years....then after 6 yrs, a Master happened into my life and changed its course. i did not question who or what i was while i was unowned....i did, however, according to my new Master, take on a " free slaves" tendencies, of which He says He needs to make corrections on.


(in reply to brokenmaleslave)
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RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 2:09:17 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		brokenmaleslave,

I understand what it is to have a longing for something...and to sometimes not fully understand what it is that you're wanting. In doing this, I've been married twice, trying to take on a role that just wasn’t me. What this has ended up meaning is that I've been single for about a total 2 years since I was 18 (35 now). Being in a relationship that isn't fully what you want can be as bad as being alone. In fact, if the relationship if bad enough, you're alone anyway and then can end up feeling trapped. Now that I've really taken a look at myself and explored "me" a little, I have a much, much better understanding of what I want...and I have skills with which to make it happen.

Waiting is hard. But, you've been given a special time to explore yourself and who you are. Use it. Learn about yourself, your wants and your needs. I've done a lot of self exploration and these are the things I've found important on my journey. Perhaps you will find some of it of use as well? Ms/SM spirituality and things that I have found profound.

If you want to really attract that special person, flush out your sub/slave resume. your profile indicates that you're wanting to serve in every way...but you list nothing about the skills you have. That leads me to believe that you either don't have any or that you don't think you do. This information might be helpful. It might give you some ideas on service areas you can look into: Non-sexual service areas

Doubting yourself is totally normal. But, if you haven't given up by now, I would think that you truly want it because it is part of who you are, not just what you do. That's important. Sometimes, when we ask for what we want, the answer isn't "No", it's "Wait."

Master Fire



_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to brokenmaleslave)
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RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 2:19:15 PM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		Before giving up or doing anything else that would be considered drastic, ask yourself the following question. When were you the happiest? If that answer, which I am going to guess, was when you were owned then do not change your goals or try to dash your own desires.

When not being owned you need to concentrate on things that make you happy besides that. Hobbies and interests and spending time with your friends and family among some things. Just because you are not owned does not mean you cannot be relatively happy.

That special relationship can always feel out of reach, but you just never know it could also be right around the corner. Pursue it vigorously but not all cunsuming. A level head and patience is always important.

I wish you well.


_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 5:58:51 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		Waiting is the most difficult thing in the world for me.  It hasn't gotten better with age, and in fact, it's probably gotten worse.  It would be so easy, sometimes, to toss in the towel and say to hell with it, but.. (and there's always a but, huh??) i still remember what it's like to "settle", to try to be something i'm not, and that's not the way i want to live my life.  Being alone is the pits, no denying that, but it's even worse knowing that not only was i miserable, but i wasn't doing a whole lot for my partner either.

Sometimes i take a break from it all, deactivate my profile, and stay away from the computer, rest more, eat better, and spend long solitary walks thinking of what i want out of life, when was i the happiest or the most miserable, and then...one day i have my answer -- at least for today.   

No one but you, deep in your heart and soul, can give you the answer you're looking for now.   Good luck :)

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to lisa1978)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 6:10:15 PM   
tangria


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline 		i think we have all felt that at some time, and i am now realizing that as i get older it somehow is worse to be alone. because the self-worth issue comes into play, and that little desperate voice whispers to us loudest when we are feeling alone and unwanted. it is also when i feel most at risk for jumping into things i shouldnt, or spending time with people i know arent right for me, just to feel that closeness and belonging in some way. so take your time, listen to the wisdom of the other replies---work on being happy with yourself and who you are, learn, grow, explore, and hang in there. peace to you all.

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 6:20:26 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Having been owned or never been owned...lonley is lonley....and I feel it on a daily basis.....but life goes on, and so will I....

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to tangria)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 6:21:04 PM   
SpielMitMir


Posts: 80
Joined: 1/16/2006
From: Pittsburgh/Chicago
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

Longing never easy, but submitting should never be something you do out of desperation.


I couldn't agree more with this.
Even though I am sure this is a really hard time for you. You have to remember anything happens for a reason. Even if you don't see it yet.

You don't want to jump in a relationship just because someone says they would like to own you.

Take this time to do other things in life. Find other things that make you happy. I always seem to find partners when I am not looking.

*shrugs* Good luck.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 9:04:39 PM   
ladylexington


Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		If you're not sure about your "role," try some others. See how they fit. It will pass the time while you're waiting for the top of your dreams.

_____________________________

If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

(in reply to SpielMitMir)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 9:43:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		 

I think that it is a normal progression of life that leads one to question where they are and where they want to go in their personal relationships. This happens for vanilla folks too, such as changing values, different needs as we grow, changing life circumstances always play a part in what we desire from our mate. If we are alone that makes these desires take on new meaning because we can choose someone that fits our present situation. It gets trickier when we are commited to someone and have to create an environment for both to flourish.

So you are in the ideal situation being unowned and discovering differing aspects of yourself. Perhaps you are a switch, or maybe these are identities that you are playing with? Perhaps you want to top or maybe bottom. You can play with all these roles as someone that is unowned, and there is nothing wrong with self discovery!

If this is something that is upsetting to you, not being a submissive, well perhaps in the end you will find you were a submissive all along. I never have personally thought about taking on other roles in the lifestyle, but I certainly took stock of whether or not I wanted to go back to vanilla. I  discovered that I couldn't. You may find different answers are true for you.

As to your question, I have never been owned so I know no other way of being. I do not define my submissiveness by who owns me at this point. That may be different when and if I ever become owned.

Hope my input was helpful....Peace

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to brokenmaleslave)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Time and longing... - 6/11/2006 10:32:45 PM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline 		At first I wanted to find a Dom...to be owned....since I had discovered that I was a sub inside and under all the stigma that had been drilled into me....I was eager to move on to the next step....but...(always a but)...I talkd to a few ...even grew close to one a distance away....but nothing ever quite clicked....I thought...well maybe this internet thing isn't for me....the old romantic thing of..."if it's meant to happen it will"....I am kind of in that mode now...but I am also taking advantage of the ..(lack of better thoughts)...down time....I am reading...(yes reading)....learning (did you know wooden dildos don't take batteries)...asking questions....and finding answers as I go along.....I know patience sucks....but it can also be a great adventure...I don't know if this appplies to you...but in my vanilla dating it was the same way...I'd date a lot...until I found someone I clicked with....then move on to a relationship...had to have dinner with a lot of toads...but eventually a Prince would come along...as I am sure my Prince Dom will...I am sure so will yours.....patience grasshopper...lol

(in reply to brokenmaleslave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Time and longing... - 6/12/2006 3:12:47 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brokenmaleslave

This is just a general question ... but have you ever been unowned for so long, that you begin to question your submission, and your place? For Dominants, have You taken someone on who has been unowned for so long, and what difficulties have You had? This is quiet personal because i have only been owned the twice (when i was introduced to bdsm for 6months, and then about 4years ago), and now i am begining to think i should change what i am who i look for, or perhaps even my role. i do feel lost and wandering.


From my understanding of your question, you are beginning to question your role(s) either based on   lack of finding someone or 2) you own growth and questioning have led you to think you might switch?

If its that you are questioning your happiness in your role, or growing into a new role...go for it..many are switches (Doms/sub...) and are quite happy. However, if you're feeling that you simply need to be "owned" then I would take time to ask why you feel such a strong need in that direction.

Hope I understood your post correctly. Smiles, irish


_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to brokenmaleslave)
Profile   Post #: 14
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