RE: REFERENCES

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: REFERENCES

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: REFERENCES

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 6:05:54 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I think it's a great idea to ask for references. Not so much for the references themselves, but for how the Dom answers the question.

Indeed.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 7:43:49 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

The perfect example: There was a serial rapist that stalked the SoCal room on AOL. I had received a warning about him from an acquaintance. She had contacted me prior to that, as he had chosen me to become a secondary submissive to him and sent her to recruit me. (I knew her prior to that) When he came into the SoCal chatroom I relayed what K had said and gave a warning to everyone in the room that he had put a submissive in the hospital with severe injuries.

After that I received "references" from all of his friends. (Unasked for)

He went on to rape 8 women in 6 months and he was out on parole.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kalikshama)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 8:04:19 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I think I remember that guy...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 8:13:38 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Do you really think if you asked me for a reference that I'd give you the name of someone that would speak ill of me???? REALLY a lil bit of common sense goes a long way.

*chuckles* I do... in job interviews and any other similar situation... this would definitely count. I try to give some folks who hate me, some folks who love me, and some folks in between. That way the person evaluating me gets a [hopefully] more complete image.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SailingBum)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 8:27:01 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I think I remember that guy...

Yeah, it was a joy having the LA police at the Sportsman's Social, wasn't it?

He had a different screenname the first time I outted him. He changed it to CorndogzNcupcakes (something along those lines). It sticks out in my mind because I remember I was in CT for my uncle's funeral, when I was talking to Flash and he told me that guy had been arrested.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 9:19:25 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

FLASH!! I miss Flash :)

I missed the whole LEO presence there, because I wasn't able to attend as often as I would have liked.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 9:30:11 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Flash and A were the people that first dragged me out to a social and introduced me to Master for the very first time.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 10:21:53 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

I've never asked anybody for references. I prefer to just get to know people.

I suppose, if I were looking to do a risky or complicated kind of scene with someone that I didn't know very well, I'd probably ask for references from the local community, to make sure they actually know what they're doing. But I'm not really into edge play, and even if I were I can't see myself doing something like that with someone I didn't enormously trust.

(in reply to culareD)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 10:52:53 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Do you really think if you asked me for a reference that I'd give you the name of someone that would speak ill of me???? REALLY a lil bit of common sense goes a long way.

*chuckles* I do... in job interviews and any other similar situation... this would definitely count. I try to give some folks who hate me, some folks who love me, and some folks in between. That way the person evaluating me gets a [hopefully] more complete image.

Oddly enuff the only time i can remember being asked for ref was years ago when I was job hunting.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 10:58:07 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I wouldn't ask anyone for refrences, I'm not looking to hire them.

I have, in the past, networked, watched how someone I was interested in treated his submissive/bottom - interacted with others.

No matter how you go about it, the only way to REALLY know a person, is to get to know them.

(in reply to culareD)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 7:36:25 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD

Should a sub ask for references when considering engaging with a Dom? This question can really apply to a sub engaging with anyone....

If someone asked me for references, it would depend on whether I knew them in real life. If we were just emailing, then the people I know and care about will remain anonymous. If someone who knows me in real life is asking, we can go meet my best friend, or I could ask a friend of mine if she (usually a she) would like to email or call the person asking.

To me, it's a boundary issue. If you want to get into my life, you need to demonstrate that you are (a) a decent person and (b) not fucking crazy, before I let you know about my periphery. Why should I put anyone but myself at risk when I am getting to know someone?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to culareD)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: REFERENCES - 8/29/2012 8:54:36 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I have offered to try to arrange an intro to one person I know from online to another. I make no guarantees.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Profile

Post #: 32