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A Question - 9/2/2012 1:27:23 PM

steve4free

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

I just want to put my mind at ease I guess. Having no relationship and little to none fetish experience, I guess im directing this question to people who are in a relationship as vanilla but femdom sexual relationship. Is it possible to have a sexual relationship based only around fetish, while maintaining a normal vanilla lifestyle without requiring the "normal" man on top woman on bottom vanilla sex.

I just want to know as I will never be interested in a vanilla lifestyle sexually, and if there are other people who are exercising this fetish only desire, Where theirs a tree theirs a forest, right?

Steve

Post #: 1

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 1:31:00 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Yes. You can have any kind of relationship you want.

The trick is, finding someone else who wants you.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to steve4free)

Post #: 2

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 1:38:37 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

You mean you're seeking a woman who is an angel in the kitchen and a devil in the bedroom? Welcome to 95% of the straight male population.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 9/2/2012 1:39:56 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 3

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 1:46:14 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

This...

quote:

Having no relationship and little to none fetish experience

combined with this....

quote:

I will never be interested in a vanilla lifestyle sexually

has me wondering what's your basis for coming to such a conclusion.

Just curious, mind you...it's not something you need to answer, just consider.

In answer to your question, yes...what you seek really isn't all that different from any other man, kinky or otherwise. A basic Madonna/Whore complex with a kinky twist.

(in reply to steve4free)

Post #: 4

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 2:28:46 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

The answer is yes.
Remember you will never know what goes on beyond closed doors until you get there; you can never presume what happens to anyone.
As for the fetish, it depends on what it is. There's something and someone for everyone. If you go to the Frequently Asked Questions in this section, you'll be reminded, for example, that there will be very few only-foot fetish recipients or lifestyle Dommes into watching transvestites; doesn't mean there aren't any, but it tends to scream 'It's all about MEEEEEE'.

Step one: get into a relationship, vanilla or otherwise; everything else is just porn.
To meet like-minded humans, olunteer, go to a comedy club, or a British-style pub with music.
Except on a site like this, I'm not going to walk up to a man at a party and announce, 'I love face-sitting, breast worship and strap-ons.' As the Brazilians say, 'With trust, comes abandon,' and that goes both ways.
And I don't automatically look for the cutest guy in the room; I look for the one who laughs at the same things I do, who holds doors for people, who might hold my gaze for a moment then look away then look back: POUNCE!
Just be a gentleman in the bedroom and out, and not a whiny sexual bottom, that is, someone who demans to have certain sexual or fetishistic acts performed on him or in his ass, AND acts like an ass outside the bedroom.

Good luck.

Edited to add; Oh, look, you're British; no trouble finding a pub with music, then ;-)

< Message edited by Tantriqu -- 9/2/2012 2:31:50 PM >

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

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Post #: 5

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 2:31:21 PM

steve4free

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

Ah first reply was kinda what i was after. I think I worded that a bit wrong... as its been misunderstood. What I mean is to have a normal relationship, I didn't mean vanilla by chained to the kitchen while a breadwinner supplys the house in return for kinky sex, I mean they operate as humans and share interests and do whatever people do, but are so in depth with there fetish that vanilla sex isn't satisfying or maybe even not possible.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 6

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 2:34:37 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve4free

I mean they operate as humans

As opposed to....?

(in reply to steve4free)

Post #: 7

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 2:35:15 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

What I mean is to have a normal relationship, I didn't mean vanilla by chained to the kitchen while a breadwinner supplys the house in return for kinky sex, I mean they operate as humans and share interests and do whatever people do, but are so in depth with there fetish that vanilla sex isn't satisfying or maybe even not possible.

No misunderstanding for me.

Now I'm really curious...vanilla sex, is that with or without the rubber chicken?

Try not to over think this...you'll only confuse yourself more.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 9/2/2012 2:36:15 PM >

(in reply to steve4free)

Post #: 8

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 6:34:46 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve4free

I just want to put my mind at ease I guess. Having no relationship and little to none fetish experience, I guess im directing this question to people who are in a relationship as vanilla but femdom sexual relationship. Is it possible to have a sexual relationship based only around fetish, while maintaining a normal vanilla lifestyle without requiring the "normal" man on top woman on bottom vanilla sex.

I just want to know as I will never be interested in a vanilla lifestyle sexually, and if there are other people who are exercising this fetish only desire, Where theirs a tree theirs a forest, right?

Steve

Steve....this America. We can have anything we want here.

(in reply to steve4free)

Post #: 9

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 6:53:29 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve4free

What I mean is to have a normal relationship, I didn't mean vanilla by chained to the kitchen while a breadwinner supplys the house in return for kinky sex, I mean they operate as humans and share interests and do whatever people do, but are so in depth with there fetish that vanilla sex isn't satisfying or maybe even not possible.

You've defined the relationship you want in the bedroom, but not out of it. Not yet. It's clear you want one of two things:

1. The traditional female led relationship, in which the woman dictates how you'll behave outside the bedroom and controls in the bedroom, or
2. An egalitarian relationship in which man and woman are equal outside the bedroom, and the female controls in the bedroom.

It's clear that you don't want a relationship in which you're naked in chains 24/7 and the woman wears a Dominatrix catsuit 24/7. But since that kind of relationship doesn't exist outside of porn, that's not an issue.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to steve4free)

Post #: 10

RE: A Question - 9/2/2012 11:42:00 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

the "normal" man on top woman on bottom vanilla sex.

This is probably off topic but I'm just throwing this out there.

God, even if My vanilla sex life was like that, I might shoot Myself.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 12:50:31 AM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve4free

I just want to put my mind at ease I guess. Having no relationship and little to none fetish experience, I guess im directing this question to people who are in a relationship as vanilla but femdom sexual relationship. Is it possible to have a sexual relationship based only around fetish, while maintaining a normal vanilla lifestyle without requiring the "normal" man on top woman on bottom vanilla sex.

I just want to know as I will never be interested in a vanilla lifestyle sexually, and if there are other people who are exercising this fetish only desire, Where theirs a tree theirs a forest, right?

Steve

Hello Steve,

Your profile is charming, so I'll take some time. As someone recently reminded me, time is a gift you can never take back.

What you're seeking is not impossible. There is no conflict about a relationship being vanilla but the woman being the dominant force in the boudoir. By my count, this is rare. With exactly one exception, EVERY SINGLE female I've ever gotten close to that was not involved in the lifestyle had more submissive tendencies in the bedroom. It was always "tell me what you like" and "what would you like me to do to you?" Ah, the good problems in life.

Many things cause a submissive mindset regarding sex. Some people are born that way, sometimes the lack of experience means following orders is more pleasant than giving them, some cultural influence can be attributed.

The main question is seek out a dominant woman and form a relationship or seek out a relationship and form a dominant woman. I submit today that you cannot make a woman dominant if it isn't already in her. Sure, if she loves you she'll do a lot of twisted stuff because she knows you like it. But it won't be for her. If it is essential that your mate enjoy the dominance for her first, then you must start with dominant women and hope a relationship forms. The problem is that most dominant women, especially the ones you'll meet through the lifestyle, are not going to say "You know what? Lets do vanilla everything else."

The sister option is being content with a gal who will do your kinky fetishes in the bedroom because she likes making you happy. Do you REALLY care if she wants to rub her feet on your face rather than is perfectly happy to do it because it makes your day? If its good enough for you that she fakes dominance to spice things up, I suggest finding a person first ignoring the power aspect. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky and she'll naturally sway into dominance. But I doubt it.

One thing I'll warn against is dating the kinks, not the person. No woman wants to be seen as a vessel for twisted sex. I know you're sweet enough not to think that way, but you don't want to come across that way, savvy?

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to steve4free)

Post #: 12

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 5:15:09 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Is "normal" sex "man on top?" It may be normal for you but not for everyone.

As for the relationship thing: Do you mean femdom in the bedroom and vanilla everywhere else? Or femdom both in and out of the bedroom but appears in public to be vanilla? Either way, it's possible. Having a D/s relationship with little to no kink is also possible. D/s is a relationship style, BDSM is the fun kinky stuff.

I prefer femdom both in and out of the bedroom but appearing vanilla in public, but I'm still kinky as hell, and it works great. Any kind of relationship you want is possible. It's just a matter of finding a woman who wants the same kind of relationship you do and I'm sure she's out there, somewhere.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

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Post #: 13

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 7:14:27 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

the "normal" man on top woman on bottom vanilla sex.

This is probably off topic but I'm just throwing this out there.

God, even if My vanilla sex life was like that, I might shoot Myself.

+1
Hmm I don't mean to brag but just because
somethings "vanilla" doesn't mean it has to be
boring... Even in my non D/s "vanilla"
relationships theres choking, slapping, spanking,
anal, tying up, holding hands behind her back,
doggy style, having sneeky ones in public and
the list goes on...
I think thats pretty average! ask anyone here
they probably wont even rate that stuff as kinky,
vanilla can be passionate, exciting and
adventurous aswell.

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

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Post #: 14

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 9:19:32 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Okay....since (AND YES TMI) I like man on top positions best...am I vanilla now?

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 15

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 3:14:57 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Whats TMI?

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530 DAYS

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Post #: 16

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 3:27:14 PM

WomanlyWiles

Posts: 166
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Okay....since (AND YES TMI) I like man on top positions best...am I vanilla now?

Me too. We can be vanilla together!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 3:30:04 PM

chemeli

Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Whats TMI?

TMI = Too Much Information.

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Post #: 18

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 3:33:25 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Oooh

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530 DAYS

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Post #: 19

RE: A Question - 9/3/2012 4:35:39 PM

nanshakh

Posts: 21
Joined: 8/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: steve4free

Is it possible to have a sexual relationship based only around fetish, while maintaining a normal vanilla lifestyle without requiring the "normal" man on top woman on bottom vanilla sex.

Seems the general consensus is that you've got the green light…

but I wonder what you would have done, had you been told that what you are asking for is absolutely unheard of, not possible or even permitted.

Would you have shrugged and said to yourself something like: "Oh blast it! too bad, I would have loved it so much though… well, anyway, let's pick up some other interest in life then"?

_____________________________

Bien sûr, des fois, j'ai pensé mettre fin à mes jours, mais je ne savais jamais par lequel commencer.

nanshakh.com

(in reply to steve4free)

Post #: 20

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