Question.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Question.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Question.

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Question. - 6/12/2006 12:08:21 AM

aslavetolove

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline

Would like to hear from as many Mistresses/Dommes as possible on this topic. Which type of man would interest you more as a potential submissive:

A. The man who has his life together ... he has a good stable job and career, college-educated, financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason), knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle, knows how to conduct himself in public, has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids), doesn't do drugs, drinks very responsibly, essentially he's clean-cut, what you see is what you get.

or

B. The man who is trying to find his life ... unemployed or strays from job to job, is financially irresponsible, social skills and graces may be lacking, has a hard edge to him, may have a drinking problem, may use drugs, may have a criminal background, essentially you never know what to expect with this guy. He's an all-around bad boy that will keep you guessing at every turn.

or

C. Neither A. or B. have anything to do with any decisions you might make about someone.

Thank You

Post #: 1

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 3:41:04 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Trick question?

Why don't you find a domina you like, and tell her personally how much you have going for you, and how that becomes a plus for her life? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 2

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 3:54:04 AM

SeekingaServant

Posts: 37
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

Of course you want A!
Any slaves that I own I want to not only satisfy my needs and wants, but I want them to be happy in their service of me. I want the best for them...in family, work, ect. I work with them to help them become better if they have some issues in certain areas...however, I wouldn't take on one that was seriously unstable in too many different aspects.
Sure if he has a few hard edges, more things to work on and its due-able...but drinking/drug habit, criminal history, financially irresponsible and unemployed...well gosh, thats my ideal keeper...lol ---edited---(maybe a tad too sarcastic?)
I think though that there will be different strokes for different folks...maybe there is someone out there drooling at the chance to take on Mr. Badboy and whip him into shape...make the world a better place and get to spank someone at the same time. :)

< Message edited by SeekingaServant -- 6/12/2006 3:56:12 AM >

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 3

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 4:52:54 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I want A, I'm to the point in my life that I'm not raising anymore kids, I've got one of my own and thats all I want. If his Mama didn't do her job thats not my fault or if he was to stupid to learn, again thats not my fault. Though usually addiction problems stem from psychological issues. To be a wonderful sub you must understand and accept responsibility, boy B in the example hasn't realised that yet.
With that said if he does possess some intelligence and a bit of ambition he could perhaps be retrained not to be a looser, though that would require someone to be his mentor and his wanting to better himself.
I like a badboy and in fact have one, but I refuse to deal with addictions and unemployment, he knows this so that is in his past. Now he's working to make himself financially stable for a brighter future. Yes sometimes the badboy looser can be turned around but only if he truly DESIRES it and if he has a Domme that is willing to work with him. She shouldn't pay his bills, she shouldn't support his addicitons, what she should do is make him see how good life can be without all the clutter. This of course takes discipline, time and patience.

~Lashra

(in reply to SeekingaServant)

Post #: 4

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 5:47:53 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aslavetolove

Would like to hear from as many Mistresses/Dommes as possible on this topic. Which type of man would interest you more as a potential submissive:

A. The man who has his life together ... he has a good stable job and career, college-educated, financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason), knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle, knows how to conduct himself in public, has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids), doesn't do drugs, drinks very responsibly, essentially he's clean-cut, what you see is what you get.

However he has to be flexible enough to fit into my life. I do not fit myself to a new slave or a new partner of any sort. I have a house, a family, a fairly stable life for still being in graduate school.

And I like college students too who don't fit into either category you laid out. At this stage though a college student would be for fun not for serious play since I don't know if I'll be leaving next summer or when exactly.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 5

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 7:49:51 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

hmmmm...
Take a whole bunch of positive things and package them up as choice 1 and a whole bunch of negative things and package them up as choice 2.

Would you Ladies prefer absolute perfection or complete failure?

That’s not how life works.
You missed all the happy mediums and gray areas.

So, step by step, here’s my opinions….

The man who has his life together ...
(which is not necessarily defined by the list below)
Yes. But I’m open to change.
he has a good stable job and career,
It’s preferrable, since I can’t afford to support him. But if I were independently wealthy, bet your ass I’d keep him at home more often.
college-educated,
Not necessarily. I’m 100% in support of education, but the community college’s Associate degree ain’t got nothin’ on a man who has real life experience and a few years over seas in the Peace Corps or military.
financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason),
Yes.
knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle,
Yes.
knows how to conduct himself in public,
Shy can sometimes be cute.
has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids),
Depends. I’ve seen one too many subs who say "good relationship with family" but mean "Apron strings never got cut". I’ve also seen people who chose to break ties with their family and are healthier for having done so. And, if he’s not "out of the closet" about his lifestyle, his relationship with his family is just going to mean time away from me.
doesn't do drugs,
Absolutely. I have no interest in druggies.
drinks very responsibly,
Nope. I prefer t-totallers and non-drinkers altogether
essentially he's clean-cut,
Nope. I like facial hair.
what you see is what you get.
For the most part.

The man who is trying to find his life ...
Aren’t we all?
unemployed or strays from job to job,
Big difference between the two. Unemployed due to circumstance and out there avidly trying to work. Ok. Unemployed and lazing on the sofa all day – Not Ok. Straying from job to job I do not have a problem with at all. I think if more people did this, we’d have a lesser population of folks who get depressed due to their "dead end job" that they’ve been "stuck" in for 20 years. I’m a job hopper and perfectly content as one.
is financially irresponsible,
No.
social skills and graces may be lacking,
Depends. Obnoxious and impolite is not Ok. But a bit shy or backward isn’t bad.
has a hard edge to him,
Define hard edge. When I read "This man has a hard edge to him" I think "oooooo, can I see?" I prefer a manly man over a sissy any day. James Dean wasn’t exactly discard material.
may have a drinking problem,
may use drugs,
Nope. I have no interest in drinkers and druggies.
may have a criminal background,
This doesn’t in and of itself disqualify a person from my list. One’s criminal background doesn’t sum up who they are as a person.
essentially you never know what to expect with this guy.
No.
He's an all-around bad boy that will keep you guessing at every turn.
I don’t like guessing, but define a bad boy. Bad boys have their appeal for sure.

I believe that person A and person B both exist. But I think more commonly, you’re going to find people who are a happy medium, who have both good and bad qualities. And they appeal to different people for different reasons. I’m probably going to have an easier time finding people with some sort of criminal background than people who don’t even drink socially. Someone can have financial responsibility and be a job hopper. Some drug addicts are absolutely predictable and you always know where they stand and what to expect from them. We can’t just sum up people in neat little packages and put them on the naughty or nice list without looking at the specifics of each person.

Hope that helped.
I’m curious what inspired you to ask.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 6

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 8:20:06 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

In my experience, things like what you described are rarely the end all be all. Maybe person A has a flaw that would be a deal breaker. Maybe person B has some redeeming quality that would allow me to consider him. A has only good qualities and B has only bad qualities. This is extremely rare to see in any one person, so it does not seem like a realistic assessment of the total person in either case. If it were, I suppose I would have to say A...but someone who represented that much perfection might also send off warning bells that they were not all that truthful lol

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 7

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 9:22:50 AM

aslavetolove

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for the responses, thus far. Some interesting thoughts and assumptions. I will try and respond when I get a chance.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 8

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 10:49:51 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I already have a B, it's called a teenager.

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 9

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 12:05:01 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aslavetolove

Would like to hear from as many Mistresses/Dommes as possible on this topic. Which type of man would interest you more as a potential submissive:

A. The man who has his life together ... he has a good stable job and career, college-educated, financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason), knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle, knows how to conduct himself in public, has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids), doesn't do drugs, drinks very responsibly, essentially he's clean-cut, what you see is what you get.

or

B. The man who is trying to find his life ... unemployed or strays from job to job, is financially irresponsible, social skills and graces may be lacking, has a hard edge to him, may have a drinking problem, may use drugs, may have a criminal background, essentially you never know what to expect with this guy. He's an all-around bad boy that will keep you guessing at every turn.

or

C. Neither A. or B. have anything to do with any decisions you might make about someone.

Thank You

Which one has a better ass?

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 10

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 2:52:44 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

While male B could be a good person underneath a host of issues he needs to settle, I don't want someone emotionally unsettled. If you don't know who you are, then don't leave it to me to figure it out for you. I want someone who has found himself, is responsible enough to take care of himself, and is sound enough to know what he is seeking in a long-term relationship.

I wonder if male A really exists... My choice is male A IF the chemistry is right, and if the 'what you see is what you get' is a caring, sensitive, intelligent person with the ability to laugh and enjoy life, who has a naturally submissive nature. Maybe male B could turn into male A ... if he ever finds his direction.

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 11

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 4:35:25 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aslavetolove

Would like to hear from as many Mistresses/Dommes as possible on this topic. Which type of man would interest you more as a potential submissive:

A. The man who has his life together ... he has a good stable job and career, college-educated, financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason), knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle, knows how to conduct himself in public, has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids), doesn't do drugs, drinks very responsibly, essentially he's clean-cut, what you see is what you get.

or

B. The man who is trying to find his life

I've found that I'm attracted to an A-type that also has the first line of the B-type... a man that should be settled, but wants more, and as a result, is courageous, flexible, and open to exploration in whatever direction I want to take him. Yum!

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 12

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 5:32:10 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aslavetolove

Would like to hear from as many Mistresses/Dommes as possible on this topic. Which type of man would interest you more as a potential submissive:

A. The man who has his life together ... he has a good stable job and career, college-educated, financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason), knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle, knows how to conduct himself in public, has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids), doesn't do drugs, drinks very responsibly, essentially he's clean-cut, what you see is what you get.

or

B. The man who is trying to find his life ... unemployed or strays from job to job, is financially irresponsible, social skills and graces may be lacking, has a hard edge to him, may have a drinking problem, may use drugs, may have a criminal background, essentially you never know what to expect with this guy. He's an all-around bad boy that will keep you guessing at every turn.

or

C. Neither A. or B. have anything to do with any decisions you might make about someone.

Thank You

Tell me I didn't just read that.

yikes.

I'm certainly not an A, although I have been called an A-...um nevermind.

But I'm certainly no B either.

Call me a T.

_____________________________

Life is a mystery to be explored. An open mind is a portal to wondrous experiences!

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 13

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 5:33:54 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: aslavetolove

Would like to hear from as many Mistresses/Dommes as possible on this topic. Which type of man would interest you more as a potential submissive:

A. The man who has his life together ... he has a good stable job and career, college-educated, financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason), knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle, knows how to conduct himself in public, has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids), doesn't do drugs, drinks very responsibly, essentially he's clean-cut, what you see is what you get.

or

B. The man who is trying to find his life ... unemployed or strays from job to job, is financially irresponsible, social skills and graces may be lacking, has a hard edge to him, may have a drinking problem, may use drugs, may have a criminal background, essentially you never know what to expect with this guy. He's an all-around bad boy that will keep you guessing at every turn.

or

C. Neither A. or B. have anything to do with any decisions you might make about someone.

Thank You

Which one has a better ass?

Akasha

I think that would be letter "T."

_____________________________

Life is a mystery to be explored. An open mind is a portal to wondrous experiences!

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 14

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 5:52:08 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

A. The man who has his life together ... he has a good stable job and career, college-educated, financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason), knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle, knows how to conduct himself in public, has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids), doesn't do drugs, drinks very responsibly, essentially he's clean-cut, what you see is what you get.

I've had boys that fit many of the ideals that you've listed here. Frankly they make the best subs. The drive that makes them achieve and be diligent in all that they do carries over to their service. HOWEVER there is always a catch. While the cover may be flawless and the first few chapters of the book are dreamy there is always something below the surface that drives them to be a submissive that they don't reveal off the bat and normally something that they are even better at hiding than their submission. Mine was a high ranking exec for a fortune 500 king of his world and all around him obeyed. For me he was a sweet pony with a thing for killing and eating dust bunnies (don't ask). My floors were never cleaner. Catch was this nagging feeling that his "ex" was his current wife (she also had cancer) that finally lead me to say enough. His embezzling and inside trading hit the news not long after. His trial was adjourned for the funeral of his wife (current).

Perfect is only perfect as long as you're window shopping. As soon as you try it on the flaws come out.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 15

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 10:48:55 PM

aslavetolove

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline

Again, thanks to everyone who offered up an opinion, humor or even a little sarcasm. It's been a lousy few days and I really needed a laugh.

Now my thoughts, I found it interesting that several people questioned whether person A. exists. I agree that no one is without flaws of some kind/degree and is absolutely perfect all the time. But, in looking at how I described person A., those characteristics/qualities were what I would call quite natural and not extraordinary, at least in my mind. Meaning if you met someone like that you would consider them a rarity? You rarely meet people like that? Or never?

Regarding person B., it seems like most would be willing to see if there was any reason/hope that this individual could become what you were looking for, thru his own determination/ambition to change his life and your ongoing mentoring. In other words you would be willing to give him a chance. What makes you inclined to do that? Is it because you enjoy somewhat of an adventure and the unknown with this individual, maybe even danger? Is it because he is a challenge for you and you will feel accomplishment in his accomplishments or growth or change? Is it because you genuinely feel sympathy towards this individual and wish to help him?

I look forward to any follow up and/or new responses.

Thank You

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 16

RE: Question. - 6/12/2006 11:10:00 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aslavetolove
I found it interesting that several people questioned whether person A. exists

I've met person A and he nearly bored me into a coma... I love a man who has his life together, but nowhere in your description did you say he is a passionate, kind, generous and sensitive soul; without those qualities, I don't care what he does, where he lives, or what he looks like, we won't work.

quote:

But, in looking at how I described person A., those characteristics/qualities were what I would call quite natural and not extraordinary, at least in my mind. Meaning if you met someone like that you would consider them a rarity? You rarely meet people like that? Or never?

Yes those characteristics are natural, and indeed there is nothing extraordinary in person A unless we assume all the other wonderful things about him.
Yes of course I would consider someone like that if I met him, and I would go in praying for chemistry (good communication between the two of us, and a desire to see one another naked

).

quote:

Regarding person B., it seems like most would be willing to see if there was any reason/hope that this individual could become what you were looking for, thru his own determination/ambition to change his life and your ongoing mentoring. In other words you would be willing to give him a chance. What makes you inclined to do that?

I would be inclined to do it if in doing it, I would not be harming myself psychologically, physically or financially because we are all fallible, and all of us need a hand (physical, financial or emotional) sometimes in order not to fall flat on our faces. Anyone who is too arrogant to understand that is not someone I would have around as a friend/partner. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 17

RE: Question. - 6/15/2006 9:57:05 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

This sounds like a trick question because it's SO obvious to me.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: aslavetolove
A. The man who has his life together ... he has a good stable job and career, college-educated, financially responsible (does not equate to independently wealthy or rich, but, can afford most pleasures within reason), knows how to treat a woman outside of the lifestyle, knows how to conduct himself in public, has a good relationship with his family (I'm not talking wife and kids), doesn't do drugs, drinks very responsibly, essentially he's clean-cut, what you see is what you get.

I enjoy someone who can keep up with me on an intellectual and social level. I expect manners -- chivalry is still in. I also have a thing for men in suits, high and tight haircuts and the like. Go figure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: aslavetolove
or
B. The man who is trying to find his life ... unemployed or strays from job to job, is financially irresponsible, social skills and graces may be lacking, has a hard edge to him, may have a drinking problem, may use drugs, may have a criminal background, essentially you never know what to expect with this guy. He's an all-around bad boy that will keep you guessing at every turn.

No no and no. I have no tolerance for substance abusers of any sort. The lack of manners and social ineptitude would leave me truly irritated. These are not the sorts that you TRAIN. They want to stay this way if they are an adult and still demonstrating this sort of behavior.

The only thing I'd be "guessing" about is whether all of my belongings were safe in his presence and if he'd leave the money in my wallet at the end of an evening. I will not live my life like that.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to aslavetolove)

Post #: 18

RE: Question. - 6/16/2006 10:06:14 PM

cowboytt55116

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline

why do domme taht enjoy cbt never tell about foreskin torcher

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 19

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Question.

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109