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iilythia -> New here (9/5/2012 12:07:34 AM)

Hello all,

I have very recently discovered the extent of my submissiveness. I have always enjoyed a little kink in the bedroom, but I have been feeling like I'm missing something, and with much research and soul searching, I have some to the conclusion that I need more out of my current relationship. I have been with this man for 8 years and I love him with all my heart. He is definitely a dominant personality and loves to tie me up in bed, but I worry that it will freak him out to know the extent to which I wish to be dominated.

I know I should just talk to him about it, and I will gather the courage one day soon, but I fear for our relationship if he is not into it. And even if he is into it, I'm sure he will need guidance in order to become the Master I crave and I am at a loss as to how to suggest this to him without offending him. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Sorry for the rambling, lol



Shininglight23 -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 12:12:10 AM)

Op,

Welcome!

I fear for your relationship too if you can't speak openly after 8 years. Clearly you have a desire to be with him..and you have a desire to be dominated by him. If he's tying you up in the bedroom..maybe he has the same desires outside the bedroom that you do.

IMHO if you can't be honest then the relationship isn't worth having.

Good luck.

Allie



iilythia -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 12:20:46 AM)

Thank you for your kind welcome :)

This is the first time I. Our relationship that I have has an issue with being completely open with him. My only fear is that he will say that he is not I terested in being dominant to the extent that I desire. It is actually our recent sexual exploration together that has led me to research my feelings about submission further. I think I just need to bit the bullet and talk to him about my desires, with the knowledge that he will be as new to this as I am and we will both have to go slow



Offside -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 1:38:35 AM)

Welcome Op!

I'd suggest having an intense kinky love-making session and then bringing it up.

Saying something to the effect of: "I want to be more kinky". Get straight to the point: "I've been reading these sites: I want you to take total control in bed." Explain specifically what appeals to you about being dominated.

Don't get caught up in the terms used by the BDSM community. A layman will not understand them sufficiently. Try writing down your own definition of domination, submission, etc. That way you can understand how you think of it so that you can explain it to him.

Note: Don't dance around the issue with a big lead up or "ums" and "ahs" that's just unnerving for the guy.

Also find some specific beginners/newbie website guides that you can show him if he's interested. Read them carefully and see if they match with how you view D/s relationships.

That said, I'd be careful about over-instructing him because of two issues:

1) you'd basically be topping him from the bottom, in other words, you would be the one doing the dominating.

2) he might go along with it for your sake but not discover what he enjoys in it unless he actually explores it on his own.

What are you looking for in a D/s relationship? He either will be into it or he won't be. That's just a risk you will have to take. Although being into rope bondage is a good sign. Google shibari.

P.S. One other thing: if it works out, be sure he keeps reading and keeps trying to improve his dom skills. It's very easy for a dom to become complacent if they have a long-term submissive.



ARIES83 -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 2:55:51 AM)

You may get more advice if you posted
in another section,
like "Ask a Sub- " or "Ask a Master"

Welcome to the forum.
My advice is to mention your desires to
him and, then tell him you have been
reading this forum, maybe read a few
interesting things out to him to spur his
interest, the rest might work itself out.

-ARIES



DarkSteven -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 4:17:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: iilythia

My only fear is that he will say that he is not I terested in being dominant to the extent that I desire.


Lady, you yourself may not be interested in being dominated to the extent that you desire now! All you have right now are fantasies, and you want to explore them. I will say that exploring with someone you trust and care for is the best way to do it.

Welcome to collarme!



iilythia -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 8:24:48 AM)

Thank you all so much for you thoughtful replies and welcomes.
I have gained a little bit of courage and confidence from looking through these forums and I am definitely going to bring this up to my husband as soon as the time presents itself



iilythia -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 9:33:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: iilythia

My only fear is that he will say that he is not I terested in being dominant to the extent that I desire.


Lady, you yourself may not be interested in being dominated to the extent that you desire now! All you have right now are fantasies, and you want to explore them. I will say that exploring with someone you trust and care for is the best way to do it.

Welcome to collarme!



This message has made me feel so wonderful, DarkSteven and has put a lot I to perspective for me. You're right, I don't know exactly what I want since all I have been doing so far is fantasizing. I lok forward to exploring with my husband and also look forward to the insight and support that I can find here, I'm glad to have found this site!



CRYPTICLXVI -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 10:13:54 AM)

Welcome, I agree with everyone here, communication between you and your husband is key to your journey.



poise -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 10:33:58 AM)

Welcome to the message board, iilythia. You've been given some great advice.
I'd like to suggest you purchase one or more of the books listed here.
While the internet offers a great many websites that can offer you tips and tricks,
nothing beats the intimacy of lying side by side and reading things together.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
Until you are comfortble enough to discuss it, you can leave a book in the bathroom,
or on a bedside table for him to pick up at his leisure, and it may be enough to peek his
curiousity into exploring more. Of course, there are no guarantees, but you owe it to
yourself and to him to be honest about your feelings.

I wish you both the best in exploring together.



iilythia -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 1:52:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Welcome to the message board, iilythia. You've been given some great advice.
I'd like to suggest you purchase one or more of the books listed here.
While the internet offers a great many websites that can offer you tips and tricks,
nothing beats the intimacy of lying side by side and reading things together.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
Until you are comfortble enough to discuss it, you can leave a book in the bathroom,
or on a bedside table for him to pick up at his leisure, and it may be enough to peek his
curiousity into exploring more. Of course, there are no guarantees, but you owe it to
yourself and to him to be honest about your feelings.

I wish you both the best in exploring together.


Thank you for your advice, Poise :) I think that leaving a book or two out for him to browse is a great idea! I am extremely excited to explore with Him. This website, and everyone's advice and experiences, have been an excellent tool for me. It has given me that little confidence boost I needed to talk to Him.[:)]



mnottertail -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 2:58:00 PM)

but I worry that it will freak him out to know the extent to which I wish to be dominated.

Ole and Lena were driving from  New York Mills to Perham in their buckboard.
Ole was feeling a little frisky, and so he put his hand on Lena's knee.

Lena said, Oh, Ole, yew can go farder dan dat......
So Ole drove all the way to Detroit Lakes.

Tell him, and tell him to unpeel the onion.  Don't be doing the coy you should have known by the way my head tilted to the side and I touched my hair stuff.......men dont get it....


                                                       



sexyred1 -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 3:01:51 PM)

OP, you got great advice. I will say this; sex and exploration was never an issue in any of my relationships because whenever I wanted to know if someone was into something I am into, I would just tell them about it and say, So, do you think that sounds as hot as I think it is?

9 times out of 10 it worked. Whether it was that hot doing it for real, is a totally different matter.



Killerangel -> RE: New here (9/5/2012 4:21:41 PM)

What man doesn't want a wildly enthusiastic bed partner? I'd suggest telling him you want to go a bit further in the things that you two are doing, and when he does if it flips your buttons let him know in no uncertain terms that you are really turned on. He'll get the idea and probably be chomping at the bit to do it again.

Welcome to the boards!



pyschosubmission -> RE: New here (9/6/2012 5:33:34 AM)

Well you've been given great advice, better than I could ever give and so all that's left for me to say is,

Failté, welcome! [:D]



crazyml -> RE: New here (9/13/2012 9:11:41 AM)

Welcome to the boards iilythia!

You'll do fine here, as I know for a fact that you have excellent taste in journals.



crAckZ -> RE: New here (9/13/2012 12:57:29 PM)

Good afternoon young lady and welcome.

I am sure you will be able to find some information here to help you or at the very least you have a place to ramble and vent which is always a good thing to have.

One thing which i am sure you probably already know; If you aren't being your true self then you can't be happy. You and your partner are supposed to compliment each others traits.

I was going to go into my story but i hate it when people hijack threads.

Have a good evening and i wish you only the best in your future.



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