if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do they or you micromanage?

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if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do they o... - 9/7/2012 9:01:23 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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and what is your definition of micromanage. For some it means every tiny aspect of the day to day, and for some it's only certain things I would imagine.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/7/2012 9:08:35 PM

littlewonder

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He doesn't micromanage but he has the right to do so if he wants. He does tell me what I can and can't do and what I should be doing or not doing. He has complete rule over me. There are sometimes when he sees I'm having problems or I don't want to do something due for many different reasons, he steps in and tells me what to do or takes care of it for me depending on what it is.

The only reason he doesn't micromanage is because he's too busy to do so. But I'm sure if he wasn't so busy he would micromanage to a point. I personally would not have such a problem. I think it would make life sooooo much easier lol. But being with him already makes my life easier and simpler.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/7/2012 10:28:22 PM

SpaceSpank

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The degree and definition of "micromanage" would be whatever is agreed upon. For some it could be as simple as you setting a general daily schedule.

For others it could be a schedule detailed down to the hour or less, in which the tasks, method, and order of completion are all laid out in explicit detail.

You could go even more detailed than that if you're really into it too of course, but again.. it's what is decided and agreed upon by both parties.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/7/2012 10:49:25 PM

Kana

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Nah. He doesn't micromanage for a few reasons:
1-He trusts her
2-He's lazy.
3-He's too old for that shit. Micromanaging takes energy. Lots and lots of it. Why expend all that effort when you can just get a great slave, teach her how you like things, and then watch her go about her business of making my life great?
4-Did I mention that he trusts her?

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/7/2012 11:45:05 PM

myotherself

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I briefly dated a guy some years ago who was into micromanagement. Within a couple of days it was driving me completely nuts! It started to encroach on my working and family life, which will always be a complete no-no to me.

In my current relationship there are rules. Not many, but there are rules. Most are to do with my health and wellbeing, such as regular exercise and a healthier diet. Master doesn't check that I'm doing what he says because he trusts me. I do as he says because I trust him to make the right decisions for me.

I can see the appeal of micromanagement, but it's not for me.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 12:04:43 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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How was it doing that?

See for me I would need them to check that I did it, not because I can't be trusted and not because I don't trust them, but because it wouldn't feel like it was of any importance to him if he wasn't checking on it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I briefly dated a guy some years ago who was into micromanagement. Within a couple of days it was driving me completely nuts! It started to encroach on my working and family life, which will always be a complete no-no to me.

In my current relationship there are rules. Not many, but there are rules. Most are to do with my health and wellbeing, such as regular exercise and a healthier diet. Master doesn't check that I'm doing what he says because he trusts me. I do as he says because I trust him to make the right decisions for me.

I can see the appeal of micromanagement, but it's not for me.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 12:07:24 PM

littlewonder

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Master rarely looks at stuff I've done to verify . He trusts me enough to do what he says. And it's really not a big deal to me if he checks or not. I do things for him because it makes me feel good and most of the time that's all I need.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 12:29:07 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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It's just how I am, if he's not going to bother checking up on things, I'm not going to feel they're important, and yes I may actually refuse to do it, or stop doing it if I was, if I feel it's not important to him that I do. I also need constant to almost constant consistency, But that's the beauty of picking a dom to suit your needs and compatibilities, we all get what we need.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/8/2012 12:37:34 PM >

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 12:37:11 PM

MissToYouRedux

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Nah. He doesn't micromanage for a few reasons:
1-He trusts her
2-He's lazy.
3-He's too old for that shit. Micromanaging takes energy. Lots and lots of it. Why expend all that effort when you can just get a great slave, teach her how you like things, and then watch her go about her business of making my life great?
4-Did I mention that he trusts her?

Word. All the rationales work when the genders are reversed, too.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 12:59:51 PM

littlewonder

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I just assume everything is important.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 1:12:58 PM

kalikshama

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In 2004, I was in a long distance relationship in which he micro managed my finances, which was hot at first, but I wouldn't do it again, except for Paul Krugman. It was probably just the attention I enjoyed.

He did follow up, as in checking my bank balance and questioning if it wasn't what he expected. I asked permission before I made purchases. He's self-employed and has lots of down time when driving to customers, so had the time to do this. Plus I don't shop much and was living at an ashram that provided room and board. After his father became unable to manage his finances R helped his mother, eventually taking over bill paying, etc.

R also got me out of the bar where I used to hang and had me spend a lot more time at the gym. He tried to phase out my fuck buddies, with vacillating success, lol.

We'd review restaurant menus over the phone and he ordered for me. He found out about allergies and preferences ahead of time.

I recently had someone order food for me and wasn't crazy about this act, but perhaps I need to be in a submissive headspace to enjoy this and I wasn't at the time. My ex did inspire this in me and while I think now that I would not want to be micro managed again, that might depend on the relationship. (I'm sticking to the financial hard limit though.)

Re: following up, yes, I would want that - I need that feedback loop.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 1:27:33 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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For me spending is like alcoholism for an alcoholic, I definitely have a spending problem.So I'd need that managed, but I wouldn't want my friendships managed or to be told when and how I can go out with friends , but since I have no friends out side of him that's not an issue lol. I so so so would not want someone picking what I ate lol. Other than price and how I am doing financially I wouldn't let them control the cost of dinner or whether I had drinks or not either, cause I don't have problems with that, and really the only interest I have in micromanagement is where I am having issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

In 2004, I was in a long distance relationship in which he micro managed my finances, which was hot at first, but I wouldn't do it again, except for Paul Krugman. It was probably just the attention I enjoyed.

He did follow up, as in checking my bank balance and questioning if it wasn't what he expected. I asked permission before I made purchases. He's self-employed and has lots of down time when driving to customers, so had the time to do this. Plus I don't shop much and was living at an ashram that provided room and board. After his father became unable to manage his finances R helped his mother, eventually taking over bill paying, etc.

R also got me out of the bar where I used to hang and had me spend a lot more time at the gym. He tried to phase out my fuck buddies, with vacillating success, lol.

We'd review restaurant menus over the phone and he ordered for me. He found out about allergies and preferences ahead of time.

I recently had someone order food for me and wasn't crazy about this act, but perhaps I need to be in a submissive headspace to enjoy this and I wasn't at the time. My ex did inspire this in me and while I think now that I would not want to be micro managed again, that might depend on the relationship. (I'm sticking to the financial hard limit though.)

Re: following up, yes, I would want that - I need that feedback loop.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/8/2012 1:58:13 PM >

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 3:49:06 PM

calamitysandra

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That sounds as if a financial adviser would be a better fit than a micromanaging dom.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 4:05:13 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

For me spending is like alcoholism for an alcoholic, I definitely have a spending problem.So I'd need that managed, but I wouldn't want my friendships managed or to be told when and how I can go out with friends , but since I have no friends out side of him that's not an issue lol. I so so so would not want someone picking what I ate lol. Other than price and how I am doing financially I wouldn't let them control the cost of dinner or whether I had drinks or not either, cause I don't have problems with that, and really the only interest I have in micromanagement is where I am having issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

In 2004, I was in a long distance relationship in which he micro managed my finances, which was hot at first, but I wouldn't do it again, except for Paul Krugman. It was probably just the attention I enjoyed.

He did follow up, as in checking my bank balance and questioning if it wasn't what he expected. I asked permission before I made purchases. He's self-employed and has lots of down time when driving to customers, so had the time to do this. Plus I don't shop much and was living at an ashram that provided room and board. After his father became unable to manage his finances R helped his mother, eventually taking over bill paying, etc.

R also got me out of the bar where I used to hang and had me spend a lot more time at the gym. He tried to phase out my fuck buddies, with vacillating success, lol.

We'd review restaurant menus over the phone and he ordered for me. He found out about allergies and preferences ahead of time.

I recently had someone order food for me and wasn't crazy about this act, but perhaps I need to be in a submissive headspace to enjoy this and I wasn't at the time. My ex did inspire this in me and while I think now that I would not want to be micro managed again, that might depend on the relationship. (I'm sticking to the financial hard limit though.)

Re: following up, yes, I would want that - I need that feedback loop.

Is your compulsive shopping something you have discussed with your shrink?
There maybe a support group or something... .

They are working on a medication.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 4:58:18 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I have when I was going to a great therapist we had, this one is new and she knows yes, but we haven't had time to really talk about to much outside of the couples issues that we're going for.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

[

Is your compulsive shopping something you have discussed with your shrink?
There maybe a support group or something... .

They are working on a medication.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 5:18:04 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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If it was just not spending money like a mad woman sometimes yeah, but there's other area's I need / could use strict supervising in too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: calamitysandra

That sounds as if a financial adviser would be a better fit than a micromanaging dom.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/8/2012 5:21:06 PM >

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 5:20:47 PM

calamitysandra

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You just stated that you do not want somebody to manage your food.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 5:22:04 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Eating isn't the only other area to micromanage.

quote:

ORIGINAL: calamitysandra

You just stated that you do not want somebody to manage your food.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 6:34:09 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I have when I was going to a great therapist we had, this one is new and she knows yes, but we haven't had time to really talk about to much outside of the couples issues that we're going for.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

[

Is your compulsive shopping something you have discussed with your shrink?
There maybe a support group or something... .

They are working on a medication.

No, let your prescribing psychiatrist know.... over-spending is sometimes a sign of uncontrolled bi-polar... that coupled with your depression may indicate that your condition is not that well controlled.

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RE: if you're in a micromanaged relationship what do th... - 9/8/2012 10:39:21 PM

Kana

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Not to mention that if it's addictive/obsessive type behavior you are basically placing him in an untenable situation in that you are asking him to give orders in an area where you cannot/will not obey, setting him and you up for failure.
This happens once, twice, three times, not such a big deal.
But if it goes on and on (like addictions tend to do) then he will have spent his authority fighting an unwinnable battle.

Plus there's the minor fact that sooner or later you are gonna resent the hell out of him for keeping you from your "needs."

Point of fact, if it was my slave I'd tell her she has two choices. Stop spending, make a budget, live within it. Or just go nuts. Spend herself broke. Spend and spend and spend until the pain of the problems caused by the spending becomes so great that option number one looks like a good alternative.(Just don't look to me to bail her out.)

People usually don't change behavior because they just want to (Cause it takes things like discipline, commitment, changing everything. That's why most diets don't work). they change because it hurts too much to keep on going down the road they've been traveling.

And if she didn't like that, I'd tell her to flark off. I deal with grown ups, and mature people take responsibility for their actions and are accountable for their mistakes. And if she didn't like that, she could hit the road, no skin off my back.
I don't got time to deal with folk who don't want help. Shit or get off the pot, but "victims" I can't abide.

Chgortles
The lilone has learned the hard way not to whine too much about things in her life."
I'll listen for a while.
Then I'll make suggestions,"Hey, maybe ever think about trying this,"...
But if the nonsense goes on too long, I move in (Like Patton), seize control, then we start doing things my way.Take no prisoners, get things accomplished shit. Fuck. I'm an alpha male Type A driver. I'm about results. Don't whine to me about square pegs and round holes. I'll just get a big enough hammer and pound that fucker in.
The shit will get done.
And she don't like that. It hurts her dainty sensitive female feelings, gets her all squeamish. :-)
So things rarely hit that stage...

< Message edited by Kana -- 9/8/2012 10:44:13 PM >

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