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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 8:37:30 AM   
Kana


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Hey, I'm not knocking anyone elses deal, just stating my feelings/perception.
Heck, WTH else do ya do on a forum? :-)

I should add a caveat here that I really don't do role play so that may be biasing my opinion. It just doesn't work for me in that I always feel kinda phony, and eventually, kinda stupid.
Which I don't really care for. I like being me. I don't want/need/crave/fantasize about being anyone else in any other role.
The only role I care about is that she submits to me, out of hope and desire, trust and faith, longing and fear, dampness and dripping, and that she do so willingly, not just to any knucklehead, but to me.
I like the ego blast. I like the rush. I like the heady tonic. And I sure as hell like the emotional/spiritual/mental connectivity.
And rape play runs counter to all that. It's taking what I want to be given.
It's using force when I'd much rather she cede.
JMHO and all

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 11:05:34 AM   
LadyPact


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If you don't mind Me saying so, Kana, I don't think anyone is arguing with your position. It's just different.

You're not the only one out there who prefers that she more or less says, "ok, because you want X." Even in that context, I'm sure you understand the little thrill (My poor terminology, sorry) of making her do things she doesn't want to do. Those of us who like this kind of play are using something of the same concept. It's just that part that is willing to allow them to fight, protest, etc and being shown the top can MAKE them submit, if necessary.

It doesn't even have to be all of that. It's the "I'm using you sexually whether you like it or not" bit. I know you can kind of get into that.

(I almost feel like I should apologize to littlewonder for the above post. Nah.)


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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 11:08:57 AM   
littlewonder


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quote:

"I'm using you sexually whether you like it or not"


haha...no apology needed LP.

The only problem with that scenario is there's never been a "not like" for me with him.



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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/10/2012 11:45:04 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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Using FR:

It's my considered opinion that rape, or as I prefer to use the distinction ravagement, is the basis for most female sexual fantasy and certainly most submissive female sexual fantasy.

Let me break this down. First, I agree with Kana, rape is a vile act and by it's very nature, not wanted or desired in any way by the receiver. Ravagement, which can be defined as a strong male sexually "taking" a female in a way she wants and needs most, is the basis of the romance novel -- the romance novel being the female equivalent of pornography.

Male sexual fantasy tends to revolve more along the lines of the (attractive) girl willing to do whatever I want. This varies along the lines of I own her so she has to do whatever I want (a slavegirl fantasy), or I can compel her, or I can inspire her, depending on the man. Some want pure surrender, some (it's been my experience far fewer) want force, others want it to be mutual. All men seem to love having an attractive female desire them for whatever reason.

In my mind, these foundational fantasies are at the basis of all BDSM fantasies. Some of us dress them up and add props or whatever, but to me, it all boils down to some people like to be taken, and some like to do the taking.

Now, I'm someone who loves the ravagement fantasy and have owed up to that for *quite* some time. Not being able to fulfill that for me would be a deal breaker. It's been my experience that many dominants just won't go there. I don't mean won't go there at first, I mean, not at all, not ever. It's not something they can do, even in a very role play kinda way.

That's been my experience, but then I am a piss poor masochist, so have kept well away from the big bad sadists like Kana. He scares the scat out of me, as well he should.





< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 9/10/2012 11:46:10 AM >


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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 6:48:44 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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There's a group on Fetlife who were trying to re-term it as ASE play (aggressive sexual encounter) or some such, but the group kinda withered off.
I liked that they wanted to separate it from the yucky connotations of the word "rape." Good for them, I just wish it had taken off a bit more.

And yeah, not everyone is into it.
And not everyone who IS doesn't also get the rush from voluntary submission to the desires of the Capital Letter.
They aren't mutually exclusive. Just different things people can do.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 7:45:55 AM   
Winterapple


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I don't think they're mutually exclusive at all.
Different paths to the same destination and
I like exploring both paths with a partner.

I think roleplay is just a way of exploring
parts of yourself. I never look at it as
phony or inauthentic. The emotions that
roleplay can stir up are very real for me.
It's like Method actors reach into themselves
and channel their real feelings and
experiences into their characters.
It can be very intense and satisfying.

I have a problem getting past the word
rape. Rape play is a oxymoron for the
most part for me. I can go deep but
that's not rape. So, a new word or phrase
would be great.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 11:51:46 AM   
Moonlightmaddnes


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When I was 16 someone broke into my moms house while she worked the night shift and raped me. I cant imagine playing that to happen again. I was terrified and I thought he was going to kill me. Nope I have no interest in rape play.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 12:03:05 PM   
sexyred1


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I love the term ravishment. I feel that more correctly states what rape play means for SOME people, like myself.

Even with a genuine rape fantasy (and mine never concern strangers, it is always me with people I already know) it is still possible to be submissive and cede (as Kana states) and still get that aggressive thrill from being ravished and do it safely.

I agree that anyone who has been raped in real life or abused in any way, should carefully communicate this to a partner.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 1:05:34 PM   
kitkat105


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http://www.good.is/post/how-violent-sex-helped-ease-my-ptsd/
Really interesting article.

I've had rape fantasies, for a long long time. How these fantasies play out in my head are very different and controlled than the time I was actually raped and are definitely not related in any way. I think sexyred1 and ChatteParfait bring up good points regarding "ravagement"... I think part of that that is so appealing to submissive females is the surrender, loss of control and just pure domination.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 1:30:27 PM   
Hillwilliam


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Possibly what some ladies with 'Rape Fantasies" are interested in is more like what would be described as a 'Take down Scene'.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 9/12/2012 1:31:00 PM >


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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 1:36:30 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Possibly what some ladies with 'Rape Fantasies" are interested in is more like what would be described as a 'Take down Scene'.



I don't always consider takedown scenes to be sexual, though. And speaking for myself, not a kind of play that I seek out, because I am a delicate flower! I might break a nail! Or his neck!

w/r/t Miss Chatte's post about "ravishment"... I love that stuff. I have vague memories of a passionate past, and that was a good thing. It was not an AGGRESSIVE thing, though. Intense, but not violent and aggressive in the "do it or I will hurt you worse" kind of way that rape play is.



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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 1:39:45 PM   
culareD


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Joined: 8/16/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Using FR:

It's my considered opinion that rape, or as I prefer to use the distinction ravagement, is the basis for most female sexual fantasy and certainly most submissive female sexual fantasy.

Let me break this down. First, I agree with Kana, rape is a vile act and by it's very nature, not wanted or desired in any way by the receiver. Ravagement, which can be defined as a strong male sexually "taking" a female in a way she wants and needs most, is the basis of the romance novel -- the romance novel being the female equivalent of pornography.

Male sexual fantasy tends to revolve more along the lines of the (attractive) girl willing to do whatever I want. This varies along the lines of I own her so she has to do whatever I want (a slavegirl fantasy), or I can compel her, or I can inspire her, depending on the man. Some want pure surrender, some (it's been my experience far fewer) want force, others want it to be mutual. All men seem to love having an attractive female desire them for whatever reason.

In my mind, these foundational fantasies are at the basis of all BDSM fantasies. Some of us dress them up and add props or whatever, but to me, it all boils down to some people like to be taken, and some like to do the taking.

Now, I'm someone who loves the ravagement fantasy and have owed up to that for *quite* some time. Not being able to fulfill that for me would be a deal breaker. It's been my experience that many dominants just won't go there. I don't mean won't go there at first, I mean, not at all, not ever. It's not something they can do, even in a very role play kinda way.

That's been my experience, but then I am a piss poor masochist, so have kept well away from the big bad sadists like Kana. He scares the scat out of me, as well he should.







Can I just say that I really like you covering all the bases? Yes, what she said!

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/12/2012 1:42:21 PM   
culareD


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus


quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Possibly what some ladies with 'Rape Fantasies" are interested in is more like what would be described as a 'Take down Scene'.



I don't always consider takedown scenes to be sexual, though. And speaking for myself, not a kind of play that I seek out, because I am a delicate flower! I might break a nail! Or his neck!

w/r/t Miss Chatte's post about "ravishment"... I love that stuff. I have vague memories of a passionate past, and that was a good thing. It was not an AGGRESSIVE thing, though. Intense, but not violent and aggressive in the "do it or I will hurt you worse" kind of way that rape play is.




And I wish there was a "LIKE" button for this too.

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/13/2012 3:15:17 AM   
nephandi


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Greetings

I have rape fantasies, off course I would not like to be raped by a random stranger but with someone I trust it is a kind of play I can imagine myself engaging in. I however think both sides should know one another pretty well before doing something like that since for the submissive party it can be more emotional than they can handle and for the Dominant party it can become quite dangerous.

We have a trial going on in Norway right now there a man and a woman have had a BDSM relationship and have also engaged in rape play, now the woman have accused the man of rape for while she say she was willing to engage in the play she say she changed her mind later and that he should have understood that, but then in Norway we have this ridiculous concept of accidental rape which is what happens if a man have sex with a willing woman and she do not say no but where he should have understood that she was not enjoying it. Anyway my point is that it is not easy to prove that rape play is consensual and so it is very easy for the sub to cry rape and get the Dom arrested after that sort of play so both parties should really trust one another.

Now for me having a safe word would ruin rape play for me, the whole point would be that I could not stop it, but I would not do it with someone I did not trust 100 percent and that I knew where responsible and able to read me enough to know when he was going to far. Now is it dangerous to engage in that type of play without a safe word, yes let us be honest it is, but it is still something I would like to do, but there is only one man I trust enough to do that with and that is Aswad.

I wish you well

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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/13/2012 3:22:22 AM   
DaddySatyr


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When you've actually been raped, it's not as much fun.

I think a lot of people who have been raped engage in rape fantasies as a way of "controlling" the situation. One of the worst things about the after-affects of rape is the sense of lack of control which causes people who have been raped to find fault in themselves.

Perhaps your lady friend was in this category. I don't know for sure, obviously.

I won't engage in rape fantasies.



Peace and comfort,



Michael


< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 9/13/2012 3:29:15 AM >


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RE: Reality & Rape Fantasies. - 9/13/2012 3:22:33 AM   
nephandi


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Greetings

quote:

I think one has to be careful with this. I understand that for you it doesn't float your boat. But just like schoolgirl play or s&m, or other forms of play, that have real world counterparts that are horrific, I think one has to take this for what it is. Play.

I've dressed the schoolgirl part for Dominants before. I don't condone pedophilia.

I've engaged in s&m that under most International Protocols would be considered torture. I do not condone the use of torture on prisoners.

I enjoy the submissive role in the bedroom. I do not condone the disenfranchisement, ill-treatment or neglect of girls and women anywhere.

Quite frankly, if I used the benchmarks that I have in real life to define my play, I wouldn't be part of this world at all. One does have to separate play from reality. I hope just because a Dominant enjoys his role that he is not a misogynist or someone who thinks the actual oppression of women is okay. I do think it is possible to keep play and reality separate. And if it's not, tell me now, cuz I shouldn't be here, then. Just saying....


Very well said and I agree completely, there is a huge difference between rape play and rape. There is allot of things that can be hot in a safe play situation that are horrendous in real life. Or let us leave the BDSM world for a moment, I play plenty of violent computer games but that do not mean I condone violence. Being into rape play do not mean that one condone rape or wish to be really, actually raped. I completely understand why many have a problem with rape play, especially if they have been actually raped, but rape play is not making light of such a real and terrible crime, no more than playing a gangster in a computer game say shooting people are okey. Rape play is a fantasy done between consenting adults and that is something else, some like it some do not and we do not all have to like the same thing.

I wish you all well

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Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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