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BDSM newb - 9/10/2012 10:58:59 AM

Sinsir22

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline

Hello everyone, I have a question and its an open question to anyone who reads this. After years of reading ive decided that i want to establish myself as a dominant figure, unfortunatly I have no idea where to begin. Theres just so much of this lifestyle to absorb, so rather than sitting and racking my brain out of comission, my first step i decided was to ask around. So does anyone have any words of wisdom for a novice dom such as i.

You as the reader, be it Dom/Domme Sub/Slave, your knowledge to me is considered valuable so please, feel free.

~sin

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Post #: 1

RE: BDSM newb - 9/10/2012 11:14:32 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Welcome to the forums. I'm going to try to answer your question.

OK. At this point, you will be seen by others as doing research or book learning. To a lot of folks, that's a small step up from not doing squat. You are educating yourself with reading, but there's no hands on experience to back you up. That makes it hard to take you seriously.

If you want to try to get that hands on experience, you may want to find your local munch group. That will help to educate you in the real/physical world side of things. Many munch groups have various learning opportunities through demos and such. There are also major events at various places throughout the country during the year that are fantastic gatherings.

Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Sinsir22)

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RE: BDSM newb - 9/10/2012 1:12:24 PM

Dunamis2009

Posts: 44
Joined: 7/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinsir22

Hello everyone, I have a question and its an open question to anyone who reads this. After years of reading ive decided that i want to establish myself as a dominant figure, unfortunatly I have no idea where to begin. Theres just so much of this lifestyle to absorb, so rather than sitting and racking my brain out of comission, my first step i decided was to ask around. So does anyone have any words of wisdom for a novice dom such as i.

You as the reader, be it Dom/Domme Sub/Slave, your knowledge to me is considered valuable so please, feel free.

~sin

Welcome!
Quick question:
Why is it that you want to establish yourself as a "dominant figure"? Is it because you've enjoyed fantasizing about tying women down, because it fits the rest of your personality, because you respect people with dominant personalities, or something else?

(in reply to Sinsir22)

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Post #: 3

RE: BDSM newb - 9/11/2012 1:20:18 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Be someone worth following.

If you want her to do what you say, that means you need to demonstrate all those life skills. Control her finances? Better have yours in shape. Want her to clean her house regularly? Then you don't get to be a slob.

Be someone whose word is his bond, no matter what.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 4

RE: BDSM newb - 9/11/2012 2:23:24 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Be the man you want to be without any
thought of the sex or D/s, if you want to be
a dominant figure then I assume there are
aspects of yourself that you arn't happy with,
and you identify dominance as a solution.
It's not a solution, it's a product of who you
are, no point roleplaying...
luckily it is posible to change the things about
yourself that you don't like, but only you can
identify them and do something about it.

If you think you don't get enough respect, work
on being someone worthy of respect.

Set yourself goals, like quitting smoking for
example, if you can't control yourself what
makes you think your entitled to control
anything.

When you set your self goals and achieve them
your not only getting self respect and self
confidence your also moving towards what you
want rather then sitting there wishing you had
it.

PS.
I know there are a lot of dom's ect that smoke, I'm
only using it as an example, I'm sure you know if
your in control of it or a slave to it and how you
decide to deal with it is up to you.

-Aries

*And what Des said*

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 9/11/2012 2:25:28 PM >

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RE: BDSM newb - 9/11/2012 3:30:13 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

After years of reading ive decided that i want to establish myself as a dominant figure,

First of all, this is a poor way to go about it. What you're doing is like going up to the school football team and saying "after years of reading I've decided I want to establish myself as a center forward" without having ever played football. Go out and mingle and experiment, THEN decide what suits you. Join a local munch and participate in some workshops. Experience some of the stuff that interests you first, then decide what you want to do. By then also you'd have met people and hopefully made friends in the community enough to get you started in finding and growing your own relationship.

The biggest thing about being anything is knowing what you want and what you can/can't do. Find that out, and the rest will follow.

(in reply to Sinsir22)

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RE: BDSM newb - 9/11/2012 6:47:23 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

Maybe you should ask yourself what you want, find examples you respect, then figure out how to do what you admire for yourself. Then others can appreciate you for what you represent.

Just don't be a representative. Live it.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to Alecta)

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Post #: 7

RE: BDSM newb - 9/11/2012 7:11:20 PM

culareD

Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Welcome to the forums. I'm going to try to answer your question.

OK. At this point, you will be seen by others as doing research or book learning. To a lot of folks, that's a small step up from not doing squat. You are educating yourself with reading, but there's no hands on experience to back you up. That makes it hard to take you seriously.

If you want to try to get that hands on experience, you may want to find your local munch group. That will help to educate you in the real/physical world side of things. Many munch groups have various learning opportunities through demos and such. There are also major events at various places throughout the country during the year that are fantastic gatherings.

Best of luck to you.

Welcome to CM! I am also somewhat new...my pearl to you is to read the post I have quoted above, hang around the boards and get to know people, and stay away from the BS'ers in your CM mail...If you want to be a great DOM, then DO YOUR HOMEWORK so us subs can do our jobs! ;)

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Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to LadyPact)

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Post #: 8

RE: BDSM newb - 9/12/2012 11:36:52 PM

marcellarae

Posts: 46
Joined: 8/24/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinsir22

Hello everyone, I have a question and its an open question to anyone who reads this. After years of reading ive decided that i want to establish myself as a dominant figure, unfortunatly I have no idea where to begin. Theres just so much of this lifestyle to absorb, so rather than sitting and racking my brain out of comission, my first step i decided was to ask around. So does anyone have any words of wisdom for a novice dom such as i.

You as the reader, be it Dom/Domme Sub/Slave, your knowledge to me is considered valuable so please, feel free.

~sin

Welcome to the lifestyle! I would give you some answers but I see others have given you plenty of good information. Best wishes and good luck! :)

_____________________________

cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it... sex in the air I don't care I love the smell of it... sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me. ;)

(yes, I know, so original... lol)

(in reply to Sinsir22)