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how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:11:21 AM

artichoken

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So I assume this is an appropriate topic, that a lot of people probably wondered, but seriously... how do you ask someone? I've often times wondered this, and it has been frustrating to say the least. thanks everyone for your answers!

Artichoken

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:27:17 AM

GreedyTop

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at events, I simply ask them if they are available for a no-strings scene.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:28:13 AM

LadyPact

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I rarely have to ask. Normally, I'm the person being asked. Sometimes, a month in advance.

I find it to be pretty simple. Since I do all of My first time scenes when at public parties/clubs/events, I would have to say it's just a walk up and ask kind of thing. In My case, it's not so much of a 'how do you ask' kind of thing. It's more of a 'how to respond' deal.

I've got a suspicion about what you really want to know. How about I talk about that?

Every time a person asks Me if I would like to play, I'm flattered. It doesn't matter who they are or if I'm attracted to them. The majority of the time, I take it as a compliment. That person who is asking Me is placing that spark of trust and faith in Me, at least for a little while. That's pretty cool in My book.

Like I said. Just a suspicion.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:41:37 AM

GreedyTop

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I love you, LadyP.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:54:10 AM

LadyPact

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As I love you.

See, OP? Certain people are just the right fit.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:56:39 AM

DaddySatyr

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I'm originally from Brooklyn so, I just walk up and do the upwards head nod and say: "How you doin'?"

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:57:35 AM

GreedyTop

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LAdyP.. check yer mail ;)

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:58:47 AM

LadyPact

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OK. Guys are sleeping, so mail is better than phone just now.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 9:00:05 AM

GreedyTop

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gotcha ;)

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 9:03:06 AM

DNAHelicase

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Just ask. If you're at a play party, wait until the person you're interested in is not engaged with a group of people or in a scene to approach. If he or she just finished a scene, wait until the aftercare is over before asking. If you're looking for something specific (e.g. a rope scene), then make that clear up front. If you want to ask somebody to be a regular play partner, then that might depend on how well you know the person. Ask the person aside at a munch or other event and then ask if he or she would be interested in weekly/monthly/whatever scenes and specify the types of play you're interested in.

Both of the above scenarios are for you alone. In your profile, it says you're looking for sub or switch women to join you and your dom. That's a different beast than looking for somebody to play with you alone. If you're asking this question as a means of trying to figure out how to approach single women for a threesome, first, realize that submissive bisexual women are not some crackerjack prize to snatch at. Approach them with respect and treat them as if (gasp!) they're human, not objects to fulfill your fantasies. Your dom needs to be involved in all talks with potential partners, not just you. Some male doms think they can send their female subs out on this unicorn hunt solo because they're the dom, so why should they put in any effort? That line of thought sets the femsubs up to fail. You both need to treat the women you're interested in with consideration, instead of approaching it as anybody with a vagina and a pretty face is eligible. Sorry if this seems harsh, but I see this scenario all the time and so many of the people who are unicorn hunting seem to forget that those unicorns are actual people. They have wants and needs and considerations, too, and those wants and needs and considerations do not begin and end with fulfilling couples' fantasies. If this post wasn't about unicorns, then disregard and follow the advice in the first paragraph.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 11:49:29 AM

Jaquin

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FR

Like any relationship these form in an organic manner, forcing it to go faster then it should will only cause it to fail. Meeting them in public, chatting, being personable - being real - is a big part in it all.

I recently went for lunch with a girl I'd met at a local event who seemed interested in doing bondage and modeling, she was a friend of a friend - so I approached her and asked if she wanted to be my guinea pig, though not in those terms (since I was experimenting on a new tie that night); she agreed and she enjoyed herself. Now we've been to lunch and we're doing a shoot soon, she's gotten to know me.. I kinda blathered on for an hour or so about random crap at lunch, and she's comfortable that I'm not in it to take advantage of her and she feels safe about meeting me in private to do whatever it is we want to do.

We don't go up to people expecting them to become our friends but they do because we just match, much the same we shouldn't approach relationships with predetermined outcomes or expectations from the person, let it grow as all living things should and you'll have a better chance of finding that person you seek. Because who knows, perhaps that person who didn't want to meet again because you seemed to intent on some specific aspect or role for them to fulfill would have eventually fulfilled it had things started simple and been allowed to reach that stage on it's own rather then the expectation looming over this persons head as if their only purpose in the relationship is to do what you want them to do.

Simply, don't seek, just go out and make friends and you'll find someone eventually.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 11:58:32 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: artichoken
how do you ask someone?

If I ever had to ask, I would just....politely ask if he was interested in playing with me. I read your profile and it's different asking someone someone to play with you alone than asking for both you and your partner. That being said, I've only asked once, but I've gotten asked quite a few times. Every time I get asked it's quite a flattering compliment.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 7:50:09 PM

littlewonder

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I've never asked someone to be a play partner. I just always met them for a drink and depending on how the date went they would either become a fuck/play buddy or someone I want something more with. It just happened naturally for me.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 8:05:31 PM

DarkSteven

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I checked your profile. It says that you're the female half of a couple. Just play, the two of you, with onlookers. If a young lovely woman seems intrigued, go and chat with her, and break the ice. After five minutes, ask if she'd like to play.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/11/2012 10:50:00 PM

yourdarkdesire

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Like this:

Hey Steven! Wanna play?

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/12/2012 6:34:35 AM

DarkSteven

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*Sigh*. if only...

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/12/2012 6:44:43 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Yay DNAHelicase!
+1 to you

If you're looking for a one-off or something casual at a play party, that might be different than if you're seeking a recurring three-way with your magical unicorn girl.
Expect that hunt to take a bit of time.

I think it's good for both people seeking this relationship (the sub AND the Dom) to be involved because a girl you find might be interested in you but NOT interested in him, and yet you've built up this expectation to perform.

Definitely approach it as a unit.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/12/2012 7:22:40 AM

yourdarkdesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

*Sigh*. if only...

So what is holding you back? I'm up for some playtime.......

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/12/2012 9:04:32 AM

ResidentSadist

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When I get the hots for someone I usually just quote the cliche "boys like me wanna' hurt girls like you". Then one day, a little chicky came up to me and said "girls like me wanna' be hurt by boys like you" . . . it worked, I was all in.

Not every encounter and not every word you speak has to be a measure of your creativity or a unique new experience. Sometimes cliche works just fine, especially if executed with style.

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RE: how to go about asking someone to be a play partner - 9/12/2012 9:50:43 AM

RemoteUser

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I'm not really a casual play kinda guy, but since everything starts out casual...

I talk with the victim in question; let the conversation meander towards interests; and if we work together I say what I want and let them react. Then we go from there.

That's how I met my girl, sort of. She approached me, and not about play, about poetry.

The rest fell into place all on its own, and I'm very happy with how it turned out.

Best of luck in your searches!

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