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BambiBoi -> RE: PSA (9/15/2012 10:36:36 AM)
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Nothing says "devil's advocate" like a submissive boi in a trembling deer persona.
I concede that these are great starting positions, but I hesitate to white wash problems. Take this active thread, for example. This is an "issue with a partner" that preemptively takes the sting out of needing to communicate. That person needs support and understanding and a firm hand saying "these are the cards, do you want to settle?"
Apology and honesty work fine for accidents. Complex behavior, like acting out, requires a deeper analysis. Destructive behavior like sleeping around and substance abuse merit some consideration that the person behaving inappropriately is responding to a cause. To apologize for the symptom does not help the situation, and probably makes the "victim" feel worse.
I agree strongly on courtesy. But "devaluing" someone's opinion ties in with the next point: Acceptance. This is a discussion board. People who bring their private matters here open the door to opinion and debate, but not ridicule. I submit that you can say anything you want to people, as long as you say it correctly. As an example, I disagree with some elements of your post. But I hope I don't come across as attacking you. I aim to communicate that my ideas are different, and maybe discussion is warranted so that we can both grow. It would not be a discussion board if my role was to read something, not agree, and silently accept someone's misguided opinion.
I was once dating a girly. She said "look, you're my boyfriend. When I complain, I want you to agree. I don't care if I'm right, you're supposed to support me." I turned that car RIGHT AROUND.
Overall, I commend you on how well you know the CM site. Most of your advice is spot on. But I welcome you to continue jumping into the fray, and mix it up with those you disagree with or offer more tailored advice than "be honest and communicate."
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