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Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 12:26:26 AM   
KumoriGin


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/31/2009
Status: offline 		I've always seen everything being so involved with sex, is there anything that doesn't revolve around sex, I may be 25 but that doesn't mean I want to have it. I'm just trying to learn more before I go wading in again, I've never had enough information when I started in and get too scared then back out. I've backed out several times because I was unprepared, this time I'm not going to do that, this time I want to be ready.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 12:42:19 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		In men, not very likely. There are many to whom the relationship and other physical aspects (bondage, sadomasochistic play etc) are more important than sex, but chances are very high that sex will be involved.

But if you just want to explore everything else physical without the sex, get in touch and involved with your local community. Attend workshops. Get to know people, make friends (who aren't interested in getting in your knickers; we exist, I promise), and take it all one step at a time, at your own pace.

You should never feel yourself pressured to put out or use sex as a bargaining chip. Unless you're bargaining FOR sex hehe

(in reply to KumoriGin)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 2:51:27 AM   
loveseat


Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KumoriGin
I've always seen everything being so involved with sex, is there anything that doesn't revolve around sex, I may be 25 but that doesn't mean I want to have it. I'm just trying to learn more before I go wading in again, I've never had enough information when I started in and get too scared then back out. I've backed out several times because I was unprepared, this time I'm not going to do that, this time I want to be ready.


I have met one male Dom who wasn't interested in getting my knickers wet, but aside from that even the men who said they didn't want to have sex as part of the scene, eventually tried to introduce sex disguised as control. Oh look little one come suck Daddy's cock, it's not sex, it's just you being a good girl like Daddy asked. Right.

Have you considered hooking up with a hetero female Dominant? Or a gay male Dom? I'm not trying to cast a stereotype net over those types of Dom, merely suggesting that it's less likely if they aren't interested in your gender type as a sexual object then they are logically less likely to try and have sex with you as part of a scene.

(in reply to KumoriGin)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 4:42:57 AM   
KumoriGin


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/31/2009
Status: offline 		Actually no I haven't considered that, mostly because I handle dealing with guys better than dealing with women. To be honest I'm just at the point where I'm plain uncomfortable because I haven't gone to much so I'm a little rough around the edges, still learning after being on here for 7 years.

(in reply to loveseat)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 6:07:32 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		Continue to sit with and clarify your feelings. This is the most valuable thing you can do for yourself. You have the right to be you. Dragging other people into your current confusion is doing no one any favors.

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to KumoriGin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 6:35:48 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		There are several reasons. One is that men who call themselves Doms online tend to be horndogs. Another is that your profile is confusing - it mentions wanting a mentor and training, but doesn't really explain what that means.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Salinedion)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 7:39:35 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I can honestly say that Master has played with women that stated sex as a hard limit. At the end of the scene, the woman was begging for sex, but Master stood by his word and did not engage in sex with her.

So, yes, it's possible. Not indefinitely within a relationship, I wouldn't think, but it would be possible with play partners.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 7:44:39 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		The last I checked the S in BDSM does not stand for "sex". BDSM interaction does not have to involve sex. Clarify what it is that you seek. There are plenty of people in this world who Top/bottom without sex being part of the equation, but it depends on the dynamic that you seek. Obviously if it is an actual full-fledged relationship where you are seeing each other regularly, exclusively, and connected emotionally, most adults would eventually include sex in that kind of situation, even if it is not part of the equation at the beginning of the relationship. But in you are looking for play partner or individual sessions, that is quite a different interaction, and sex does not ever have to be part of that BDSM equation.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to KumoriGin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 7:49:06 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Are you referring to wanting someone to help you become more insightful, bring more clarity to you, understand and help you decifer some conficting thoughts? You are looking for mental domination, thats what I call it. You are looking for someone with wisdom where sex is secondary, because you need that kind of structure? You are looking for commanding, demanding, disciplined and solid?



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 8:16:39 AM   
DNAHelicase


Posts: 115
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

The last I checked the S in BDSM does not stand for "sex".


Funny you should say that. I once read a post on FL in which somebody defined BDSM as "Bondage, Domination, Sex, and Masturbation."

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 8:23:23 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DNAHelicase


quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

The last I checked the S in BDSM does not stand for "sex".


Funny you should say that. I once read a post on FL in which somebody defined BDSM as "Bondage, Domination, Sex, and Masturbation."

This explains a lot about some of the email I get in my inbox

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to DNAHelicase)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 8:25:38 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DNAHelicase


quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

The last I checked the S in BDSM does not stand for "sex".


Funny you should say that. I once read a post on FL in which somebody defined BDSM as "Bondage, Domination, Sex, and Masturbation."
Oy!


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DNAHelicase)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 9:02:53 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		hahahahhahaha .....................today should I use lefty or righty...............master-bation...........wooooohoooooooooo. Geegawd I need to go to work, Im having WAYYY to much fun.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 9:06:53 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Are you asexual, or just not interested in casual sex?

(in reply to KumoriGin)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 4:11:18 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		Getting into a kinky relationship does not need to be any different than a vanilla one. Find someone you are compatible with, comfortable with, actually like in that romantic way. That way you get everything in one package

(in reply to KumoriGin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/19/2012 4:32:53 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline


For most BDSM is a sexual experience and/or pleasure in some degree or another. Dare I say that this is more common for males compared to females. But there is some that this is not a sexual experience but not always easy to find the right person in that small school of fish. Truth is the more restrictive or higher ones expectations the smaller pool one has to swim in. Not that I suggest one to settle but just be prepared for the reality of it.

Good luck to you

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KumoriGin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/20/2012 1:25:52 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		Are you looking to serve as in domestic service, or a June and Ward Cleaver type of relationship?

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/20/2012 1:59:28 AM   
loveseat


Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

Are you asexual, or just not interested in casual sex?


I'm not the OP, and not trying to answer for her, but in my experience BDSM without sex is a very different to BDSM that includes sex in so many ways that it's almost apples and oranges. I could totally see why someone would want the BDSM experience without wanting sex to have any part of it.

My partner is also my Dom and in our relationship sex and BDSM go hand in hand and that relationship is reinforced repeatedly. I know if I am a 'good girl' I am going to be rewarded with a good dicking (not that other rewards aren't given but that is my favourite!). My partner will during sex reinforce it as well by telling me good girls get a dicking. So for us there isn't a separation of the two.

But, when I subbed for a man who wasn't my partner and there was no sex, and further there was absolutely no sexual attraction present whatsoever, my inner dialogue was different, my motivations were different, and therefore the whole experience was different.

(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/26/2012 5:55:55 AM   
KumoriGin


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/31/2009
Status: offline 		graceadieu- I'm not asexual, let's just say I have about as much experience with sex as I do with BDSM

loveseat- you may not be me, but you pretty much nailed it in one :)

(in reply to loveseat)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Advice is helpful - 9/26/2012 6:10:27 AM   
noellesdestiny


Posts: 94
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline 		Take your time and learn at your own pace.....not anyone else's.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 20
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