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Still, due largely to internet porn, I came to understand that many women apparently willingly endure this degradation and even real pain and in fact seem to derive pleasure from it.

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I see now, with the clarity of hindsight, that I suffered from some misconceptions about the nature of my fetish and the synergy of the D/S relation.

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to the dominate's enjoyment that the submissive derive pleasure from the encounter. Indeed, the dominate, if such be his nature,

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allows his dominate role

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Please share your thoughts on this.

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ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Fella, all that thinking and studying isn't worth four seconds of a play party or munch. Just go out and meet people.

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Fella, all that thinking and studying isn't worth four seconds of a play party or munch. Just go out and meet people.

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I like how DS calls him "Fella" and ML calls him "Brother"...

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ORIGINAL: im2good2u

Having come to a place in my journey where I am willing and, more to the point, able to fulfill my desire to dominate a female submissive that, for many years, existed only as a fantasy; I have begun the process of delving into the cerebral aspects of the dominant-submissive relationship. Now, I fully embrace my newfound pervert status and good-naturedly describe myself as a despicable degenerate. But it was not always so.

I see now, with the clarity of hindsight, that I suffered from some misconceptions about the nature of my fetish and the synergy of the D/S relation. I was not alone in my ignorance. It can be no surprise in a post-civil-rights, post-feminist world, that any practice which is seen to degrade, objectify, humiliate, in short, to dominate another human being, is viewed with disgust, if not unbridled hostility. Indeed, this very point of view caused me to spend nearly all of my adult life confining myself to a plain vanilla sex life and suppressing a desire to indulge my fetish.

I wrongly believed that this dark, hidden nature was contrary to my better nature, which is kind, gentle, caring and respectful, and therefore was not to be indulged. Yet my frustrated fancy kept me fantasizing about bondage, spanking and other forms of control, which I would ordinarily consider cruel and not to be tolerated in a civilized society. I had mixed feelings between my carnal desires and being able to see myself dominating a person whom I esteemed highly enough to be on terms of intimacy.

Still, due largely to internet porn, I came to understand that many women apparently willingly endure this degradation and even real pain and in fact seem to derive pleasure from it. This gave me hope that I could become reconciled to my darkest passions.

My thinking on the subject found support in the writings of Jay Wiseman, viz. that it is not only possible, but of absolute necessity, to cherish the one whom you dominate and humiliate! This sounds like an oxymoron; but then, is not part of the allure, the utter disregard of societal norms and common notions of decency?

As a dominate, one comes to appreciate the submissive who, by their submission, gives pleasure by willingly giving over control and allowing themselves to come under total domination within previously agreed limits. Unlike a true sadist, it is essential to the dominate's enjoyment that the submissive derive pleasure from the encounter. Indeed, the dominate, if such be his nature, comes to esteem the submissive and value their encounters much more highly then the ordinary, garden variety encounters with a partner with whom he is constrained to stay within the bounds of propriety.

There is created a kind of ironic tension that contrasts and therefore enhances and magnifies both the feelings of absolute power and domination and the feelings of highest regard and appreciation. These two seemingly incongruent feelings must exist together for the mental and spiritual health of both parties in what could truly be called a healthy relationship. The dominant willingly allows his dominate role to be governed and held subject to the part of him that cherishes the submissive. Were one who is of “normal character” (meaning one who is fit to roam about freely as a contributing member of a civilized society) to do otherwise, it would violate his conscience and cause unbearable feelings of guilt and remorse that he will take great care to avoid. It is here that the line is drawn that separates healthy sexual activity between consenting adults and the unacceptable, criminal behavior of the psychopath.

Please share your thoughts on this.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

DON'T LEARN FROM PORN.

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ORIGINAL: Salinedion

Man, get that dominant/dominate thing right. It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull to the women here.

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ORIGINAL: im2good2u
Unlike a true sadist, it is essential to the dominate's enjoyment that the submissive derive pleasure from the encounter.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am NOT PLEASED at the David Cassidy earworm. Or whoever the hell it was. I am working hard to replace it with last's weeks, the theme to Supergran. Billy Connolly FTW.