mental Illness and submission

mental Illness and submission (Full Version)

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tsatske -> mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 10:32:55 AM)
I'm mentally ill. I make no secret about that. I work hard to be at my highest possible functioning level, which may not be as high as some people start out at, but it's what I can do. I know the things I must do to try and maintain that, and taking my meds is only one of those things. I am unowned, but in the past when owned, and if I were to be owned again, it is by Masters who show an interest in helping me maintain my highest level of well being, including taking responsiblity for myself. This week I was contacted by someone on the other side with a fetish for mental illness. This is the second time this has happened to me on that site. The first time was a professional theeripist, who had an interest in owning a mentally ill woman. both expressed an interest in helping me maintain myself in a less healthy state, so they could manipulate me better. The first one was specifically interested in maintaining a depressed state, as he described, 'just short of suicide' (now that's a dangerous thought. Overshoot that one and there's no safeword to help you) I am not in danger of going along with such ownership. If a dominant lied about his interests and after I was with him began that kind of crap, I'd leave, after talking to him enough to be sure he knew darn well what he was doing. Once I caught on that it was intentional, I'd be gone before you could sneeze and say bless you. I told both I think they have an idea that is better in fantasy. The new one specifically said he'd like to keep me in a diseased state to 'better serve him domestically and sexually'. I told hiim depressed people don't want to clean or have sex, or do much of anything else, except maybe cry, and maybe not even that. (sometimes depression feels sad, sometimes it just feels empty). when either depressed enough or manic enough, touch - even the unaviodable touch of air on my skin - can be painful, it's called nerve pain, I take a pill for it, but if I get manic enough it still happens. since even such unaviodable things as wearing clothes or taking a shower hurt, I'm sure not going to be up for much play. I'm just wondering how common this fetish is and if other mentally ill subs would find it an acceptable fetish to cater to. To me it is a little like, only worse, feeder doms. i'm fat, but I don't go in for feeders. I'm fat enough as it is. I want a Master who accepts me as I am and wants the best for me, wants constant improvement, within my capabilities, with an eye to stretching those. What do y'all think of this?

Kaliko -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 10:43:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsatske What do y'all think of this? I think you are wise to avoid them. I wondered as I was reading this - do you think that your mental illness is maybe not something you should advertise? Is this information readily available so that these people are contacting you specifically because of that? I understand the need for early disclosure, of course, but I would be concerned that someone may pursue you because of this vulnerability. It was just a thought as I was reading.

pyschosubmission -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 10:49:57 AM)
As someone who was in a psych unit earlier this year, if someone said that to me I'd rip them a new one. First off, by definition it's not Safe, it's definitely not sane and certainly in the UK if you are that ill, legally you can't give consent. When they say they want someone like that so they can "serve better sexually" that is rape. Quite simply rape. All healthy relationships, whether kinky or vanilla, are based on respect, love and wanting what's best for your partner.

Winterapple -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 10:57:03 AM)
I think they sound like creeps and you should avoid creeps. If the one who claims he's a therapist is actually a therapist and not just an online therapist he is especially creepy. And I agree with Kaliko about the wisdom of putting it out there if it's on your profile. I think it's going to attract guys who would seek to exploit you or cranks who want to mess with you. Being upfront after contact and disclosure early on is good but you might want to think about putting it on your profile. Exploiters like to exploit the vulnerabilities of others. With something like mental illness that could have disastrous consequences.

tsatske -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 11:00:33 AM)
Well, I can understand your concerns, calico, but I've been on this site for years and years, and had only two of these. Of course, I haven't always had it on my profile. Till you get to the kinky stuff, my profile reads the exact same on a local vanilla dating site I'm on, who's main attractions are:1. it's local and 2. just like here, the forums. Bi-polar is a hard limit for some people, and I don't want to waste either of our time. They are entitled to their limit, which more often than not came from being with a former gf or sub who was bi-polar and used it as an excuse for bad behavoir, which I do not do. I do not yell at people and I am careful not to say things to people I care about, or anyone else, really, that I might want to take back later. It's important to me. If I am very manic, I try to be alone, so maybe I use it as an excuse to be alone, though, unless at my very, very worst, I don't turn down social invites, since being around people tends to make me better. It would be a hard limit for me if someone tried to isolate me, which I suspect is one thing these 'Doms' would do to bring about less well states, either manic or depressed. I don't want to be isolated, either socially, or from loved ones. I attend church twice a week like clockwork (two days a week. Sunday is an all day thing), and i mention that in my profile, as well. Last sunday I had an attack of nerve pain during sunday school so bad I went home before church and missed the rest of the day, because I just needed to get drugs (medications, sorry) inside of me and get issolated and wait for it to go away. That's as bad as I get - I wait for it to go away. But not everyone has my blessings, and some people on dating sites might have had bad experiences with bi-polars, and they have a right to their limits. Just like some people don't like fat chicks, and their entitled to that, too. But if I get too many of these, I will think about removing it, because you make a valid point.

pyschosubmission -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 11:08:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Winterapple And I agree with Kaliko about the wisdom of putting it out there if it's on your profile. This is a little off-topic but I think it's an important point to make here. If you suffer from mental illness, often when to tell a prospective partner can be an issue. I mean you don't want to become attached to someone only to mention that you have had problems in the past and for that to scare them off. So yeah I can see why you might want to take it off your profile but Tsatske, you seem to have you're head screwed on right [:)]

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 11:20:34 AM)
quote: wondered as I was reading this - do you think that your mental illness is maybe not something you should advertise? I agreed with the above statement wholeheartedly. I am sometimes prone to depression. It is not something I discuss with any degree of detail unless I know you extremely well. I have learned to have strong, firm boundaries and to hold back info until trust develops. And on that note, you have Cmail. Best, CP

Alecta -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 11:24:54 AM)
I think you nailed it when you said he was living in fantasy. Just by saying that you being depressed makes you a better slave is a complete joke and betrays their lack of understanding of what depression is. Not to mention it is a complete waste of a good person. The first guy may be on to something though. I can certainly see the appeal of being puppetmaster and destroyer to one who by day would be someone I am tasked with building up, curing, and supporting, but then the question becomes solely to the submissive of whether they want to be that broken toy. I don't think you're at risk of being taken for a ride by someone wanting to keep you on the edge, you sound much too self-aware and self-accountable for that to be easy. I don't expect that as a real practised fetish this is a common thing. I think it is also subjective as to the particular mental illness. There are two sides to every fetish: because you think it is beautiful in contrary to others, or because you desire to destroy a person specifically through that channel. Both equally valid and only a matter of consent. I can easily see someone with an existing self-destructive urge finding such an arrangement appealing. There are quite a few male subs who fantasize about mentally unstable Dommes too, although I've yet to meet one for whom it isn't just porn-induced wank fantasy. I have met submissives who care for their mentally ill Dom/mes too, but that is manifest as a matter of devotion and not specific fetish.

WomanlyWiles -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 11:28:23 AM)
My mental health issues don't define me, but they're still an important part of my life, so I don't shy away from discussing them at an early stage. They're actually quite a useful pointer as to whether the person I'm dating is a douchebag or not, I find. I agree with Psycho - you really do have your head screwed on right. There are predators in all walks of life, but when you have a desire to serve, or a fetish for pain, you have to be able to trust the other person to take care of you, emotionally and physically. The potential for damage is more explicit, and the other person could easily wrap that damage up in explanations to suggest that they were giving you what you desired.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 11:32:08 AM)
That's fine, I can understand not wanting to waste someone's time. But you come across as so very down on yourself. This means you attract people who want someone down on themselves, and that's not good. I think we all have those things we have to fess up to. Geeze, back when I was looking for a dominant, I had to explain that I had a male sub, and no, I'm not going to kick him to the curb should our relationship progress. (My kind of poly doesn't work that way.) Let me tell you, having another man in your life, even if he is a secondary relationship and a sub, can be a bit of a deal breaker for those dom males. So I get you want to be upfront, and applaud anyone who has that degree of honesty. I do strongly question your need to hit everyone over the head with it first thing. So, perhaps further down in the profile, and stated in a less negative way. It isn't the only thing about you. I've read your posts, you are about so much more than that. Really.

tsatske -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 11:44:58 AM)
Chatte, I responded to your kind cmail. I did look over my profile carefully looking for where you mentioned I say I am relocatable, and all I could find were about three times it said 'not relocatable' One of them did say 'not very' so I removed 'very', as that is misleading. Where I am now, my adult children, parents, and siblings live near by, and I feel they are a part of my doing as well as I do, so I don't want to move away from then. Also, as it says in my profile, I'm can't even imagine wanting to move in with someone right now, I've got my own little apartment and I'm loving it so much! I am going to consider how to rewrite my profile. I did change my primary pic, I really like the nude of me, I think it's so beautiful and artsy, and thanks to the former Master who took it, but I think having my tits on a primary pic gets too much of the wrong kind of response. I'm also kind of a hypocrit about my full body nude - I love that pic of me so much! - but I really don't want to see dick shots, so it is kind of a double standard.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 12:26:28 PM)
I think mental illness is not something that someone else should be taking advantage of. Not cool. So, I would just add my opinion to those who have already said the same, and also echo the sentiments to those who feel that you should not advertise this aspect of yourself up front. I think when you meet someone you are really interested in, you can have a thoughtful conversation about your personal psychological situation, and how, or if even, it affects your ability to be involved in a D/s relationship. I have seen profiles and ads in places where Dominants are searching for people with psychological issues, or particular baggage from their past. It always makes me suspicious. Doesn't seem like the right way to search for a partner. I'm glad you are steering clear of such sorts. These sorts of people are absolutely out there - some are more up front about wanting to essentially take advantage of someone who has certain issues; others are less up front, but have the same intent. And that is why I would not put your personal psychological situation out there. These two who contacted you were up front. There are many out there who are not as up front, but absolutely have the same intent. Share this info with people who you have already gotten to know and who you are confident are interested in you for who you are, what you have to offer, and are not trying to take advantage. You owe it to yourself to do that. (And I might also add, there are sincere people out there who can offer you what you want.) [sm=2cents.gif]

lizi -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 2:55:30 PM)
Anyone who encourages a less than healthy outlook should be avoided. It's my opinion that imbalance and problems are rather easy to find, while balance, health, and harmony are often elusive. Don't be with someone who encourages less than the best for you.

DomMeinCT -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 3:18:51 PM)
Oddly, I feel like they deserve kudos in some way because upfont they disclosed to you their kinks and what they'd seek from you. This gave you the choice and knowledge to say "no". I'd be more worried about potential partners who don't disclose their kink for controlling you and keeping you in an unhealthy state.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 4:43:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsatske The first time was a professional theeripist, who had an interest in owning a mentally ill woman. both expressed an interest in helping me maintain myself in a less healthy state, so they could manipulate me better. The first one was specifically interested in maintaining a depressed state, as he described, 'just short of suicide' (now that's a dangerous thought. Overshoot that one and there's no safeword to help you). There you go. It's right out there, they want to use it to manipulate you and, to do that, they want you to be in less than optimum health on purpose, a place most people try not to be in. I would stay away from them. Mental health is nothing to f*ck with. I'm bipolar too and make a point of staying on my meds and doing everything I can to be the best that I can be, I know how much it sucks if I'm not. NBMG

littlewonder -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 5:42:42 PM)
Wow...if someone wanted to own me because of a mental illness, I would walk away. That's just too creepy to me. Yeah, I have mental issues and Master helps me with dealing with it and helping me when I need the help but he didn't own me because of that. He owns me because he loves me for everything that I am as a human. His helping me is simply part of being in a loving relationship, just as I help him when he is feeling some kind of negative in his life. This is what partners do whether it be vanilla or bdsm. I would find someone who has a fetish for mentally ill people, needs therapy themselves. I find that extremely dangerous and unhealthy. It reminds me of the Rescue Doms who want to be the knight in shining armour who has to rescue the princess but after the princess is rescued, he moves onto the next princess that needs rescued since she "obviously" no longer needs rescuing.

littlewonder -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 5:46:45 PM)
Sounds to me like you are using your mental illness to be alone. You are setting yourself up for failure. Why do you need to hit them over the head with it in your profile? Why can't you just talk about this as you are getting to know someone?? When I met Master he did not know about my mental illness. I had no thought of putting it in my profile. When I was talking to men seriously, I would make sure I bring it up when the time was right and I felt we were more of a match and we may want to date. I mean, by the time I was getting to know Master and we both realized we wanted to be together, by that time we both didn't care about my depression. It was just a part of me and nothing all that important. By then it just didn't matter. He already liked me even though I was a single mom and I have chronic depression. We all have some kind of issue in our lives. I just don't see a reason to go all out and let them know in a profile before just talking like two normal people on a date.

graceadieu -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 10:05:55 PM)
I do think there's something at least a little wrong with people that get off on making their partner unhealthy and non-functional. A dominant - or really, any partner - should support you and help you grow and improve.

ursamajour -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 10:14:15 PM)
I agree wholeheartedly with Grace. How anyone who wishes to be responsible for another would want to use their influence to essentially destroy the other person is beyond me. But, sometimes, I feel as if I am out of touch with what it means to be dominant. I can't tell you how many submissives I've met who have wanted to be harmed, mistreated, or reduced to nothing. It seems that, to many, "dominant" is code for sociopath.

RemoteUser -> RE: mental Illness and submission (9/23/2012 10:18:20 PM)
OP: first off let me say that I respect your openness regarding your bi-polar condition. That is not an easy thing. Secondly: being hunted by "professionals" in the mental health field who want to take advantage of your bi-polar condition is patently immoral on their part. I'm glad you have told them to back off. Lots of submissives, male and female, would want to engage in being kept in a state of fear, confusion or panic simply for someone else's pleasure. However, the intensity brought about by bi-polarism and the mental backlash afterwards can lead to permanent damage. I saw it happen in an old friend, who ran off to Toronto after coming out of the closet. He's dead now, from suicide, so no one was charged, of course - but the reasons for how he came to that state were because of people who used his condition for their own satisfaction with no regards to consequence. Play is cool. Intense is cool. Abuse, is not.

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